LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

CHOSE A LOVE NOT FEAR ATTITUDE

Does love really make pain go away?

God’s word says it does because love and fear cannot be in the same place.

Many researchers have also proved it scientifically, as well.

CASE AND POINT:  Naomi Eisenberger of University of California, Los Angeles, did research on this.  Her team used an fMRI machine to scan brains of women.  The conclusion, a loved ones presence diminishes pain.  Pain didn’t feel so bad when these women looked at people they loved.  This was also true of men.  Many other researchers came up with the same conclusions stating that loved ones are a good pain killer.

Love is much more powerful than fear and our brains were made to operate in love.

Caroline Leaf has written an awesome book called, “The Gift Within You” which explains this in detail.

“Love” in the brain shows how God designed us for euphoria, constantly thinking about and longing for our beloved.

He wanted us to love Him first with all our hearts.

Then He designed us to show love to family, friends and strangers.

CASE AND POINT:  My grandmother was killed in downtown Los Angeles in the 70’s right after I became a Christian.  She was hit by a car making a right turn without looking at pedestrians stepping off the curb.  Her head hit the curb and she was all by herself.  A woman who was a total stranger, got in the ambulance and stood with my grandmother till a family member showed up at the hospital.  This woman told our family what happened at the incident and said if the same thing happened to her mother, she had hoped someone would do the same for her.  The woman said she felt that if grandma opened her eyes, she wanted her to be by someone who cared.  What an example of LOVE!

Examine all your attitudes to see if they are a LOVE or FEAR attitude.

Phil.2:5 (LAB)  “You must have the same attitude Christ has…”

Even if you can’t choose the circumstances around you, you can choose to operate in LOVE.

You have the power to choose your thoughts.

Your love needs to go viral!

CASE AND POINT:  Did you see the movie “Outbreak?”  The whole movie involves finding an antidote for a virus they could not cure.  People were dying all over the world as they were looking for the “host” that caused all the deaths.

That is the way our love should be.

Our LOVE should go viral and hit all over the world!

Or are you having trouble just loving the ones in your household?

Is it hard for you to love your spouse?

If so, then how are you going to show love to anyone else?

Are you wired for love!

Today is the day to rewire your HEART and BRAIN for love!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

OVERCOMING TOXIC THOUGHTS IN MARRIAGE 

Your emotions don’t have to control you.

Have you ever got very upset about something only to find out later that it has already been worked out?  DON’T YOU FEEL DUMB and wish you had kept quiet to begin with?

Remember, if your emotions control you, they are controlling your marriage.

You have the ability to analyze your emotions and rewire them.

The love circuit of the brain can balance reason and emotions in your marriage.

2Cor.10:5 “…bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…”

We can either fix or rewire memories.

Rom.12:2 “…be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that he may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

God calls us daily to use the gift of choice he has given us but DO YOU?

Deut.30:19 “…record this day…I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life…”

You can change your brains thoughts and anyone can learn to do that.

Prov.13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

As we self-surrender to God, He then releases the gift inside us.  WHAT AN ABSOLUTE BLESSING!

1Cor.1:19 “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

This BIBLICAL principle lines up with a SCIENTIFIC principle.

Phil.4:7 (CEV) “Because you are Christ’s, God will bless you with peace which no one will understand.”

In a book called “The brain that changed itself” by Doidge, his research shows that 87-95% of mental and physical illness today comes from our thought lives.

Over and over again you hear the saying, “You are what you think.”

“From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

In Galatians, the Apostle Paul helps us out by telling us what we should be thinking.

Gal.5:22-23 “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:  against such there is no law.”

How to overcome toxic thoughts

Emotions, words, love, dreams, and choices.

1. It is your choice to capture your thoughts.  Evaluate your thoughts and apply God’s wisdom to manage them.
2. Keep reason and emotions balanced.
3. When you are in the discomfort zone, use that to help you identify toxic thoughts.
4. Rewire your thoughts.
5. It is your choice not to operate in fear.  Chose love, in the promises of the Lord.  Pray and obey the guidance from the Holy Spirit.

You and your husband have a divine pre-wired gift from God.

Don’t let emotions stop you from achieving your divine purpose.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

DISCOMFORT ZONES IN MARRIAGE 

CASE AND POINT:  Have you ever gone to the doctors office for something and then you hear the words, “This is going to cause you some discomfort.”  All of a sudden they stick you with something that hurts so bad your eyes bulge out.  One time at the doctor’s office they told me to count to ten and the discomfort would be over.  Well, it didn’t take, so they had to do it over again.  After another set of counting to ten while I was in excruciating pain which they called “discomfort”, I was told we would have to “Try it again one more time.”  She said, “I can’t put you through anymore pain so if this doesn’t take, I am going to stop.”  I won’t keep you in suspense, it “took” the third time and the counting to ten stopped.  I never returned for any more poking and pulling.  I don’t believe the doctors anymore when they call something “discomfort.”  That bottle should read, RED HOT!

