LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

WIN!!   WIN!!

There are seven things that God hates and arguments are one of them.

Prov.6:16-19  “These things the LORD hates…he that sows discord among brethren.”

All married couples say that it is necessary to argue some of the time.

What does God say?  No!!  Phil.2:14 “Do all things without murmurings and DISPUTING:”

In the Greek, the word “disputing” means DEBATE, DISCUSSION, REASONING, or THOUGHT.

In Phillipians we are told not to complain, debate, or try to reason if it is going to cause arguments with our spouse

Results never turn out good when we argue.  Job.6:25 “How forcible are right words!  What does your ARGUING PROVE?”

If our spouse makes us angry, how should we answer them?   Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but GRIEVOUS words stirs up anger.”

The word grievous in the Hebrew means PAINFUL.

When we get mad, we start saying all kinds of painful things to our spouse.  We don’t mean to, but we start saying whatever the devil tells us to.

What starts arguments?????????????

Mark 7:21 Jesus said: “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murder, thefts, covetousness,  wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy (cursing), pride, foolishness:  All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

Arguing starts in our hearts.

There is power in agreement!

CASE AND POINT:  I remember about a year ago hearing an interview with Joel and Victoria Osteen.  Victoria said how Joel had bought the kids a BB gun.  One day he went out to their back yard to shoot the gun off with the kids.  She got mad and told him that one of the kids will get hurt.  He told her no they won’t and that everything will be fine.  As he shut the back door, she stood there in her anger.  She said that at that very moment, God spoke to her.  He said that she spoke negative remarks and opened doors for the devil to do what she said.  Instead, God told her that she should have been in agreement with her husband and believe blessings over her children and husband.

We are commanded to quit arguing and to LOVE ONE ANOTHER in Galatians!

Gal.5:14-15 “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this;  Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.  But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.”

What in the world are we doing biting and devouring each other?

What are you doing biting and devouring YOUR SPOUSE!!

The word “consume” means to DESTROY COMPLETELY.

If you destroy completely, there is nothing left.

If there is nothing left, it ends in DIVORCE.

A divorce is a FUNERAL that NEVER ENDS!

You need to have a win-win ATTITUDE!

That means you have to care about your spouse and want them to succeed and also want to succeed yourself.

Wanting your spouse to succeed leaves you with a GOOD FEELING about yourself.

You are not the pit bull next door.    You are his GIRLFRIEND!!

WIN!!   WIN!!!

 NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrow!  There is a new post daily.

SHE LOVES ME,  SHE LOVES ME NOT…

My husband just married a couple this weekend.  I always love to see the grooms face when he sees his bride walking down the aisle.

My father had left our family about 5 years before I got married.  I remember waiting at the back of the church for him to walk me down the aisle.  I was his only daughter, but he never showed up.  One of my little brothers, who was shorter than me, walked me down the aisle because my older brother was in training to leave for the Vietnam war.

Did I care that my dad didn’t come?  No!?!  I was about to marry the greatest man I had ever met.  I was “IN LOVE”!!

Almost all brides and grooms are “IN LOVE”, when they get married.

One of the main questions wives ask me is, “What can I do to love my husband again?”   This is a question that wives ask me all over the world when I give marriage seminars.

It is a scientific fact that there is such a thing as “body chemistry.”  The sad truth is that it is also a scientific fact that it only lasts about 18 months to 2 years.

Thank God he has given us answers in His word on how to handle this.

Gal.5:6”…but faith which works by love.” KJV

The message bible says, “What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.”

In Beth Moore’s book , she states that if you put Gal.5:6 along side with 2Cor. 5:7 “…we walk by faith…“ this is what you get:

We LIVE by faith,  We LOVE by faith.

We have heard that love is not a FEELING, but have we learned it???     LET’S LEARN IT!!!!!!

LOVE is a LIFESTYLE!!     Eph.5:2”And walk in love…”

This verse tells us to “live love”.

We are to love SACRIFICIALLY !!

CASE AND POINT:  Just like we get up every morning and squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube,  we don’t  just stare at the tube hoping the paste will come out.  I know it sounds ridiculous but lets face it,  we put more work into our face in the morning than we do into our marriage all day.

God so desires to HELP us SQUEEZE His love into our lives.

God will always put people in our lives that for us, are HARD to LOVE.

If you don’t find yourself at sometime feeling the squeeze to “walk in love”, WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE HARD TO LOVE, then you might be living a self-centered life.

