LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

Question #1:  How do you get to the root of a problem without blowing up?

Answer #1:  It sounds like you have been prayed for over and over again, but are going in circles without lasting freedom.

Maybe prayer works temporarily, but the problem pops up again.  It could be that the root of the problem has not been dealt with.  It’s difficult getting to the root of a problem when the focus is on the fruit.

There is a saying:  We laugh at someone who cuts down a tree to reach it’s fruit; but the same mistake is made by every person who is over eager and impatient in the pursuit of pleasure.  –William Ellery Channing

If the roots are planted in unhealthy and damaged soil then there will be bad fruit.  Bad fruit can be jealousy, addictions, physical sickness or an array of other issues.  These issues aren’t the deepest problem, but rather an outlet of expression of a deeper problem.  There could be a deeper seated root often festering away ready to explode again.

Only when we let God go to the root of the problem and bring healing, will you truly be free from the fruits that plague your life.

This is going to take more than just communications skills if you are discussing the wrong issues.

1.  I would ask God what the root problem is.  Ask God to start with your heart, not your spouse.

2.  Whatever root God shows you that needs changing, immediately allow the Holy Spirit to start His divine work in you.

3.  When God shows you what deep issue your spouse may have, remember that you are a part of the solution.  That means that you partner with the Holy Spirit in aiding your spouse in what ever way you can.  This is going to take much long-suffering.  Nothing is overnight.  There could be deep childhood hurts that may take years.

4.  Be patient as the Holy Spirit completes His work.  Remember that you are in this for the long haul.

There is a program that I recommend.  It is called PREPARE-ENRICH.  Check with your pastor to see if he is a certified facilitator in this program.  If not, you can look it up in the internet.  They will give you a list of facilitators in your city.  There are an array of questions that you and your spouse answer separately on the internet.  When finished, the facilitator will give you a ten page report.  It is amazing to find out the strong areas in your marriage.  You will also find growth areas that you need to work on.  I highly recommend it because many times it takes a third party who is impartial to recognize problems.

Keep in mind that your marriage is God’s HOLY INSTITUTION.  He desires to help you.

PARTNER WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!

#2 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected 

Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?” 

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.

#2 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected 

Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?” 

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.

TRAINING YOUR COMPUTER

COMPUTERS!!! I am terrible with computers.  When I get on my computer, there is rarely a time that I am not asking my husband to help me.  My hubby is excellent with computers.  He tells me once and expects me to remember.  I will ask him the same thing everyday if I don’t write it down.    My life would go smoother but a lot slower without computers.

God specifically designed a PC, PERSONAL COMPUTER for each of us.

Our PC is our brain.  It was intricately designed to make us a success for the kingdom of God.

Jer.1:5  “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee…”

You have a purpose and a special design that makes you, ONLY YOU!

Much of the manner in which we approach life, is a learned behavior.

That is why the Apostle Paul is constantly telling us how to BEHAVE.

This means that you have the ability to “reprogram” your own computer.

But do you???

You need to get rid of a NEGATIVE MENTALITY and develop a habit of happiness.

So what is the first thing we need to do?

SMILE!!   SMILE!!   SMILE!!

No matter what comes your way, you need to have a smile on your face.

When your husband enters that door, he needs to see that SMILE.

Some comments came from Joel Olsteens book, “Become a Better You.”  He is famous for his smile.  His smile has opened many opportunities for him.

Your countenance can give people hope.

You may be the kind of wife that shows with your face, all the problems that have occurred through the day.  The bible says to “…rejoice in the Lord.”

Right now, you need to make a DECISION to be happy, if you are going to be happy, then show it.

Happiness does not depend on your circumstances.

Rom.8:28 “…all things work together for good when you love the Lord.”

It’s a CHOICE that you make.

How have you trained your brain????

It’s YOUR choice, remember???

You don’t have to have your way to be happy.

Our spouse should not have to SEARCH for our smile like looking for an old slipper.

