LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

WIVES WANT TO BE UNDERSTOOD?

Do you want some PEACE?  Do you want to be UNDERSTOOD?

Take a few moments to read this post today

This will change your marriage and your life!!

I have to first tell you what I believe to be one of the best, if not the BEST  BOOK ON MARRIAGE.  “Love & Respect”  by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

This is a must for every marriage.  I recommend for each spouse to have their own copy and to write in it what God is showing you.

I will try and share some of the comments that are in his book with you.

CASE AND POINT:  This book changed my marriage and gave me the confidence that I could be the wife that I wanted to be and that God wanted me to be.  It is still my decision to apply the principles and Gods word to my marriage.  What I loved best, was the knowledge that I could turn my marriage around just by doing my part.  I don’t need a perfect husband, I just need to be obedient to Gods word!

THIS WORKS SO “LISTEN UP”!!

There is one scripture that will change everything, Ephesians 5:33.

Eph.5:33 “…let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she respect her husband.”

 This is God’s MARRIAGE TREATISE and you need to mark it in your bible.

Every month I speak at the Los Angeles County Women’s Jail in Lynwood.  Any woman getting arrested in L.A. County goes to this jail.  Every month I tell the women this verse and tell them how they can turn their marriage around just on their own by respecting their husband.  I also have purchased this book and the chaplain gives them to any wife that asks for it.

For every 100 inmates, there are 200 children that will end up in a divorced home.  The statistics show that 50% of inmates have spouses that divorce them while in jail.  The other 50% who don’t end up divorced, a year after they get released, 75% of them end up in divorce.  So these children are first struggling with a parent being in jail, then they have to cope with living with just one parent or no parents.  After that, then coping with a divorce.  Just one of those issues is traumatic, but they are expected to deal with all three.

This is why I go to the jail, and this is the burden that God has laid on my heart.  PLEASE PRAY FOR THESE KIDS!!!

The journey to a satisfying marriage is NEVER OVER, so submit yourself wholeheartedly to Gods design for marriage.

There is no limit to the extent that you can IMPROVE your marriage.

Remember your husband was made to be respected and he expects to be respected.

When respect does not occur, he reacts WITHOUT  LOVE.

This is the CRAZY CYCLE.

Paul is saying in Ephesians 5:33 that wives need love and husbands need respect.

A wife is called to love even an unloving husband but it makes it especially hard to respect him.

The “Crazy Cycle” is described in Eccles.7:25 “…the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness.”

Be careful wives, because expressing dislike to your husband concerning something, can be interpreted as DISRESPECT.

God made us to be a link and he gifted us and entrusted us to do a good job.

YOU GO GIRL!!    We can do all things through Christ!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

GRANTING FORGIVENESS IS TOUGH

As difficult as it is to ask for forgiveness, it can be even more difficult at times to grant forgiveness to someone who has wronged you.  And this is every bit as true in marriage—maybe even more so—than it is in any other relationship.

I often advise married couples to take out a joint membership in the Seventy Times Seven Club.  This club began when Peter asked Jesus how many times we must forgive one another.  Peter wondered if seven times would be enough?  Christ answered, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt.18:22).  In other words, forgive an infinite number of times, not just when you feel like it.

You can tell when you have forgiven your spouse by asking yourself one simple question:  Have I given up my desire to punish my mate?  When you say aside that desire and no longer seek revenge, you free your spouse and yourself from the bonds of your anger.

LOST THAT LOVIN’ FEELING?

NOTE:  The following article is from “Bible Gateway” support@lists.biblegateway.com.

Todays Truth:  “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love” Rev.2:4 NIV).

(If you aren’t married, I want you to read this devotion through the lens of this…have you lost that lovin’ feeling towards Jesus?  Now, read on sister and consider Jesus as your heavenly groom.)

If you’re married, what do you do when you’ve lost that loving’ feelin’?  Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why.  Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were.  Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now take them for granted.  What do you do now?

Here’s a statistic you might find interesting.  According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier.  In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in the late 1980’s, and who stayed married, rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later (Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage (New York: Double Day, 2000) 148).  In comparison, those who divorced and remarried, divorced again at a rate of 60 percent (Judith Wallerstein and Julia A. Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Hyperion, 2000) P.295)

So, starting over may very well be the answer…as long as it’s with the same man.