As you step out in faith to love the HARD TO LOVE people in your life, Gods Holy Spirit intervenes and does the impossible.  Are you showing love to your spouse, but aren’t seeing any FRUIT from your labor.  DO YOU GIVE UP???

Keep going and showing love because you are living out the scripture, “…faith which worketh by love…”.

Those verses would not be in the bible if it was just easy to love everyone all the time.   It’s impossible for us to do that.

But “…with God all things are possible…”

You should love your husband even if:

*  You don’t feel like it,

*  He doesn’t deserve it,

*  You get nothing in return.

*  Etc.

God calls all spouses to sacrifice our SELFISHNESS!!

AGAPE , which is the Greek word for love, is when you chose to love as an act of the will.

1Cor.13:8 says that “…love never fails…”

We should love out of OBEDIENCE.

This doesn’t mean that you will get the results you want.

The word “fail“ portrays not having any effect.

When you love YOUR SPOUSE sacrificially, EL ROI, the God who sees me, sees everything.   Yes!!!!   He sees everything!!!

When we love our spouse SACRIFICIALLY in Jesus’ name for His honor and glory, WE CANNOT FAIL.

Are you going to believe Gods word by faith or are you going to obey your emotions?

Love by faith wives, not just by feelings.

Why is loving your spouse so painful and fruitless at times?  Because you are trying to fill up your gas tank with a  little gas can.

Rom.5:5 “…the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts  by the Holy Ghost which is given to us.”

This verse is saying that He will fill your tank up with His love if you daily make a commitment of your will to Him.

DAILY COMMIT YOUR WILL TO GOD!!

1Cor.13:13  “…the greatest …is love.”

She loves me,  she loves me not,  SHE LOVES ME !!!!!!!!

CRAZY HAT DAY!!

When surveyed, 70% of women said that they don’t have enough time to do everything that they are supposed to do.

This statistic along with many other comments used in todays post, were found in a book called, ”Lies Woman Believe” by Nancy Leigh Demoss.

The average woman today has the equivalent of fifty full time servants, in the form of modern time-saving devices and equipment.

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I moved to England in the early 80’s as missionaries, I remember that our home reminded me of my grandmothers house in the 50’s.  Our kitchen in England didn’t have a garbage disposal, no electric can opener or toaster.

I am sure that these items were available, it was just that they were not standard equipment.  There were many items at that time that we thought were very primitive there.   However, now it looks like they have passed up the U.S.A. in their technology and modernization.

Jesus Himself had a long “to do list” yet he managed to accomplish it in a short time.  At the end of Jesus life, He was able to say,”…I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.” John17:4 KJV

I don’t know about you, but when I go to bed at night, I never say “I have finished my work.”   I usually make my  “to do list” and add everything I didn’t do that day, onto my list for the next day.

In Jesus words, we find a powerful truth.  Notice the truth that Jesus finished in his 33 years of life.

Notice what work Jesus completed, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”  Jn.17:4 KJV

Jesus secret was that he did not do the things that his disciples wanted him to do, or the multitudes, but only what God wanted him to do.

There will always be time to do the things that are on Gods “to do list”.

When you let others determine the priorities for your life, rather than discerning what God wants you to do, you will end up in piles of undone or poorly done projects.

You will live with GUILT and FRUSTRATION, rather than enjoying a peaceful life.

Don’t get confused trying to help somebody do what God has called them to do and then ignore what you are supposed to be doing.

If this sounds like you, then you are wearing to many hats.

Keep in mind that at different seasons in your life YOU will have different priorities than other times.

You will end up exhausted and overwhelmed trying to be the perfect mom., wife, housekeeper and hold down a full-time  job.

NO WOMAN CAN WEAR ALL THOSE HATS!!!!  If you try, someone or something or you will suffer.

Frustration is the result of trying to fulfill responsibilities that God did not intend for you to do.

Fruitfulness and joy are the result of fulfilling Gods intention for your life.

How often do you have a crazy hat day?? Is it once a week or every day??

Can we be honest?  You are probably looking and acting ridiculous.

Several years ago my husband was invited to preach in Cuba.  At the airport in Miami we could not believe our eyes.  Cubans going back home could not afford to pay for the extra baggage, so they wore the clothing home.  I’m talking five skirts, 7 blouses and sweaters, 10 hats and all that on one person.  The airline employees were laughing. My husband and I were laughing.  The Cubans themselves were hysterically laughing.  Although they could barely walk, they didn’t care cause they just wanted to get across the gate and get on that plane.

