LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

A Standers Affirmation

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!… I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.

– Author Unknown

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY (QUESTION & ANSWER)

Question #1.   What are some ways to encourage your husband?

Answer #1  I am not sure if you mean spiritually or as a husband.  The best thing that you can do is to pray for him.  On Sunday Feb.20th, we have an article that is on 31 days of how to pray for your husband.  It’s great cause it has a prayer for each day of the month.  I will give you five other verses of what the bible says we can do.

Gentle and quiet spirit:  It’s best not to say anything and just be quiet.  1Pet.3:1-5

Trust:  Trust God that he will do the work in your spouse.  Prov.31:11

Goodness:  Be good to him and show him love.  Prov.31:12

Praise:  Don’t embarrass him and brag about him.  Prov.31:23

Kindness and wisdom:  Be kind and use wisdom  Prov.31:26

Question #2.  How do you stay in love with your husband, even when times are hard?

Answer #2  This is a question that most women ask.  First you need to read the love chapter which is 1Cor.13.  Read it till you have it in your heart.

Remember that as you draw closer to God and the more you fall in love with him, it will cause you to fall in love with your spouse even more.  This is what you need to concentrate on.

Put the Holy Spirit in the middle of your heart and your marriage.  This will cause you not to hurt the Holy Spirit and make you want to act in a loving way.  I try to act in a way that is pleasing to God, not in a manner to get my way.

ASSIGNMENT:  I tell the wives in my marriage class to think of one thing their husbands do that really makes them mad.  Just one thing.  Wives usually tell me they have one hundred things.  Don’t tell anyone what it is that gets you the madest.  Don’t even tell your husband.  Take that thing and give it to God.  Every time he does it, give it to God.  It won’t be easy but do it.  Just keep your mouth closed, smile and trust God.

You will be shocked how God will intervene on your behalf.  It may take a while but make a committment to trust God and be patient.

Usually the things our husbands do over and over again are what causes a wife to get drained from her love. Be consistent and wait for your miracle.

The things that would upset me for days, have zero effect on me now.

It feels so good to know that there is really nothing that can get me mad anymore.

I can be in complete control but it’s my choice to obey my emotions or allow the Holy Spirit to get the glory.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  This is one of the best marriage articles I have read.

Why in the World Did I Marry My Spouse?

When Problems come into a marriage, the first thing that happens is that we get attacked in our mind. The evil one tells us that we are better off divorced. Then the BIG QUESTION comes. Why did I marry my spouse?

The Answer is clear in Gods word.

Mal. 2:15 “But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let not deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.”

The word “seek” in Hebrew is baqash.  The primitive root word is to search.  It implies begging.  This is killing me as I am typing it.  God is begging us to raise our kids Godly?

God makes man and woman one so they will marry and raise godly children.

Sad to say, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the children are thrown into a traumatic situation.

In the book “Helping children survive divorce” by Dr. Archibald D. Hart, it states that children of divorced Christian parents are at greater risk than others.

They feel like why didn’t God make my mom and dad love each other?  The child could easily become disillusioned with Christianity.

This is a list of a few losses that children face:

1. Loss of home.

2. Loss of my neighborhood friends.

3. Loss of convenient transportation.

4. Dramatic reduction in our standard of living.

5. Loss of family outings together.

Divorce makes enemies of those who once declared undying love for one another. It does damage to children.

Here are some of the reasons why divorce is emotionally damaging to children:

1. Fear and anxiety

2. Abandonment and rejection

3. Aloneness and sadness

4. Frustration and anger

5. Rejection and resentment, and

6. Reestablishment of trust

Before we think it is all about us and forget if we divorce, our child will be another statistic.  So turn to Gods word for counsel.

Eph. 5:33 “Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

In the book called “Love and Respect”, the author calls this the crazy cycle. That is because neither partner will do their part till the other one does. Then they just go around and around on the “crazy cycle”.

It only takes one person to do their part and get off the “crazy cycle”.

You married him to show him love and respect in front of your children and the children of others.

You are to be a living epistle to your children and raise them godly.

OH!   Yes!!   ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

In Search for my “Friendly Friend”

It is said that if you ask a woman to describe what she wants in a husband, she will describe her best friend.

