LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

WIVES ARE FLAWLESS

The word “flawless” means without defect or weakness in a person’s character.

We many times use the excuse that we are not perfect.

This leaves a lot of room for us to excuse ourselves for bad BEHAVIOR.

We were made by a perfect God who made us in His image.

Gen.1:27 “ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

When we look in the mirror in the morning, who stares back?  Someone worn and aged?  Someone who has a nose that is too big or too little?

Or do you see a child of God who is growing daily in his image?

What do you see when you look at your spouse?

Do you see someone who was made in the image of God?

You can be so occupied by your spouses flaws that you miss life’s beauty.

You can miss the beauty of the person that God made when he DESIGNED your spouse.

The word for God in Genesis is “Elohim” which occurs 32 times in that first chapter.

This name given to God “Elohim” , contains the idea of God’s creative power.

He created the heavens and the earth out of absolutely nothing.

God made it all, owns it all, and He can GIVE away it’s fruit to anyone he wants.

Elohim desires to use His creative power in your life now.

Often times we get upset with our spouse because we expect PERFECTION from them.

We expect our spouse to have creative power to solve all family issues, financial problems and any unexpected events.

God has UNLIMITED resources to accomplish his purposes.

So are wives flawless?

God’s Holy Spirit who dwells in us is flawless but our bodies have flaws.

This is why we must ASK God to be Lord of our lives.

Don’t forget that every human life, including your spouse’s, is sacred.

Don’t take God’s earthly blessings for GRANTED.

Don’t take your husband for granted.

Remember that you bear God’s image.

As a spouse, you are a representative of God’s perfect love.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

WITHOUT DISGUISE OR COVERING

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION in any relationship begins with transparency.  Transparency in marriage is described before the Fall, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” Gen.2:25

Before Adam and Eve sinned against God, they wore no disguise or covering, had no mask.  They were uncovered physically and had no need to cover up emotionally.  They couldn’t and wouldn’t hide anything from one another.  Adam and Eve were a picture of true transparency.  They were real with one another, and unafraid of rejection.

But this transparency totally changed after the Fall, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves covering”  Gen 3:7.  Those famous fig leaf aprons were only part of their cover-up.  Sin introduced a lot more than a need for modesty!  It also brought deceit, lying, trickery, half-truths, manipulation, mis-representation, distortion, hatred, jealousy, control, and many other vices, all prompting us to wear masks.

God’s plan for marriage has always been transparency and openness.  He never intended that couples engage in any kind of deceit, dishonesty, or any of the other problems that the Fall brought on the marriage relationship.

NOTE:  This article was taken from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY –  QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.  My husbands teenage daughter just informed us that she is pregnant.  My question is, how far as a Christian parent do we go with this?  Do we participate in this child’s life?  My husband is not sure if we should cut his daughter off.  She lives out of state with her mother.  Do we support her in any of this?

Answer #1.  My answer will be on how to support your step daughter through this unfortunate situation.  She is pregnant, so we can’t go backwards.  At the age of 14, she is a child.  Your husband should make all the decisions concerning his daughter.  You can help him with suggestions only if he asks for them.  Do not let your feelings get hurt because this is not about you.  This is about his daughter and you need to be supportive to your husband decisions.  When you married your husband, you knew he had children.  God will show your husband, day by day, as to what he is to do in this situation.  This child was probably looking for love and attention in all the wrong places.  The child will now need all the love and attention that she can possibly get from her dad.  It may turn out that he will have to converse with the mother to make decisions.  Don’t allow jealousy or other workings of the flesh to take control of you.  This is a crucial time in his child’s life and he needs to put her first.  He should try to communicate with her on a daily basis.  Till she is at least 18, he needs to be hands on in her life.  He can never enjoy his life knowing that his daughters is messed up.  Give him his space to be withdrawn at times.  You are the “helpmeet” so assist him in whatever help he needs.  God will bless you for that and your husband will love you even more.

DIALOGUE: CONstructive instead of DEstructive

The word “dialogue” means a discussion between two persons intended to produce an agreement.

Dialogue is a gift you give to one another and it has no strings attached.

During confrontation, it is important that the communication lines stay OPEN.

Remember that the purpose of dialogue is to help you understand your spouse’s feelings.

Don’t focus on CHANGING your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Don’t focus on manipulating your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Try to not concentrate on how your partner thinks but how your partner feels.

It is your RESPONSIBILITY to try to understand and accept your spouse as he is.