That must be what God sees but no one is laughing.

I have an assignment for you.

Take off those hats!!  Your spouse wants to see what you look like.

He hasn’t seen his bride in a long time.     JUST ASK HIM!!

NOTE:    Don’t miss tomorrows

DO YOU GET DOUBLE FOR YOUR TROUBLE?

Well, do we get DOUBLE FOR our TROUBLE?

Lets see what Gods word says?   Keep in mind that God is always looking for ways to bless His children just like we do with our children.

Isa.61:7  “For your shame ye shall have double; and for confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.”

In Hebrew, the word “shame”  also means CONFUSION as well.

In Hebrew, the word “double” is pronounced mishneh and means a copy.  It also refers to move up in RANK or QUALITY: TWICE AS MUCH.

There are so many things that thrill me about this verse and what it refers to in Hebrew.  Because we are not God, it would be ridiculous for us to try to draw a conclusion as to what the word double is referring to.

When you decide to let your spouse go first, you get DOUBLE!

When you decide to let your spouse win the fight, you get double!

When you decide to do something nice for him, even if he doesn’t deserve  it, you get DOUBLE!

When you decide to visit your in-laws with him, you get double!

When you decide to let something go that you feel should be addressed, you get DOUBLE!

When your spouse asks you to do something that he could do himself, but  you decide to do it anyway without an attitude, you get double!

When your spouse makes a decision but you let it go even though you feel  anxious about it, you get DOUBLE!

I can go all day on situations, because my list is endless.

When you agree to go through anything in your lifetime, God has agreed to rain blessings into your life.

Zech.9:12   “…today I will restore double to you.”

In Psalms 102, we see how trouble affects our human parts.

1.  THE VOICE.

vs.1  “…let my cry come unto thee.”

2.  THE EMOTIONS

vs.2  “Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble:  incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call    answer me speedily.”

3.  THE BONES

vs.3 “…my bones are burned as an hearth.”

4.  THE HEART

vs.4  “My heart is smitten, and withered like grass;”

5.  THE APPETITE

vs.4  “…I forget to eat my bread.”

When your marriage is in turmoil, it is very easy to feel so many different physical ailments.

In the book of Nahum,  it shows that when you reach out to God in the times of trouble, he comforts you with goodness.

Nahum 1:7  “The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him”

1.  The Lord is good.

2.  A stronghold in the day of trouble.

3.  He knows them that trust in him.

GOD DOES NOT FORGET US!!!!  He wants to help us with our marriage.

God promises us, DOUBLE FOR OUR TROUBLE!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows blog!  Everyday is a new post.

SIX  MAJOR  VALUES  YOUR  HUSBAND  HOLDS

This post was taken directly out of  a book called “Love & Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

I personally think that every married person should have a copy of this book.  It has so many good marriage principles in it.  It has helped me enrich my marriage.

This acronym is from page 184.

C-H-A-I-R-S is an acronym that stands for six major values that your husband holds:

Conquest, you will learn to appreciate his desire to work and achieve.

Hierarchy deals with appreciating his desire to protect and provide.

Authority covers appreciating his desire to  serve and to lead.

Insight touches on appreciating his desire to analyze and counsel.

Relationship helps you understand his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.

Sexuality explains his desire for sexual intimacy.

NOTE:   Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY  QUESTIONS & ANSWERS 

Question #1  What is the best way to deal with a spouse that is unemployed?  He  feels depressed about it, and I am the only financial provider in the home.

Answer #1   First of all I want to commend you  on supporting your family during this time of need.  I am sure the devil has thrown every curve ball at you that he has.  He hates marriages and he hates wives that help support their husbands financially.

Your husbands depression is temporary.   Don’t let the devil convince you that God is not in control.  The economy has hit both Christians and non-Christians.  We will survive because we are God’s children.

Let’s take a good look at PSALMS 40:1-3  “…I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.  He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.  And he hath put a new song in my mouth…”

These verses are blessingss and rewards for waiting on God.