From time to time, discomfort will enter our marriage.

This “discomfort zone” is never fun or easy and many times cannot be avoided.

The reason why is because it is a disruption in your body or mind.

Whenever there is disruption in our regular and consistent electrical chemical balance, it will result in discomfort.

When this occurs in my marriage, I always try to identify what the root of the problem is.

Sometimes the root might be my children, finances, etc.

At other times, it just might be my own selfishness!

What ever the cause of the discomfort, I know that I just need to connect with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Then you can be free from the chains of toxicity and fear attitudes.

There will be a quickening and awareness because our brains are made to respond to information.

• If the information is good and based on LOVE, wisdom will be further developed.
• If the information is negative and FEAR based, chemicals that disrupt thinking are released into the brain, and produce stress.

This is all scientifically explained in Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You.”

This stress manifests itself through worry.

Worry in turn, causes toxic reactions and PHYSICAL illnesses.

Never ignore toxic thoughts because it is real and alive.

Those toxic thoughts KILL your brain cells and physically it looks like black oil was poured over your brain.

The live thought part of your brain becomes dead.

I don’t know about you, but when I start to worry about something, I cannot THINK clearly.

When that happens to you, it is because your thoughts are now toxic.

You can switch it to “love” by the power and presence of God’s spirit.

Discomfort is a signal to you, to switch to the” love path.”

If you don’t, the damages could be irreversible.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 CREATED TO LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

FEAR is a powerful emotion!

Fears destruction tries to dominate our thoughts and cause us to react to situations that will never happen.

In Christina Leaf’s book, “A Gift Within You”, she has an array of information on how the brain works.

Although this book is not on marriage, it’s information can give you so much insight into your marriage to help you realize that scientifically, it is your choice to “live in love” or “live in fear.”

We usually handle fear in one of three ways:

• You may try to control fear with reasoning and evaluation, or
• You may allow toxic thoughts to dominate you as it throws your body into stress, or
• You might make it even worse through wrong reasoning.

Your “toxic thoughts” will create “toxic fruit” in your marriage.

Scientists call this a “learned” fear because it is not a natural part of how we were created.

God called us and has equipped us to “live in love”, but when we don’t, it is a sign that we have surrendered our minds to “toxic thoughts.”

We were created for “love.”

There is another book by Kandal , “In Search of Memory” that explains this issue.

The real pathway for us is the “love” pathway.

Your brain has a choice to turn a thought into FEAR or turn that thought into LOVE.

The “love” pathway evaluates the toxic fear thought, then hands the situation to God and does not fear.

Jas.1:2 (AMP) “Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials or fall into various temptations.”

Remember that a thought has an emotion attached to it: LOVE or FEAR.

This will create an attitude into your marriage; either bad or good.

Job 32:8 “…The breath of the Almighty gives them understanding.”

There is only one thing that we are to fear and that is God.

Heb.11:31 “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Prov.1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Remember that FEAR causes the following thoughts to flow:  hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

Would you like to live with a spouse like that?

NOT ME!

Neither does your spouse!!

Travel the “love” path in your marriage and love will be your guide and your rear guard!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATAN’S LIES TO FAMILIES

EVER SINCE THE DEVIL GOT KICKED OUT of heaven, he’s been breathing out lies and violence (Eze.28:12-17). Consider four lies Satan continually tells us:

1.  You’re a failure.  Satan wants you to believe that your faults are too big to be covered by God’s grace.  God would have you reply, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.”  (Rom.8:1)

2.  You don’t deserve to be unhappy.  Satan attempts to convince you that if you just get out from under this relationship or family pressure you’ll be happy.  God’s word replies, “The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart”  (Psa.19:8)

3.  Nobody will find out.  You may think nobody will ever discover that little sin promising instant satisfaction, but God’s Word says, “Be  sure your sins will find you out” (Num.32:23).

4.  If I had__________, I’d be happier.  Satan wants you to focus on what others have.  God’s word says, “Be content with such things as you have.  For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you'” (Heb.13:5).

If we refuse to believe Satan’s lies, we render him powerless.  Resist him by remembering the truth of God’s Word!  And don’t believe his lies.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q&A 

Question #1.  Is it wise to tell my spouse that I really need him/her?