Well I’m glad my husband wasn’t looking for a wife that was like his best friend cause a “Tarzan” I am not.

Malichi 2:14b “”…She is your companion and your wife by covenant…”

The dictionary shows the pan in the middle of the word companion. Pan is the word for bread. Bread is a comfort food. The dictionary has the definition for companion as one who accompanies another.

The Hebrew root word for companion implies intimate partner; accomplice.

THIS EXCITES ME!!!

I’ll tell you why. It is because God made something in husbands that will make them want to be with their wife. And vice versa. He made something in wives that makes them want to be around their hubbies.

YeeHaa! Is that the way you spell it? I don’t know!?! In Los Angeles they say, “What it is”. I think?

I have heard wives tell me for over 40 years, “I don’t know what my husband wants?”

Okay, listen up girls. I’ll tell you!

He wants his GIRLFRIEND back! The one he married. He wants his FRIENDLY FRIEND. He wants his CHEERLEADER!

Has anyone seen her??? Well he hasn’t either for a long time. POOR GUY!

You know that game “‘Where in the world is Waldo? Well where in the world is ____________________.

Maybe she is watching the Food Network Channel. No? Maybe she is texting her entourage instead of paying attention to her husband. No? Maybe she is Shopping. No? Maybe she is busy with the children. No?

Right now I have your attention. You are saying all sorts like:

“I work hard and I am tired when I get home.”

“How do I know what he wants to do? He doesn’t even talk to me.”

“I have kids and they have needs. What am I suppose to do?”

“He has his own hobbies and friends and could care less what I do!”

“I’ll be honest, he is just boring. I do my thing and he does his.”

“I tried. He doesn’t want to be with me.”

“I have other things that are more inspiring than to spend time with him.”

“He is fine just the way he is. Don’t rock the boat.”

“Oh! All of the above.”

Ok girls, I’ll mind my own business (MYOB). I have an assignment for you wives that are any of the above. It’s easy. All you need is a black marker. Are you ready? This is easy!! Start marking out of your bible all the verses that call you a companion or a helpmeet. Don’t forget Proverbs 31. The virtuous woman whose husband is known in the gates, his heart safely trusts in her, he has no lack of gain, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life, and he praises her because of all her thoughtfulness. Don’t forget Song of Solomon, etc.

Now for the wives that don’t have a black marker in their hand. Ask him what he wants to do. Sit and watch football with him. Go see those movies where everything blows up. Go visit your in-laws with him. Go to a game with him. Learn about his hobby or sport. Go sit with him in the garage while he exercises. Seem interested and ask him questions about what he likes. Smile at him. Give him gifts (small and not expensive). Go for a walk with him. Tell him you love him. Listen to him. Listen to him. Listen to him.

Read this once: If you don’t find a babysitter for your children, your husband will find a babysitter for him.

Where in the world did his GIRLFRIEND go? God expects you to be his CHEERLEADER, his FRIENDLY FRIEND!

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Put on Your Red Dress, Baby!

Girls were made for BLING, BLING and more BLING. Statistics show that women keep the economy going and going and…

All through Gods word, He talks about garments.  Even in the temple He was very articulate about how the priests presented themselves.

In this next verse for today,  we see something that is somewhat shocking.

Malachi 2:16 “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence.”  Says the LORD of hosts.  “Therefore take heed to your spirit…”

(In Hebrew the word “violence” is pronounced chamac. It makes reference to someone who is damaged with falsehood, who is unjust and who is an oppressor.)

Wow!  Try wearing the garment of violence on a “first date” !!

No!  Not you.  You put your best foot forward.  But how about now?  Do you still put your best foot forward or do you threaten your spouse with the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

That word carries a cloak with it.  It’s a spirit of violence.

Psa.141:3 “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.”

     There is something within the nature of a woman who needs to be burdened and complaining about    something or someone.

Prov.13:3 “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, , But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.”

     An unguarded mouth leads to a ruined marriage.

God’s word says, “…take heed…” The word shamar in Hebrew means to build a hedge of thorns around, to protect, to guard and to watch.

God is warning us to take care of our mind, our life, and our anger. (ruwach)

Our LORD does not want us to be covered with deceit, offend our loved ones and His precious Holy Spirit.

