LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

NOTE:  This Saturday I will be using a question asked to Dennis and Barbara Rainey.  I will post their answer to the question which was taken from their book, “Family Life Marriage Bible”.

Question #1.  What questions can I ask to better connect emotionally with my spouse?

Answer #1.  Here’s a question I initially asked Barbara on a date night, “What is the most courageous thing you’ve ever done?”  Try that question on a date night, and give her time to think about her answer.  You also might consider sharing how you would answer the question.

Here are a dozen other questions to help you make the connection:

1.  What is one of your earliest childhood memories?

2.  What one thing from your past do you struggle with?

3.  What was one of your proudest achievements before we met?

4.  What was your relationship with your dad like?  How about your mom?

5.  When did you place your faith in Christ as your Savior?  What were the circumstances?

6.  What would you name as your best family vacation, and why?

7.  What is your favorite book in the Bible?  Hymn?  Why?

8.  If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you like to live?

9.  What dreams do you have for our children?

10.  What do you long to experience with me in our marriage?

11.  What do you want to accomplish after the kids are grown?

12.  What is your mission and purpose for life?  If you could give your life for any cause, what would that cause be?

ROCK STAR T-SHIRT

We will continue to look at what a wife does that blasphemes God’s word.

There were 8 items that wives were told to do or else they would blaspheme Gods Word.

We will be looking at the high importance of a wife being chaste.

Titus 2:4-5  “…That they may teach the younger women to be…chaste…”

The word “chaste” comes from the Greek word pronounced hag-nos’ which means PROPERLY, CLEAN, INNOCENT, MODEST, PERFECT, CLEAN AND PURE.

Jesus paid a big price on the cross, and that gives him a right to choose what kind of behavior he expects from His loved ones who will spend eternity with him.

These behavior patterns are very BECOMING for a husband to see coming from his wife also.

1Pet.3.1-2 “…wives …if any (husband) obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”

This verse is saying that if your husband is unsaved, you don’t even have to say a word.   Just by your chaste conversation, you will win him over.

This is why it is so IMPORTANT for us to be chaste in our behavior and conversation.

2Cor.11:2 “For I am  jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.”

In this verse Paul was jealous over his own converts so he could present them to Christ just like a chaste virgin is presented to her husband.

We see Apostle Paul using the same word chaste to describe the virgin that is PRESENTED to her husband on their wedding day.

Paul is looking for his converts to live a chaste life cause he wants to be proud of them.

Sad to say, we don’t get to hear a lot of talk about living a HOLY life.

Instead of wives trying to dress modestly, a few years ago we saw a lot of them at age 40 dressing like Britney Spears.

Christian woman should not have all the fad clothes that say “Rock Star” on their Tshirts just to get the attention that they want.

You don’t have to keep up with what all the movie stars are wearing and doing.

Prov.4:24-27 (NAS) “Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put devious lips far from you.  Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be faced straight in front of you.  Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established.  Do not turn to the right or left: turn your foot from evil.”

No Christian wife should have a “wild disposition.”

l love to see the young Christian girls dressed in style without showing their private parts.

CASE AND POINT:  About 30 years ago I went to a church with another pastors wife.  The pastors wife was loud, wild and boisterous.  All she talked about was herself and what she was wearing .  Everyone knew she was in the room cause she was so entertaining.  When the band started playing and the service started she told me and another pastors wife to wait.  About ten minutes later  she said, “Okay let’s go.  I go first and you two walk behind me.”  She was a big woman and swung her hips as she came down the aisle.  She smiled and starred at everyone as she walked down the aisle making sure that they all were starring at her.  I couldn’t believe my eyes as a new convert.  There was nothing “chaste” about her.  Within 5 years, I heard she was divorced from the pastor.  I remember thinking that their marriage was such a bad testimony, but so was her behavior.

Don’t be written on the minds of people around you for the wrong thing.

When you live to PLEASE God, you will please the people around you.

God is searching the world for “chaste” women to represent him!!

Are you one of them?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.   Daily there is a new post.