1.  He turned toward me  (v.1)     God sees you.

2.  He did hear me  (v.1)      God hears you.

3.  He brought me up out of the pit  (v.2)     He is working on your deliverance now.

4.  Out of the miry clay  (2)     What had you stuck, will be removed.

5.  He set my feet upon a rock  (v.2)     He will bring stability.

6.  He established my ways  (v.2)      He will teach you His will.

7.  He put a new song in my mouth.  (v.3)  He will give you a new path.

In Beth Moore’s book, “Get Out of that Pit”  she says there are three things you can do with your mouth:

Cry out to God for help.

Confess not just sin but what is in your heart.

Consent to the process of waiting on God.

Remember, Yahweh Yireh, THE LORD OUR PROVIDER,  is with you!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN? (Part 2)

We already discussed meekness.

Developing meekness assists us so “we are not angered” by others.

Developing a quiet spirit assists us so “we don’t anger” others.

1Pet.3:4 “…The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Listen to Proverbs.

Prov.16:23 “The heart of the wise instructs his mouth.”

This is saying learn to LISTEN!

When you listen to your spouse, you understand them better because you are learning about them.

What happens when you listen?

YOU: Learn, understand and act rather than react.
SPOUSE: Feels understood, opens up more and gets healed.

We need to STOP, and LISTEN so that we can hear and understand our partners concerns.

Prov.10:31-32 “The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom…The lips of the righteous brings forth what is acceptable.

Prov.15:23 NLT “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.”

As a wife, you can tell when you have said the right thing and have spoken into your husbands life.

Prov.25:15 “Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem.”

James 1:19 “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”

The word “hear” in the Greek, means to UNDERSTAND.

Prov.18:15 “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, the ears of the wise seek it out.”

Listening is part of the burden process. Gal.6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

You cannot bear one another’s burdens till you know what they are.

By listening you will learn.

Here are the listening steps:

1. Your spouse tells you their concerns and what is happening in their life.
2. You listen
3. Your spouse feels understood and shares even more.
4. You understand your spouse better, and fervently pray for them.
5. They gain insight and get healed, which empowers them.

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

I know you think your husband is the “Iron man” but empathize with him.

He will LOVE YOU for it!!! You forgot already? You’re his GIRLFRIEND!

CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN??  (Part 1)

I remember those words growing up with five brothers.  My mother always suffered with headaches but if I had five sons I probably would have headaches too.  Lol!!  She slept in the living room, so as we would be making our breakfast, the famous words were, “Can’t you keep the noise down?”  As I remember it, telling that to five boys made noise making even more adventurous for them to up it a couple of octaves.

At the academy awards, when  the “Kings Speech” won best picture.  We were so excited since we were missionaries in England for five years and have an abundance of  love for that country.

Today I would like to talk about a “Wives Speech.”  I found that 1Peter is the perfect verse to use.

1Peter 3:3,4 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of GREAT PRICE.”

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!  These verses say it all!

The word “meek” in Greek is pronounced prah-ooce’ which means MILD.

The word “quiet” in Greek means to KEEP STILL in one’s seat, UNDISTURBED and PEACEABLE.

These verses are saying that God loves to see the meek and quiet spirit at work in our lives.

The “outward adorning” is the Greek word Kosmos which the word cosmetics comes from.

Here are some ways to acquire the attitude of MEEKNESS.

1.  Ask God to remove any roots of stubbornness or aggression in you.

2.  Ask God to give you situations in which you can practice meekness.

LISTEN TO THIS TRUE STORY:

In Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems”, he talks about when he was in a church in the city of Kiev in the Ukraine.  They were at this large table having borsch, which is a soup.  There was an elderly lady there serving the borsch.  She was about seventy-five years old and had very deep wrinkles.  He could tell that she had a very hard life.  He asked the pastor who she was.  The pastor said with a sparkle in his eyes and a glowing face, that she was his wife.  He began to tell Rick how this woman waited 15 years for him while he was doing a prison sentence.  (In Russia, they put you in jail for the slightest thing.)  He also stated that during that time, she was responsible for rearing and providing for their 15 children.

As I was thinking about sharing this story with you, I thought about this woman.  I don’t know if she is still alive.  I don’t know her children have to be.  Can you imagine them reading this blog right now and saying to themselves that their mother would have never thought her story would be going around the world.

She just did what she could, with what she had.

That pastors love goes beyond her looks.  She let it be “the hidden man of the heart, in which is not corruptible.”

The next time you are adorning yourself with perfume, makeup, and attractive clothing, stop and check your spirit.