Your smile should hit him at the door with LIP GLOSS!!

Each day is full of surprises and inconveniences.

Don’t let stress steal your joy, BE FLEXIBLE!!

Prolonged stress will affect your health.

You cannot CONTROL people and you cannot CHANGE people.

God cannot use your life the way he really wants to if you always look depressed and only smile on special occasions.

Make a DECISION to keep a smile on your face.

When people see you with peace, joy and happiness, they should want what you have.

REPROGRAM your brain and make some minor adjustments to respond with a smile to problems.

Change your focus and train your mind to see the good.

Let your COUNTENANCE magnify God.

Don’t magnify your problems.

The key is to retain your brain to move away from negative thoughts.

The Apostle Paul said, “I have learned how to be content…”

He learned it.   LEARN.   It did not happen automatically.

A smile is an act of faith.

A smile says everything is going to be ALL RIGHT.

A smile with LIP GLOSS says, “It’s alright”, with love.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily is a new post.

DEAL or NO DEAL?

A few years ago, a relative told us about the TV program “Deal or No Deal.”  They told us how they knew a lot of people who have made watching that program a habit.  I have seen it on before, but I have never watched a whole program.  I think it must be nerve wracking for the contestant because they have to pick one item and let the other

I thought about that game because in Christianity every day the devil plays “Deal or No Deal” with us.   He always tries to get us to deal with wrong attitudes the wrong way.  We are at a huge advantage because we know Gods blessings and rewards by not yielding to the evil one, yet we struggle within ourselves.

“Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.  (James 1.21)

In the Greek, the words “lay aside”, gives the impression of someone who is laying something down at the same time he is pushing it far away and beyond reach.

What is it in your marriage that causes you to have a bad attitude?

Is there something that you need to LAY DOWN and push far away and beyond your reach?

In James we are told to make a list.  In this list we should have items called FILTHINESS.

The word “filthiness” in the Greek means morally corrupt or dirty.  It is impure and unholy affections.  It is from “rhuparos” meaning cheap or shabby; foul; dirty; moral wickedness.

You can be vexed by the immorality that is in your workplace even though you do not participate in it.

You might be JUSTIFYING the immoral decisions that close friends or family may be indulging in.

You might find yourself watching programs or listening to music that contain parts of immorality in them.

There is a great blog, barbaracasasblog.wordpress.com, which contains insight on today’s artists that our youth consider idols.  These artists are full of an array of wickedness.

James goes on to say, “superfluity of naughtiness” which in the Greek means AN OVER ABUNDANCE OF EVIL.

Keep in mind that what the world calls evil and what God calls evil, are two different things.

This is exactly why Gods word constantly tells us to hide Gods word in our HEART so that we will not sin against him.

The next thing we are told to do is,” …receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.”

This means to receive with humility the implanted word of God that has the power to save your soul.

Do you recognize WRONG ATTITUDES in your life that need changing?

How about patterns of behaviors that need changing?

Are there BAD HABITS you have not been able to overcome?

Are there bondages that you need deliverance from?

In James verses 19-21 is a test of Christian living.

Anger

In James verses 19-20, the subject of anger is brought up.

There are four kinds of dispositions:

1. Those easily angered and easily pacified.
2. Those easily angered and difficult to appease.
3. Those not easily angered and easily appeased.
4. Those not easily angered and difficult to appease.

James 1:20 says, “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”

When you allow anger in your marriage, you cannot meet God’s requirement of being a righteous person.

We find COMFORT in attending church as if we are meeting all the requirements of being a Christian.

Christianity is allowing Gods Holy Spirit complete control and repenting of the areas that we fall short in.

Lay the anger down, and push it away beyond your reach.

With God, it is a Deal or No Deal!

Righteousness and unrighteousness cannot live in the same person.

Right this minute allow the HOLY SPIRIT in your life and in the center of your marriage.

The Holy Spirit is your guide, teacher, comforter, and everything that you need to succeed in your marriage.

