LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

STEPS TO MARITAL HAPPINESS (Part 3)

Meekness is not an easy virtue to put to practice.

We have an enemy that is always trying to stir up strife in our marriage.

Something will always come up to disturb your contentment.

Matt. 5:5 “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.”

Meekness is the workmanship of the Holy Spirit .

God’s graces are various and one of them is meekness.

God’s graces are compared to needlework in the Psalms.

Psa. 45:14a “She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework…”

What makes needle point beautiful are the various colors in it.

That is the way the beatitudes are with an array of items that make us look beautiful in Christ.

66% of marital disagreements are never resolved according to John Gottman, a researcher at the University of Washington.

Meekness is twofold: Meekness towards God and meekness towards man.

Meekness towards God is submission to his will and flexibleness to his word.

Here are areas that we need to show meekness towards our spouse.

First, meekness involves a spouse to the bearing of injuries.

1Cor.13:5 “…is not easily provoked thinketh no evil…

Are you wrapped up in your own personal pains?

Meekness keeps spouses in tune with each other.

Psa.38:12,13 “They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things…But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.”

Meekness is the bridle for your mouth.

It binds up your tongue and guides it to good behavior.

Spouses we need to practice acting like a deaf man as if we do not hear the assaults that come our way.

Second, Meekness is forgiving of our injuries.

Mark 11:25 “And when ye stand praying, forgive…that your Father which is in heaven may forgive your trespasses.”

A meek spirit is a forgiving spirit.

We have a tendancy to forget kindness but remember injuries.

Forgiving for the unsaved is like cutting against the grain.

Do you smother the fire of your rage, but will not extinguish it?

Spouses, we need to make sure that fire is out!!

Third, Meekness is returning good for evil.

Matt.5:44 ”…Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you…”

Rom.12:20 “…if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink…”

1Pet.3:9  “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing…”

It is brutish to treat your spouse with evil intentions.

It is devilish to repay with evil intentions.

Return a blessing next time and receive a blessing yourself.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

STEPS TO MARITAL HAPPINESS (Part 2)

We will go to the beatitudes to show us God’s steps to “marital happiness.”

Gods desire is to show you how to fill your marriage with happiness and grace by using the beatitudes as a guideline.

The beatitudes are a strand of precious pearls, which are an ornament of “grace.”

These are steps to God-likeness and blessedness.

The first pearl was Matt.5:3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

This poverty is in a mans spirit, not in his pocket.

The next pearl is in Matthew 5:4:

Matt.5:4 “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”

The definition of “mourn,” is grief and sorrow caused by profound loss, especially death.

Don’t compare

Who are these mourners who are blessed?

All mourners are not all blessed.

If you were to connect your conduct towards your spouse, with God’s thoughts about it, you would get a shock that would sober you up.

So go down deep into the hidden corners of your heart and expose them to yourself so you can see what God see’s.

The elders of Israel told the people they worshipped creeping things, abominable things, lustful things which lived within their heart.

The way to heaven is to feel that we are on the way to hell.

In order to have a spiritually healthy marriage you must be aware of your corruption and abhor your own transgressions.

You have a “Great Physician” who wants to heal you of all your heart diseases.

If you can look on sin and not be sorrowful then you have never looked on Christ.

Beware if you can sin and feel no difference because you are not far from having a callous heart.

Luke 6:25 “Woe to you who are well-fed now, for you shall be hungry.  Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep.”

1Cor.5:2 “And you have become arrogant, and have not mourned instead, in order that the one who had done this deed might be removed from your midst.”

The mourning is not the revelation that you have contributed ungodliness to your marriage, it is that those sins have brought and continue to bring death to the marital balance.

Those that mourn know they have lost their self-respect, their righteousness, and mourn the loss of the innocence in their marriage.

Confession is one thing, contrition (mourn and grief) is another.

When you mourn, you are not under the heading of “chance”, you are under the blanket of transformation by the power of the ever-blessed God.

Marital mourning is regret that you have been a disappointment to the Lord concerning your marriage.

