LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

Q&A – Question and Answer Saturday

Welcome aboard!  Every Saturday will be reserved for answering marriage questions.  Before I start, I want to thank you so much for being a part of  MARRIAGE MATTERS.  I would like to give you a peek into my heart and thoughts.

Divorce is traumatizing to a child and they are impacted for the rest of their life.  Gods design is for a child to be raised by adoring parents.  God can fill the void in a child’s life, but they are still left with scars.

What I hope to accomplish, with God leading the way, is to give spouses insight to the devils devices. More importantly is for us to partner with the Holy Spirit and receive help from on high. Also, to keep children from suffering the struggles of a violent divorce.

Inspire others to subscribe to this blog at no charge and God will bless you hundredfold because there is no limit to how far Gods word can reach.  HELPING MARRIAGES TO LAST A LIFETIME!!

Question and answers

Question #1  How do you build a relationship when you are states away?

Answer #1:  I am assuming that you are married.  If you are not married, I would not advise it.  It’s hard to really get to know the person.  Everyone is palatable in small doses.  It’s during the long haul that issues start to appear.  If you are married, there are a lot of things you can and cannot do.  Today through social networking, you can keep communication going like never before.  Be on guard of the conversation.  Wives have a tendency to complain.  Before you talk to him, have an agenda of what you will discuss.  Make sure it is things he will enjoy.  Tell him the cute things his children are doing, not about the crummy co-worker you cannot stand.  Tell him about something interesting on the news, not about what broke in the house and how he needs to make several repairs as soon as he gets back.  Tell him a crazy joke you heard today.  Make him laugh!  Make him feel like he can’t wait till he talks to you again.  Give your list of complaints and your “honey do list” to your pet dog.

Question #2  What are the downsides in marrying someone younger than you?

Answer #2  There aren’t any if you love God and partner with the Holy Spirit to have a Godly marriage and raise godly children.  That should keep any couple busy for a lifetime.  We have found through the years that if the husband is younger by 5 years of more, many times the wife has to deal with jealousy.  It isn’t the husbands problem, it’s the wifes.  She is the one who battles with her own thoughts.  The husband is usually completely pleased with her except for the insane jealousy.  When the husband is older by 10 years or more, the wife once again, has a tendency to struggle with it.  She expects a lot from him and seems to think his age is the reason for his actions.  Usually it is her who is not accepting him for who he is.  She becomes demanding and becomes frustrated.  This is what we have observed through the years of pastoring.  Since woman are supposed to out live men by approximately 10 years, they say it is fine for a woman to marry a man ten years younger than her.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow!!!    You will receive a tool a spouse cannot do without!!

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE  (Part 5) 

We will continue on with “Managing your Money.”

Managing your money in a Godly manner is of vital importance to your marriage.

Fifth, Managing Your Money

 B.)  MONEY MATTERS IN MARRIAGE.

Will you or won’t you follow God’s perfect plan?

What will you do with the money He entrusts to you for faithful management?

God doesn’t care how much money is in your hand, but He cares about the way you act with the money that is in your hand.

The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31, used her mind to budget and increase the family funds and created goods to barter.

As a result, God was honored. (vs.30)

The poor were served. (vs.20)

Her husband was elevated (vs.23) and

She was known by all as “a virtuous wife.” (vs.10)

“Her worth” to her husband, children, and community was “…far above rubies…” (vs.10)

God wants you to grow in character,

Be content with what you have,

Support you husbands efforts, and

Be a diligent homemaker and

Financial warrior as you “Build your home.”  (Prov.14:1)

C.)  MONEY SHOULD MATTER TO YOU.

Make a commitment to God to do a better job with His resources, money and wise management.

1. PRAY:  Because it is a spiritual issue but also a matter of obedience.
2. GIVING:  Because God asks you to.
3. SAVING:  Because it will be better for your family.
4. BUDGETING:  Because it maps out a path for your lifestyle.
5. DOING WITHOUT:  Because disciplines are birthed and enhanced when you do.
6. BEWARING:  Because greed, lust, bitterness, and envy sneak in.
7. GROWING:  Because of contentment.

