LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY Q & A 

Question #1:  How can I regain the respect I’ve lost for my husband?

Answer:

That’s a difficult struggle, because Ephesians 5:33 makes it clear that wives are to respect their husbands.  I suggest you make a real effort to think of things you can still respect about your husband. You have to choose to focus on the positive if you want to make your marriage last.

Pull back from the daily routine of life, look at him objectively, and say, “What is good about him?  What did I respect in the first place?”  Study him again and don’t allow yourself to be blinded by his weaknesses and inadequacies, the things you don’t like.

Some of these positive things may seem basic, but they really are important.  In fact, it’s easy for a wife to take some of these things for granted.  The fact that a husband goes to work and provides for the family financially is worthy of respect.  Maybe he plays ball with your son or daughter.  That’s worthy of respect.

You may wish he did more, but if you  let him know how much you appreciate what he does, he will feel encouraged.  Say, “I’m glad I’m married to a man who’s faithful to provide for his family.”  Or write him a note expressing your appreciation and admiration.

NOTE:  This question and answer was from an article in the Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

YOUR SPOUSE NEEDS THESE (Part 3)

Your spouse has a deep need within him to CONTRIBUTE.

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to your spouse.

The word “contribution” means the part played by a person in bringing  about a result.

God made everyone of us with a desire to contribute something to society.

From the tiniest thing like picking up something a stranger has dropped and handing it to them.

It makes you feel like you have accomplished something that day.

CASE AND POINT:  My daughter is a real giver of her time.  We were laughing at her and her cousin because they spent a few days laying tile in her cousin’s house.  When she graduated from high school, instead of going to college, she babysat free of charge for a woman so she could go to college.  When I questioned her about this decision, her answer was that the woman had two children and needed a good education for a good paying job.  I wanted to pull my hair out when I heard her reasoning.  I wanted my daughter to go to college, not babysit so someone else could go.  God spoke to my heart and told me to not be a hypocrite.  I raised my children to do for others and give of their time, now I am getting ready to open my  “big mouth” and tell her to go to college before she has children.  My daughter has helped about a dozen girls with their wedding plans.  Taking them all over to buy their items and helping the bride’s dreams come true.  She takes care of children and spends her summer at a camp for abused children.  All this she does voluntarily from her heart.

I didn’t say all that to brag about my daughter, but to emphasize that all we do to contribute to someone else’s life, brings fulfillment to ours.

I didn’t say all this to make us FEEL all mushy and warm on the inside.

I said it because I am wondering how you act when your spouse wants to help someone.

Do you act like it is a Federal CRIME and you can’t handle it when your spouse is fulfilling a need for someone else?

This is exactly why God gave us talents and abilities that others don’t have so we can be of assistance to others.

Thereby they BENEFIT and so do we.

Prov.31:20 “She extends her hands to the poor…”

Rom.15:26 “For it hath pleased them…to make a certain contribution…”

The word “contribution” in the Greek literally means partnership.

When anyone contributes to the success of others there is a partnership that takes place.

It forms a bond and God will always open opportunities for us to ADD to the lives of others.

Gal.6:10 “As we have opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”

This is saying that whenever the Holy Spirit opens up an opportunity for you to help your church or other Christians, it is your first duty.

Learn to stay in your LANE and let your spouse have his space in his lane.

Your spouse is commanded to be a doer of the word, DO NOT stand in his path.

Stay in your lane!

NOTE:  Tomorrow we will discuss another need in your spouse’s life.

YOUR SPOUSE NEEDS THESE (Part 2)

GROWTH is another very important human need that is a must for your spouse’s life.

GROWTH is a process of becoming larger or longer or more numerous or more important.

In Genesis, God tells us that he made man in His image but with that he gave man the power to grow, enlarge and become more important.

Gen.1:27-28 “…so God created man in his image…And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply…”

These are powerful words:  Fruitful and Multiply.

The Hebrew word for “fruitful” means to grow, increase, and bring forth.

The Hebrew word for “multiply” means to enlarge, excel, grow up, increase, more and plentiful.

When I first got saved there was a poster that had a cute picture of a little boy and the caption read:” God Don’t Make No Junk.”

That is so true!

We are made in His image and he designed us to not just add to what we are, but to multiply what we are or think we are capable of.

We often learn of great people who have accomplished so much in their lives without arms, legs, sight or sound.

CASE AND POINT:  We have had Dave Roever visit our church a few times.  Every time I see or hear of him, my heart leaps.  This man had most of his face blown off during the Vietnam War during the sixties.  He had more than just his face blown off, he had vital organs destroyed and no one at the scene even thought he would make it.  God showed them the resurrecting power of the Holy Ghost!  He not only is alive, but he is a General in the army of the Lord.  Dave is one of the most beautiful loving men that our fellowship has ever met.  He devotes every minute of his life to the furtherance of the Gospel.  I must add, and is married to His sweetheart who waited for his return from Vietnam and is still nurturing him through his healing process.  What a precious, precious woman!!  Glory to God!!!

