LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  Family Life conducted a survey of more than ten thousand couples, asking them to name the culprits that robbed their marriages of romance.  The most commonly mentioned factors were children, stress, fatigue, busyness, misplaced priorities, anger, and unresolved conflict.

In the bible we find an appropriate name for these romance robbers.  The bride of King Solomon said to him, “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes” (Song 2:15).

In those days, a wise gardener would protect his vineyard from foxes.  The nocturnal bandits would sneak in during the dead of the night and eat the most tender parts of the vine, rendering them fruitless and useless.

The vineyard is like your marriage.  The foxes are the things that sneak up on you ad snatch the fruit of passion before it can bloom.  Drop your guard, and they’ll reduce the vineyard of your marriage to a barren, lifeless place where romance shrivels on the vine.

At all costs, protect your marriage!  That must remain first on your priority list.  Children are a gift from God, but your spouse must take precedence.  Never let him feel as though he’s second in your life.

NOTE:  This article is from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

CREATING A LOVING ENVIRONMENT

“…that you being rooted and grounded in love…”

When we plant a living seed into healthy soil, we expect it to blossom.

And just as flowers in a greenhouse are supplied with an ideal environment for growth, so a home filled with love provides the ideal atmosphere for people to bloom.

We know that children who grow up in loving families tend to sleep deeper, stand taller, and venture farther than those who are never secure in their parents’ love.

Likewise, when you provide safe, loving soil for your spouse to grow in, they will be more likely to flourish with confidence, knowing that they are valued and secure.

What happens when someone is loved over the years?

Their needs are met, dreams encouraged, opinions heard, and successes praised.

They’re assured of your patience and forgiveness when they fail, and free to express themselves honestly without fear of your judgement.

They’ll even weather intense seasons of disappointment with the stability your love supplies.

Admit it–we’d all love to be loved like that.

Questions

How will your mate be affected by living with you in the future?

Will they become radiant or saddened?

Confident or angry?

Will you dare to create a loving environment for your spouse to grow in?

NOTE:  This article was take from “The Love Dare” by Kendrick

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

STOP BEING AN EMOTIONAL WRECK 

Emotional work refers to managing your feelings so others can see your facial and bodily display.

The strongest positive effect on wives’ marital well-being , is when a spouse SUPPORTS her emotionally.

We may think that it is the physical help with housework and child care by a spouse that makes the difference in a marriage, but most wives say it is the emotional concern.

Studies show that 85% of illnesses are due to stress.

CASE AND POINT:  Jackie Robinson was the first black baseball player to be hired on a major league team.  Before that if you were black, you played on the black leagues only.  You would conclude that he must have been the greatest ball player of his time.  They had to have overlooked every white player before they would even consider Jackie Robinson.  Here are some points of interest about Jackie Robinson.

• He was not the best hitter, best runner, best catcher or overall best black player in the “negro leagues.”
• He was picked because he had been on the UCLA college baseball team.
• It was the conclusion that Jackie had the stamina to make it through the many challenges of criticism awaiting him by both the jealous black teams he was leaving behind and the prejudice white teams he had to face ahead.
• History shows us that not only did he become a better player but he received many awards.  He handled himself with such emotional control, that he opened doors for other outstanding black baseball players to be picked for the major leagues in the 1940’s

That is emotional work and Jackie Robinson changed history.

Your emotions are not an indication as to how spiritual you are but rather proof of your HUMANITY.

You need to talk to the one who speaks peace to the storm.

God wants you to be BALANCED and to be beautiful inside and out.

Jesus spoke these words to us in Matthew 5:3-12.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake,

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

This is tremendous emotional work and this was expected of every Christian.

The word “blessed” means highly favored.

God wants your marriage blessed (highly favored).

In order for you to receive Gods blessing in your marriage, you will find yourself going down a road of emotional work.

This does not mean that God doesn’t LOVE you or that there is something majorly wrong with your marriage.

It means God wants your marriage to be beautiful on the inside and outside.