D.)  MASTERING YOUR MONEY.

How can you begin to master your money and your heart?

Things to do:

• Present to God the firstfruits of all your income.  That’s the advice of Prov.3:9-10.
• Put those communication skills to work!  Be sweet, be patient, be wise.
• Put personal goals into motion.  Shop less, to spend less, to work on a heart of contentment, to become a more skillful home manager, to live a simpler life, to be more prayerful and creative about taking care of your family.
• Purchase a book about the financial in’s and out’s of home management.  Become a tightwad.

LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE

1. Honor your husband’s direction.
2. Create a budget.
3. Help out with managing the finances.
4. Set up a financial center. (organize)
5. Give to God’s purposes.
6. Keep a list of things you want or need.

NOTE:  Some of the comments in this post were taken from the book “A wife after God’s Own Heart”, by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE (Part 4)

Almost 90 percent of all marital arguments can be traced back to the issue of money.

Every day there are divorces filed because of financial disagreements.

One of the “vibrant marriage secrets” is  how to properly maintain your finances.

Managing Your Money

A.)     MONEY MATTERS TO GOD.

1. Money is to be earned.

In Genesis, it was established that the role of the husband required hard work.

Gen.3:17-19 God told Adam that he would have to eat and provide “in toil” and “in the sweat of (his) face.”

God intends that income be earned by intense, earnest work and effort.

“He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.”  Prov.10:4

1. Money is to be given.

Your money comes from God (Deut.8:18) and is to be used for Him, His purposes, and His people.

As Christians, we are commanded to give our money regularly and purposefully, sacrificially, and generously.

“She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy”  Prov.31:20

What happens in your home is the person your husband thinks is needy differs from your opinion?

Do you let him continue on with His convictions and compassion and supply the need?

Once again God’s word gives us advice on our treasures in Matthew.

Do not lay up for yourselves “…treasures on earth”.  You are to “…lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven…”  Matt.6:19-21

1. Money is to be managed and saved.

To be a good steward we must learn thrift, diligence, carefulness, self-control, and skills of saving, stretching, record-keeping, and wise decision-making.

Do you go to a sale and start buying everything in sight just because it is a bargain?

Prov.24:3-4 “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”

1. Money is not to be desired.

As Christians we are to beware of greed and the love of money.

We are to “…be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share…” 1Tim.6:28

“…godliness with contentment is great gain…”1Tim.6:6

Let the Holy Spirit be the decision maker in your finances.

You can end quarreling about money today!

NOTE:  Some of the comments are from the book “A wife after God’s own Heart”, by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE  (Part 3)

A “Vibrant Marriage” is what every spouse looks forward to at the beginning of their life together.

In the book of Genesis we find one of our first commands concerning marriage, straight from God.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  Gen.2:24

The word cleave in Hebrew means to “catch by pursuit, fasten together, follow close and to stick to.”

The Israelites knew exactly what the word “cleave” meant.

Marriage was a commitment to be desired.

It was a union that could not be broken by anything that may come against it.

CASE AND POINT:  I don’t know how true this story is, but I was told by a Britain that when Prince Charles and Princess Diana started having marital problems, that his father told him, “Get an heir and a spare.”  In other words, have two children from Diana.  Have one to take the throne and another one in case the first one dies.  Then Prince Charles can live his life and do whatever he wants to do.  He basically was telling him that he did not need to have a marital relationship with Diana.  The sad part of that is that he didn’t tell Diana that when he asked her to marry him.  She thought she was going to have a lifetime of love.  He also disappointed God because he violated God’s marriage treaty and the whole world knew about it.

Fourth, Enjoy your marital intimacy

 A.)    Take your calendar in hand and schedule a sex date!

Does that sound cold?  Callous? Unemotional?  Lacking in romance?