In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus.  “Yet, I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love” (Rev.2:4).  Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament and yet, somewhere along the way, they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ.  Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.

As I read God’s lament, I whispered a prayer.  “Oh Lord, how many of us women have forgotten our first love.  We’ve forgotten the thrill we felt when we first met our husbands: the spine tingling chills when he walked into a room, the heart skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when we opened a letter penned by his hand, the electricity of sexual desire stirred with a kiss.  Somewhere between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, folding the laundry…somewhere among the mundane routine of life, we’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’.

How do we get it back?  God gave the church two simple steps for the Bride of Christ to renew her passion for her Beloved, and I believe we can apply the same principles to renewing our passion for the man of our dreams.

Remember and Return.

Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place?  Remember how you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection?  That may have been fifty pounds and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart.  He wants to know if he still “has what it takes.”  Let him know that he does……..

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHY WIVES HATE SUBMISSION

Today we are going to learn to fight like a girl, wives.

When I first accepted Christ, there was a verse that drove me nuts!!!

I really wanted to rip it out of my bible.

It was Ephesians 5:22 “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

I drew the conclusion that it meant I was not to have an OPINION or a PERSONALITY.

It seemed like everywhere I went, somebody was teaching on “submission.”

BOY WAS I WRONG!! THAT IS NOT WHAT IT MEANS AT ALL!!

The apostle Paul was continuing his thought from Eph.5:21 “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

In this scripture Paul was letting everyone know that they must submit to each other in order to accomplish something for the kingdom of God.

In Ephesians 6, Paul had spoke about CHILDREN submitting to their parents.

Paul was trying to show the great importance of the Christian marriage and he expressed the importance of a wife to submit to her husband.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

It means that you recognize there is an order of authority in the family.

It shows that you recognize that there is an order of authority in the Christian family and as a wife, you are a part of an ordained TEAM.

You are NOT more important than the working team.

When you submit to God, it means that you recognize that authority.
When you submit to the police, it means that you recognize that authority.
When you submit to your employer, it means that you recognize that authority.

Submission does not means INFERIORITY or SILENCE!!

Submission means sub-mission!!

In other words girls, it means that you are on a MISSION!

WE ARE HERE TO CHANGE THE WORLD!!

Our “mission” is to OBEY and GLORIFY our LORD.

That “mission” is more important than your individual desires.

You are not putting yourself under your husband. You are submitting yourself under the commission of God for your family

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What do the words mean, ”…as unto the LORD”

1. Your submission to your husband is part of your Christian walk.
2. This is a different way of life for you, that sets you apart.
3. This has nothing to do with your husbands intelligence, giftedness or capabilities.
4. This has nothing to do with whether your husband is right on a particular issue. It has to do with Jesus being right.

If you are not married, you better find a guy you can respect. RESPECT!

You might say, “Why should I obey him if I think he is wrong?

SUBMISSION IS TESTED IN DISAGREEMENT!!

How would you know that you are submissive if nothing ever happens in your marriage that you DISAGREE with?

Fight like a girl, fight for your mission!

SUB-MISSION IS A MISSION!  It’s a mission to keep peace in your family!

SUB-MISSION IS A MISSION!  It’s a mission to bring comfort to your children!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MISSION!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

A MAN’S FAVORITE PLACE

NO, we are not talking about fights in an arena. No…no.

NOR, are we talking about boxed presents. No!

NO. This is about something that our husbands love to do regularly.

In our husbands brain, there is a part, which is for “nothing”

There are absolutely no thoughts about anything in this part of a mans brain.

Does this seem STRANGE? Well, it seems strange to us GIRLS?!?

It definitely DOES NOT seem strange to God!!

Psa.139:13-14 “…thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works…”.

In Mark Gungors dvd called “Laugh your way to a Better Marriage”, he calls this area a “nothing box”.

This is a place where men can go and just EXIST.

This place is his favorite place to be.

I AM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!!!

In Mark Gungors book, he talks about neurophysiologist Professor Ruben Gur of the University of Pennsylvania. The Professor showed that 70 percent of the electrical activity of men’s brains shut down when they were in a resting state.