God sees the stamina in you to MAKE IT through.

The Holy Spirit is there to lovingly guide you through.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

BE A CHAMP AT MARRIAGE 

If you want your marriage to thrive, then you MUST spend time in prayer.

One of the main reasons for prayerlessness is lack of faith in the integrity (completeness) of God’s word.

When faith is perfected we shall receive the answer.

Matt.9:29 “…according to your faith be it unto you…”

 Matt.21:21 “If ye have faith, and doubt not…ye shall say unto this mountain Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea, (and) it shall be done.”

 Mark 11:24 “Whatever things ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them.”

 Mark 9:23 “Jesus said unto him, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.”

How to obtain achieving faith.

PRAISE IS THE ANSWER!

In the bible there is more emphasis on praise then there is on prayer.  Psa.145:10 “…all thy works shall praise thee…”

Praise is also the highest occupation of angels.  Rev.5:11-12 “And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and…the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the lamb!”

In heaven it is important to maintain a chorus of praise unceasingly day and night around the throne, so it must be supremely important on EARTH.

If this is what occupies the total time in heaven, it must be just as important on earth.

CASE AND POINT:  This morning I was watching T.D. Jakes.  He was preaching and said something I knew but for some reason it was profound to me today.  He said how when he became a pastor, his first church offering that came in the collection plate was a total of $2.50.   He said how much the enemy had tormented him as he was preparing for the opening of his church.  He looked at the plate and said, “The devil hassled me over just $2.50” Then he said that it wasn’t about the $2.50 it was about where he was headed and what he would accomplish.

We have an enemy who knows the power within us!

The enemy knows how important our marriage is and where we are HEADED as a couple and what we will accomplish.

The enemy knows that you are a champion in Gods eyes and that you will damage and destroy what satan wants to achieve.

You were MADE to be fruitful and create.

You scare the enemy because of who you are.

You don’t have to have a title in your church or a prominent position to PRAISE God.

Praise is the spark plug of faith.

For ANSWERED prayer we have to pray in faith and praise gives us faith.

When you praise and pray, then God can trust you with bigger problems and more insight.

Whoever heard of an athlete training for an obstacle race, pleading with his trainer to remove the OBSTACLES?

There will always be trials and obstacles in our marriage that will cause us to loose faith.

How can you be an OVERCOMER in your marriage if there is nothing to overcome?

If you want what you’ve never had, then you must do what you’ve never done!

NOW GOD CAN TRUST YOU WITH BIGGER PROBLEMS!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 THREATS CREATE CRACKS IN MARRIAGE

One of the Ten Commandments of Marriage should be, “Never threaten to leave.”  Threats create cracks in the commitment, erode the security of total acceptance, and fuel fear.  In addition, threats rarely cause a person to change; they communicate only rejection.

Rather than to threaten to leave, each of us should creatively express our commitment and acceptance to our mates.
God gave us an example to follow.  He didn’t tell us only once that he loved us, He told us often and in many ways.  He even sent His son to demonstrate His love, and He gave us His Word.  He continues to show us His love through the ongoing ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Our mates need to hear words of commitment and acceptance, not just once but many times.  Tell your mate often how much you love him.  Tell him you accept him just as he is.

Each time a difficulty arises in your relationship–a misunderstanding, a difference, or a clash of wills–remind your mate that you intend to remain loyal.  Assure him that your commitment will not change because of this unfortunate situation.  Such infusions of truth will become the reinforcements you both need to work through any difficulties.

NOTE:  This post contains most of it’s wording from an article taken out of Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

GETTING GOD TO ANSWER MARITAL PRAYERS (Part 2)

The first reason for God not answering our marital prayers is that we ask for SELFISH MOTIVES.

James 4:3 “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

Spiritual Pride

The second reason for God not answering our marital prayers is because of SPIRITUAL PRIDE.

Ego exaltation is one of the most dangerous and deadliest sins.

2Cor.12:7 “And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.”

