LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING FOR SPOUSES

Your personal worth sets the limit on how successful your accomplishments are on your marriage.

Your greatest POSSESSION is to have a healthy self-esteem.

There is a need inside each one of us to be or feel like a special person and especially from our spouse.

You will grow and mature to be what God wants you to be if your FOUNDATION is built on a strong self-image.

It takes time to correct things that are wrong in your life and in your marriage because no one matures instantly.

To mature physically, spiritually and emotionally sometimes comes PAINFULLY.

In Christ, you are his unique creation and your marriage is unique.

Remember, your self-image is what you think you are.

Your self-image is not what you are.

Your self-image is not what others think you are.

There is an array of sources that you should not be basing your feelings on about yourself: family, other people, physical traits, talents/abilities, failures, etc.

Feelings of guilt and failure, many times come from setting up high expectations for ourselves.

This defected foundation needs to let God rebuild it.

STEPS TOWARDS A

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

1. Let yourself, Love yourself.
2. Be the person God intended you to be.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Honestly estimate yourself.  Assess strengths and weaknesses.
5. Don’t condemn yourself.
6. Don’t have high expectations for yourself.
7. Forgive yourself.
8.  Accept God’s forgiveness.
9. Towards others, have an attitude of forgiveness.
10. Towards others, have an attitude of love.
11. Do things that will make you like yourself more.
12. Choose realistic goals.
13. Seek God’s praise for what you do.
14. Don’t seek praise from others for what you do.
15. Build up others with your gifts and abilities.
16. Surround yourself with friends that build you up.
17. Do not put yourself around people who tear you down.
18. Build up those around you.
19. Let God shape you into the person he wants you to be.
20. Thank God for his never-ending love for you.
21. Thank God for the future he has prepared for you.

NOTE:  More marital encouragement on tomorrows post.

NOTE:  Some comments for this post was taken from the book, Perfect in His Eyes, by Kay Marshall Strom

VERBALLY PLANT GOOD SEED

When God created the universe, he used a unique vehicle—words.  The psalmist records how God created all that we see: “By the word of the Lord, the heavens were made…For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded , and it stood fast” (Psa.33:6,9).

When God wanted to free Israel from brutal slavery in Egypt, again He used words:  “He spoke, and there came swarms of flies, and lice in all their territory…He spoke, and locust came, young locusts without number”  (Psa.105:31,34).

God conceived human life in His mind and gave it birth through His words.  He could have fashioned creation gently in His hands—yet He chose to use words.  He spoke, and it “stood fast.”

In a similar way, the words you use can be powerful and even life-giving to your spouse.  One of the most important things about a married couple is what they say to each other.  When positive words flow, the relationship grows robust and flourishes.  But if the lines of understanding and positive communication go down permanently, it is only a matter of time before that marriage dies.  You can create life in your mate with your positive words, or you can inflict destruction with negative or neglectful words.

During World War II many factories in the United States were converted into manufacturing firms producing ammunition, ships and other wartime resources.  Posted throughout those factories were little signs with these words, “Loose lips sink ships.”  Today we need little signs in our homes that read, “Loose lips sink Partnerships.”

Proverbs 12:25 is clear, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.”  Notice the impact of a “good word.”  Gladness comes not from a sentence or a paragraph or from an entire message.  Gladness comes from just one well-placed , positive word!

Be sure to appreciate the power of words.  They can assault  your mate or honor him or her as a valuable person who has God-given worth and assets.  Your efforts to give unconditional acceptance will go for naught if you sow pessimistic, critical, or unsympathetic words into the heart of your mate.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION AND ANSWER 

Question#1.  How important is intimate conversation?

Answer #1.

According to an article I read recently, the typical couple spend only four minutes a day in meaningful conversation with each other.  Four minutes!  That’s less time than the commercial breaks during a half-hour program.

A lot of us husbands don’t realize that in order for our wives to consider us romantic, we must first of all be great friends and conversationalists.  Grunts and one-word answers just won’t cut it!  Too many women feel that their husbands don’t really need them— and bare-bones conversation confirms their sense of low personal value.

Many men who once were accomplished at deep conversation during courtship, seem to lose this talent later.  You can rediscover the groove!  Make a commitment to learn to make intimate conversation a priority with your wife.  You need to talk and fill her in on the details of your life– not just facts, but feelings.

When a husband sincerely shows his desire for conversation and a deepening relationship–emotional intimacy–he will find that his wife is much more interested in sexual intimacy.  Her dreams, hopes, desires, and disappointments are no longer divorced from the marriage bed, but are a part of it.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LIVE TV HORRIFYING SCENE

I came across this story while I was reading about YAHWEH SHAMMAH, which means “The LORD is There”.

This is a true story that exemplifies a visual example of “The LORD is There.”