You can do that!!!  We have a helper, the Holy Spirit.  Yessss!!!  Thank you Jesus.

Build your spouses life by imparting encouraging, loving words.

Rev.16:15 “Behold…Blessed is he who watches, and keeps his garments, lest he walk naked and they see his shame.”

You are the one he loves and you still drive him wild.  Put on your red dress, Baby!!

Ken Blount told us a joke on Sunday and I will share it with you now.

A husband went to his wife and asked her what she wanted for her birthday.  She was so excited and began to give him all the details of what it should look like.  She said that it should have chrome and be very shiny and beautiful.  Also, it should be able to go from zero to 200 in seconds.  She couldn’t  wait for her birthday to see what kind of  new car her husband had picked out for her.  On her birthday he entered her bedroom and handed her a bathroom scale. !?!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

You Play, You Pay!!

In the United States, approximately two and a half million people with more than one million children struggled through a heart wrenching divorce this last year.

God HATES divorce, and we will research the wisdom of Gods word and find out why.

Malachi 2:16a “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce…” (In Hebrew, the pronunciation is sane. This word was used to describe how God felt about His enemy or foe.)

As a child I was obsessed with Monopoly the money game. The day my dad left home when I was thirteen, life was never the same for our family ever again. Divorce wasn’t a game for us because there were no WINNERS.

Here is a list from professionals on advice of what to do when considering a divorce. Keep in mind that this is before the other spouse even knows what is about to happen to them. Also, this is not godly counsel. Notice how it is all about MONEY.

1. Consult and hire a lawyer.

2. Know your spouses income.

3. Assess what you can earn.

4. Learn about family’s financial holdings.

5. Assess your family’s debt.

6. Make photocopies of all family financial records.

7. Take stock of your family’s valuables.

8. Learn how much it costs to run a household.

9. Determine where you will live.

10. Start saving money.

11. Build up your own credit.

12. Withdraw your money from the bank.

13. Consider canceling charge cards.

14. Take property that belongs to you and safeguard it.

15. Don’t make any unnecessary major purchases.

This one particular book on surviving divorce had another 361 pages concerning financial problems after the spouse knows about the intentions of divorce.

The end of the verse in Malachi 2:16 says, “…For it covers ones garments with violence.”

If I saw my spouse running around opening and closing bank accounts, secretly making photocopies, opening and closing credit cards, stocking up family valuables, and googling for divorce lawyers, I’d be “hot under the collar” to say the least.

Tomorrow we will continue our blog with garments of violence.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

Do people say you are “Hot or Cold”?

If you are not  hot or cold, then you are mediocre.

Mediocre is lacking in exceptional quality or ability.

Mediocrity is a person of second-rate ability or value.

If we are talking about weather, mediocrity is sublime.  Los Angeles, California is the place to be.  You are within an hour from sunny beaches, and within an hour to snowy mountains.  But we are not talking about weather!!!!

We are talking about your MARRIAGE.

You must not be lukewarm about your marriage or Gods judgment will spew you out of his mouth.

Rev.3:15-16 To the church in Laodicea,

vs.15-16 “…I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to  SPIT  you out of my mouth…you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.”

Christ severely warns the church of judgment against lukewarmness.  He is a God of excellence and desires us to be passionate about our marriage.

Are we sure that he is also talking about our marriages?

YES!!   Because in Mal.2:11 He calls marriage His …”holy institute”…. We don’t ever mess with anything that is holy because it means that it is sacred.  Set apart.

A mediocre marriage leads to divorce and God “hates divorce”  Mal.2:16.

It’s a funeral that never ends!

NOTE:   Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TIME TO GROW UP

It dawned on me one day, in the middle of a petty argument with Barbara, that it was time for me to grow up. I had to stop acting like one of the kids. I suddenly realized that if I were going to be a man, I couldn’t go on acting like a child. And so, just as Paul Said, I determined to put away childish things (1 Cor. 13:11).

     Some of the unhappiest husband-wife relationships I know of are those in which one or both spouses have never grown up. They continue to act in petty, hurtful, and fault-finding ways. They still speak rashly and rudely, with little regard for how their words may hurt the other. They still think life revolves around them, and have trouble taking responsibility for their actions and choices. They refuse to admit they ever do anything wrong. They blame, ridicule, and find ways to get back at their spouses.