Talking with your husband openly about your sex life will revolutionize it.

Keep in mind that sex is the #1 basic need for a husband.

B.)    Talk about sex with your husband.

If you can communicate lovingly and specifically about sex, then the two of you can move toward greater enjoyment of intimacy.

C.)     Take time to prepare for sex.

Set the scene and the mood.

D.)    Try to go to bed at the same time.

How can you cuddle, be available sexually, if you and your husband don’t go to bed at the same time?

E.)     Tackle the excuse of “I’m too tired!”

And what woman isn’t???

Your assignment is to figure out what to cut out of your life so that you will not be tired for the most important part of your marriage—your sex life.

F.)     Take care of yourself.

Good grooming only costs a few minutes.

NOTE:  Some of the comments were taken out of the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

                                                  KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE (Part 2)                                                  

Thank God that he has given us guidelines to live by.

Many times they are not easy or fun, but boy do they work.

We always encourage people to live by God’s guidelines in order to get the results they want with a lifetime of peace.

In order to have a “Vibrant Marriage”, we must follow God’s guidelines.

Third, Communication is Every thing.

 “Sweetness of the lips increases learning.  The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips.”  Prov.16:21, 23 

A.)    You must follow God’s guidelines for good communication.

Are your words soft, sweet, suitable, and slow?

B.)    Identify any speech patterns that must go.

Put away speech patterns that don’t match up to God’s standards.

CASE AND POINT:  We saw a movie called “The Iron Lady.”  It was a story about Margaret Thatcher who was the prime minister of the United Kingdom during the time that Ronald Reagan was president.  The prime minister is similar to the president of the United States.  She was prime minister during the 80’s when we were missionaries in England.  She was a great lady and worked hard to pattern the footsteps of her nation after the United States to stay a vibrant and democratic country.  One of the things she had to learn early in her career was how to talk to men since she had to lead them.  Men could be loud and emotional, but she couldn’t or she would be labeled as a high strung rational woman.  They told her that men can’t handle the high pitch in a woman’s voice because it makes them emotional.  They taught her to talk low and slow and raise her voice gradually without yelling.

Margaret Thatcher changed her way of speaking so that she could change the destiny of England and lead men in the right direction that would have a lasting change for the future.

How much more should us as wives change our voice for the eternal destiny of our marriage and family.

What you say and how you say it is crucial.

Read Jesus’ words about “radical surgery” in Matt.5:29-30.

C.)     Make it a goal to encourage your husband.

Your goal as a wife is to help, heal, and minister to your husband with your words, not to slice him to pieces.

Your ugly words are like a thrust of a sword or they can be like a refreshment that edifies and encourages grace to your husband.

WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife.

A cruel word may wreck a life.

A brutal word may smite and kill.

A gracious word may smooth the way.

A joyous word may light the day.

A timely word may lessen stress.

A loving word may heal and bless.

D.)    Be quick to say you are sorry.

This is the best way to defuse a situation that could get worse.

E.)     “Say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly!”

F.)     Seek to please God with your words.

NOTE:  Many of the comments and the poem were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE  (Part 1) 

Everyone wants a vibrant marriage, but it is something that has to be worked at.

Those of us that are married already know that but have you been lazy lately.

Do you keep hitting the “snooze” button and keep going back to sleep.

Even Jesus’ disciples kept going back to sleep instead of praying.

When your marriage starts going sour, that is usually when we start crying out to God for help.

Let’s stay awake on the job, and keep focused on a marriage that will glorify God.

Here are important areas that will keep your marriage “Vibrant.”

First, Keep “growing” in the Lord.

 “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  Matt.6:33

In order to experience marital spiritual growth it will result from self-discipline and self-denial.

A.)    Read you bible daily with an open heart.

Try to be consistent but even if you only read a chapter a day, it will benefit you better than reading nothing at all.

B.)    Pray for your husband at least three times a day.