Ouch!  Ouch!  A thorn in my flesh?!?

Can you imagine your dad coming at you with a thorn bush when you MISBEHAVED?

The blessing of the thorn in the flesh is God promises you divine grace and divine strength.

When I discipline my kids I tell them that the punishment will be enough for them to feel the PINCH.

That is what our heavenly father does to us by letting us feel the pinch.

PRIDE was Lucifer’s downfall and he wants it to be your downfall also.

Before the fall, according to Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28 he was:

• Guardian of the throne “…The anointed cherub that covereth…”
• Full of wisdom.
• Perfect in beauty.
• Being next to God himself.
• His voice was an orchestra.

Satan was full of covetousness and greed by the supreme gifts God gave him.

Do you ever DISPLAY conceit and self-worship in your marriage?

You may think no, but selfishness is the first actions we have a tendency to display when we are angry with our spouse.

We BELITTLE their opinions and exalt our own ambitions.

There is a price to pay when we don’t put a cap on our emotional reactions.

Eze. 28:18 “You defiled your holiness with gainful lust; so I brought forth fire from your own actions and let it burn you to ashes.”

Wow!!  Do you still think it is clever to demonstrate spiritual pride towards your spouse?

Paul cautioned Timothy that a bishop should not be a novice or a new convert.  1Tim.3:6 “…in case he becomes conceited and incurs the doom passed on the devil.”

If you are saved and your spouse isn’t, be careful not to act more spiritual.

Paul was so concerned about this that he said we will receive the same PUNISHMENT as the devil.

Paul warns of the danger of being conceited in 2Cor.12:7 because of the “…abundance of the revelations…” given to him.

Spiritual pride is a subtle temptation that comes with even the smallest amount of success.

When God WITHHELD Paul’s answer to prayer so his pride won’t get exalted, it shows why God does not always answer more prayers for us.

Let’s keep spiritual pride out of our marriage.

HUMBLE yourself and partner with the Holy Spirit and partner with your spouse.

NOTE:  Tomorrow there will be Part 3 to this series.

TAKE A MARRIAGE QUIZ

Sometimes we don’t realize how often we do and say things that undermine our marriage commitment.  Below I have put together a series of questions I’d like you to answer–a test, if you will, of your marital commitment:

*  Do you ever threaten to leave your mate?

*  Is your mate secure in your commitment to your marriage?

*  Are you more committed to your mate than to your career?

*  Are you more committed to your mate than to your children?

*  Are you more committed to your mate than to your hobbies and favorite activities?

*  Do you ever emotionally leave your mate by withdrawing for an extended period of time because of conflict?

*  Do you mentally leave your mate by staying preoccupied with other things?

*  Are you interested in meeting your mate’s needs and actively doing what you can to meet them?

*  Finally, how do you think your mate would answer these questions?

Questions like this can surface some important marital issues, from self-esteem issues to issues of time management and conflict resolution.  I encourage you to take a quick commitment inventory by really answering these questions!

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1:  We’ve become sexually isolated from one another.  What can I do?

Answer #1: Sexual isolation occurs when two people withdraw and no longer pursue meeting one another’s needs.  Perhaps the wife has found responding difficult and the husband has become angry and bitter.  Resentment replaces growth.  Ultimately the union that God designed as the celebration of oneness erodes into sexual and emotional isolation.

If you have an unresponsive mate:

*  Consider that he or she may be going through a particularly stressful time, which could be caused by pressures at work, the birth of a child, an illness, loss of job, etc.

*  Bitterness, worry or fear can also cause a lack of sexual response.  You may want to ask your mate:

      Is there anything I have done or am doing to inhibit our enjoyment of sex?

     Is there any problem or conflict between us that needs to be resolved?

     Is there anything in your background that is hard to talk about?  Could you share it with me so I could try to help?

*  Make a list of the things that would really please your mate and then begin to do them.