Answer #1.  Spouses that frequently and specifically verbalize their need for one another cement true partnerships.  Yet somewhere between the wedding aisle and the fifth anniversary, a thief often makes off with such mutual admissions.  How ironic that marriage, the ultimate admission of one person’s need for another, would end up being an accomplice to the thief!

Think back to those early days of romance and intrigue.  She made you laugh.  He made you feel secure and stable.  She brought warmth into a room.  His touch transformed a drab apartment into a home.  You knew you needed your mate because he or she:

*  stopped to smell the roses that you didn’t even notice were growing

*  made art and museums come alive

*  was organized and you weren’t

*  shared openly and honestly about emotions, whereas you locked up your feelings

*  listened when you really needed someone to hear you

But perhaps most importantly, you needed to feel valued and important, and here was another person who authentically admitted he or she needed to spend the rest of his or her life with you.

Recapture those days!  You can’t afford not to.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NEGATIVE TOXIC THOUGHTS IN MARRIAGE 

Every type of emotion comes from one of two roots:  LOVE or FEAR.

This has been proven scientifically and all the data on it can be found in an awesome book called “A Gift Within” by Carolina Leaf.

All other emotions grow from these.

From LOVE flows: joy, peace, happiness, hope, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, anticipation, compassion, calmness, satisfaction, inspiration, excitement.

From FEAR flows: hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

God gives us the choice as to which thoughts you will be operating in.

You cannot blame your spouse if you choose to have your thoughts operating in a pool of FEAR.

1John 4:18 (AMP)  “There is no fear in love (dread does not exist), but full-grown (complete, perfect), love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror!  For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection)”.

THIS IS AMAZING:  Scientists have found that these two emotions, love and fear, CANNOT COEXIST.

 WHAT IS AMAZING is the fact that God already said that in 1John 4:18, even before scientist discovered it.

1John 4:18 “There is no fear in love…”.

Science shows us that when we operate in love, there is a massive unlearning of negative toxic thoughts.

• The brain releases a chemical called, OXYTOCIN, which melts away negative toxic thoughts.
• This causes re-wiring of new non-toxic circuits.
• When we trust, bond and reach out to others, this chemical also flows.

LOVE literally wipes out FEAR!!

(Book-A Study in the Neuroscience of Love and Hate/ by Lawrence Erlbaum)

How exciting!!  Science has to prove the word of God to the unbelievers.

As you help your spouse or restore your relationship with your spouse, endorphins and serotonins are released.  These chemicals in our body are what make us feel good about ourselves.

• So when we reach out in love, God blesses us.
• He detoxifies our brain and increases our wisdom.
• Don’t be at the mercy of toxic memories.

Remember:  “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.”

Do you have hate, anger and bitterness towards your spouse?

Do you treat your spouse with rage, irritation, and unforgiveness?

Does self-pity, worry, envy and jealousy run through your vains?

Are unkind words in your vocabulary towards your husband?

You DO NOT have to be at the mercy of toxic memories!

Let God detoxify your brain.  JUST ASK HIM!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

KILL YOUR DISTORTED SPOUSAL PERSPECTIVE

Scientific studies have proved that your brain is made up of about 100 billion nerve cells – which look like trees.

All through  the bible, God refers to us as trees in many of the verses.

Psa.1:3  “And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”

Prov.3:18  “She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her…”

The more branches you grow on these nerve cells, the more intelligent you become.

You grow what looks like BRANCHES in your brain as you take in knowledge and store it.

Science has proved that when you are not taking in knowledge, the branches in your brain begin to die.

Hosea 4:6 “My people are destroyed(die) for lack of knowledge”.

When you are able to view your spouse’s gifting, you are now seeing them through Jesus’ eyes.

That is why the question we are asking today is “Do You See What God Sees?” and the answer is “NO”!

If we saw what God sees, we would have more respect for our spouse’s opinion.

If you don’t view your spouse as Jesus sees them, you will want them to CONFORM to your way of thinking.

Your perspective of your spouse becomes distorted because you are now judging and evaluating them according to your view and not God’s handiwork in their life.

In Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You”, she scientifically and through God’s word, explains the brain.

Her book is on the brain, but I recommend it to every married couple because of all the knowledge on the way the brain thinks.

When you take information into your brain, 100 billion neurons have the POTENTIAL to connect 100 trillion times.

That is an incredible capacity for thoughts and intelligence.

In order to understand your husband, you would have to know WHICH way a thought has traveled.

It is impossible for you to know which path of thought your spouse’s brain went down and God doesn’t expect you to know that.