Pray before he wakes up, at noon, and right before he comes home from work.

Also, ask God to show you when he needs your prayers during that day.

C.)     Make it your priority to attend church this week.

Make this important commitment to God, and don’t let any interference come in.

Go to church anyway, even if your spouse does not want to attend.

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to touch your spouse’s heart.

D.)    Attend a bible class or a bible study.

A bible class will make a big difference in your life and in your marriage.

Don’t ever be to busy to take care of this very needful area of your spiritual growth.

Second, Work as a team with your spouse.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”  Eccles. 4:9

God’s word explains to the wife that her mission is to help her husband, submit to her husband, respect her husband, and to love her husband.

A.)    Thank your husband for living out his roles.

When was the last time that you thanked your husband for his hard work on the job?

B.)    Ask your spouse how you can help him.

Daily ask him, “How can I help you today?”

C.)     Find ways to show great respect for your husband.

Do you ask him to do things or do you tell him?

Do you practice sweet speech in your conversations?

Stop putting him down when you talk to others about him.

D.)    Think of a way that the two of you can have fun this week.

Your marriage was founded on friendship, and you need to nurture that friendship.

Your fun time together doesn’t need to cost money.

Improve his life as a helper.

Follow his leadership with a willing heart.

Esteem him highly with utmost respect.

Your assignment from God is not to change your husband, but to love, follow, assist, and minister to him.

NOTE:  Many of the comments were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE PARABLE OF THE PORCUPINES

     Have you heard the story of the two porcupines freezing in the winter cold? Shivering in the frigid air, the two porcupines moved closer together to share body heat. But when their sharp spines and quills pricked each other, they moved apart, victims once more of the bitter cold, Soon they felt they must come together once again or freeze to death. But their quills caused too much pain, and once again they parted.

Does the parable of the porcupines remind you at all of anything going on under your own roof? Family members can also suffer from the cold of isolation, and often they learn the pain of drawing close to someone with sharp quills. We desperately need to learn how to live with the barbs that are part of coming together in oneness!

The fact is, intimacy extracts a price. The closer I get to Barbara, the more she becomes aware of who I really am. The more transparent we become, the greater the possibility that she will reject me. But if both of us are committed to each other despite our quills-if we are willing, as Jesus said, to lose our lives instead of saving them-then intimacy awaits us.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DON’T LOOK LIKE A SLOB WIVES

How a wife looks on the outside, matters to a husband on the inside.

The effort you put into your appearance is extremely high on his priority list.

It only takes a small effort to keep yourself looking “tight.”

One of the problems is that we may only dress good when we are doing it for others and not for our spouse.

DON’T LOOK LIKE A “SLOB” AROUND YOUR HUSBAND!!

I am not talking just about your weight, it’s about taking care of yourself for HIM!

Your husband takes your appearance negligence as you are not doing something that is very important to him.

Men say, “I just want to see that my wife cares enough about me to make an effort.”

If you don’t have a perfect body or perfect complexion, make the best with what you have.

WOMEN ARE COMPLICATED!!

We were happy that our husbands enjoyed our looks during courtship, but we resent it that our appearance should still matter to him after marriage.

GIRLS!!  It is not about being a Size 2, it’s about showing your husband that you are making an effort to address something that is very important to him.

It is all about him!

 REMEMBER?  REMEMBER DURING COURTSHIP?

Almost every man cares if his wife is out of shape and doesn’t make an effort to change.

88% of men said it would bother them if their wife let herself go and didn’t bother to make an effort to change it.

Only 12% said it did not bother them.

What matters most to your husband is the fact that you are making an effort to take care of yourself for him.

 Men were surveyed about the following statement:  It is not important that his wife look like she looked when they met.  It is more important that she makes the effort to take care of herself now for him.

83% of the men agreed with this statement.  17% did not.

Sad to say, a lot of Christian women feel they have taken the vows”…for better or worse…” so what’s on the outside doesn’t matter.

