LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

There have been many questions on the subject of dating.  Since there are not scriptures in the bible directly related on courtship, I have hesitated to address this subject.  Today what I will post, will be as close to Gods word as I can get.  Much of it will be my opinion and the wisdom of God through the experience of decades of pastoring.  Sad to say, but the couples that didn’t follow our guidelines, have had many marital problems and many are not married today.

Question #1.  Is it okay to date?  What are your guidelines for dating?  What does the bible say about dating?

Answer #1.

First,  in answer to the question about what the bible says about dating, there are no direct guidelines.

Second, in answer to the question is it okay to date, I would need more information on what is their interpretation of dating.

Third, in answer to the question, what are the guidelines for dating, read the following:

1.  We always suggest that the couple who first starts liking each other, Pray.  The bible says to “make your requests be known to God.”  If singles try out the person before praying, there will be a lot of broken hearts in the process.  Remember that the person you are interested in, could one day be some one elses future mate.  At this point, they should observe their spiritual walk.  Are they at church, prayer, and ministry.  Try not to communicate with them at this point because your emotions will run away with you.  Your decision to continue on with the relationship will be based on emotions not from a divine answer from God.

2.  After you have prayed and feel assured that this is the right person, we suggest that they get to know each other in a group setting.  This is usually at church, church functions, ministry functions and casual events.  So much is accomplished in this setting.  You both get to observe each other, around other people.   They say if a wife wants to learn what her husband enjoys, just invite the guys from his work over for a bar-b-que.  As she listens to the conversation, she will learn a lot about her husband.  Group observation is of the utmost importance.  During the praying period, they can also be in a group setting but we have found it is best not to inform anyone else that they are interested in each other.  This will keep from getting a lot of people involved if there is a decision to not go ahead with the relationship.  Don’t pair off.

3.  Once you have prayed, observed the person with their peers and are even more convinced this could be the right person for you, then there should be more one-on-one conversation.  At this point, we suggest that they should not be out alone.  At this point, you should start asking many questions.  I tell the women to be nosey about everything.  Past marriages or relationships.  Find out why they did not work out.  Do they have children?  Recreational activities, family relationships, career, boundaries, children, future vision, and dislikes.  You must know what they expect in a spouse.  There should be an array of questions answered at that point.  If you are intimidated to ask, this will continue on in your relationship.

4.  Now is the time that the man definitely should speak with their clergy.  They have now prayed, observed, and have enquired from each other if they are even compatible.  The intention of the clergy conversation should be for engagement.  If it is not, then it looks like he is just playing with her emotions and he has no intentions of ever marry her.  If he says he does have intentions, but it will be years before he is ready to marry, that is very unfair to the girl.  If she agrees that she would like time before engagement, then at that point they should come to some kind of an agreement.  On many occasions, we suggest that they cancel the relationship till they are ready to be engaged.  This helps the couples to not become physically involved but the choice is theirs.

5.  Choose to keep your relationship at a friendship level.  At this next stage there is a lot of temptations to overcome. Remember, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”  1Cor.6:19-20 NIV  Christians are held to a higher standard than the world.  Let the Holy Spirit guide you.  The goal in any Christian relationship is to honor God.  We suggest that they not get involved with each others family.  They are not engaged and it makes it real hard on family if it doesn’t work out.  The family takes it harder than the couples themselves.

6.  Choose not to kiss or have sexual relations.  A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man instantly.  Include others to be around you that way physical issues will be less distracting.   Always treat each other with respect.

7.  The last stage is engagement.  At this point we then tell the couple they must be very careful.  The devil will hit them with every kind of temptation.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honest, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if it has excellence  or is praiseworthy–think about such things.”  Phil.48 (NIV)

Once again, we have found that the many couples who have embraced these guidelines, have kept their virginity till married.  They have excellent marriages and continue to honor God by practicing morality towards their wife.  Although the guidelines seem stringent, the couple admit that when they have children, they will want them to practice celibacy till marriage.  Keep in mind all the different kinds of venereal diseases that condoms cannot protect from.  Gods word always condemns immoral actions.

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily  we have a new post.

IN LAWS are not OUTLAWS

In-laws are an extension of your family.

You are connected through God’s laws and man’s laws.

I will be using different comments from the book “Woman, a formula for victorious living”, by Lu Ann Bransby.