Women are more relational then men because that is the way their brains are made.

Women communicate with their mothers, sisters, friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, and are usually easier conversationalists with strangers.

A woman’s God-given role is to be her husbands “helpmeet”.

When a wife adapts herself to her husband’s way of communicating, it is just another way of her fulfilling her role as a “helpmeet.”

When women are asked what her ideal husband would be like, she usually describes her best friend.

Wives don’t REALIZE that they are made to be different than their husbands and communicate different.

This is why woman are the ones who should learn to change.

CASE AND POINT:  Many years ago, my husband started to go through a different change in his life.  God spoke to my heart that I would have to learn who this different thinking husband was and adjust to what his needs are now.  I started to get depressed thinking that I couldn’t do this.  How do I even know what kind of a wife he needs?  Also, how do I know that I’m even capable of changing?   Third, what if I don’t want to change?  I realized that every decade “Cher” changes in order to survive and support herself.  She sang with her husband, then had a variety show ?changed her music style and made more albums.  All this she did for the almighty dollar.  If “Cher” could do that for money and fame, I could change to glorify God and please my husband.  SO I DID!!   It wasn’t easy, but I did it with the leading of the Holy Spirit and the love of God.  This month we will be married 50 years.  Hallelujah!!

Prov.21:19 “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

This is saying that a man would rather be alone in the world than to be in a house with an angry and argumentive woman.

You will NEVER get the results that you want by nagging.

A man will eventually shut down and withdraw if nagged because it is so demeaning to him.

You might be GLOATING because you have your husband do everything that you want  but is he holding resentment against you?

It is fine to remind your husband to do something again, but don’t say it in a demoralizing way.

Listen to your TONE of voice and to what exactly you are saying before you say it.

Don’t make statements like, “How many times do I have to say this before your brain understands it?”

SHOW YOUR HUSBAND RESPECT!!

Gal.5:15 NLT “But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out!  Beware of destroying one another.”

The key to warming your husbands heart is to show him “respect.”

This is your husband’s lifeline.

According to Gods principles, he does not have to earn RESPECT, you are commanded to show him respect out of duty.

We are taught in God’s word that gentleness and reverence are what will win a disobedient husband over.

Do you want your husband to be more RECEPTIVE when you talk?

Good!!  Give the poor guy the respect he craves.

Once you decide to change and humble your STUBBORN self to the Lord’s way, you will be shocked at what will happen to your husband.

Take the first step and begin to invest in your husband and in your marriage.

There will see a change as soon as your speech becomes CONstructive instead of DEstructive.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s blog.  Daily there is a new post.

GREAT MARRIAGES TAKE COURAGE

Marriage takes courage because it is something worth fighting for.

We need to put on our boxing gloves DAILY and fight for our marriage.

CASE AND POINT:  Oscar DeLaHoya was a champion boxer that the whole Hispanic community was proud of.  He invested a lot of money for children in the Barrio communities.  All his games were sold out with the Hispanic community dominating the seats.  Any Hispanic that you would talk to and mention Oscar’s name, they would respond with acalades.  His last fight was sold out months in advance.  There was excitement in the air.  But something happened that surprised everyone.  In one of the early rounds, Oscar DeLaHoya refused to come out.  He decided that he did not have what it took and that he would not be able to win the fight.  That could be the mistake of his life. The people at the boxing arena were furious.  They felt cheated.  It was in all the papers.  Oscar is no longer their hero.  Why??  Because he quit!!  They felt that he should have fought to the finish.

There is something about fighting to the finish.

It takes GUTS to work through all the emotions.

It takes guts to admit you are wrong and say you are sorry.

It takes COURAGE to give in to your spouse’s desires.

It takes courage to let down your guard and let your spouse see the real you.

It takes courage to change and choose to PLEASE your spouse.

Romans 16:17 “…mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”

This verse is telling us that if our lives are not disciplined then the church is to stay away from us.

Rom.16:19 “Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you.”

In our marriages we need to take the road paved with diligence and perseverance.

The road to a successful marriage is rarely SIMPLE because as a spouse you need to be productive and hard-working.

Just as we do everything to be successful in our jobs, so should we do the same to be successful in our marriages.

The devil will tell you, “Why are you doing this?  Your spouse doesn’t appreciate you anyway!”

The beginning of a marriage is always exciting.

The DIFFICULT part is sticking through the rough stuff to the very end.

The real test is when the newness and the excitement is gone and the hard-work and commitment begins.