     In other words, they speak, think, and reason as children.

     Think of any tense times you’ve had with your mate recently. Can you detect in your own attitude any of the above descriptions of childishness? And if so, what will it take for you to grow up? Ultimately, it is our relationship with Christ and time spent in prayer, reading God’s Word, and in relationships with other godly people that move us from being childish to being mature.

NOTE:  This article is from the Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed!

OUT OF A DARK CORNER

     If you and your mate do not put the past behind you, then your past will continue to cast its shadow into your present and future. Specifically, if you want to help your mate develop confidence and a healthy self-image, you will have to talk about negative or hurtful things your in laws may have said or done that left their marks on your spouse. The following are some tips for helping your mate in this area.

     First, begin to work with your spouse to get the problem fully out in the open. Talk about how your own parents treated you, and then ask your mate to share his or her experiences. Be patient. Talking about these things can be very painful.

     Second, help your mate understand his or her parents. Proverbs 24:3 reads, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.” Understanding is essential in your mate’s relationship with his or her parents. Talk together about your mate’s parents and seek to put their lives in proper perspective.

     Third, remind your mate that God’s grace and power are greater than any parents’ mistakes. No matter how poor a person’s home life may have been, God delights in resurrecting a damaged self-image and restoring dignity to that wounded person. Point your mate toward Christ and the hope He offers by verbally drawing attention to Jesus and expressing your confidence and belief in the greatness of God. Recall any shared instances when God showed Himself strong.

     Fourth, help your mate determine how to respond to his or her parents. None of us controls how we were treated as a child but we do have control over how we will relate to our parents today. Point out some positive things about your in-laws’ parenting and how you are the benefactor of those good traits. This is important even if your mate’s parents are no longer living.

     Fifth, help your mate experience all that God has for you by clipping any ties of inappropriate dependence. Genesis 2:24 makes clear we are to leave our parents, which means we no longer remain dependent on them for money, for an undue amount of emotional support, or for acceptance.

     Sixth, encourage your mate to make the choice to forgive his or her parents-completely. To forgive someone means to give up the right to punish them. Patiently and gently urge your mate to deal with the past constructively, to put away punishing emotions and replace them with an attitude of love and understanding.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ROMANCING YOUR SPOUSE

Do you get so caught up with the issues of the day that you don’t even have time for your husband?

You need to make “turning towards” your spouse a priority.

In order to keep your romance alive, let your spouse know that you value him.

 Not once a year, but try to make it a point everyday.

Even if it is as small as thanking him for helping you with something you asked him to do.

Even if you are shopping, it is a time that romance can grow because you are doing it together.

The point is that you are doing something together and “face-to-face.”

Think of words of encouragement to tell your spouse.

If you know your spouse is having a bad day, leave him a loving voicemail.

If there is a place he likes to go, make the suggestion that you go after work together for a date.

What ever you choose to do together, you are making a choice to “turn towards” each other rather than turn away.

Remember, that you are your spouses “companion.”

Mal.2:14  “…she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”

This is something that wives forget to do which is to “have fun” with their spouse.

It is sad to see in a marriage, when one partner is always trying to get the attention of their spouse just to get affection, support, or humor.

When their spouse does not “turn towards” them, then they usually turn away from the one they were trying to get attention from.

I heard once that it is better to find a babysitter for your spouse, than your spouse find a sitter for himself.

Wake up, girls!!

Turn face-to-face with your spouse!

You both need romance, and emotional connection in your marriage.

Do you read together?

Are you silent or do you talk over meals?

God made Eve for Adam in order to have someone for him to be emotionally engaged with.

Face-to-face involvement is necessary in order to stay together and in order to avoid departure of one of the spouses.

The difference in the outcome of your marriage is your “emotional bank account.”

It is like putting money in the bank every time you take the initiative to “turn towards” each other.

You need a build up in your “emotional savings” so when conflict or stress hits your marriage, you will make allowances for a negative action from your spouse.

The key to a long-lasting romance is to “turn toward” each other in little ways every day.

Face-to-face!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.