Do not talk about your husband’s family.  He loves his family and so should you even if they are unlovable.

The bible prophesied there would be discord between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law.  Lk.12:53 “…The mother-in-law shall be divided against the daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against the mother-in-law…”

God left an example of what a mother-in –law and daughter-in-law relationship should be like.  Ruth 1:16-17

We are commanded to respect our mother-in-law.  Mk.10:19 “Thou knowest the commandments…Honour thy father and mother.”

Prov.23:22 “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”

Not showing love to your in laws will damage your relationship with your husband and you have to blame yourself.

If they try your patience, God tells us to be patient.  (Rom.12:9-18) This scripture also tells us to be hospitable.

We are commanded to forgive our in-laws if they have wronged us, even if they don’t ask us for forgiveness. Matt.6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father(God) forgive your trespasses.”

Don’t be guilty of being a busy body in your in-laws affairs. 1Pet.4:15 “Let none of you suffer as a…busybody in other men’s matters.”

The bible says that we are not to speak evil against our in laws or argue with them.   We are to be tenderhearted.  Eph.4:31-32 “Let all…anger and evil speaking, be put away from you…and be tenderhearted…”

We should be honest and forthright and at peace with them.  (Rom.12:17-18)

We shouldn’t complain to our husband about his family.  We should take our complaints to the Lord.  (Psa.55:2)

We should never covet anything our in-laws have, for covetousness is idolatry and sin.  Col.3:5-6 “Mortify therefore your members which are upon this earth;… covetousness which is idolatry.”

Treat your in laws the way you would like for them to treat you.  Matt.7:2 “…and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

The bible commands us to respect and listen to our parents (and in laws).  Prov.23:22

Don’t be jealous over your husband’s relationship with his parents.  Jealousy is sin  Song of Solomon 8:6 “…Jealousy is as cruel as the grave…”

Never make fun of your in laws.  Eph.5:4 “…nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

Be good to your in laws. Jas.4:17 “Therefore to him (her) that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him (her) it is sin.”

TESTIMONY:

I would like to take a minute to tell you about my experience with my in laws.  As I was growing up, my mother always said to marry a guy who grew up in a good family.  She would stress the fact I should get to know all the family members and to make sure they had good morals.  I thought my mother was nuts!  I didn’t care what a guys parents were like, he better be cute and nice.  Well, when I met my husband, I remembered what my mom said.  I just loved his parents.  I totally adored his mom.  They treated my husband like he was a piece of gold.  I appreciated all the 18 years that they put into his life.  I told myself, that for the rest of my life, I would treat them with love and respect.  Well, I got to put my love for them to practice.  For 17 years my father-in-law got to live with us before he died.  Also, my mother-in-law has lived with us for the last 23 years.  She has been a loving grandmother to my children, and an excellent mother-in-law to me.  It has been, such a privilege to have my children live in a home filled with the love of parents and grandparents.  This is something that I did not have as a child.  I can’t even express the joy that I had to see my child bring so much fulfillment to my in laws.

My heart goes out to many of you who don’t have great in laws.  Always remember that Gods grace is in our lives in abundance if we take these issues to him.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

WIVES – MASTER SCULPTORS

The fifth thing a husband can’t do without is for his wife to be PROUD OF HIM.

He needs your Admiration!!

A sculptor is an artist who shapes a hard material (stone, wood, etc.) by shaving or chipping away at it.

Wives are masters at sculpting.

They say that when a woman marries a man, she can’t wait to change him. When a man marries a woman, he hopes she will never change.

When you tell your husband that you think he is wonderful, he is ENERGIZED to do more.

It inspires him to handle new responsibilities and to perfect his skills.

Your appreciation of him brings more SATISFACTION than his paycheck.

Behind every man should be an admiring wife.

Instead of an admiring wife, there ends up being a wife with a CHISEL in her hand ready to sculpt a change in him.

In Dr. Laura Schlessingers book, “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands”, has some very interesting things to say.

She states in her book that a smart wife doesn’t start chipping away at who he is and what he does.

How would you feel if you married your husband and he walks through the door with a life size COOKIE CUTTER of the ideal wife he wanted and you have to measure up to that.

As ridiculous as it sounds, this is what wives do to husbands.

It is under the umbrella of  “I am trying to help him.”

It is in the same drawer with your chisel and it looks like a chisel.