Stay committed to the VOWS you made to your husband and to God.

Punch it out and move forward with every ounce of your might.

Your spouse is WORTH it.

He loves you!  You are his choice!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

ABANDON and UNWANTED

Have you ever felt rejected and unwanted.

I know that all of us at some time in our life, have experienced something that made us feel rejected.

CASE AND POINT:  From junior high school, till I graduated from high school, we moved to different schools ten times.  I felt like I was always the new girl and everyone had their cliques.  Rejection was not something I wanted to embrace at that young age, especially since it was right after my father abandon our family.  I wish I could say that I got use to it, but it had the opposite affect on me.  It drove me further into rejecting my own self worth.

I don’t believe that this is God’s perfect will for our lives, but he will take what satan has tried to destroy us with and God will turn it around and use it for His honor and glory!

Do you feel like you can never please people?

Don’t be in an EMOTIONAL prison just because of what the evil one is now throwing in your face.

I can be thankful today because it gives me an OPPORTUNITY to tell others how devastating rejection is and that it can have a lifetime affect on someone’s life.

1Cor.1:28 “And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen…”

The city of Corinth at that time had so much disgust for Christians that the Apostle Paul had to encourage believers with this letter.

The word “despised” in the Greek means contemptible, least esteemed.

These people who were total outcasts in their society, God said that those are the ones He has chosen.

Yes!  God goes around LOOKING for people who are low-class, second rate and despicable to others.

Why?   Why does he pick the lowest of the low??

Do you feel unloved by your spouse?

Do you feel DISRESPECTED by your spouse?

Does your spouse make you feel like the lowest of the low?

Do you have money saved and bags packed for an easy EXIT the next time things get heavy at home?

Well, hold your head up high and don’t let other people affect your self-image and confidence.

The devil will always try to use the people you love the most and the ones that are closest to you, to drag you DOWN.

People you don’t know cannot hurt you; it’s the people that you love that hurt you.

Isa.53:3  says that Jesus was “…despised and rejected of men…”

All the neglect that has taken place in your life has qualified you to be the exact kind of person that Jesus wants to use.

Why?  Because you know how Jesus FELT and He knows what you have been through.

In 1Cor.1:29 it says, “That no flesh should glory in his presence.”

The NIV translation says, “So no one may boast before him.”

If you are rejected by people you love and have given your life to them, God gets all the GLORY.

The more we are treated like second rate citizens, the more precious we are to God.

Don’t RESENT your spouse!

Are you one of God’s chosen few?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

THANK YOU, DAD

I know that Father’s Day is over with and this blog may seem like it is too late, but it isn’t.

As wives, we need to teach our children to be appreciative to the Dads.

Of course they are, but do they EXPRESS it.

There are an array of occasions that our children can send their dads a card like his birthday, Christmas and etc.

In God’s word we are told to honor our fathers and mothers.

Ex.20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

This scripture implies that we more or less determine the length of our life according to our behavior.

This is exactly why it is important for us as wives to TEACH our children to honor their father.

I heard a sermon once that was really interesting on Ex.20:12.  The speaker said that you do not have to honor your father if he is a murderer, child molester, sexual pervert, abandons his children, is a batterer or into demonic satanic activity.  I am sure there are an array of other reasons but that needs to be addressed to God on an individual basis.

The following information is from an article that I read.  I think it is interesting some of the ideas that are pointed out.

The following comments are from an article called Ten Ways to Say “Thank you, Dad”, by Melinda L. Wentzel (melindawentzel.com)

She states that fathers are often unappreciated, largely misunderstood—an entire populace of men rarely acknowledged for the many and varied ways in which they contribute as parents.

Here is a list of items you might mention SPECIFICALLY the next time you talk or send a card to your dad.

Thanks for encouraging me to forge my own path instead of assuming that the paths of others would necessarily be right for me…for letting me climb to the tops of trees and to skateboard with wild abandon…for ferrying me to the ER when necessary.

Thanks for teaching me how to throw a fastball, wield a mean golf club and sink a jump shot on command…for being my biggest advocate (even still) and for believing in me even before I believed in myself.

Thanks for being oh-so-generous with your time…for listening intently to my wishes and worries…for considering me a worthy companion as we jogged over the back roads of town, watched doubleheaders into the wee hours and sat in scratchy lawn chairs together, completely mesmerized by the thunderstorms that rolled across the skies in the midst of July’s unbearable heat, summer after endless summer.

