LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY –  QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  What do I do when my husband just does not care about anything in church or in our home?

Answer #1.  It sounds like your husband is apathetic.  That is when a person has an absence of emotions or enthusiasm.  In other words, he isn’t excited about anything.

There can be a number of reasons for that.  I remember counseling a woman who didn’t agree with the discipline her husband was giving the children.  She never got along with him and one day God revealed to me that he had given up.  He had no say in the home or with his children anymore.  She did what she wanted and would fight to the finish to do things her way.  In the end, he let her do everything her way and he became the bitter, angry husband.

Titus 2:4-5 are eight priorities that you should be fulfilling.

Are you sober?  Do you use common sense?

Do you love your husband?

Do you love your children?

Are you discreet?   Courteous?  Honest?  Gracious?

Are you chaste?  Modest?

Are you a keeper at home?  Not social-networking or busybodying?

Are you good?

Are you obedient to your husband?

If you fall short in any of these areas, it can be very frustrating for your husband.

Remember that he married you to have fun!!

Not for you to come home from church and preach to him.

You are his helpmeet, his girlfriend, his cheerleader and his friendly friend.

Prayer is the answer for everything.  Don’t say anything negative and just pray!  You WILL se a CHANGE!

Ask God to help you in this area.

Your marriage is His “Holy Institute”.

BOOMERANG REWARD

A boomerang is a curved piece of wood; when thrown, it will return to the initial position from where it came.

Lets view how this boomerang effect impacted the Proverbs 31 woman as we continue on as a “profile peeker.”

“Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”  Prov.31:31

This is stating that we should give her the reward she has earned and let her enjoy the fruit she has planted.

This is a woman that goes the EXTRA mile and now she is going to be rewarded.

Prov.12:14 “A man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of (his) mouth: and the recompence of a man’s hands shall be rendered unto him.”

THE MESSAGE:  “Well-spoken words bring satisfaction; well-done work has its own reward.”

What you give out, you will get back.

Heb.11:6  “…he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

God is a very generous rewarder.

Eph.6:8 “Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth,, the same shall he receive of the Lord…”

God is watching all the good things that we do in His name and he is now indebted to us to reward us.

He REWARDS us because it is in His word, not because we deserve it.

In Proverbs 2:5-11, there is a list of rewards for obedience.

1.)    Understanding the fear of God.  (v.5)

2.)    Finding the knowledge of God.  (v.5)

3.)    Given knowledge and understanding of God.  (v.6)

4.)    Given sound wisdom of God. (v.6-7)

5.)     Receive true understanding in righteousness, judgment, equity, and every good path.  (v.9)

6.)    Preserved by discretion. (v.11)

7.)    Understand that keeps. (v.11)

“IN THE GATES” refers to a public meeting place where business was conducted, like a city hall.

This shows that this woman was recognized publicly for all the good deeds she did for people.

God wants you known in your community; “…a city set on a hill…” for Gods honor and glory.

It could be assisting in your neighborhood, church, school, work, etc.

God wants us to do our work with zeal. 

Titus 2:14 “…a peculiar people, zealous of good works.”

Do you do “good works?”

Okay, but do you do good works with zeal?

Zeal is a feeling of strong eagerness.

Ask God to give you His heart!

Ask God to give you opportunities to do “random acts of kindness.”

Ask God to put you in a ministry that you are gifted for so that you may excel in it.

The Holy Spirit wants to partner with you to make you the spouse and “good worker” you are suppose to be.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

RUBY RED LIPS

There is a program on TV called “Voice.”  At the beginning of the series, the celebrities have to pick a team of singers.  The catch is that they do not get to see the singers that are auditioning to be on a team.  They only get to hear their voices so their choice of pick is purely on their talent of singing.  After they either pick or reject them, then they get to see what they look like.

It sounds like a great idea to go through life being judged by how we use our abilities and talents rather than how we look.

Everyone is judged  by their looks, especially women.

Lets see how the Proverbs 31 woman dealt with “looks”.

Prov.31:30  “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

The word “favor” in Hebrew is chen.  This means GRACEFUL BEAUTY.

In other words, this would refer to a woman that has charm which is deceptive and beauty that is fleeting.

Will “ruby red lips” work?

There are two things said about external beauty: 1.) it is deceitful,  2.) it is vain.

Beauty many times DISAPPOINTS because the outer cover hides the inner deformities.