Men first YEARNED for their mothers’ acceptance, approval, and appreciation, and then their wives’.

When a wife gives them the three A’s, acceptance, approval, and appreciation, a husband will do anything to please her.

To keep a husband, you need to admire him for the things he ENJOYS and wants to do also.

If you don’t, he will perceive himself as being an annoyance and irrelevant to his wives’ more important motivations.

Laura has the following in her book:

“Wives want romance, hugs, kisses, and surprises.  They would get more of these things if they hadn’t just told hubby he was stupid or that a time out with the guys was tantamount to abandonment…or that four hours out of 168 to himself is being overly selfish or self-indulgent.” (4hrs. in a week)

There was a time many years ago, when my husband had to travel quite a bit to our other churches.  The weight and heaviness was starting to get me down.  I read a book about Oral Roberts.  His wife said that there was a place in Palm Springs that he would go to in order to clear his mind and hear from God.  When she saw him flustered, she would tell him he needed to get away.  I noticed that when my husband was away, he would come back energized.  He would be renewed.  When he got away, he could see the ministry with revelation.

I am not suggesting that all husbands take off nor spend large portions of time away.

Women are often attracted to someone who is athletic, musical, etc.

Then after marriage or as time passes, they don’t want them to go to practice and then not to do it anymore.   Nothing!!

Your responsibility is to SUPPORT HIM in whatever brings him joy or energy.

Marriage means we share—but it also means we support the individuality necessary for mental and emotional health, spiritual growth, and ultimate well-being of the relationship.

Without this healthy balance, a marriage can decay or dissolve.

Okay girls.  Put the chisel down!!!

Your marriage can become an overfilled pressure cooker, unless you have necessary OUTLETS.

Stress many times is released with quiet contemplation or a complete change in activity.

Men need some SPACE away from femininity and domesticity at times, in order to reassert their important masculinity.

I have to tell you something that I see quite a bit. Wives that have several close sisters almost always make the holiday plans.  You just know on holidays their poor husbands don’t have a chance to make decisions for his family.  They have to go to her family and he has to do what her sisters want to do even though he works hard and it’s his holiday also.   At the beginning of the marriage, he probably wanted to do some fun things.  Now he just goes with the program but has nothing to look forward to.  It’s the same people with the same conversations.

GIVE HIM A BREAK, GIRLS!!!   Let him plan the next holiday away from the same-old-same-old.

If your family gets their back up, then you know you are in bondage. Lol!!  They should be excited for you!

Remember the three A’s: Acceptance, Approval and Appreciation.  These are all a part of admiration.

ADMIRATION is an expression of your love.

1Cor.13:3  “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing.”

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

FANTASY CASTLE FOR HIM

Yes, men do dream of having their “fantasy castle”.

I am sure everyone has heard of the saying that, “A mans home is his castle.”

BUT IS THAT TRUE??

My husband is artistic, so he loves to pick where we live and how it will be decorated.

Thank God we have the same taste or it would be a mess.

We will continue on with some comments from the book, “His needs, her needs”, by Willard F. Harley Jr.

A man’s fantasy goes something like this:

His home life is free of stress and worry,

After work, his wife greets him lovingly at the door and

Their well-behaved children are also glad to see him.

He enters the comfort of a well maintained home

As his wife urges him to relax before having dinner.

Conversation at the dinner is enjoyable and

Free of conflict.

Later the family goes out together for an early evening stroll, and

He returns to put the children to bed

With no hassle or fuss.

Then he and his wife relax and

Talk together,

Watch a little television, and,

At a reasonable hour, go to bed to make love.

Does this look like what happens in your home nightly?

How many men would marry a woman who would refuse to manage housework or childcare?

The “man’s fantasy” has become the “woman’s fantasy” as well.  They both want to relax after a stressful day at work.

Do you use your time wisely?  Prov.31:27 “She looketh well to the ways of her household (is a good manager, is economical) and eateth not the bread of idleness.”

Once you get home, be careful not to spend extra time on the phone talking to friends.

Also, watch your social networking time because time can pass quickly.

Are you a good homemaker?  Titus 2:5 “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home (homemakers), good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Be sure to get rid of clutter.  Whatever your husband is asking for you to do, you should spend time completing.

Do you teach your children about God?  Isa.54:13  “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.”