Thanks for introducing me to the concept of balancing a checkbook, as well as finding balance in my life…for teaching me to accept failure when it comes to call and to learn from my missteps…to appreciate having grandparents, a roof overhead and acres of woods all around.

Thanks for tolerating my teen years (Oy!), for trusting me with your beloved cars even though the voices inside your head must have screamed, “Noooo!” and for resisting the overwhelming desire to share with my High School Yearbook Committee that hideous photo of me with the mumps.  For that alone, I love you dearly.

Thanks for navigating so many road trips—to distant airports, to a good number of college campuses I considered calling home, to my very first job interview in the city.  Never mind that we got horribly lost in the process; but getting a glimpse of the White House at rush hour surely was grand.

Thanks for inspiring me to be a responsible individual, to work hard and to strive to do good in this world…for illustrating the power of forgiveness, the refuge of one’s church and the necessary nature of grieving our losses…for reminding me that things usually work out in the end—even when they look entirely hopeless at the start.

Thanks for underscoring the importance of finding time for one’s children, time for one’s marriage and time for oneself…for helping me recognize the inherent value of ice cream sundaes, the versatility of duct tape and the irreplaceable nature of a good friend.

Thanks for loving your grandchildren with as much ferocity as you loved me, for implanting within me the seeds of faith and for showing me the beauty of marrying one’s best friend.

By Melinda L. Wentzel

NOTE:  I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I did.  My father left when I was thirteen.  He never returned to live with us again.  My dads  visits were sporadic, with intervals of years between them.  A few years before he died we were reconciled with him.  I don’t have all of these precious memories that Melinda has.

What I do have truly blesses my life.  I have invested my life into my marriage so my children don’t have to be another statistic of a child living with a divorced parent.  My children can have the memories that Melinda has, and they do!  Praise God!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Everyday there is a new post.

LUCIFERS INFECTED VIRUS IN MARRIAGE

Satan loves to infect marriages with his virus.

The enemy infiltrates our marriages with DISUNITY which probably causes more souls to sin than anything else.

James.4:11-12 NIV “Brothers, do not slander one another.  Anyone who speaks against his brother, or judges him, speaks against the law and judges it.  When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Law-giver and Judge, one who is able to save and destroy.  But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?”

Do you criticize and have unfavorable judgment against your spouse?

Do you CONDEMN your spouse because of his conduct?

Do you judge his character and motives that you feel are wrong?

You are on dangerous ground when you start judging another persons WORTH.

The love that unites your marriage is one of the most important things than anything else.

1Cor.13:13 (New Scofield) “Now abideth faith (that works miracles), hope (that makes us happy), love (that unites the Body), these three; but the greatest of these is love”.

Satan loves for you to be judgmental against your spouse because you cannot be judgmental without exalting yourself.

Lucifer’s syndrome is SELF-ELEVATION.

Listen to me wives, this is exactly what brought Lucifer down!  DOWN!!

Lucifer could not see God being number one; Lucifer had to be number one.

Does it BUG you when your spouse puts himself first?

Do you start thinking, “Who does he think he is?  Does he think he is better than me?”

Let me spin it for you.  Do you think you are better than him?

Do you think that he should put you first and him second?

When he puts himself first, does it get your back up?

Hold that tiger, girl!!  Grrrrrrrrr!

Satan fell because of his determination to be first, and his self-exaltation.

You can sit there and act like it is no big deal, but swallow this, it caused the first BROKEN fellowship in heaven.

Don’t think you can out smart satan at his own game.

If you start judging your husband, it is the start of RIPPING your marriage to shreds.

Humble yourself and be last instead of first, with a great attitude.

Put a smile on your face cause you just made the devil mad.

The evil one HATES humility!!!

He wants to see the “Me first” attitude from you.

When you have lowliness of mind and love that covers all sins, it will heal and unite your marriage.

Let go of the pride and self glory!   Go for the GOLD!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

7 WAYS TO HELP YOUR HUSBAND WITH HIS ANGER

This is from the book Boiling Point by Stephen Arterburn and Dave Stoop.

More than anything, your husband needs to know that you’re on his side, that you’re not against him.  You need to communicate, more than you probably think necessary, that you accept him and love him, even though you may not be satisfied with some of his behaviors or responses.  Separate the actions from the man; affirm the man.  His search for peace may begin sooner if he knows that you’re satisfied with him and willing to walk through the steps of healing.