These are some biblical examples of areas of growth for us to pattern our lives after.

Prov.31:12 “She does him good and not evil ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.”

Prov.31:15  “She also RISES WHILE IT IS YET NIGHT…”

Prov.31:17  “She GIRDS HERSELF WITH STRENGTH, And STRENGTHENS HER ARMS.”

Prov.31:26  “She OPENS HER MOUTH WITH WISDOM, And on HER TONGUE is the law of KINDNESS.”

Remember that the enemy of your marriage is terrified of you!!

You and your spouse have the power of the Holy Spirit to create, be fruitful and to multiply!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post which is a continuation and will help make your marriage a success.

YOUR SPOUSE NEEDS THESE (Part 1)

There are six important human needs that every spouse can’t do without.

First, the need to be FLEXIBLE.

The definition for “flexible” is the ability to adjust readily to different conditions.

In marriage, not only should we allow our partner to be flexible, we also need to be flexible.

So often I will be talking to someone that is married whose ideas are very RIGID.

This is a person whose incapable of adapting or changing to meet circumstances.

Let me be blunt!!!  A person like that should not be married.

You are about to make your spouse miserable!!

With a capital “M”!

A person like that usually will marry someone that will spend the rest of their life catering to them and them only.

There are people like that around but they are FEW.

Marriage should be a union where each spouse knows their place and giftedness and puts their talent and ability into use.

As they yield themselves to flexibility, they learn and find new OPPORTUNITIES to explore.

CASE AND POINT:  When we lived in England in the 1980’s, our church was in a town called “Eccles.”  There were people coming to our church, that had never been out of Eccles.  They had no need to leave and were very comfortable with their surroundings.  The problem was that you could drive five minutes in any direction and you would be out of Eccles. It is extremely small.

In Proverbs there are some descriptive words we need to explore.

Prov.31:19-20 “She stretches out her hands to the distaff (the staff on which wool  or flax is wound before spinning), and her hand holds the spindle (a stick used to twist the yarn in spinning).  She extends her handto the poor,  Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

It is not a coincidence that the words STRETCH, EXTEND and REACH are used.

Matt.5:41 “And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.”

Jesus was not feeling sorry for anyone in this verse.

He wasn’t saying, “Oh, you poor thing!”

Jesus was saying the opposite, “Go the extra mile!”

You need to go the other mile for your spouse.

Get out of Eccles!!!  Get out of your comfort zone!

Let your spouse get a new job, a new hobby, a new car, a new house, a new toy.

Next time you gain a few pounds and try to get into your old jeans, lets see how comfortable you are.

Those jeans start cutting into your skin and you end up with red sores at the seams.

Ask me how I know?  Lol!!

That is the same misery your spouse goes through when he has to play “Mother may I” and mom doesn’t play fair.

Remember your spouse married someone he could spend the rest of his life having FUN with.

In Malachi 2, it says that the wife is her husband’s COMPANION.

God designed you to be fun and flexible.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET??

NOTE:  Tomorrow will be the continuation of the other five human needs in our life.

SWORD PRACTICE WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Why would you want to take up sword fighting with your spouse?

We don’t want to sword fight against our spouse, we want to sword fight with them on the same team.

The Apostle Paul tells us that we have a weapon that can devastate satans strategies against your marriage.

Eph.6:17 “And take…the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.”

In the Greek, this word “sword” is MACHAIRA.

This word “machaira” is important because it was a special kind of sword.

There are a variety of swords used by the Roman soldiers.

The “machaira” was able to painfully shred the insides of it’s victim because it was used like a corkscrew.

It was a razor-sharp deadly and frightful weapon.

Just like this particular sword brought terror to the imagination of the enemy, the “sword of the spirit” torments the devil.

When the enemy starts to intervene in your marriage, get quiet in your heart and listen to the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit will give you a Rhema (word) to speak at the devil.

This is close combat and a time to use your sword.

You use it like a corkscrew; Insert, Twist and do Damage!

Gods word stays dormant in your heart till you let it come out of your mouth, then it is a two-edged sword.

There is a difference between “rhema” and “logos.”

“Logos” is the written word of God.

“Rhema” is a quicken specific word from the Spirit.

The Holy Spirit teaches us to use it offensively and defensively.

We should earnestly study and practice sword exercise as Jesus did in his conflict with Satan and with the scribes and the Pharisees.