Try to be creative.  Ken and Trudy Blount have many resources for family.  They have one book that has an array of ideas for everyday to do activities with your children.  It has been highly recommended!

Do you allow angry words in your home?  Eph.4:26 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”

It only takes one person to stop a fight.  All day you have been a  testimony to your coworkers, now be a testimony to your own family.

Do you lust at what your neighbor has?  Luke 12:15 “…take heed and beware of covetousness: for a mans (woman’s) life consists not in the abundance of the things which he (she) possesseth.”

The devil tells all of us that we are working for nothing.  He always shows us someone who is in a better financial standing then us to get us to covet.  Don’t go for his tricks.

On Sunday does your family drop everything and go to church?

Ex.20:8-10 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy…the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God…”

Prepare the day before for church.  This way everyone gets up and knows exactly what they are suppose to be doing.

In Lu Ann Bransby’s book “ Woman”, she lists 8 ways to have a happy household.

1. Repent of your sins and turn away from them.
2. Dedicate your house and everything in it to God.
3. Keep yourself and your family pure.  Do not have sex with anyone who is not your spouse…No sexual fantasies, objects, literature, TV shows.
4. Do not drink, take drugs, or us foul language.  Treat each other the way you would like to be treated.
5. Go to church together.
6. Use self-control in all things.
7. Read the bible and pray together.
8. Love your neighbor.

Your husband’s home is his castle.

Let him make DECISIONS for his own home!!!

Or is your husband just a guest and can’t make the decision?

I HOPE NOT!!!!!

Whose castle is it anyway????

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

HORRID BLIND SPOT

The third thing that your husband needs is a GOOD LOOKING wife.

In the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn, I will be using some comments and statistics.

A wife’s blind spot is that she doesn’t know how important it is to her husband that she takes care of her looks and doesn’t look like a slouch around him.

Statistics show that women spend 40% of their free time on social networking.

This statistic shows where women today are setting their priorities.

When a survey was done, seven out of ten men indicated they would be EMOTIONALLY bothered if their wife let herself go and didn’t make the effort to do something about it.   These are happily, married, younger, church going men.

83% of men said that he wants his wife to look and feel good.  She doesn’t have to look the way she did the day they met, but it’s important that she makes an effort to look good now.

97% of men said they would be willing to make an effort to help their wives do what’s necessary to get in shape.

The effort you put into your appearance is extremely HIGH on his priority list.

Husbands feel it affects him because it affects his wife’s ability to do things and her self-worth and her desires.

Your dress is also important to God.  1Tim.2:9 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety…”

The word “shamefacedness” in the Greek implies  to dress with reverence towards God.

Here are some areas for you to consider:

FIRST, celebrate our God-given individuality and body—make the best of it.

Most husbands don’t want their wife to be so super sensitive about their bodies.

Husbands don’t care if you have a PERFECT body or not.

You are the one who cares!!

SECOND, be careful that you are not trying to be a size 2.

THIRD, we need to accept how complicated and hypersensitive the appearance issue is for both partners.

You liked that he enjoyed your looks during courtship, but many women feel outright resentful that her appearance still matters so much to him now.

We need to show our man that we’re willing to make the effort to ADDRESS something that is very important to him.

Your effort matters most!!!

The fact that you are willing to make the effort to take care of yourself FOR HIM is the point.

This is BIG!!

Those of us who don’t believe in divorce may need to own up to a sneaking COMPLACENCY.

Because our husbands have pledged their faithfulness for a “better or for worse”, and because we know “it’s what’s inside that counts,” we can easily migrate to the idea that what’s outside doesn’t matter.

Our husbands end up feeling disregarded, disrespected, and hurt, when we willingly ignore what is on the outside.

Our husbands FEEL LOVED and cared for when we make the effort.

Happiness in your marriage does depend on your appearance.

Your husband wants to be proud of you!!!!

Here are areas that you can cover:

FIRST, are you practicing weight control?

Once again, you don’t have to be a size 2.

You just have to be a healthy size.

There are an array of diets and exercises in the internet.

SECOND, are you using make up properly?

Do you over do it with the makeup or under do it?

Do you just put it on during the week but omit weekends when with your husband?

THIRD, does he like your hairstyle?

Ask him!!

Current hairstyles may not be attractive to him.

He might be tired of your current hairstyle.

FOURTH, do your clothes fit you right?

Are your clothes to tight and showing your bulges?