ACT LIKE A QUEEN

There are a lot of movies about the Kings & Queens of England.  They are portrayed as people who are not approachable.   The only way to visit them is to be invited.  All others, they are protected from.  Even the ones who are invited to visit the queen must learn an array of items to show respect to the queen.  Like how to bow when she is met, how to leave her presence and how to handle yourself in speaking with her.

In other words, you are to be “discreet.”

In Titus, woman are told if they are not DISCREET that they will blaspheme God’s word.

Titus 2:3-5 “the aged women…they may teach the young women to be discreet…that the word of God be not blasphemed.

The word “discreet” in the Greek means SOUND IN MIND; SELF-CONTROLLED; MODERATE AS TO OPINION OR PASSION.

This is not something that we are born with, it is something we must learn.

If you are not SELF CONTROLLED and have to vent to all, letting everyone at work, home or school know exactly what you think or feel, you are not alone.

Most women aren’t self controlled and that is why this is in the bible.

You are God’s ROYALTY and he wants you to stand out in a crowd.

You are GODS child and he wants to show you off to the world.

In the bible, there is an EXAMPLE of a great man that was discreet.

Gen.41:33 “…let Pharoah…look out a man discreet and wise, and set him over the land of Egypt.”

Joseph interpreted Pharoah’s dream, in turn, when he went to find someone discreet and wise, he found none other than Joseph.

Gen.41;39 “…Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art.”

Why?  Because they knew that Joseph had God’s favor in his life.

Why?  Because Joseph used the gifts God gave him to HELP others.

Why?  Because Joseph was wise.

Why?  Because Joseph was DISCREET.

When you have an opinion about something, does that opinion stand first and all others are not considered.

Do people look at you as being FAIR on your judgment.

This has to be at the top of God’s list because EIGHT items were listed to be learned.

Are you the queen of God’s heart?

Then lets learn to be discreet.

Ask God what areas you need to be more like Him.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

LOVING YOUR CHILDREN

One of the greatest experiences in life is the birth of your children.

I read a sign once and it said, “ When your kids are born, you can’t wait till they can walk and talk.  Once they learn to walk and talk, you keep telling them to “sit down and shut up”.

In Titus the topic of children is brought up.

Titus 2:4 “…that they teach the young women to love their children.”

Once again, we are left with the thought of why women have to learn to love their children when it should come naturally.

That is because it doesn’t come or stay NATURALLY, it is something to be taught and practiced.

No mother will say I don’t love my child but they will all tell you that their child has wore them to a frazzle.

The love that is discussed in Titus, is an UNCONDITIONAL love.

Vacuuming, dusting, cooking and acting like a taxi driver to your child is showing love but it needs to go further.

Your first duty is to make your home life ATTRACTIVE to your husband and children.

Life with your children is a living thing, that means that as your children age, it will change.

There are times that you can have so much fun as a family then it is like tug-of-war each member pulling in a different direction.

Jesus commanded us to love one another.

He is not asking you to do something he has not done HIMSELF.

Whenever you are having trouble with your “love issues”, just move closer to Jesus.

Our job is to be the peacemaker in the home.

Not only are we to be peacemakers, we are to make others be at PEACE.

Jesus said, “ Blessed are the peacemakers…”

CASE AND POINT:  As my children were growing up, my husbands favorite words were “pick your battles.”  I am a disciplinarian and every time a rule was broken, I felt the children needed to suffer the consequences.  He felt differently.  It was hard for me but I was able to see the advantage it was to the family by not making everything a big deal.

It kept a lot of peace in the home.

Not everyone has perfect children, so that is why in Titus, we are told to love our kids.

Every family has at least one child that “listens to a different drummer.”

We can’t make the whole family miserable over one child.

Make sure you get ENOUGH sleep at night or take a nap.

Also, make sure that you get plenty of spiritual rest.

Make sure that you keep your spouse your TOP priority.

If you find yourself upset with your spouse, the chances are that you will end up irritated with your children.

Here are some suggestions that will help you as a parent:

1. Understand that you are not alone.

God is with you to help you.

2.   Take an inventory as to why you are weary.

You might have to much on your plate.

3.  Hire people to help you or swap chores.

Hiring out will give you extra time or rest.

Exchanging days where you will keep a friends kids and they will keep your is always comforting.