PRAISE GOD!  He hasn’t left us alone!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

WIVES – MASTER SCULPTORS

The fifth thing a husband can’t do without is for his wife to be PROUD OF HIM.

He needs your Admiration!!

A sculptor is an artist who shapes a hard material (stone, wood, etc.) by shaving or chipping away at it.

Wives are masters at sculpting.

They say that when a woman marries a man, she can’t wait to change him. When a man marries a woman, he hopes she will never change.

When you tell your husband that you think he is wonderful, he is ENERGIZED to do more.

It inspires him to handle new responsibilities and to perfect his skills.

Your appreciation of him brings more SATISFACTION than his paycheck.

Behind every man should be an admiring wife.

Instead of an admiring wife, there ends up being a wife with a CHISEL in her hand ready to sculpt a change in him.

In Dr. Laura Schlessingers book, “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands”, has some very interesting things to say.

She states in her book that a smart wife doesn’t start chipping away at who he is and what he does.

How would you feel if you married your husband and he walks through the door with a life size COOKIE CUTTER of the ideal wife he wanted and you have to measure up to that.

As ridiculous as it sounds, this is what wives do to husbands.

It is under the umbrella of  “I am trying to help him.”

It is in the same drawer with your chisel and it looks like a chisel.

Men first YEARNED for their mothers’ acceptance, approval, and appreciation, and then their wives’.

When a wife gives them the three A’s, acceptance, approval, and appreciation, a husband will do anything to please her.

To keep a husband, you need to admire him for the things he ENJOYS and wants to do also.

If you don’t, he will perceive himself as being an annoyance and irrelevant to his wives’ more important motivations.

Laura has the following in her book:

“Wives want romance, hugs, kisses, and surprises.  They would get more of these things if they hadn’t just told hubby he was stupid or that a time out with the guys was tantamount to abandonment…or that four hours out of 168 to himself is being overly selfish or self-indulgent.” (4hrs. in a week)

There was a time many years ago, when my husband had to travel quite a bit to our other churches.  The weight and heaviness was starting to get me down.  I read a book about Oral Roberts.  His wife said that there was a place in Palm Springs that he would go to in order to clear his mind and hear from God.  When she saw him flustered, she would tell him he needed to get away.  I noticed that when my husband was away, he would come back energized.  He would be renewed.  When he got away, he could see the ministry with revelation.

I am not suggesting that all husbands take off nor spend large portions of time away.

Women are often attracted to someone who is athletic, musical, etc.

Then after marriage or as time passes, they don’t want them to go to practice and then not to do it anymore.   Nothing!!

Your responsibility is to SUPPORT HIM in whatever brings him joy or energy.

Marriage means we share—but it also means we support the individuality necessary for mental and emotional health, spiritual growth, and ultimate well-being of the relationship.

Without this healthy balance, a marriage can decay or dissolve.

Okay girls.  Put the chisel down!!!

Your marriage can become an overfilled pressure cooker, unless you have necessary OUTLETS.

Stress many times is released with quiet contemplation or a complete change in activity.

Men need some SPACE away from femininity and domesticity at times, in order to reassert their important masculinity.

I have to tell you something that I see quite a bit. Wives that have several close sisters almost always make the holiday plans.  You just know on holidays their poor husbands don’t have a chance to make decisions for his family.  They have to go to her family and he has to do what her sisters want to do even though he works hard and it’s his holiday also.   At the beginning of the marriage, he probably wanted to do some fun things.  Now he just goes with the program but has nothing to look forward to.  It’s the same people with the same conversations.

GIVE HIM A BREAK, GIRLS!!!   Let him plan the next holiday away from the same-old-same-old.

If your family gets their back up, then you know you are in bondage. Lol!!  They should be excited for you!

Remember the three A’s: Acceptance, Approval and Appreciation.  These are all a part of admiration.

ADMIRATION is an expression of your love.

1Cor.13:3  “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing.”