Are your clothes to baggy because you lost weight?

You don’t need expensive clothes.

Never wear something you have worn the day before.

FIFTH, how is your personal hygiene?

Are you taking care of your teeth?

Are your clothes clean?

SIXTH, watch your posture.

SEVENTH,  watch your gestures.

Try to always smile.

EIGHTH, do you make the most of what you have?

You don’t need to have a perfect body or looks.

Attractiveness is what you do with what you have.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

DODGER DOG DAY

We will continue on with the second thing your husband can’t do without – RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP.

Much of the information will come from the book, “His needs, Her needs” by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

One of the places that I really enjoy going to with my husband, is the Dodger baseball game.  We hardly have time, so we may go to one or two games a year.  When we do go, I absolutely love it.  We don’t eat hot dogs, only when we go to the ball game.  It makes the game that much better cause then we have two things to look forward to.  Their hot dogs are famous and almost everyone at the Dodger Stadium is standing and eating a “Dodger Dog.”

God’s word has different verses concerning recreation.

Let’s look in Malachi to see where the wife fits in.

Mal.2:14 “…she is your companion and the wife by covenant.”

The Hebrew root word implies an intimate partner; an accomplice.

In the dictionary, a companion is one who accompanies another.

In the middle of the word companion is the word “pan.”

Pan is bread, which is a “comfort food.” That is what a wife is, a COMFORT.

The verse goes on to say in verse 14, “…and your wife by covenant…”

A covenant is a formal and binding agreement under seal between two or more parties.

The covenant is that you are to be his FRIENDLY FRIEND!

When you are courting, you had no problem joining in his interests.

Your interest in his favorite activities helps SEAL the marriage deal.

Recreational compatibility is usually crucial criterion for men in selecting a wife.

Men place a HIGH importance on recreational activity.

Wives after marriage, usually try to convince their husbands into the activities they are interested in.

If they fail to convince their husbands to do what they want, they may encourage their husbands to continue their activities WITHOUT them.

Spending recreational time with his wife is ranked second only to sex for the typical husband.

When she doesn’t want to enjoy him, he may feel she is then moving in on his recreational life, which is one of the things that keeps him going.

The wife is making a dangerous choice by sending him off to his most enjoyable activity without his wife present to enjoy it with him.

The wife is taking a risk that someone of the opposite sex may turn up to be their companion and there is a risk of them falling in love.

You are missing out on a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY to have fun together.

Those hours and days are now lost because his favorite recreational companion was not there.

Many wives testify that the secret to their marriage is that they stayed together in PURSUNG a recreational activity.

Stay his COMPANION, HIS FRIENDLY FRIEND AND HIS CHEERLEADER!

It is better to find a babysitter for your children than your husband find a babysitter for him.

Note: Make two copies of the following list of activities.  Have your husband put a star (*) on the ones he would enjoy doing or put a (+) by the ones he might enjoy.  You do the same on your copy.  Match them up and start having fun together.  Let him know you are doing this so you can have fun with him.

Watch for the smile on his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ACTIVITY                                                          ACTIVITY

ACTING                                                       FLYING (AS PILOT)

AEROBIC EXERCISE                                FLYING (AS PASSENGER)

AMUSEMENT PARKS                              FOOTBALL (WATCHING)

ANTIQUE COLLECTING                          FOOTBALL (PLAYING)

ARCHERY                                                    GARDENING

ASTRONOMY                                             GENEALOGICAL RESEARCH

AUTO CUSTOMIZING                              GOLF

AUTO RACING (WATCH)                        HAM RADIO

BADMINTON                                              HANDBALL

BASEBALL (WATCHING)                        HIKING

BASEBALL (PLAYING)                             HOCKEY (WATCHING)

BASKETBALL (WATCH)                          HOCKEY (PLAYING)

BASKETBALL (PLAYING)                        HORSEBACK RIDING

BIBLE STUDY                                              HORSE SHOWS (WATCHING)