*  Set aside time for frequent getaways.  Barbara and I try to get away for at least two consecutive nights, two or three times a year.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GETTING GOD TO ANSWER MARITAL PRAYERS (Part 1)

If God hears all of our prayers concerning our marriage, then why are they not all answered?

1John 5:14-15 “And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he hearth us; and if we know that he hears us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.”

We need to blame ourselves if our prayers seem unanswered.

We must BLAME ourselves because of our motives, our pride, and our prayerlessness.

Matt.7:7-8 “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you; for every one that asketh receiveth; and  he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”

John 14:13-14 “And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do…if ye shall ask anything in my name, I will do it.”

Selfish Motives

The first reason for God not answering prayers is that we ask for selfish reasons.

Our human acts are many times based on selfish MOTIVES.

James acknowledges that the problem of unanswered prayer is us.

James 4:3 “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

CASE AND POINT:  Many years ago we heard an evangelist preach on faith.  He said, “Don’t bother the father for a 44 Ford.”  In other words, have faith for something great!  If you are going to pray for a car, pray for a brand new good running car.  I remember thinking it was the funniest sermon I had ever heard.  But I still remember his words.

We are to pray and ask God for a good Godly marriage and believe it will happen.

Many times you may look at your spouse and think that change will NEVER happen.

When I first got saved, there were things that I wanted changed in my husband.

God told me I won’t see any change in my husband till I changed my ATTITUDES.

My prayers were asking “a miss”.

I was praying selfish prayers with selfish motives.

I wanted everything MY WAY to make my life easier.

That was not Gods will for my life.

God wanted me to be CHRISTLIKE, not Nancylike.

That meant that in order for me to become Christlike, I had to go to God everyday to help me through my issues.

I needed to partner with the Holy Spirit in order for me to DIE to self.

Life became very hard and Christianity was an uphill battle for me.

It was uphill because I didn’t want to die, my flesh wanted to RULE.

I continued with my selfish prayers till I made the decision to do it Gods way.

If you line your marital prayers up to Gods word, you will get a “yes” from God every time.

“The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield.  Jas.3:17 NKJV

Get on the same page with God.

He desires to ANSWER all the prayers he is listening to from you.

He is waiting for your prayers to line up with His word.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

KEEPING MISERY OUT OF MARRIAGE (Part 5) 

One of the main needs in every human beings life is to feel important.

The definition of “importance” means, of great significance or VALUE.

Your spouse needs to feel important!

Earl Wilson said, “If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

The choices you have are that you can either make your spouse feel important or someone else will.

Every human being is important, and God wants them to FEEL important.

Eph.2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”

In His word He says that we are made in the image of God.

It doesn’t get anymore important than that.

Satan lied to Eve and the result was that satan hit her with the second spirit which was inferiority.

INFERIORITY means the feeling of being lowered in position or stature, or value.

In chapter one and two of Genesis God said man was made in his image.

Satan was saying to Eve, “Not only is God lying to you, you are not who you think you are.  You are of less value than you think you are.”

The spirit of inferiority told Eve she was inferior.

Don’t you LISTEN when the enemy tells you that you are inferior.

Worse yet, don’t let the enemy tell you that your spouse is inferior.

The moment Eve felt insecure and inferior, she grabbed for something to give her a sense of security and VALUE.

When Eve ate the forbidden fruit, she lost the security (had to leave the garden), and lost value (no longer the image of God).

When your spouse feels insecure and inferior, there will be the same temptation to GRAB for something that will give them the sense of security and value.

Adam and Eve’s child was after their image.

The glory of God was their covering but they lost that when they grabbed a substitute.

The devil will always make your spouse feel insecure and inferior so they will grab for a SUBSTITUTE.

Here are some things you can do to show importance.

First:  Be polite.

Second: Don’t use criticism or condemn.

Third: Show appreciation.

Fourth: Listen to them.

Fifth: Don’t argue

Sixth: Accept them for who they are.

There is nothing that makes you feel more important than to let others know how important THEY are.

Tell your spouse today how important they are and reap the rewards!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.