God knows what you go through and the help that you need.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

LOVE YOUR HUSBAND

I am sure that if we did a survey and asked wives if they loved their husbands, most would say, “Of Course!”

In Titus, it is one of the commands that all women learn to “love their husbands.”

These verses are here for a reason, and I am going to assume it is because we have a lot to be taught.

Have you ever thought about how much you really love your husband and does your affection show?

Do you share dreams?

Do you still hold hands?

Can you focus on the good and forget the bad things that have happened?

When things go wrong do you scream and pout?

Your husband is human!

Do you really love the man that God has given you?

Then that means that your husband needs “unconditional acceptance” from you.

Accept him for who and what he is with all his imperfections.

The love that God has for Jesus is the model for love in our marriage relationship.

If you serve your spouse out of duty, with no affection, it would be very offensive to him.

Sex is one of a man’s most important NEED!!

I will say that again; Sex is your husbands most important NEED from you.

This is the most important thing on learning to “love your husband.”

Sex may be last on your list, but as a wife, you are to look at every thing through his perspective.  This insight of his perspective will help you with decision making.

Do you resist intimacy?

Do you act uninterested to his sexual gestures?

Your husband is not dumb, he knows when he is being brushed off by you.

He also has feelings and has to deal with rejection when it comes to sex.

Rejection in a man causes an array of emotions since this is such an important part of his life.

You have just torn him at the very center of his being, so now his response will be isolation.

Forget the mopping, the meal, the kids or anything else.  This guy needs a queen who is going to make him feel like a king.

He married you cause he thought you qualified.

Was he right or wrong?

Everyone loves the end of Cinderella but if you remember, it has a very romantic ending.

Well the shoe fit, that is why he married you.

But what happened to the romance??

He is still waiting.

Cherish him the way God planned it to be, “For better or worse.”

You will be thrilled at what it will do for your marriage!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

UPHILL BATTLE

We will continue on with the topic of “not blaspheming God’s word.”

In Titus we are told, “…to be sober…”

Titus 2:4 “That they may teach the young women to be sober…”

The word “sober” in the Greek means TO MAKE OF SOUND MIND.

The dictionary says, “dignified and somber in manner or character and committed to keeping promises.”

This had to be very important or it would not be in the bible.

To have a “sound mind” is a 24 hour job.

Joyce Meyers wrote a great book called “Battlefield of the Mind.”  The book teaches you to arm yourself with, the Word of God, praise, prayer, and other powerful spiritual weapons.

I will be using some of the comments from that book for this post.

Your actions are a direct result of your thoughts.

You will have a negative life if you have negative thoughts.

If you renew your mind with God’s word in Romans 12:2 we are promised ,”…the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Many of the problems we experience in life are due to problems that are rooted in our thinking pattern.

Do you accept all the thinking Satan OFFERS you?

Don’t ever give up, because you are changing little by little every day.

Your life will change for the BETTER  as you change your mind.

2Cor.10:4,5 (MSG) “The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture.  We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.”

The devil argues with us; he offers us theories and reasonings.

1. You are engaged in a war.
2. Your enemy is Satan.
3. The mind is the battlefield.
4.  The devil works diligently to set up strongholds in your mind.
5.   He does it through strategy and deceit (through well-laid plans and deliberate deception).
6.  He is in no hurry; he takes his time to work out his plan.

How to flow in the mind of Christ:

1. Think positive thoughts.
2. Be God-minded.
3. Be “God-Loves–Me” minded.
4. Have an exhortative mind.
5. Develop a thankful mind.
6. Be Word-minded.

Rom.8:6  “Now the mind of the flesh (which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit) is death (death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter).  But the mind of the (Holy) Spirit is life and (soul) peace (both now and forever).

God wants obedience, not sacrifice.

Obedience and disobedience: Both have CONSEQUENCES.

Bring every thought into captivity to Christ.

Would you rather LIVE with worry, doubt, confusion, depression, anger, and feelings of condemnation?

If you suffer from negative thoughts, God wants to help you.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post as we continue on “Wives don’t blaspheme God’s Word.  Daily there is a new post.