BICYCLING                                                   HORSE RACING

BOATING                                                       HORSESHOE PITCHING

BODYBUILDING                                          HOT AIR BALLOONING

BOWLING                                                      HUNTING

BOXING (WATCHING)                               ICE FISHING

BRIDGE                                                           ICE SKATING

CAMPING                                                        JOGGING

CANOEING                                                     JUDO

CHECKERS                                                     KARATE

CHESS                                                              KNITTING

CHURCH SERVICES                                      METALWORK

COIN COLLECTING                                       MODEL BUILDING

COMPUTER PROGRAMMING                    MONOPOLY

COMPUTER GAMES                                      MOUNTAIN CLIMBING

COMPUTER __________________                      MOVIES

CONCERTS (ROCK MUSIC)                         MUSEUMS

CONCERTS (CLASSICAL MUSIC)               OPERA

CONCERT (COUNTRY MUSIC)                    PAINTING

CROQUET                                                          PHOTOGRAPHY

DANCING ___________________                          PLAYS

DINING OUT                                                      POETRY

FISHING                                                              POLO (WATCHING)

ACTIVITY                                                 ACTIVITY

POOL (OR BILLIARDS)                           WEAVING

QUILTING                                                   WOODWORKING

RACQUETBALL                                         TOBOGGANING

REMODELING (HOME)                           VIDEO GAMES

ROCK COLLECTING                                 VIDEO PRODUCTION

ROLLER-SKATING                                   VIDEO MOVIES (WATCHING)

SAILING                                                       WOODWORKING

SCULPTING                                                 WRESTLING

SHOOTING (SKEET,TRAP)                     YACHTING

SHOOTING (PISTOL)

SHOPPING (CLOTHES)

SHOPPING (GROCERIES)

SHOPPING (VEHICLES)

SHOPPING (______________)

SHUFFLEBOARD

SIGHTSEEING

SINGING

SKIING (WATER)

SKIING (DOWNHILL)

SKIING (CROSS-COUNTRY)

SKIN DIVING (SNORKELING)

SKYDIVING

SNOWMOBILING

SOFTBALL (WATCHING)

SOFTBALL (PLAYING)

SPEARFISHING

STAMP COLLECTING

SURFING

SWIMMING

TABLE TENNIS

TAXIDERMY

TELEVISION

TENNIS

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People–What do

you expect from such simple

creatures.  Your last name stays put.  The

garage is all yours.  Wedding plans take

care of themselves.  Chocolate is just

another snack.  You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.  You can

wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The

world is your urinal.  You never have to

drive to another gas station restroom

because this one is just too icky.  You

don’t have to stop and think of which

way to turn a nut on a bolt.  Same work,

more pay.  Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental – $100.

People never stare at your chest when

you’re talking to them.  New shoes don’t

cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30

seconds flat.  You know stuff about

tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only

one suitcase.  You can open all your own

jars.  You get extra credit for the

slightest act of thoughtfulness.  If

someone forgets to invite you, he or she

can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three–

pack.  Three pairs of shoes are more

than enough.  You almost never have

strap problems in public.  You are unable

to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original

color.  The same hairstyle lasts for years,

maybe decades.  You only have to shave

your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.. One

wallet and one pair of shoes–one color

for all seasons.  You wear shorts no

matter how your legs look.  You can “do”

your nails with a pocket knife.  You have

freedom of choice concerning growing a

moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25

relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle

it and to the men who will enjoy reading

it.

NOT WRITTEN BY NANCY SALAZAR

(But because I was raised with five brother, boy do I agree with most of this.  lol!)

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

NOTE: The following are questions that have been asked by more than one person.

Question #1. What should a wife do if her husband is physically abusive.

Answer #1.

First, I want you to know that I am very concerned for you.  I don’t know the extent of what you are going through but you are not alone.

Second, you are in a very scary and difficult situation.  It is not your fault that this is happening.

Third,  your husband is at fault and responsible for the battering.

Fourth, you are in a very dangerous situation, try not to deny this! I am concerned about your safety.  It can only get worse.

Fifth, it is your decision on where you go from here.  Remember that you are not the only one hurt by this.

Sixth, you must admit that this abusive behavior is domestic violence.

Seventh, contact Domestic Hotline (800) 978-3600 or (800) 799-7233.

Your husband can change.  It needs to start with you.  You are the “helpmeet.”  God will help you as you take the steps in the right direction.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Question #2. What should a mother do that has a husband who is physically abusive to her in front of the children.

Answer #2.

Many children who witness domestic violence in the home believe  that they are to blame, and live in a constant state of fear.  Children who are in homes where domestic violence occurs are likely to suffer physical abuse as well.  At this part, it is so hard for me to go through these symptoms without not wanting any child to go through this.