SEVENTY PERCENT!!

Women’s brains maintain a full 90 percent of their electrical activity.

OKAY LADIES! HOLD THE CHEERING!!

This doesn’t mean that WOMEN are smarter than their husband.

Women are MULTI-TASKERS and they concentrate on several things at the same time.

Your husband, who thinks very intently, has a keen single-minded focus.

Your husband has the ability to focus on one task and EXCEL at it.

This is why we see men in the women’s industries and they are the best in the world. (Chefs, hair designers, clothing designers, etc.)

Men are champions at what they do because they have laser-like PRECISION.

This is because they have the ability to block everything out including their WIVES! Ha!Ha!

That is the part us wives have DIFFICULTY with!!

Wives think ,”This guy is thinking about something and he doesn’t want me to know!” “WHY?!?!?” “I TELL HIM EVERYTHING!!”

HE’S HOLDING OUT ON ME!!

We become mad and the poor guy doesn’t even know what he has done wrong.

He is trying to REST HIS MIND!

Wives, if this is the place that your husband desires to be, then you need to leave him alone!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GO SHOPPING !!!

GUESS WHO IS WATCHING YOU ARGUE?

There are seven things that God hates and arguments are one of them.

Prov.6:16-19  “These things the LORD hates…he that sows discord among brethren.”

All married couples say that it is necessary to argue some of the time.

What does God say?  No!!  Phil.2:14 “Do all things without murmurings and DISPUTING:”

In the Greek, the word “disputing” means DEBATE, DISCUSSION, REASONING, or THOUGHT.

In Phillipians we are told not to complain, debate, or try to reason if it is going to cause arguments with our spouse

Results never turn out good when we argue.  Job.6:25 “How forcible are right words!  What does your ARGUING PROVE?”

If our spouse makes us angry, how should we answer them?   Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but GRIEVOUS words stirs up anger.”

The word grievous in the Hebrew means PAINFUL.

When we get mad, we start saying all kinds of painful things to our spouse.  We don’t mean to, but we start saying whatever the devil tells us to.

What starts arguments?????????????

Mark 7:21 Jesus said: “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murder, thefts, covetousness,  wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy (cursing), pride, foolishness:  All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

Arguing starts in our hearts.

There is power in agreement!

CASE AND POINT:  I remember about a year ago hearing an interview with Joel and Victoria Osteen.  Victoria said how Joel had bought the kids a BB gun.  One day he went out to their back yard to shoot the gun off with the kids.  She got mad and told him that one of the kids will get hurt.  He told her no they won’t and that everything will be fine.  As he shut the back door, she stood there in her anger.  She said that at that very moment, God spoke to her.  He said that she spoke negative remarks and opened doors for the devil to do what she said.  Instead, God told her that she should have been in agreement with her husband and believe blessings over her children and husband.

We are commanded to quit arguing and to LOVE ONE ANOTHERin Galatians!

Gal.5:14-15 “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this;  Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.  But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.”

What in the world are we doing biting and devouring each other?

What are you doing biting and devouring YOUR SPOUSE!!

The word “consume” means to DESTROY COMPLETELY.

If you destroy completely, there is nothing left.

If there is nothing left, it ends in DIVORCE.

A divorce is a FUNERALthat NEVER ENDS!

You need to have a win-win ATTITUDE!

That means you have to care about your spouse and want them to succeed and also want to succeed yourself.

Wanting your spouse to succeed leaves you with a GOOD FEELING about yourself.

You are not the pit bull next door.    You are his GIRLFRIEND!!

WIN!!   WIN!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

LOVING YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN

My husband just married a couple this weekend.  I always love to see the grooms face when he sees his bride walking down the aisle.

My father had left our family about 5 years before I got married.  I remember waiting at the back of the church for him to walk me down the aisle.  I was his only daughter, but he never showed up.  One of my little brothers, who was shorter than me, walked me down the aisle because my older brother was in training to leave for the Vietnam war.

Did I care that my dad didn’t come?  No!?!  I was about to marry the greatest man I had ever met.  I was “IN LOVE”!!