Are you meek?  Or are you acting rude, selfish and prideful towards your husband?

Does your husband have that sparkle in his eyes and a glow on his face?

You can put it there today!!  Go on girl, you are his GIRLFRIEND!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  We will continue with part 2.

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS (PART 3)

If the root cause of most diseases and ailments is excessive stress, then instead of treating the root cause, many physicians are treating the symptoms

Prescriptions to treat these symptoms are at an all time high.

(Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro)

These drugs DO NOT prevent stress.

Even with these addictive drugs, we are not sure that they even help the symptoms.

Excessive release of “stress hormones” damages cells, tissues, and organs.

7.  Through Christ, Anxiety can be Overcome.

Phil.4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”

In the Greek, the word “strengthen” means to EMPOWER.

The Apostle Paul had  INVISIBLE SUPPORT.

CASE AND POINT:  I don’t know about you, but my husband LOVES, loves, loves, those super hero movies.  I don’t think we have ever missed a one.  Why? Because the odds are unfair.  He is endued with power and tears everyone up.  Of course there is the evil one, but he overcomes and we walk out of the cinema happy.

God wants you to call on him because only he can give you the strength to overcome whatever catastrophes may hit your marriage.

8.  God promises to meet all our needs.

Phil.4:19  “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

The Philippians knew that it was impossible to out give God.

Whatever you are anxious about, remember that you cannot out give God.

STOP taking it out on your husband.

Is he wanting to get something that you have decided that not only is it to expensive but it doesn’t make sense.

Your sense, if I may.   DON’T treat him like he is in kindergarten!!

He is a big healthy boy.  He works hard and his desires don’t have to match yours.

In fact, they probably NEVER WILL.

Make the sacrifice for him.  GOD WILL MEET YOUR NEED!!!!

Okay, we will move on wives, but one day “I’ll Be Back” and we will cover that finance topic again.

9.  With you is the grace of God.

Phil.4:23 “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.”

Grace is Gods undeserved favor.

CASE AND POINT: Some one told my daughter that there could be a hundred girls in a room, but God will point her out and she would be chosen.  That is exactly what happened to her.  She was picked from a studio out of hundreds of girls to go free of charge to China.

Stay with me!!! The grace of God is WITH YOU!!

How would you even know that if you weren’t pinned in a corner.

Undeserved favor means you DON’T deserve it!!

Has your spouse done or said something stupid.  Well, so have you.  AND ME!!

Anxiety is a marriage killer!! You only need a dose of God’s grace!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows blog.

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS! (Part 2)

The American Academy of Pediatrics estimated in the year 2000 that one in five children in the United States had psychosocial problems related to stress.

We are at epidemic levels of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, sexual dysfunction, sleep disorders, osteoporosis, alcoholism, road rage and other forms of violent behavior, PMS, and headaches.

At the root of most of these diseases and ailments we find excessive stress!

4. Practice Godly Behavior

Phil.4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me…put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”In the Greek, the word “practice” means to PERFORM REPEATEDLY or habitually.

This is EXCELLENT!! When anxiety hits you, that is the time to put everything you have been taught to practice.

What are you to put to practice?

1. Learned – Christian things you have practiced.

2. Received – Christian things that have blessed you.

3.  Heard – Christian things you have perceived through hearing.

4.  Seen – Christian miracles you have experienced

Your Christian walk and marriage is not to be dead, dry and formal.

It is to be ALIVE and VIBRANT.

5. Put others needs first

Phil.4:10 “…you have renewed your concern for me…you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.”Anxiety often occurs because of selfish concerns. You cannot bless others without getting blessed yourself.

When you put others first, especially your husband, it is a generous  gift  which is evidence of your love for him.

When a need is met in your life, you are overjoyed.  It is the same with others.

Today, find something he NEEDS and surprise him by meeting that need.

6. Work on Contentment

Phil.4:11 “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

In today’s world, people are not content whether they have a lot or if they have little.

People who are discontented usually don’t know the difference between needs and wants.

We become like a hamster running around on  wheel.

Many wives put a lot of pressure on their husbands to make them content.  True contentment is to glorify God and be with him through eternity.

When difficult times came, Apostle Paul was content because he had learned to live with very little.

Paul allowed bad circumstances to not control his contentment.

How do you treat your husband when he doesn’t meet your needs?   Do you let it pass?

Contentment and godliness is GREAT GAIN.