PHYSICALLY – they become withdrawn, non-verbal, anxious, guilty, on edge, tired, painful, headaches, stomach aches, irregular bowel habits, cold sores, bedwetting, nervous, short attention span, sick feeling, attention deficit disorder, fatigue, poor personal hygiene, self abuse, and suicidal.

BEHAVIORAL – violence acceptance, nightmares, distrusting of adults, academic failure, school drop-out, secretive and embarrassed of home situation.

EMOTIONALLY – feelings of distrust and affection, become overprotective, anxious, fearful, fear of parent abandonment, worry about safety of parent, grief, shame, low self-esteem, depression, helpless, powerless, aggression, hostility, anger, post tramatic stress disorder, nightmares, and insomnia.

SOCIALLY – desensitization to agressive behavior, anger, worry, feelings of resentment, and isolation from friends.

Ways adults can help children

First, find a Christian counselor for your child.

Second, find a loving and supporting adult to help the child heal and develop resiliency.  Hopefully a pastor or someone in your church.

Third, Provide a safe environment that does not include violence in any form.  Discipline should not involve hitting, name-calling or yelling.

Once again, contact the Domestic Hotline (800) 978-3600 or (800) 799-7233.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  IT IS VERY FUNNY!  Daily there is a new post.

MARITAL SUPER GLUE

An inventor died by the name of Harry Cooper at age 94.  This young chemist, in the 40’s and 50’s, by accident discovered an adhesive which today is known as “Super Glue” and “Instant Crazy Glue.”  From the beginning, it’s remarkable adhesive power has been used for an array of uses:  1.) to seal blood vessels in open heart surgery, 2.) assemble atomic bombs, 3.) leg fractures, 4.) applied to bloody wounds during the Vietnam War, 4.) etc.

One invention has changed the life style for people around the world and has caused a man to be financially set for life.

God our Father, who created (invented) the universe, also created marriage.

As an inventor, God created marital super glue, which is SEX.

Yet with all the books, therapy, clergy, counselors and other help, still over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

To bring some understanding, I will be using comments partly from the book “His needs, her needs” by Williard F. Harley, Jr.  He has collected more than forty thousand questionnaires from clients asking about their sexual history and behavior.

Sex unlocks a man’s EMOTIONS and the woman holds the key.

Harley has found three important differences between men and women when it comes to sex: sexual drive, awareness of their sexuality; and their primary reason to have sex.

1. SEXUAL DRIVE – The average man has a much higher sex drive than the average woman.  This is because the only known aphrodisiac, testosterone, flows in abundance through men while in much shorter supply in women.

Sex usually is a man’s number one emotional need.

2.   SEXUAL AWARENESS – It is the knowledge of how to respond sexually.  Boys tend to explore their sexuality earlier and more often than girls.  By the time they marry, men usually have an advanced sexual understanding than the wife.

Almost every man surveyed enjoyed his first heterosexual encounter, while most women reported finding it a disappointment.

Men know how to respond sexually, while the women haven’t figured it out yet.

The ROOT of many marital problems is that he is more experienced and motivated by strong desires and she is less motivated and experienced.

A man cannot achieve sexual fulfillment in his marriage unless his wife joins him in the sexual experience.

3.  SEXUAL MOTIVATION – With a much higher sex drive, the primary reason men have sex is to relieve their craving.  For women , the primary reason is intimacy and emotional bonding.

Women who are emotionally withdrawn from their husband are notoriously unwilling to have sex with him.

Negotiation begins with a respectful exchange of perspectives, and by discussing these differences with each other.  By searching for ways to make sex fulfilling for both of you, you will be able to find a solution to one of the most common problems in marriage.

SOLVING SEXUAL PROBLEMS

Sexual problems cause tension and unhappiness in many marriages, but these difficulties can be solved pretty easily.

For the wife to enjoy sex, she will need help from her husband.  If he does not communicate his care for her often and effectively, she will feel that he is insensitive and uncaring.

You can’t enjoy your end of a marriage if your spouse can’t enjoy his or her end.

If you care about your spouse, you don’t use or deny your spouse out of selfishness or ignorance.

Meet your spouse’s needs as you would want your spouse to meet yours.

Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

MAKE SEX A PRIORITY!!

The following is an article from “Today’s Christian Woman.”  The author shares about her attitude when her husband wanted to make love more often.  She said, “It just wasn’t one of my priorities.”