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

(NOTE:  This was taken from a book called “Happily ever Laughter” by Ken Davis.)

MARITAL DIFFERENCES

I married my wife for her good looks-

but not the ones she is giving me lately.

-unknown

At our wedding rehearsal, when the minister said,

“For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health,” Gail responded,

“I’ll take better, rich and healthy.”

The minister reminded us that it wasn’t multiple choice.

– Dave Veerman

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy.

First, let her think she is having her own way.

And second, let her have it!

-Lyndon B. Johnson

If Laurie, Linda, Michelle and Liz go out for lunch,

they call each other Laurie, Linda, Michelle and Liz.

If Mark, Juan, Franklin, and Paul go out,

they will affectionately refer to each other as

Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut Head, and Snappy.

– unknown

Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate through the night.

-unknown

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

– unknown

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

-unknown

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life,

she will save the infant’s life

without even considering if there are men on base.

-Dave Barry

A man has five items in his bathroom:

a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

-unknown

A man will pay two dollars of a one dollar item he needs.

A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn’t need,

but it’s on sale.

-unknown

I’m sure glad my husband (Billy) and I are not exactly alike;

if that were the case, one of us wouldn’t be necessary.

-Ruth Graham

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.   Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

There have been many questions on the subject of dating.  Since there are not scriptures in the bible directly related on courtship, I have hesitated to address this subject.  Today what I will post, will be as close to Gods word as I can get.  Much of it will be my opinion and the wisdom of God through the experience of decades of pastoring.  Sad to say, but the couples that didn’t follow our guidelines, have had many marital problems and many are not married today.

Question #1.  Is it okay to date?  What are your guidelines for dating?  What does the bible say about dating?

Answer #1.

First,  in answer to the question about what the bible says about dating, there are no direct guidelines.

Second, in answer to the question is it okay to date, I would need more information on what is their interpretation of dating.

Third, in answer to the question, what are the guidelines for dating, read the following:

1.  We always suggest that the couple who first starts liking each other, Pray.  The bible says to “make your requests be known to God.”  If singles try out the person before praying, there will be a lot of broken hearts in the process.  Remember that the person you are interested in, could one day be some one elses future mate.  At this point, they should observe their spiritual walk.  Are they at church, prayer, and ministry.  Try not to communicate with them at this point because your emotions will run away with you.  Your decision to continue on with the relationship will be based on emotions not from a divine answer from God.

2.  After you have prayed and feel assured that this is the right person, we suggest that they get to know each other in a group setting.  This is usually at church, church functions, ministry functions and casual events.  So much is accomplished in this setting.  You both get to observe each other, around other people.   They say if a wife wants to learn what her husband enjoys, just invite the guys from his work over for a bar-b-que.  As she listens to the conversation, she will learn a lot about her husband.  Group observation is of the utmost importance.  During the praying period, they can also be in a group setting but we have found it is best not to inform anyone else that they are interested in each other.  This will keep from getting a lot of people involved if there is a decision to not go ahead with the relationship.  Don’t pair off.

3.  Once you have prayed, observed the person with their peers and are even more convinced this could be the right person for you, then there should be more one-on-one conversation.  At this point, we suggest that they should not be out alone.  At this point, you should start asking many questions.  I tell the women to be nosey about everything.  Past marriages or relationships.  Find out why they did not work out.  Do they have children?  Recreational activities, family relationships, career, boundaries, children, future vision, and dislikes.  You must know what they expect in a spouse.  There should be an array of questions answered at that point.  If you are intimidated to ask, this will continue on in your relationship.

4.  Now is the time that the man definitely should speak with their clergy.  They have now prayed, observed, and have enquired from each other if they are even compatible.  The intention of the clergy conversation should be for engagement.  If it is not, then it looks like he is just playing with her emotions and he has no intentions of ever marry her.  If he says he does have intentions, but it will be years before he is ready to marry, that is very unfair to the girl.  If she agrees that she would like time before engagement, then at that point they should come to some kind of an agreement.  On many occasions, we suggest that they cancel the relationship till they are ready to be engaged.  This helps the couples to not become physically involved but the choice is theirs.