TV celebrities are often very DAMAGED people with addictions, troubled marriages, and an array of personal problems.

Vanity implies something that vanishes, and your physical body was not made to live forever.

Do you try to use your sexuality or charm and flirting to make you successful?

Don’t use cheap tricks to get ahead rather than the talents God has given you.

Real beauty is impossible to have unless you have the fear of the LORD in your life.

What causes us to draw near to God is the right kind of fear.

The right kind of fear is respect because he is our caring Heavenly Father who is there for us in the time of need.

Prov.1:7 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

True piety alone commands permanent respect and affection.

Are you concerned about what God thinks?  Or are you more concerned about what other people think?

Do you sacrifice godliness for the latest sexy fashions?

A woman’s beauty cannot withstand the trials of life as they take their toll.

CASE AND POINT:  There was a woman that came to our church about 20 years ago.  She was absolutely beautiful.  She resembled a beautiful  actress in the 50’s named Loretta Young.  She left the church, got a divorce, and started using drugs.  About 10 years later she came back to church for a while.  I was shocked when I saw her.  Her teeth had rotted out, her skin was rashed and discolored.  She could barely walk because the drugs had made holes in her bones.  She was totally unkept.  Her hair was not combed and her dress was very shabby.  This did not look at all like the same woman.  I wanted to cry when I saw her.  She had destroyed her life along with her beautiful looks.

The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 does not depend on beauty and charm to be successful in life.

Choose to age gracefully by realizing that your relationship with the LORD is the most important thing in your life.

With the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, you will truly become more beautiful as each day passes.

Beauty in the HEART puts beauty in the FACE!!!

NO MORE RUBY RED LIPS!!

Put beauty back in your heart right now.

The fear of the LORD opens that door.

Keep fighting the good fight and loving it!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.   Daily there is a new post.

VERBAL INTIMACY

• What is “verbal intimacy?”  It is conversation where each person feels accepted no matter what he or she says, reveals, explains, or feels.  Complete openness to another human; absolute honesty that strips one of all pretension, posturing, and protection so that he can present himself naked and vulnerable to the other.  (By Jim Beam, LovePath International)  He learned in the 1970’s, in a graduate level psychology class,that the most common thing men want from prostitutes is a listening ear.  His searching has found that phone sex callers crave someone to listen without judgment.  Thousands upon thousands of men pay women to listen to them!

Let’s take a look at this Proverbs woman again as a “profile peeker.”  She must have known about “verbal intimacy.”

Prov.31:29  “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excelled them all.”

The other verses were talking about her, not to her.   Apparently it is her husband who is speaking these words.

This is the husband’s praise in his own words.

The word “virtuously” in Hebrew is Chayil.  It is a force, valor, strength, might and power.

What makes this so special is that this husband had to know that his wife was not the ONLY godly woman around.

In spite of him knowing there are other godly women around, he praises his own wife by telling her that she excels them all.

That sends CHILLS up my back!

He is telling her that she has raised herself above them all and the rest are incomparable.

Stay with me girls as we DISSECT this.

When your husband picked his wife, he married the best.

HE MARRIED THE BEST!!

He married the best!!

To your husband, when he married you, he was convinced that he was marrying a woman that surpassed all others.

You were far ABOVE better than all the other girls he had met.

Your husband found a priceless gem and you were to him a treasure chest.

He married you because you were the best woman in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

In his mind, you excelled all other woman.

Has that changed??

Have you changed??

Not to worry!!  You are still the one who excels them all.

You need to STOP right now.  Take two deep breaths.

This part is only for “Women of Valor.”

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what areas you have changed in, that you should not have.

Where or what does your attention go to?

Where or what does your finances go to?

Where or what does your free time go to?

Who or what do you appear to be enjoying?

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what AREAS you do need to change in.

PARTNER with the Holy Spirit.

Are you still his brightest crown?

Are you still his best friendly friend?

Are you his COMFORTER in times of distress or do you tell him what a mess up he is?

Remember you are his girlfriend and cheerleader.

Do you use “verbal Intimacy” to make your husband feel accepted?

You can do it!  You did it once before.

You go girl!

That is what he came home for.

He’s in the right house with the right wife.

Ole!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

RED CARPET TREATMENT

One of the main factors in what makes marriages last in a survey, was that each participant had a higher opinion of their spouse than the spouse had of themselves.