“I felt what I did all day was meet other people’s needs.  Whether it was caring for my children, working in ministry, or washing my husband’s clothes, by the end of the day I wanted to be done need-meeting.  I wanted my pillow and a magazine.  But God prompted me:  Are the “needs” you meet for your husband the needs he wants met? I realized my husband never complained when things were not getting done at home. I soon realized I regularly said “no” to the one thing he asked of me.  I sure wasn’t making myself available to my husband by militantly adhering to my plan  for the day… I’d been so focused on what I wanted to get done and what my children needed, I’d cut my hubby out of the picture.”

DO YOU REGULARLY SAY “NO” TO THE ONE THING HE ASKS OF YOU??

DO YOU CUT YOUR HUBBY OUT OF THE PICTURE AT NIGHT?

He put his trust in you when he married you that you would be sexually interested in him.

Has it turned out to be the biggest mistake of his life?

SIX THINGS YOUR HUSBAND CAN’T DO WITHOUT

People usually marry because they find each other irresistible—they FALL IN LOVE.

Willard F Harley, Jr. in his book “His needs, Her needs” provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse.

From the information he has accumulated through his research, we will get right to the heart of what makes marriages work—THE FEELING OF LOVE.

In marriage, we must learn to meet each others emotional needs.

The first thing he can’t do without—SEXUAL FULFILLMENT

When a man chooses a wife, he makes this commitment because he trusts her to be as sexually interested in him as he is in her.

Unfortunately, the man finds that putting his trust in this woman has turned into one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

Some husbands tough it out, but many cannot and find SEX ELSEWHERE.

More than half of all married couples go through the agony of unfaithfulness and affairs.

The unfaithful man justifies his behavior by dwelling on the fact that the wife failed to keep her SEXUAL COMMITMENT to him.

Meeting each other’s needs:

a.) Many men lack skill in lovemaking because they fail to understand a woman’s need for affection as part of the sexual process.  When a man learns to be affectionate, his lovemaking will become very different.  The man interested only in satisfying his hunger for sex molests his wife more than anything else, because his technique is insensitive to her feelings.

b.) Many women don’t know how to enjoy meeting a husband’s compelling need for sex.  To satisfy her husband sexually, a wife must also feel satisfied.  Wives should try to make their bodies available to their husbands on a more regular basis but also learn to enjoy the sexual relationship as much as their husband does.

The second thing he can’t do without—RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP

It is not uncommon for single women to join men in pursuing their interests.

After marriage, many wives encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities WITHOUT THEM.

This is a dangerous choice because men place great importance on recreational activities.  Her interest in his favorite activities helps make enough Love Bank deposits to seal the marriage deal.

There is a risk of your SPOUSE falling in love with whoever turns out to be their recreational companion if they are of the opposite sex.

Engage in only those recreational activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together.

The third thing he can’t do without is a Good-Looking Wife—PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS

A man has a need for an attractive wife and he feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife.

When this need is not met the husband feels FRUSTRATED.  They appreciate a good-looking wife.

Any woman can enhance her attractiveness to her husband.

Here are FIVE major areas to becoming attractive:

1. Weight control programs
2. The use of makeup
3. A hairstyle he likes
4. The right clothes
5. Personal hygiene

Attractiveness is what you do with what you have.

The fourth thing he can’t do without is peace and quiet—DOMESTIC SUPPORT.

A man’s fantasy is that his home life is free of stress and worry.

Not many men would marry a woman who would refuse to manage housework or childcare.

The fifth thing he can’t do without is for you to be proud of him—ADMIRATION

When a woman tells a man she thinks he’s wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more.

He sees himself as CAPABLE of handling new responsibilities and perfecting his skills.

A man thrives on a woman’s admiration.

Instead of making massive Love Bank deposits with admiration, spouses make massive withdrawals with CRITICISM.

Jesus Christ taught us, in Luke 6:31  “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

The sixth thing he can’t do without is YOU!!!

YESSS!!!!!  He married you to fulfill all of the above.

Did he make a mistake?????   You didn’t deceive him did you?????

During your courtship, you must have given him the idea that you had what it took to be his GIRLFRIEND, CHEERLEADER, FRIENDLY FRIEND AND LOVER  for a lifetime!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  We will be covering “things husbands can’t do without”.