God expects you to be UNDERSTANDING without understanding.

Do you try to change your husband?

Don’t get hung up on trying to improve your spouse’s WEAKNESSES.

Instead, learn to support his strengths.

A wife is a “helpmeet” to expand the husband’s life by taking care of the little details he overlooks.

It is not an opportunity to tell him how dumb he is and how you are tired of his ignorance.

It is time of opportunity for you to make him look good to his family, his friends, his co-workers and acquaintances.

His heart has to “safely trust in you.”

DOES IT?!?!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

EARN A HIGHER RETURN ON YOUR MARRIAGE

Jer.1:5 (NLT)  “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb”.

 Psa.139:13-14 “…you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made…”

GOD LOVES DIVERSITY!!  These verses prove it!!

In Wall Street, “diversified investments” help improve returns and balance the risk tolerance.  With diversified investments, the possibilities of earning higher returns increases with patience.

They put money in a variety of businesses so if one goes down, they have a better chance of the other ones to go up.

According to Forbes, investors with the best diversification can last in the market longer than individuals placing all their money into one investment vehicle.

One of the greatest challenges in marriage is to have a good relationship with your spouse.

Interacting with a spouse who thinks different than you can be frustrating at times.

Your spouse was not neurologically wired to be like you.

Your spouse has unlimited potential just like you do.

Your spouse was designed intentionally.

The purpose of your giftedness, is to celebrate your differences from your husbands.

No two brains think alike and that is what makes us unique.

There are over a trillion different ways in our brains, of processing information.

CASE AND POINT:  Right now all the people that are reading this blog, each one will think about it differently.  Every person who reads this blog, will process the information differently into their brain.  No one else will process it exactly like you.

Psa.139:14 “We are uniquely, fearfully and wonderfully made.”

As your husbands “companion” and “helpmeet”, you become a vital asset in His succeeding to fulfill God’s purpose in his life.

You become a better companion when you see how your husband is uniquely wired.

You must first understand your gift and true-value in Christ to find peace.

As a created piece of the puzzle, you are making a difference.

Your spouse adds value to your life and you add value to your spouse’s life.

When you have trouble understanding a friend or family member, your spouse can help you out by explaining how the other person may feel.

That gives you insight on how to treat other people.

God has such a great system of information and how to get it to each of us.

Your spouse is such a wealth of information to make your lives successful for each other.

Take advantage of their intelligence.

Or do you knock them down and criticize them for their way of thinking?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

JOB DESCRIPTION FOR SPOUSES

What kind of a leader is Jesus and how does my marriage benefit from his leadership?

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I went to speak at our church in the PHILLIPINES, it was my first time in that country.  I was shocked at the poverty there.  It is a country with so many Natural resources.  In contrast we were in Singapore first.  Singapore is vibrant and filled with new technology and industry. It has no natural resources but it is thriving with business.  What make’s the difference is the leaders in those two countries.  The Phillipines has a history of leaders and politicians who are not giving back to the people in their country but they are filling their pockets for themselves.  While the leaders in Singapore give back to the people of that country plus they give to the growth of the businesses.  Leaders make the difference!

The answer is in Luke 4:18-19.

After Jesus spent 30 years of going to the synagogue and listening to others teach and speak, he finally opens His mouth.

It is of great importance what Jesus has to say!

What are the important words he wants to speak?

He starts by giving His job description!!!!  He quotes Isaiah 61:1-2

 Luke 4:18-19  “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,

Because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;

He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted,

To proclaim liberty to the captives and

Recovery of sight to the blind,

To set at liberty those who are oppressed;

to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.

Liberty means freedom of choice; personal freedom from servitude or confinement or oppression.

Jesus knew that in our marriage we would have a broken heart that needed MENDING.

Jesus knew that we were sick and blind and needed healing.

Jesus came to break the bonds of captivity.

Acts 10:38  “How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went along doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.”

Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Prior preparation for Liberty

• Desire to be free so you can serve the Lord with a godly marriage.
• Make sure that you are sincere to God and your spouse.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal marital areas of bondage or torment.
• Look over your life (and ancestry) to discover possible doorways.
• Determine to be free no matter what demonic grip may be on you or your marriage.
• Don’t be intimidated by “what others think.”
• Associate liberation with Jesus and freedom.
• Exercise your faith as much as possible in your marriage.
• View this as part of God’s gift to you in Christ Jesus.
• Knowing this may be the beginning of freedom for your family and offspring.

Reread Jesus’ job description in Luke 4:18-19 and know that this is your job description as a spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.