MARRIAGE FILLS OUR GAP

Gen. 2:18 clearly outlines one major purpose for marriage: for one spouse to complete the other.  “It is not good that man should be alone,” God declared.  “I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Adam may have lived in the middle of a perfect garden, but he was alone.  God created Eve to be his comparable helper and companion.  The Apostle Paul echoed this teaching when he wrote, “Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman nor woman independent of man, in the Lord”( 1Cor.11:11).  We really do need each other!   As william Barclay’s DAILY STUDY BIBLE put it, “In the Lord, woman is nothing without man nor man without woman.”

Perhaps you saw the original Rocky film, before Sylvester Stallone started spinning off sequels.  Do you remember the love relationship of Rocky and Adrian?  She is the little wallflower who worked in the pet shop, the sister of Paulie, an insensitive goon who works at the meat house and who wants to become a debt collector for a loan shark.  Paulie feels suspicious of Rocky’s intentions toward Adrian.  He asks the fighter one day, “What’s the attraction?  I don’t see it.”

I doubt that Sylvester Stallone, who wrote the script, has any idea that his words perfectly exemplify the principle for a suitable helper described in Genesis 2.  Rocky declare, “I dunno–she fills gaps.”

Paulie bristles. “What gaps?” he asks.

“She got gaps; I got gaps–together we fill the gaps.”

In his simple but profound way, Rocky hits upon a great truth.  He means that without him, Adrian has empty places in her life; and without her, he has empty places in his.  But when the two of them get together, they fill those blank spots in one another.

That’s exactly what God did when He fashioned a helpmate suitable for Adam.  She filled his empty places and he filled hers.

I’ve never had any doubt that I need Barbara.  I know she fills my gaps.  I need her because she tells me the truth about myself, both the good, the bad, and the otherwise.  I need Barbara to add another perspective of life, of relationships, and of people.  She also adds variety and spice to my life.  She’s an artist; I am not.  Her pace is slower than mine.  She helps me pull back on the throttle and helps me enjoy life.  She has encouraged me, for instance,  to read more–and I now actually enjoy it.  That’s what a helpmate does!

NOTE:  Don’t forget tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

NOTE: This article was taken from Family Life Bible Study by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

Question #1.  What characteristics in personality kill the flame in a marriage?

Answer #1.  Personalities and characteristics are not what kill the flame in a marriage.  There are an array of reasons for the flame in a marriage to seize.

1.  Husbands have needs and wives have needs.  When these needs are not met, the flame goes out.  At that point each person can decide that only God can meet their need and they can become a better person in Christ.  Worldly couples usually decide to find someone who will meet those needs and the marriage starts to deteriorate.

2.  In Eph.5:33, it tells the husband to love his wife and the wife to respect her husband.  In the book, Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerich, it calls this the “crazy cycle”.  When the wife doesn’t respect her husband, then he does not show her love by meeting her needs.  When the husband doesn’t show love to his wife, she decides not to respect him.  They get on this merry-go-round until one of them gets off.  There needs to be a decision to do your part whether the other one does or not.  When your spouse sees that you have made an effort inspite of how the other one acts, they fall back in love with you.

3.  The devil has many devices and he hates marriages.  He knows that you are a double cord and it will be hard for him to get in.  God hates divorce, and the devil tries to destroy the work of God.  You need to have the attitude of pleasing God no matter what goes on in your marriage.  That means making your husband a better man than when you found him.  Not by nagging or trying to change him, but coming along side and encouraging him  you can.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

WIVES OVER 50

A few decades ago there was a song telling about the different stages of life.  After each stage, Peggy Lee would sing the words, “Is that all there is?”

Those words indicate that after each stage in life, there was a big disappointment for her.

This is where a lot of women over 50 are at after they have raised their children, been a responsible wife and worked through the issues of life.

In Titus, Paul is talking to the older women specifically.

Titus 2;3 “The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness…”

This is your time to ENJOY the rewards of maturity.

Child bearing and monthly period discomfort are some of the areas God has just relieved you from.

You have lived in the “rat race of life”, up to this point.

Now you can LIVE for God, your husband, and yourself.