Lets see how this applies to the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31.

Prov.31:28 “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”

This is a woman who is honored by her own family members.

There is something special when your own family PRAISES you because they have watched you in every situation and know your true character.

Such encouragement is something that every woman thrives on.

It also reveals what a great character her husband has since he TEACHES his children to appreciate their mother.

You are a blessed woman if your children appreciate you.

CHILDREN usually appreciate their moms when they are little, but as they grow older, they have a tendency to take mom for granted.

Most moms are not fully appreciated till their kids have children.

My husband is a real blessing in my life when any one of my children are not expressing appreciation for something I have gone out of my way to do for them.  He takes that opportunity to tell me how much he appreciates all that I do for his children.

I try not to be a sensitive person concerning my feelings but my husband can tell when I am deeply hurt about something.

Each day brings new opportunities for us to MENTOR and be a part of our children’s lives.

As our children mature they become grateful at how we shaped their lives.

This virtuous woman seeks FIRST the kingdom of God and that is why praises were added on to her.  (Matt. 6:33)

In 1902, the New York Central Railroad used plush crimson carpet to direct people as they boarded their 20^th Century Limited passenger train.  This is believed to be the origin of the phrase “red carpet treatment” according to Wikipedia.

The Proverbs 31 woman, was given the “red carpet treatment” of praises, by her beloved husband and children.

Do those who know you the best, praise you the most?

Do you GIVE loving discipline and gentle guidance?

Is wise counsel on your available lips?

Are you a GODLY example?

If you have invested yourself into those you love, you will be rewarded by them.

There is no GREATER happiness than to have your children and husband reverence you.

If you seek praises as your number one goal, you will never find it.

Woman who SEEK the Lord first, find true praises.

Is your heart devoted to Him?

God SATISFIES the heart that is devoted to him.

FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT AND LOVING IT!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

FAMILY SPY

Is there a spy lurking in your house?

CASE AND POINT:  I remember we had purchased these two Shih-Tzu puppies.  They were as cute as can be and would get lost in our house by  crawling into my husband’s slippers.  One of their favorite things to do was to get into any bag that we brought home from the store.  Some days we would come home from shopping and put our purses or bags down and go take care of other issues that were more important at that moment.  By the time we returned, all packages were ripped open and everything was mauled.  The inside of our purses would be left with ripped gum or mint packages with the contents gone.  Lipsticks would be eaten away.  If guests left their purses down, we would end the evening with apologies of the actions of these little critters.

These puppies watched every move we made and spied out every bag that came into our house.

These puppies did this for SELFISH reasons, but as we read about this Proverbs 31 woman, we see some similarities.

Let’s continue to take another “profile peek” into this virtuous woman to dissect her actions.

Pro.31:27 “She looketh well to the ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness.”

This verse implies that she was a watchman over her home:  A SPY.

A definition of a “watchman” is a person who watches over and protects property, assets or person.

This godly woman is alertly looking for any danger that may hurt her family.

Are you WATCHING out for all the dangers on the internet?  Pornography?

Do you know where your children are and who they are with?  How about evil companions?

What about UNGODLY entertainment?  Are you aware of their choice in music and what your family is watching on television?

Your number one job as a parent is to be fully aware of what is happening in your child’s life.

Just like our puppies, you need to get into those bags and SNIFF OUT anything you need to look through.

Are your children attending church services?  Are they praying?  Are they reading Gods word?

This is all a part of your family responsibility!!

The next issue in this verse is that she did not indulge in slothfulness.

She is an ENERGETIC, organized person who carries out all her household responsibilities.

The word “idle” means sluggish or lazy.

Taking care of your house is a lot of hard work and if yours is looking lovely, it did not get there by chance.

If you have created a place of beauty and comfort for your family, you deserve to be BLESSED.

Right now I want to bring this subject right into your home?

If you are a woman whose home is not a show place, may I help you?

You can change today.  Let’s take baby steps.

Remember, if you are asking the Holy Spirit to guide your family, He lives in your home also.

If your place is cluttered and you have no space for items, rent a storage space.  This one act can save your marriage.  They are not expensive and you can find small areas.

If you do not like to clean, you have a lot of options.

CALL a cleaning service to do your deep cleaning.