Almost all brides and grooms are “IN LOVE”, when they get married.

One of the main questions wives ask me is, “What can I do to love my husband again?”   This is a question that wives ask me all over the world when I give marriage seminars.

It is a scientific fact that there is such a thing as “body chemistry.”  The sad truth is that it is also a scientific fact that it only lasts about 18 months to 2 years.

Thank God he has given us answers in His word on how to handle this.

Gal.5:6”…but faith which works by love.” KJV

The message bible says, “What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.”

In Beth Moore’s book , she states that if you put Gal.5:6 along side with 2Cor. 5:7 “…we walk by faith…“ this is what you get:

We LIVE by faith,  We LOVE by faith.

We have heard that love is not a FEELING, but have we learned it???     LET’S LEARN IT!!!!!!

LOVE is a LIFESTYLE!!     Eph.5:2”And walk in love…”

This verse tells us to “live love”.

We are to love SACRIFICIALLY !!

CASE AND POINT:  Just like we get up every morning and squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube,  we don’t  just stare at the tube hoping the paste will come out.  I know it sounds ridiculous but lets face it,  we put more work into our face in the morning than we do into our marriage all day.

God so desires to HELP us SQUEEZE His love into our lives.

God will always put people in our lives that for us, are HARD to LOVE.

If you don’t find yourself at sometime feeling the squeeze to “walk in love”, WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE HARD TO LOVE, then you might be living a self-centered life.

As you step out in faith to love the HARD TO LOVE people in your life, Gods Holy Spirit intervenes and does the impossible.  Are you showing love to your spouse, but aren’t seeing any FRUIT from your labor.  DO YOU GIVE UP???

Keep going and showing love because you are living out the scripture, “…faith which worketh by love…”.

Those verses would not be in the bible if it was just easy to love everyone all the time.   It’s impossible for us to do that.

But “…with God all things are possible…”

You should love your husband even if:

*  You don’t feel like it,

*  He doesn’t deserve it,

*  You get nothing in return.

*  Etc.

God calls all spouses to sacrifice our SELFISHNESS!!

AGAPE , which is the Greek word for love, is when you chose to love as an act of the will.

1Cor.13:8 says that “…love never fails…”

We should love out of OBEDIENCE.

This doesn’t mean that you will get the results you want.

The word “fail“ portrays not having any effect.

When you love YOUR SPOUSE sacrificially, EL ROI, the God who sees me, sees everything.   Yes!!!!   He sees everything!!!

When we love our spouse SACRIFICIALLY in Jesus’ name for His honor and glory, WE CANNOT FAIL.

Are you going to believe Gods word by faith or are you going to obey your emotions?

Love by faith wives, not just by feelings.

Why is loving your spouse so painful and fruitless at times?  Because you are trying to fill up your gas tank with a  little gas can.

Rom.5:5 “…the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts  by the Holy Ghost which is given to us.”

This verse is saying that He will fill your tank up with His love if you daily make a commitment of your will to Him.

DAILY COMMIT YOUR WILL TO GOD!!

1Cor.13:13  “…the greatest …is love.”

She loves me,  she loves me not,  SHE LOVES ME !!!!!!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

FINDING SPARE TIME

When surveyed, 70% of women said that they don’t have enough time to do everything that they are supposed to do.

This statistic along with many other comments used in todays post, were found in a book called, ”Lies Woman Believe” by Nancy Leigh Demoss.

The average woman today has the equivalent of fifty full time servants, in the form of modern time-saving devices and equipment.

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I moved to England in the early 80’s as missionaries, I remember that our home reminded me of my grandmothers house in the 50’s.  Our kitchen in England didn’t have a garbage disposal, no electric can opener or toaster.

I am sure that these items were available, it was just that they were not standard equipment.  There were many items at that time that we thought were very primitive there.   However, now it looks like they have passed up the U.S.A. in their technology and modernization.

Jesus Himself had a long “to do list” yet he managed to accomplish it in a short time.  At the end of Jesus life, He was able to say,”…I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.” John17:4 KJV

I don’t know about you, but when I go to bed at night, I never say “I have finished my work.”   I usually make my  “to do list” and add everything I didn’t do that day, onto my list for the next day.