NOTE: The following article came from the book “Praying the Names of God” by Ann Spangler.

Genelle Guzman-McMillan has a story that is mesmerizing because she survived troubles the rest of us have only encountered in our nightmares.  She is the last survivor of the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center.

Genelle is a soft-spoken woman who remembers what happened in terrifying detail.  Employed by the Port Authority of New York, she arrived a little after 8 a.m. on September 11 and rode the elevator to her job on the sixty-fourth floor of the north tower.  Thinking it was safe to stay, Genelle didn’t attempt to leave the building until after the second plane hit.  Racing down fifty-one flights of stairs in high heels, she stopped for a moment on the thirteenth floor.  As she bent down to remove her shoes, the north tower collapsed on top of her.

Like millions of others, I watched the horrifying scene via live TV, convinced that no one had survived the collapse of the second tower.

Here’s what happened to Genelle when all hell broke loose:

One hundred ten floors were coming down around us.  I knew I was being buried alive.  The noise was deafening…

When I woke again I told myself I had to do something.  But what could I do?  “God, you’ve got to help me!”  I prayed.  “You’ve got to show me a sign, show me a miracle, give me a second chance.  Please save my life!”  My eyes were so caked with grime that the tears couldn’t come, but I felt it in my heart.  I was talking to God as if he was right there.  I told him I was ready to live my life the right way.  “Lord, just give me a second chance, and I promise I will do your will.”…

The next day, I heard a beep-beep sound like a truck backing up.  I called for help, but there was no response…  Finally someone hollered back:  “Hello, is somebody there?”  “Yes, help me!  My name is Genelle, and I’m on the thirteenth floor,” I cried, not realizing how ludicrous the information about my location must have sounded, coming from a pile of rubble…

I could see a bit of daylight coming through a crack, so I stuck my hand through it…I stretched my hand out as far as I could, and this time someone grabbed it.  “Genelle, I’ve got you!  You’re going to be all right.  My name is Paul.  I won’t let go of your hand until they get you out.”

Genelle had prayed to the God she had ignored for most of her life, and he had been there for her.  After twenty-seven hours she was pulled out of the rubble and then spent five weeks in the hospital recuperating.  Afterward, she tried locating Paul, the man who had held onto her hand until she was rescued.  Later, when she asked about him, her rescuers assured her:  “There’s no one named Paul on our team…nobody was holding your hand when we were removing the rubble.”

Genelle had felt completely calm the moment Paul grabbed her hand.  She had believed his repeated assurances that help was on the way and that she would be all right.  Despite the fact that her story has been told in Jim Cymbala’s book Breakthrough Prayer, on Oprah and CNN, and in Guideposts and Time magazines, no one named Paul has ever stepped forward to take credit for rescuing her.  But Genelle knows that Paul was there.  He was like an angel of God’s presence, assuring her that all would be well.

Hour after hour Genelle had cried out for help.  It took more than a day for the rescue crew to locate her but only an instant for God to pinpoint her location.  When a psychiatrist, probing for symptoms of posttraumatic stress, interviewed her in the hospital, Genelle told him that God above was her psychiatrist.  “After all, God was there when I needed him.  He had made sure I was found.  He had comforted me and given me a new life.”

Like few others, Genelle knows the saving power of the One who revealed himself to her as Yahweh Shammah, the Lord who is there.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT HAS YOUR SPOUSE GONE THROUGH?

I don’t know about you, but the hardest thing for me is finding a nice gift for my husband.

CASE AND POINT: Fathers Day, my husband’s birthday and our anniversary are within four weeks.  It is always a nightmare for me because I want to give him the best gift I can find but I never know what to give him.  To me he deserves the best but how do you put that in a box?

Of all the men I have ever met, my husband is the best father I have ever known.

I am not saying that to make him sound nice, but he is very maternal.

Jesus told a story about a wealthy father whose son had left him and taken his inheritance with him.  After the son had no more money left, he returned home.

According to Jewish custom, when a child squandered a family inheritance among gentiles they had a qetsatsah ceremony.  The villagers would fill a large pot with corn and nuts, which would burn till the pot broke in front of the errant son.  At the point they would say, “So-and-so (sons name) is cut off from his people.”  At that point the son had to get out of town for good.

Instead of not allowing his son back home, Jesus tells the story how the father ran to meet him.  He put  best robe on him, put a ring on his finger and put shoes on his feet.  He made a great feast and said, “My son was dead, and is alive again.”  His older son became very angered at his foolish younger brother.

That is a picture of how God feels about you and I.

Unless you have never had a prodigal child leave home, there is no way to explain the emotions that are going on in your heart.

Jesus claimed a father/son relationship with God and that shocked and offended the Jews because they feared in even pronouncing God’s name wrong.

To the Jews, they knew there was a massive gap between sinful human beings and a Holy God.