If you don’t have the funds, find a friend who loves to organize and clean.  Then trade chores with them.  You offer your services to cook for that person or do other chores you enjoy that they don’t like as bill paying, ironing, gardening, child sitting, etc.

Other suggestions are to take on one room at a time.

Ask God to help you.

This is so important to God and your spouse.

If he has asked or hinted about this, you better get moving in the RIGHT direction.

Forget about your next shopping spree and put that money into making your house a home.

Don’t be a Queen of a “pigs pen!”

Do I here an “oink” “oink” girls?  I hope not!!

Fighting the good fight and loving it!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

12 THINGS SATAN DOES TO GET VICTORY OVER CHRISTIANS

Satan said to a convention of Demons, “As long as Christians stay close to God, we have no power over them.  So here are 12 things you can do to get victory over Christians.”

1)  Keep them busy with non essentials.

2)  Tempt them to overspend and go into debt.

3)  Make them work long hours to maintain empty life styles.

4)  Discourage them from spending family time together, for when their homes disintegrate there is no refuge from work.

5)  Over stimulate their minds with television and computers, so they can’t hear God speaking to them.

6)  Fill their coffee tables and nightstands with newspapers and magazines so they have no time to read the Bible.

7)  Flood their mailboxes with sweepstakes promotions and get rich quick schemes to keep them chasing material things.

8)  Put glamour models on TV  and on magazine covers to keep them focused on outward appearances.  That way they will be dissatisfied with themselves and dissatisfied with their mates.

9)  Make sure couples are too exhausted for physical intimacy so they will be tempted to look elsewhere.

10)  Make Santa and the easter bunny bigger than Jesus to divert them from remembering the real meaning of the holiday.

11)  Involve them in good causes so they won’t have time for eternal ones.

12)  Make them self  satisfied. Keep them busy working in their own strength so they’ll never know the joy of God’s power working through them.

Remember my demons, keep them busy!  Busy!  Busy!  Because we know what it stands for:

*  B=BEING

*  U=UNDER

*  S=SATANS

*  Y=YOKE

This article was supplied by Lisa Banks. (Author unknown)

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY Q & A 

QUESTION #1.  My husband does not shower or brush his teeth before going to bed.  How do I tell him to clean up?

ANSWER #1.  I Will make a couple of suggestions.

First, I wouldn’t tell him, I would ask him to or make a suggestion.  Then pray!

Second, along with that, you could add some incentives (sex).  Think of things he likes and do them for him.  Let him know that you are doing it for him so that he would practice cleanliness for you.  Of course, change the wording to suit him.  Then pray.

Third, if you ask and he tells you “NO”, and you try incentives and he still tells you “NO”, PRAY.  The last thing you can do is just wait on God.  It is not God’s fault, but in the mean time, the Holy Spirit will convict him.  You will have to know that every night God is convicting him till he responds.

I know this must really hurt your feelings, but don’t take it personally.  He is not trying to hurt you, he just doesn’t put any value in it.   It is funny but some men would rather spend a whole Saturday polishing their old 50 Chevy then take a bath and put 20 minutes into their own body.

I am sure that there are other areas in your husband’s life that out shines what other men do.  It is just that he has this bad habit.  I always ask women, “Does he beat you?”.  “Does he molest children?”.  “Does he never work or is he a provider for you and his family?”

I think you get the picture.  Thank God for the good things in him and leave the “bad habits” to God.  He does a better job than us!  Wink! Wink!!

(Part 2)

This has nothing to do with the question above but I thought you might enjoy this joke given to me by Grace Watson called, ALL WASHED UP.

Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, “This isn’t a man’s job.”  “Oh, yes, it is”, his wife retorted, quoting 2 kings 21:13.  “I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish wiping it, and turning it upside down.”

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

BFF

BFF means “best friends forever”.  And if you were girly, you would know that.

In the social world of the young ladies, changing best friends from time to time is very common.

The Proverbs 31 woman had a “BFF”.

Lets continue our “profile peeking” and see if she has a “best friend.”

When I was a teenager, my mother would get me so mad because I couldn’t have anyone as a friend till she met their parents and they had to have high standards and morals.

They say, “Birds of a feather, flock together.”  In other words, you hang around with people who look and act the way you want to be.

Prov.31:26 “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This Proverbs 31 woman’s “best friend” is WISDOM.

This virtuous woman, keeps company with her God.

Do you SEEK His wisdom and guidance?

Do you read His word and spend time in His presence?