In Jesus’ words, we find a powerful truth.  Notice the truth that Jesus finished in his 33 years of life.

Notice what work Jesus completed, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”  Jn.17:4 KJV

Jesus secret was that he did not do the things that his disciples wanted him to do, or the multitudes, but only what God wanted him to do.

There will always be time to do the things that are on Gods “to do list”.

When you let others determine the priorities for your life, rather than discerning what God wants you to do, you will end up in piles of undone or poorly done projects.

You will live with GUILT and FRUSTRATION, rather than enjoying a peaceful life.

Don’t get confused trying to help somebody do what God has called them to do and then ignore what you are supposed to be doing.

If this sounds like you, then you are wearing too many hats.

Keep in mind that at different seasons in your life YOU will have different priorities than other times.

You will end up exhausted and overwhelmed trying to be the perfect mom., wife, housekeeper and hold down a full-time  job.

NO WOMAN CAN WEAR ALL THOSE HATS!!!!  If you try, someone or something or you will suffer.

Frustration is the result of trying to fulfill responsibilities that God did not intend for you to do.

Fruitfulness and joy are the result of fulfilling Gods intention for your life.

How often do you have a crazy hat day?? Is it once a week or every day??

Can we be honest?  You are probably looking and acting ridiculous.

Several years ago my husband was invited to preach in Cuba.  At the airport in Miami we could not believe our eyes.  Cubans going back home could not afford to pay for the extra baggage, so they wore the clothing home.  I’m talking five skirts, 7 blouses and sweaters, 10 hats and all that on one person.  The airline employees were laughing. My husband and I were laughing.  The Cubans themselves were hysterically laughing.  Although they could barely walk, they didn’t care cause they just wanted to get across the gate and get on that plane.

That must be what God sees but no one is laughing.

I have an assignment for you.

Take off those hats!!  Your spouse wants to see what you look like.

He hasn’t seen his bride in a long time.     JUST ASK HIM!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

STICK WITH THE TRUTH

LIFE HAS A WAY OF EDITING THE TRUTH of Scripture.  Imagine what happens, for example, when a daughter says through tears that her Christian husband is verbally abusing her and her children.

“Daddy,” she sobs, “I don’t know how much longer I can take this!”  At that moment we would do anything to free her from her pain.  “After all,” we conclude, “wouldn’t peace be better for the kids than hostility?”

If we react only with our hearts, however, we may forget about God’s Word and resort to the world’s solution—divorce.  It’s in these real life situations that the truth of  Scripture can too easily be set aside for immediate peace and the expediency of life.  If we let it, life can indeed edit Scripture.

The prophet Micaiah refused to cave in like this.  He insisted on speaking the truth of God, regardless of how much pain it caused him.  “As the Lord lives,” he declared, “whatever the Lord says to me, that I will speak” (1kings 22:4)

I’m not trying to dismiss this problem by giving a cut-and-dried theological answer.  I believe parents can and should seek help from law enforcement officials if a son or daughter is in physical danger.  We can encourage our married children to seek godly counsel for a troubled marriage.  But we must not rush to accept the world’s solutions and ignore truth of God’s Word.  His counsel is sure and life giving.  Our compassion and advice must be informed and guided by all the truth of Scripture.

NOTE:  This article was taken from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

JOKE:  THE PERFECT HUSBAND

NOTE:  The following joke was taken out of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.”

A new Perfect Husband Shopping Center opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to find the perfect husband.  It was laid out on five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended the floors.  The only rule was that once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you go up a floor, you can’t go back down except to leave the store.  So, a couple of girl-friends go to the store to find a man to marry.

The first floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs and love kids.  The women read the sign and say, “Well, that’s wonderful…but, ”  and wonder what is on the next floor.

The second floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking.  “Hmmm,”  say the girls.  “Wonder what’s further up?”

The third floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, and will help with the housework.  “Wow!”  say the women.  “Very tempting…but there’s more further up!”

The fourth floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, will help with the housework, and are great in bed.  “Oh, mercy me.  But just think!  What must be awaiting us further up?!”  say the women.  So up to the fifth floor they go.

The fifth floor sign reads:  This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please!