Charles Spurgeon, a famous Christian preacher who brought revival to England said these words, “And how beautifully can an aged Christian woman, by her kindly example, be a teacher of good things!  There is no more charming sight under heaven, I think, than that of an elderly Christian lady, whose words and whose whole life are such as becometh the gospel of Christ.”

In those days, I am sure that the average life span for women at that time was under 50 years.

No matter what you or anyone else thinks of you, Gods opinion is the only one that should count in your life.

God has five commands for the older woman which are not suggestions.  He commands them of us.

1. Live holy.  (vs.3)
2. Be not slanderers.  (vs.3)
3. Not given to wine.  (vs.3)
4. Be teachers of good things.  (vs.3)
5. Teach the young women.  (vs. 4)

The word “slander” in the Greek is pronounced diabolos  which means DEVIL.

Every time you gossip about somebody, you are partaking in the devils perfect plan.

It is our responsibility to prepare this next generation with GODLY womanhood.

I am not saying it, the word of God is saying it.

Women, if we do not do this, then we will fail to be what God wants us to be.

Are you more mature and serene with this NEW season of life?

Are you more well poised and charming?

Most “boomers” now days are mentally fruitful and full of energy.

Don’t let the devil lure you into his party;  the PITY PARTY.

We all watch TV and see so many items geared for the “boomers.”

Everyone wants to stay young forever but it will not happen.

Let’s enjoy  ourselves and do the things God has called us to do.

Psa.92:14 “They shall still bear fruit in old age;They shall be fresh and flourishing.”

This is a promise from God, but you have to start today in order to be fresh and flourishing in the future.

You have a lot to give.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

WIVES BLASPHEME GOD’S WORD  

Blaspheme is any insulting remark or curse, even attributing to Satan the works of the Word of God.

You might be a wife and you are telling yourself that you would never blaspheme Gods Word.

Let’s search the scriptures and see what they say about wives.

Titus 2:3-5 “The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

This is exciting that the Apostle Paul wants to give us some clear guidance so that we don’t make mistakes.

He wants us to have a fruitful life and not blaspheme Gods Word.

Different magazines, like Forbes, will print the list of the top 100 most powerful women.  The list will be of women who hold a political office, presidents, chairmen and CEO’s of large companies.

None of these women were noted to be “powerful” or “influential” because of their work as a mother or wife.

We can’t take this list lightly!!

God has given us, who will read and study his word, insight into what God considers to be “influential” and “powerful”.

First he tells the older woman what they should be doing.

Titus 2:3 “Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips or drunks, but models of goodness.”  (MSG)

These are some pretty harsh words for the older women.

Notice that it says to be “models of goodness”.   Goodness is expected of both the younger and older women.

All women, younger and older, are expected to practice reverence.  They are not to be gossipers or drunkards but practice the goodness of God in their lives.

No woman is exempt from these commands.

What makes a woman successful and significant according to the world, is entirely different from what Gods view is.

Be alert!!  You will find yourself leaning towards what the world thinks if you do not keep your mind in God’s word.

That is BLASPHEME!!

That is BLASPHEME of God’s Word!!

Titus 2:4-5 “By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives.”  (MSG)

CASE AND POINT:  I remember as a new Christian, I was thrilled to see this scripture.  I felt like I was the only one on earth having trouble loving my husband and children.  I thought it should come automatically as a women.  I was trying to keep up with my Christian ministries, work a full time job, take and pick-up one newborn from a sitter and another one from pre-school.  I was spiritually drowning.  I realized there were going to be times in life when I would want to resign from being a wife or mother.  Obviously, God strengthened me and pulled me through since I have now been serving Him over 40 years and loving it.

If you are feeling guilty about motherhood or your job as a wife, don’t.

Jesus says he cares for you, and the Holy Spirit is there to strengthen   you.

Titus 2:5b 

…We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.”

This is our moment to shine girls!!

We become the “Queen of God’s heart.”

This is where He becomes so pleased with us.

This is where God places us into His magazines!  All through His word he talks about rewarding us for doing good.

Fighting the good fight and loving it!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post, we will continue on wives not blaspheming God’s Word.  Daily there is a new post.