1.  Be His Friend, Not His Mother

Trudy and Phil have been married nine years, and they both work full-time.  Phil’s high stress job in the intensely competitive computer industry requires a lot of  overtime.  Trudy spends every evening just trying to help Phil feel better about himself and his job.  She fixes him a nice dinner, draws him a hot bath, cleans up the kitchen while he relaxes, then listens to him complain about work until bedtime.  She irons his shirt, picks out a matching tie and socks, and makes his breakfast.  If he doesn’t leave for work on time, she calls his secretary to tell her he’ll be late.

Trudy is trailing after him like a mother.  He doesn’t need a mother; he needs a friend who’ll treat him, and insist on being treated by him, as an equal.  He needs a friend who’ll gladly share life’s responsibilities with him but not live his life for him, someone who’ll encourage him in his problem solving but not solve all of his problems for him.  If you find yourself playing a mothering role to the man in your life, he will never fully deal with the causes and crisis of his anger.  The scared little boy will whine and fuss until you make it all better.  You can transition from mother to friend in his life by lovingly placing in his hands those responsibilities and problems that he should deal with.

2.  Appreciate Him, Don’t Nag Him.

It’s estimated that upwards of 90 percent of men today are unhappy and angry in their jobs to some degree.  Most of them feel fortunate to be working, but they often languish in their dead-end jobs, feeling less that fully masculine because they’re not in control of their own lives.

It’s likely that a significant portion of your man’s anger springs from a sense of lack of control in his work.  Nagging him to buck for promotions or beg for raises may only intensify his anger.  Bugging him for a bigger house or newer car will only deepen his frustration that he has no more control at home than he has on the job.  But if you become a wellspring of appreciation for the work that he does and the living he provides, you will lift some of the pressure from his life.  Find many way to say, “I appreciate that you work hard at your job and that you hang in there even when it’s frustrating and tough.  I couldn’t love you more if you owned the whole company.”

3.  Affirm Him, Don’t Criticize Him.

Some men aren’t only upset because they must work for someone else but because of the kind of work they must do.  James is a college-trained engineer who can’t find a job in his chosen field.  So he resorted to the management-training program for a fast-food chain.  The job helps pay the bills, but James is embarrassed about being the crew chief in an assembly-line taco stand.  He hasn’t stopped looking for an engineering position, but he’s afraid that he’s trapped in what he considers a menial, degrading job.

LaVonne, James’s wife, is a breath of fresh air.  She continues to affirm him as a talented and useful employee.  “You’re an excellent engineer, Honey,” she tells him.  “The world just hasn’t discovered you yet.  You’re too good and well trained to be overlooked for long.  In the meantime, the taco place is lucky to have you.  You’re such a competent, conscientious manager.”

If your man is struggling with being locked into a job that’s distasteful to him, you can ease his struggle by affirming him for who he is and what he does.  Compliment him for the character qualities he exercises (or needs to exercise) in his job: patience, perseverance, determination, creativity, etc.  In everything you say and do, let him know that he’s the best taco maker (or pump jockey, accountant, construction worker, sanitation engineer, etc.) in the world.  Appreciate him for the effort.

4.  Give Him Space, Don’t Crowd Him.

Most of us don’t like to be pushed, especially men.  It’s an affront to their struggling masculinity and only serves to exacerbate their anger.  They feel intimidated because their wives can’t accept them the way they are.  They feel inferior in comparison to the ideal man their wives are badgering them to become.  Once again they are not in control of their lives.

Give your husband plenty of room.  Show him that you’re concerned about him and that you love him.  Let him know that you’re available to listen to him and talk to him.  Then back off to pray and wait.  Trust God to work for your man’s good in the situation.  Allow him to use “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1Peter 3:4) in you to encourage and help him.

As you pray, it’s important to pray for your husband’s heart, that it will open to all that he needs to understand in order to bring his anger back within healthy boundaries.  Pushing your man to solve his anger may cause him to make some cursory changes to get you off his back.  But pressure from you isn’t likely to produce a lasting solution.  When you step back and give God room to work, the changes may be significant and enduring.

5.  Give Him Time, Don’t Rush Him.

We live in an age of instant gratification.  We can travel thousands of miles in hours; we can transact business in seconds with our high-speed computers, cell phones, and cable shopping channels.  We hate to wait.  This subconscious urgency we all share for fast results may get in the way, however, when it comes to the process of helping a man defuse his anger.  Change doesn’t take place overnight.  It may take your husband weeks, months, or years to fully heal from the causes and results of anger in his life.