How do you expect to be the spouse that God desires for you to be if you put no time INVESTING in your spiritual life?

Who are you keeping company with?

What are the most defining marks of a good and bad woman?  HER TALKING!!

If you hang with people who are sarcastic, harsh and negative, you will be also.

The bible says that if you want to know if someone is a great person, LISTEN to them talk as it will more accurately reveal their character.

The bible says that the tongue can sink ships, it’s uncontrollable, and it can cut to the quick.

Are you CONVICTED by this verse?

You don’t have to struggle over and over again.

The choice is yours to not open your mouth when what you are about to say is not WISE.

This verse 26 says, “…in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

What is the “law of kindness?”

The “law of kindness” is the law of love.

The law of kindness is written in your heart but it shows itself through your tongue.

Wisdom is a commanding POWER in all it says.

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who is so kind to others that they make you feel like you are lacking something?

People like that put me IN CHECK!

It makes me ask myself, “And what’s with you girl?”

They convict you.

Right words in wisdom and kindness command respect.

They are FORCEFUL!!

Is your life shaped by how much God is in your life?

Do you SEEK Gods guidance and support dealing with the things of life.

Who is your “BFF”?

Can you make room for God to take the number one place in your life?

Your spouse and family will LOVE you for that.

His reward for that will be to give you assistance to have the law of kindness and wisdom on your lips.

God wants to be your “BEST FRIEND FOREVER”.

Fighting the good fight and loving it!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow post.  Daily there is a new post.

HAPPY HANDS!

Years ago we went to see one of the cutest animated movies ever.  It was called “Happy Feet.”  This was about a young penguin who was born with feet that were different than the other penguins.  He was teased by all the other penguins.  His feet would dance instead of walk.  All through the movie, he was not excepted by the penguins because of his dancing feet.

As we once again, continue to be “profile peekers”, we will see how in Proverbs 31 this virtuous woman had “Happy Hands.”

Prov.31:19 “She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.”

Watch out if a woman’s hands are idle and if she is not engaged in worthwhile, constructive pursuits.

If the devil can catch a woman (or man) idle, he’ll set them to work for him.

When it says, “…she layeth…”, it tells us that by her example, she provokes her servants to labor.

CASE AND POINT:  There are times when I am so tired or so busy.  That is when my husband will ask me for help.  I immediately want to tell him “NO!!  When I see his determination and passion, I immediately find myself helping him.  Why??  His passion electrifies me and I start thinking of what I could possibly do, to do my part.

This woman sets an example of skillfulness and industriousness.

She DEVELOPS her skills and talents through education and diligent application.

What are you doing with the skills and talents that God has given you.

How many times has your husband asked you to help him with something, and because of your bitterness or anger, you have IGNORED his immediate need.

You sit on your gifting and abilities out of selfishness.

“Happy Hands”, the virtuous woman, is able to use what God has given her because of her Christ like attitude.

Phil.2:5 “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:”

Your ATTITUDE should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

“Happy Hands” have to think positive and have a positive attitude.

Is the mind of  “self-emptying” in you?

This is needed in order for you to be the spouse that you and God, desire you to be.

In Phil. 2:5-8, it tells us that Christ humbled himself.  Lets see the steps that were taken by him.

1. Consecrated to humble himself. (v.5)
2. Laid aside His divine side (v.6)
3. Made himself of no reputation (v.7)
4. Took the form of a servant (v.7)
5. Was made in the likeness of men (v.7)
6. Humbled Himself (v.8)
7. Became obedient unto death (v.8)

These verses are saying that He (Jesus) emptied Himself of His divine nature, to assume the form of a servant and become like man.

Do you believe this???

Jesus did that for us so that we can be with Him through ETERNITY.

This was not an easy task for Him but he did it willingly.

He asks us to be a servant to our spouse.

He knows that it is HARD for us so he left us a “helper.”

Have you ever watched “Cupcake Wars” on the FOOD NETWORK CHANNEL?  They give you a team in order to help you win.

The Holy Spirit is better than a team.

The Holy Spirit is God himself and he wants he help you WIN.

Why would you not want the Holy Spirit to invade your being, to help make you the spouse that God wants you to be.

You can do it right this minute.

Just ask the Holy Spirit to take complete control and let go.

You will see a miracle in your attitude.

You will have those “Happy Hands.”

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.