When you take care of yourself or slim down, it makes your husband feel loved and cared for.

One husband said his wife was slimming down for him and it made him feel like a million bucks.

Where do you start?

1. YOUR husband wants to help you.

97% of men said they would love to do what it takes to help their wife get in shape.

1. There are many resources out there to help you.
2. You have a God in heaven who will help you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR SPOUSE STRUGGLES WITH LUST

With all the temptations and sensual temptations that come your husband’s way, what should a wife do?

In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only”, she gives the following suggestion on what a wife should do.

I have added the scriptures to enhance your learning.

1. PRAY FOR HIM

Your spouse needs your steadfast prayers more than anything else.

Praying for your spouse is part of your duty as a “helpmeet.”

1Tim.2:1 “Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men.”

1. CHECK YOUR HEART.

Accept the struggle he has with lust and encourage him rather than freak out and conclude the worst about him.

Prov.2:2 “…apply thine heart to understanding.”

Prov.2:11 “Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee.”

The more understanding you are, the more loved he will feel.

1. DETERMINE YOUR INVOLVEMENT LEVEL.

Men don’t need a critique, but an encourager.

Jude 1:16 “These are…complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words…”

1. BECOME A SUPPORT.

Ask what you can do to help.

Put yourself on his team to help him win this fight.

Gen.2:18 “And God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

1. DRESS MODESTLY.

Are you on some mans rolodex because of how you dress?

Because women aren’t visual, they many times don’t really understand what they are doing to the men around them.

Are you cluttering up a good husbands mind and tempting him to dishonor his wife?

2Cor.7:1 “”…dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God”

1Tim.2:9-10 “And women should be…quiet and sensible in manner and clothing…”

The items listed above that are according to God’s commands, are not hard to do.

Isn’t your husband worth it?

Didn’t you marry him “for better or worst?”

Esther was called and intelligently designed “for such a time as this” to keep her people from being destroyed.

What about you?

Maybe you were designed “for such a time like this” to be used by God to be a testimony to your husband and family.

How powerful!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

IS YOUR HUSBAND PROUD OF YOU (Pt.2) 

The following information is a continuation from the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Shaunti has researched and done surveys to assist her on accurate information.

Temptation Steps

STEP #1.  For every man, sensual images and thoughts arrive involuntarily.

Woman feel all the trouble starts because “men have roving eyes.”

The truth is that there are roving, under-dressed women—and men can’t not notice their existence.

STEP #2.  Every man’s involuntary physical impulse is to enjoy the feelings associated with these thoughts and images.

When a sensual image enters a man’s mind, it brings a rush of sensual pleasure.

One man interviewed said that forcing him to end that thought is sometimes as difficult as it would be to stop in the middle of sex.

STEP #3.  But every man can make a choice—to dwell on the images and thoughts, or to dismiss them.

This choice is the critical distinction between temptation and sin.

He can tear down the thought immediately and “take every thought captive.”

Reassurances

REASSURANCE #1.  His temptation is not always primarily sexual.

It is pleasurable to look at that good-looking woman, like looking at a beautiful painting.

REASSURANCE #2.  Every man is different.

Every man experiences a different level of visual temptation.

REASSURANCE #3.  It’s not because of you.

“If men could, most would shut off their temptation to look at other women in a second.  We loathe this temptation as much as our wives do.”

REASSURANCE #4.  This doesn’t impact his feelings for you!

With his wife, he has a deep and long meaning relationship.

Most men would make an observation about a beautiful woman but would be offset by the fact that they would never risk losing their wife.

As I read what Shaunti Feldhahn’s surveys discovered, it really gave me compassion for men because of the burden of their temptations.

It is like telling women never to be emotional, when most women are highly emotional compared to a man.

In God’s word, we can see where Jesus has left help for men in their temptations.

Gal.5:16  “This I say then, Walk in the (Holy) Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

The Apostle Paul also talks about his temptations and the resolution.

1Cor.9:27  “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection:  lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.