6.  Hold Him Responsible, Don’t be Co-dependent.

Eddie’s anger got him into trouble at work on a number of occasions.  He verbally popped off to his boss by contradicting his orders and undermined his leadership by bad-mouthing him to other employees.  When he was put on probation, his wife secretly went to see his boss, “I’m sorry for Eddie’s displays of anger,” she said.  “It’s really my fault.  I haven’t been the best wife I can be, and the kids have been on his nerves lately.  If you’ll just forgive him, I’ll try to turn things around at home so this won’t happen again.”  Eddie’s boss was sympathetic and rescinded the probation.

Again Eddie’s expression of anger pushed the wrong buttons at work, and he was placed on probation for a second time. His wife pleaded with his boss to give him a second chance, which he refused to do.  Within days Eddie’s angry words cost him his job.

If your husband’s anger gets him into trouble in any way, you are not responsible to cover for him or take the rap for him.  Doing so only allows the problem to continue; it never stops the problem.  Only when we allow someone to face the consequences of his behavior will he begin to see that he’s responsible for making changes in the way he behaves.

7.  Give to Him, Don’t Withhold From Him.

If your husband is in the process of dealing with expressions of anger that have been hurtful to you in some way, you may be tempted to say something like, “Once you get your act together, then I’ll start being the wife I should be.”  You may feel like withholding affection or sex from him until he deserves it.  You may feel like asking him to move out until he has better control of his temper or habits.  Or he may have troubled you so much that you’re ready to give up.

While there are a few occasions when a temporary separation may be necessary (such as when his uncontrolled rage is endangering you or the children), you can probably be more helpful to your man’s healing by staying with him.  Love, forgiveness, and acceptance are qualities to be given freely, not to be held hostage for ransom.  He needs your friendship, not your judgment.  God will use your openness, kindness, and willingness to go the second mile to aid in his healing.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.  The only emotion my husband shows is anger, when we talk or I try to communicate.  Therefore, my first reaction is to also get mad.  What can I do to diffuse the matter and communicate effectively?

Answer #1.  You are not to blame yourself for your husband’s anger.  There could be an array of reasons for it.  When someone commits their life to Jesus, He gently walks you through recovery.  Someone without Jesus in their life, turns to anything that will temporarily relieve the pain.  Evidently, God has given him a great wife, who is willing to let God take care of the process or you would not have asked the question.  The following is an article by Steve Arterbum called “10 Ways You Can Overcome Anger.”  Hopefully you will be able to glean some nuggets from this to help you with your situation.  Remember that God gives you “Double for your Trouble.”   He will strengthen you and bless you for partnering with the Holy Spirit to be the “helpmeet” God desires you to be.

10 WAYS YOU CAN OVERCOME ANGER

1.  One of the key steps to overcoming anger is to identify the object of your anger.  Many people who struggle with chronic anger aren’t even sure what they’re angry about.  When you identify what you’re angry about you can begin the process of dealing with it.

2.  One of the goals of an angry person can be to draw attention to themselves.  They often feel that negative attention is better than no attention at all.  If you don’t feel loved or needed, this may be a root cause of your anger.

3.  Accept the fact that most things in the world are out of your control.  If you try to continually control your family, friends or circumstances you will ultimately destroy you.

4.  The root of your anger may lie in a lack of forgiveness.  If you’ve never forgiven someone who’s hurt you, you’re caught in a vicious trap that will ultimately destroy you.

5.  Many who struggle with anger hate themselves.  Self-hatred can be used as a tool to control your emotions.  You may need to learn new skills to control your emotions in a positive way.

6.  You may be angry about things your family or friends have done to you in the past, even decades ago.  This is called residual anger.  It is possible to resolve this anger and move on with your life, but you must be willing to spend time identifying the root of your problem and choosing to forgive those who have hurt you.

7.  There are some legitimate physical causes for anger.  If you suspect your problem may be related to a chemical imbalance in your body,  be evaluated by a qualified psychiatrist.

8.  In truth, no one can “make you angry,” even though they can provoke you.  You can control your response to people and circumstances.

9.  There is a place for “righteous anger,” when one of God’s principles is violated.  Scripture does admonish us to “not let the sun go down on our anger” though.  In other words, when you feel angry, it is important to deal with it and move past it as soon as possible.

10.  If you or a family member is struggling with anger issues, they’re not likely to go away by themselves.  It is necessary to identify the cause of the anger and take proactive steps to resolve it.