Jesus invited His followers to call God, ABBA that in Aramaic means “Daddy.”

Three times in prayer Jesus used the word ABBA, Pater.  It was in prayer and in anguish at Gethsemane.

Mark 14:36 “ABBA, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

God showed you gracious and fatherly love when he accepted you into His family.

Have you ever considered that you might be like the older son?

Do you find yourself getting mad at your spouse when they “have it better than you?”

This happens often in marriage for various reasons.

We forget to consider what the other one has gone through.

Human nature is to only consider your sacrifices and not to look at what your spouse goes through day in and day out.

Psa.103:13-14 

“As a father has compassion on his children,

so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust.”

Ask God for His grace so you can reflect His character to your spouse.

Luke 12:32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.”

Give your spouse that best robe and add some soft slippers to that?!?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

WHY DO MARRIAGES SUFFER?  

Everyone wants a prosperous marriage.

If this is true, then why are so many marriages TROUBLED?

We can find the answer in proverbs.

Prov.13:21 ”Prosperity is the reward of the righteous.”

This verse is saying that the REWARD of being a righteous spouse is having a prosperous marriage.

Righteousness is the character or quality of being right or just.

Righteousness is fulfilling our responsibility of being in a right relationship or right standing with God.

In Hebrew word TSEDEQ is translated “righteousness”.

We are not to just do what God says to do but we are to become like him.

Jesus stressed that righteousness is about our thoughts, motives, and desires which is a HEART MATTER.

Jesus stressed that righteousness is not about outward behavior.

CASE AND POINT:  As I was growing up, I prided myself on doing what was right.  I knew there were two different roads that I could go down, but I always tried to pick the right road.  I didn’t enjoy behaving all the time, but I made it a point not to lie and fulfill my responsibilities.  But the day I gave my life to God, he showed me how my desires were for the things of the world and even though I tried to do what was right, I missed the mark.  He continued to deal with my heart and if I wanted heaven I needed His righteousness.  My words to him were, “If there is a heaven, I want to be there.”  That day he gave me the assurance that I have a place in eternity with him.

Do you want to be rescued from a troubled marriage?

“The righteous are delivered from trouble, and the wicked get into it instead.”  (Prov.11:8 NRSV)

Do you let God help you with what you say to your spouse when you are ANGRY?

“The lips of the righteous nourish many.”  (Prov.10:21)

Do you want to be a blessing to your spouse?

“Blessings crown the head of the righteousness.  (Prov.10:6)

Have you asked God to make changes in your marital relationship and you are still waiting on God.

“What the wicked dread will come upon them, but the desire of the righteous will be granted. (Prov.10:24 NRSV)

How do you act when things don’t turn out your way and you feel violated?

“When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever.”  (Prov.10:25)

Do you carry terrible thoughts about your spouse and seem to have negative attitudes?

“The memory of the righteous will be a blessing. (Prov.10:7)

Why do some marriages suffer?

We may not always UNDERSTAND all the reasons why our marriage is suffering.

Our job is to be consistent with His righteousness.

Matt.5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHEN THE SUNSHINE LEAVES YOUR MARRIAGE

Hope is a gift that we have for our lives today that is meant to carry you into the next.

When we become hopeless, our days are no longer SUNNY but we only see gray.

CASE AND POINT:  My husband and I were missionaries in England for about 5 years in the 80’s.  We arrived in December and I remember when the airplane doors opened, I was overwhelmed with the freezing temperatures.  Our daughter kept her coat on all summer and in October she asked me when summer was coming.  When I told her summer had just finished, she started crying.  England was freezing and her hope was a gorgeous sunny summer.

Although my daughter was only 8 years old, hopelessness comes to us no matter how old we are.

Isa. 40:31 “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.”

No matter what you are facing in your marriage, hope is a new kind of strength that helps you to endure what you need to face.

Hope enables us to be patient and to wait CONFIDENTLY for God to act.

Do you let doubt and anxiety paint ugly pictures in your mind about your marriage or your spouse?

God’s word says that he has great PLANS, not only for your marriage but also for you personally.

God has supernatural staying power for your marriage.

Jer.29:11  “’For I know plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

The Christian symbol for hope has been an ANCHOR for about two thousand years.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Heb.6:19

When disappointments bring FEAR into your life, remember that the Holy Spirit resides in you.

Fear and grief will be destroyed if your hope is grounded in God.

Confess to God if you have been putting your hope in things that CANNOT save you.

CASE AND POINT: This morning on a news station they had someone who wrote a book on how many children to have.  The author mentioned how many couples keep having children thinking it will make their marriage better.  Instead, it eats into their quality time and the result is a marriage breakup.

Put your trust in God and let him teach you how to meet your spouse’s needs.

Clinical studies have shown that many premature deaths have been caused by habitual hopelessness.