Sword practice in your marriage is allowing the Holy Spirit to supply, inspire and employ Gods word (machaira).

CASE AND POINT:  Japanese sword training is something of a lifelong journey.  Even the masters consider themselves to be humble students, constantly striving for perfection and always feeling that they can execute a cut cleaner, faster and with more precision.  In traditional Japanese sword training, techniques are often practiced many thousands of times before any degree of proficiency is obtained.

Do you have a good grasp of Gods word and know how to apply it with precision?

God’s word can be an effective weapon when attacks come against your marriage.

Don’t use a plastic toy gun!!!

We need to use specific scriptural truths to counter satanic falsehoods.

Insert, twist and do damage!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP YOUR HELMET ON DURING DISPUTES

Safeguard your mind against every mental assault of the devil that can destroy your marriage.

In Ephesians the Apostle Paul tells us that at salvation you are given this kind of safeguard.

“…And take the helmet of salvation…” Eph.6:17

A Roman soldier who lost his helmet was in danger of head injuries that would cause him to be disoriented, or death.

A Christian who is unsure of their salvation can’t be bold in resisting Satan.

CASE AND POINT:  Motorcyclists have a risk of a fatal crash 35 times greater than a passenger car.  A head injury is the leading cause of death in motorcycle accidents.  An unhelmetted motorcyclist is 40% more likely to incur a fatal head injury.  Shortly after I met my husband, his 21 year old cousin was instantly killed in a traffic accident.  He was DUI when he hit a sign on the turnoff lane.  Unfortunately, he hit the sign after crashing with his head.  In the 60’s there were no law on helmet wearing.  If his cousin had worn a helmet, he would be alive because nothing else on his body was affected.  This is just a story, but to my husband’s family, many family members never emotionally recovered.  Helmet laws are saving lives.

The helmet of salvation protects our mind from doubt and discouragement including our marriage.

Paul knew that doubting your security in Christ would render you ineffective in spiritual warfare.

People do suffer from doubt and discouragement

The devil lies to us about our salvation and he used everyday experiences to do it.

• You sure are giving a lot into your marriage and getting very little back.  Where is your God?
• You are doing everything you can as a spouse to hold to high standards, but you just lost your job.  Why isn’t God helping?
• You read your word everyday but your spouse hasn’t changed?  What is God waiting for?
• You’ve been going to church for years, and look at your kids.  What’s God doing in your life?  I thought he loved you?

When we are discouraged is when we are the most vulnerable.

Discouragement is a lethal weapon in the hands of the enemy.

Often when a runner is on the “home stretch” of a race, suddenly his body refuses to go any further.

Keeping your mind on the goal is what will get you across the “finish line.”

Don’t conform to the evil world.

Many times in marriage, we take our helmets off and start to verbally attack our spouse.

PAST: Salvation means God has rescued you from the penalty of sin;

PRESENT: He is rescuing you from the power of sin; and

FUTURE: He will rescue you from the presence of sin.

God commands you to put on the helmet of salvation to protect you on how you think as worldly thoughts bombard you daily.

Fall in love with Jesus!

Partner with the Holy Spirit!!!!

You can’t be in better hands!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LISTEN, LEARN, AND LIVE

ALTHOUGH I’VE NEVER HEARD anyone actually ask the question, there are times when I know couples wonder, “What was God thinking when He brought the two of us together?”

Actually, I encourage spouses to pursue this line of thought.  If they do, they might find some relief for their marital troubles.  And I’m not kidding!

God says through Isaiah, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways’, says the Lord.  “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts” (55:8,9).

God’s thoughts and ways are different from yours, but He wants to make them accessible to you—for your benefit and His glory.  So if you’re wondering, “What was God thinking?”, then I encourage you to labor to find out.  God wants you to learn to think His thoughts after Him, to discover and to walk in His ways.

“But how do I do that?” you wonder.

It’s simple, really.  You train yourself to listen to God in His Word, “Oh, that My people would listen to Me, that Israel would walk in My ways!” (Ps.81:13).  That’s it!  Listen, learn, and live.  In the process, you just may understand what God was thinking when He brought you and your mate together!  His ways are not our ways.

NOTE:  This article was written by Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER   

Question #1:  What can I do to rekindle my wife’s desire for romance?

Answer #1:  Use the following top ten list as a place to start.

10.  Hold Hands.  Hold hands while driving, walking, sitting in church, or talking in bed.

9.   Give her a massage.  Give foot rubs, back rubs, neck rubs, or a body massage.

8.   Serve her.  Remember the common courtesies:  opening the door, pulling out a chair for her, etc.

7.   Give her a kiss.  Nibble on the back of her ear or her neck, or just kiss her before leaving for work.

6.   Walk together.  As a couple, go for a walk in the early morning, after dinner, or as the sun sets.

5.   Write something romantic.  Leave notes, letters, poems, cards. and other romantic written messages where she’ll find them.