5.  Choose to keep your relationship at a friendship level.  At this next stage there is a lot of temptations to overcome. Remember, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”  1Cor.6:19-20 NIV  Christians are held to a higher standard than the world.  Let the Holy Spirit guide you.  The goal in any Christian relationship is to honor God.  We suggest that they not get involved with each others family.  They are not engaged and it makes it real hard on family if it doesn’t work out.  The family takes it harder than the couples themselves.

6.  Choose not to kiss or have sexual relations.  A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man instantly.  Include others to be around you that way physical issues will be less distracting.   Always treat each other with respect.

7.  The last stage is engagement.  At this point we then tell the couple they must be very careful.  The devil will hit them with every kind of temptation.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honest, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if it has excellence  or is praiseworthy–think about such things.”  Phil.48 (NIV)

Once again, we have found that the many couples who have embraced these guidelines, have kept their virginity till married.  They have excellent marriages and continue to honor God by practicing morality towards their wife.  Although the guidelines seem stringent, the couple admit that when they have children, they will want them to practice celibacy till marriage.  Keep in mind all the different kinds of venereal diseases that condoms cannot protect from.  Gods word always condemns immoral actions.

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily  we have a new post.

FANTASY CASTLE FOR HIM

Yes, men do dream of having their “fantasy castle”.

I am sure everyone has heard of the saying that, “A mans home is his castle.”

BUT IS THAT TRUE??

My husband is artistic, so he loves to pick where we live and how it will be decorated.

Thank God we have the same taste or it would be a mess.

We will continue on with some comments from the book, “His needs, her needs”, by Willard F. Harley Jr.

A man’s fantasy goes something like this:

His home life is free of stress and worry,

After work, his wife greets him lovingly at the door and

Their well-behaved children are also glad to see him.

He enters the comfort of a well maintained home

As his wife urges him to relax before having dinner.

Conversation at the dinner is enjoyable and

Free of conflict.

Later the family goes out together for an early evening stroll, and

He returns to put the children to bed

With no hassle or fuss.

Then he and his wife relax and

Talk together,

Watch a little television, and,

At a reasonable hour, go to bed to make love.

Does this look like what happens in your home nightly?

How many men would marry a woman who would refuse to manage housework or childcare?

The “man’s fantasy” has become the “woman’s fantasy” as well.  They both want to relax after a stressful day at work.

Do you use your time wisely?  Prov.31:27 “She looketh well to the ways of her household (is a good manager, is economical) and eateth not the bread of idleness.”

Once you get home, be careful not to spend extra time on the phone talking to friends.

Also, watch your social networking time because time can pass quickly.

Are you a good homemaker?  Titus 2:5 “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home (homemakers), good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Be sure to get rid of clutter.  Whatever your husband is asking for you to do, you should spend time completing.

Do you teach your children about God?  Isa.54:13  “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.”

Try to be creative.  Ken and Trudy Blount have many resources for family.  They have one book that has an array of ideas for everyday to do activities with your children.  It has been highly recommended!

Do you allow angry words in your home?  Eph.4:26 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”

It only takes one person to stop a fight.  All day you have been a  testimony to your coworkers, now be a testimony to your own family.

Do you lust at what your neighbor has?  Luke 12:15 “…take heed and beware of covetousness: for a mans (woman’s) life consists not in the abundance of the things which he (she) possesseth.”

The devil tells all of us that we are working for nothing.  He always shows us someone who is in a better financial standing then us to get us to covet.  Don’t go for his tricks.

On Sunday does your family drop everything and go to church?

Ex.20:8-10 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy…the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God…”

Prepare the day before for church.  This way everyone gets up and knows exactly what they are suppose to be doing.

In Lu Ann Bransby’s book “ Woman”, she lists 8 ways to have a happy household.