The National Institute on Aging did a study on people who were hopeful for the future.  From three to seven years later, the ones who were classified as “hopeless”, 29% died.  The ones classified as “hopeful”, only 11% died.

Hope is a healing balm for both your body and soul.

Supernatural staying power is what hope gives us.

Hope is not based on emotions, it is deeply rooted in a relationship with God.

Are there failure and betrayals in your marriage?

Are there illnesses or hardships in your marriage?

Put your trust and hope in a living God.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DO YOU RUN FROM RESENTMENT?

A judge is someone who pronounces judgment on someone or something.

One thing that you may have a tendency to do is pass judgment on our SPOUSE.

In Hebrew, the word for “judge” is SHOPHET and God is the judge of the whole world.

Only God is competent to know the motivation of hearts and minds.

In the Old Testament, God often sent His prophets to rebuke Israel’s rulers for being UNJUST to the widows, the fatherless, the poor and the aliens.

Are you like Israel’s rulers and being unjust with your judgment concerning your spouse.

Matt.7:1  “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

“You… have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things…do you think you will escape God’s judgment…” (Rom. 2:1-4)

Ask God to keep you from becoming critical and judgmental of your spouse and others.

CONFESS to God if you have the tendency to judge your spouses motivations.

Do you know how it feels to be unjustly accused of an offense?

Rom.2:4 “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience…”

This verse is excellent because it shows what God EXPECTS of us: kind, tolerant and patient.

These are actions that we need to use on our spouse the next time we don’t understand them: kindness, tolerance and patience.

Have you ever found yourself wishing that you could special order a PUNISHMENT just for your husband?

Do you wish for a punishment that would duplicate the hurt you have gone through?

Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life or you will find signs of “bitterness” and a “desire for revenge” creep into your heart.

You need to trust God because judgment belongs to Him, not to you!

The real victory comes when you ESCAPE the implanting of bitterness and resentment in your heart.

You may evaluate the actions of your spouse, but only God should judge the motives in their heart.

It may seem awkward to understand how God can be your shepherd and healer but also your JUDGE.

God wants you free from eternal judgment and that is why he judges you here on earth.

Injustice is everywhere but don’t let it DESTROY your marriage.

Live happily with your spouse today as though there is no tomorrow.

Ask God to give you a MERCIFUL heart towards your spouse no matter what their attitude might be.

God is gracious and compassionate with you.

Isa.30:18 “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;

He rises to show you compassion.

For the Lord is a God of Justice.

Blessed are all who wait for him!”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HARD QUESTIONS

WHEN GOD FINALLY ANSWERED Job out of the whirlwind, He answered the man’s questions with some much harder questions of His own.  In the spirit of hard questions, I have a few I’d like to ask of the contemporary church.

Why is the divorce rate inside the church nearly identical to the divorce rate outside the church?

Why do so many Christian men perform aggressively at work and remain so disengaged and passive at home?

Why are so many Christian parents negative about having and rearing children?

Why do so many Christians say their secular job is their ministry, but show so little fruit for their effort?

Why do Christians talk about family values while their lifestyles are virtually identical to the average non-Christian?

Why have so many Christians in  full-time ministry washed out because of immorality and impurity?

Why is the fifth commandment —to honor our parents–neglected by large numbers of Christians?

Why do less than 10 percent of all Christians regularly tell others about God’s forgiveness and the new life found in Christ?

If Jesus Christ changes lives, then why do 50 million American’s claiming to be born again have such a marginal impact on society?

I believe the answer to each of these questions can be tied to failure to obey and take  seriously the lordship of Christ in our lives.  When we learn to humbly trust and obey God, He brings personal transformation.  And that’s how cultures are changed—one person and one home at a time.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION AND ANSWER

Question #1.  How are forgiveness and romance related?

Answer #1.  

There’s nothing worse than lying in the darkness, back-to-back, and fuming about some petty argument.  Satan is out to destroy marriages, and one of his best tools is unresolved conflict.  No wonder Paul urged believers: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph.4:32).

How did Christ forgive us?  By laying down His life.  He didn’t wait until we apologized.  He took the initiative to forgive.  I should do the same, even when I feel my husband is clearly in the wrong.  Sometimes it is much easier for me to see only what he did wrong than it is for me to admit my part in the conflict.

When conflict arises, I must resist my tendency to run from the confrontation and, instead, run towards forgiveness.  I must choose to listen, to imagine how my husband feels, and to pray for wisdom, understanding, and God’s help to work it all out.

Seek help from a Christian counselor if needed.  But for the sake of your marriage, forgive, “not…up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt.18:22).  Allow Christ to use His resurrection power to heal and restore your marriage.

Forgiveness guards our hearts from bitterness and creates fertile soil in which romance and love can grow.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.