4.  Go out on a date.  A weekly date without the kids can be a lifesaver.

3.  Prepare a meal.  Have a quiet meal together with candlelight, linger over breakfast, or go on a picnic.

2.   Touch her tenderly.  Use nonsexual touch: hold her, hug her, cuddle with her,  or place an arm around her in public.

1.   Give her flowers.  Deliver, hand-pick, or bring home a single rose.  Tulips are a great second choice!

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

QUENCH FLAMING MISSILES IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Would you like to quench every flaming dart the devil tries to shoot into your marriage?

In Ephesians the Apostle Paul assures us that with our shield of faith, we can be supernaturally empowered to defend ourselves.

“Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”  Eph.6:16

Every fiery dart the devil throws your way can be extinguished by the Holy Spirit.

CASE AND POINT:  During the Iraqi War and the Gulf War of 1991, scud missiles were being thrown at our soldiers and civilians.  The Patriot Missile system was designed to detect, target then hit an incoming missile.  Without the patriot missile, many lives would have been taken.

The “shield” was a large stone used to close and entrance; a door.

The shields were the full length of a man about the size of a door.

To assure the soldier that fiery darts would not affect them, the shield protected them from head to toe.

This is an example of the Holy Spirit protecting us as we use our “shield of faith.”

With God on our side, the enemy cannot penetrate our supernatural shield that is guarding us from head to toe.

Faith is an essential protection over your marriage against flaming arrows of temptation.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “It is faith in something that makes life worth living.”

Our marriage is in a war all the time.

When a flaming missile is lodged, it burns everything in its vicinity.

This is exactly the way the enemy works in our marriage since God’s word warns us that the devil is here to kill, steal and destroy.

You must carry the “shield of faith” in front of you.

The battle is not a power struggle, it’s a truth struggle.

Make sure that you are not quenching the Holy Spirit before you try to quench the devils darts.

What are the “fiery darts?”  doubts, fears, worries, etc.

Do you care enough for your marriage  to fight for it?

Choose between what is true and what is deceit in this world.

Is the devil throwing deceitful lying thoughts?

Your marriage is in a war zone!

Fight with the shield of Faith!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

BOOT STRETCHERS FOR MARITAL PROBLEMS

Many times women will wear “killer shoes” just to look tall and slender or to look cute.

When we are in the middle of problems we will pull anything out of our arsenal bag to bring a peaceful ending.

God has an ANSWER to bring peace to our marriage.

There is an important part of your spiritual armor that is very necessary to have peace in your marriage.

Eph.6:14-15 “Stand therefore, having your…your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.”

Paul was telling the Christians that just like a soldiers feet had to be comfortable and protected to win their approaching battles we need that preparation and equipment to fight for peace in our marriage.

Boots were part of their weaponry.  These boots protected the legs as well as had spikes on the bottom to be used as a WEAPON.

Today’s military boots are adjusted with boot stretchers and cushioned with purchased arch supports.

We will always have to put WORK and preparation into our marriages as times and seasons change our lives.

Preparation means “readiness” and we need to face the enemy with firm footing.

As a spouse and Christian soldier, your equipment is your readiness to be a living testimony of God’s Good News.

During the time of battle you are EXPECTED to do everything to keep the peace in your home.

God ordained marriage but because of our fallen world, we will always have to face concerns, fears or worries.

God tells us NOT to worry or have anxiety.

He wants us to exchange our heaviness for the Lords light burden.

CASE AND POINT:  During WWII, bombs would rain down on London and Coventry.  Coventry was literally flattened by the end of the war.  When we lived in England in the 1980’s I remember that Coventry seemed so much newer than the rest of the Country.  When I was told that it had to be rebuilt after the war, my heart broke for the families that didn’t make it through the war.  When the people of England had defeated hearts as they felt they were loosing.  Winston Churchill would come on the radio.  This mans voice changed discouraged hearts to be a heart filled with courage and peace.  They won the war!!!

This is what the  “gospel of peace” does for you and I in our marriage.

Peace is a state of wellbeing!

Isn’t it funny how God put “peace” along with these killer weapon’s.

These “feet shod” protect you from the insults and assaults of the devil.

God’s peace will hold you in place when the devil tries to push you around.

Have there been DIFFICULT times in your marriage?

Is the devil trying to shove you around?

Is the enemy BLOCKING your path to a great marriage?

Keep stomping with your boots.

BIND God’s peace into your mind and emotions.

Partner with the Holy Spirit and be confident that God will provide His peace that passes all understanding.

“And the peace of God will, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil.4:7

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.