1. Repent of your sins and turn away from them.
2. Dedicate your house and everything in it to God.
3. Keep yourself and your family pure.  Do not have sex with anyone who is not your spouse…No sexual fantasies, objects, literature, TV shows.
4. Do not drink, take drugs, or us foul language.  Treat each other the way you would like to be treated.
5. Go to church together.
6. Use self-control in all things.
7. Read the bible and pray together.
8. Love your neighbor.

Your husband’s home is his castle.

Let him make DECISIONS for his own home!!!

Or is your husband just a guest and can’t make the decision?

I HOPE NOT!!!!!

Whose castle is it anyway????

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

HORRID BLIND SPOT

The third thing that your husband needs is a GOOD LOOKING wife.

In the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn, I will be using some comments and statistics.

A wife’s blind spot is that she doesn’t know how important it is to her husband that she takes care of her looks and doesn’t look like a slouch around him.

Statistics show that women spend 40% of their free time on social networking.

This statistic shows where women today are setting their priorities.

When a survey was done, seven out of ten men indicated they would be EMOTIONALLY bothered if their wife let herself go and didn’t make the effort to do something about it.   These are happily, married, younger, church going men.

83% of men said that he wants his wife to look and feel good.  She doesn’t have to look the way she did the day they met, but it’s important that she makes an effort to look good now.

97% of men said they would be willing to make an effort to help their wives do what’s necessary to get in shape.

The effort you put into your appearance is extremely HIGH on his priority list.

Husbands feel it affects him because it affects his wife’s ability to do things and her self-worth and her desires.

Your dress is also important to God.  1Tim.2:9 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety…”

The word “shamefacedness” in the Greek implies  to dress with reverence towards God.

Here are some areas for you to consider:

FIRST, celebrate our God-given individuality and body—make the best of it.

Most husbands don’t want their wife to be so super sensitive about their bodies.

Husbands don’t care if you have a PERFECT body or not.

You are the one who cares!!

SECOND, be careful that you are not trying to be a size 2.

THIRD, we need to accept how complicated and hypersensitive the appearance issue is for both partners.

You liked that he enjoyed your looks during courtship, but many women feel outright resentful that her appearance still matters so much to him now.

We need to show our man that we’re willing to make the effort to ADDRESS something that is very important to him.

Your effort matters most!!!

The fact that you are willing to make the effort to take care of yourself FOR HIM is the point.

This is BIG!!

Those of us who don’t believe in divorce may need to own up to a sneaking COMPLACENCY.

Because our husbands have pledged their faithfulness for a “better or for worse”, and because we know “it’s what’s inside that counts,” we can easily migrate to the idea that what’s outside doesn’t matter.

Our husbands end up feeling disregarded, disrespected, and hurt, when we willingly ignore what is on the outside.

Our husbands FEEL LOVED and cared for when we make the effort.

Happiness in your marriage does depend on your appearance.

Your husband wants to be proud of you!!!!

Here are areas that you can cover:

FIRST, are you practicing weight control?

Once again, you don’t have to be a size 2.

You just have to be a healthy size.

There are an array of diets and exercises on the internet.

SECOND, are you using make up properly?

Do you over do it with the makeup or under do it?

Do you just put it on during the week but omit weekends when with your husband?

THIRD, does he like your hairstyle?

Ask him!!

Current hairstyles may not be attractive to him.

He might be tired of your current hairstyle.

FOURTH, do your clothes fit you right?

Are your clothes to tight and showing your bulges?

Are your clothes to baggy because you lost weight?

You don’t need expensive clothes.

Never wear something you have worn the day before.

FIFTH, how is your personal hygiene?

Are you taking care of your teeth?

Are your clothes clean?

SIXTH, watch your posture.

SEVENTH,  watch your gestures.

Try to always smile.

EIGHTH, do you make the most of what you have?

You don’t need to have a perfect body or looks.

Attractiveness is what you do with what you have.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.