The marriages that are happy and spiritually prosperous are the ones that are mourning, because they will be strengthened and encouraged by consolation.

If you are sensitive to the Holy Spirit the sins that you now commit will be a sense of daily grief to you.

When you are broken hearted about your sins, you will think that God is far away but when he is really the closest to you.

What men esteem, God despises.  What God esteems, man despises.

God loves a broken and contrite heart!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

STEPS TO MARITAL HAPPINESS (part 1)

The word “blessed” in the bible means “happy.”

In Matt.5:3 Gods word says, “…blessed are the poor in spirit…”

This is a guarantee that if we want to be happy in our marriage we must be “poor in spirit.”

Statistics show that in earlier years of marriage couples are not as happy as in the later part of their marriage.

If we FOLLOW Gods plan for marriage, then we don’t have to wait for our later years.

We can find fulfillment and happiness every day in Christ.

What then is “poor in spirit” and what do we need to do to attain it?

To be “poor in spirit” is to have a humble opinion of ourselves.

As a spouse, you must have no righteousness of your own.

It is the OPPOSITE of pride, vanity and ambition.

Do you display pride in your marriage towards your spouse when he is wrong in an issue?

How about in spiritual AREAS?

Are you vain when it comes to yourself?  May be you convince yourself that you just want to look nice.

Does the importance of your career sometimes drown out your marital responsibilities?

How do you know if you are “…poor in spirit…?”

First, are you a Christ-admirer?

This means that you should want Christ in your life more than anything.  This is a person whose heart and mind is totally sold out to God.

Second, do you spend much time in prayer?

Do you realize that your marriage depends on your prayer life to intercede for your spouse.  We are commanded to intercede for others especially for our spouse.  That is what a “helpmeet” does as their responsibility.

Third, are you weaned from yourself?

Psa.131:12 “My soul is even as a weaned child.”  Are you hung up on yourself?  Do you find yourself staying in your comfort zone?  Do you put what makes you happy over what makes your spouse happy?  If so, you have not been weaned from yourself.

Fourth, are you lowly in heart?

Job 42:6 “…I abhor myself in dust…” Job rolled himself in dust to show his sense of unworthiness.  What do you do to show God that you are unworthy?  You can start by looking for opportunities to serve your spouse.

Are you willing to be where God places you?

Are you willing to BEAR what God lays on you as a spouse?

I hope you are not thinking you deserve God’s favor because of how hard you have it as a spouse!!

You need to be willing to be God’s Hands.

That is when you WILL BE blessed and happy.

Henry Ward Beecher said, “The strength and the happiness of a man consists in finding out the way in which God is going, and going in that way, too.”

If you want a happy marriage, you have to see yourself as you are, and want to make the changes in your life.

Which path are you going to take your marriage down today?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SEXUAL FULFILLMENT in CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

NOTE FROM NANCY:  The following is from the back of a book called “Intended for Pleasure.”  It is a must for every married couple.  Because of the content, I have decided to not post important information you need but to recommend that you purchase it.  This way parents can delicately talk to their children if they decide to. If I posted this information on my blog, parents may not approve of their children reading it.  This book was written to help married adults fulfill and enjoy their sex relationship.

Make your sexual relationship the fulfilling experience God meant it to be.

GOD GAVE HUMANKIND THE GIFT OF SEX.

But many couples don’t experience the kind of joy and fulfillment God intended.

If you’ve ever been frustrated with a lack of intimacy in your marriage, or if you just want to know more about how you can get the most out of your relationship, Intended for Pleasure is for you.

This honest and frank resource will answer your questions about sex and sexuality, improving sexual response, sex techniques for pregnancy, birth control, sex at any age, solutions for sexual problems, and much more.

All of the questions you’ve been afraid to ask (or didn’t even know to ask!) are answered right here.

The most important book on Christian sexuality is better than ever.

A CLASSIC FOR THIRTY YEARS, Intended for Pleasure is an easy-to-read reference book that combines biblical teaching on love and marriage with the latest medical information on sex and sexuality.

This popular resource gently encourages married couples to make their sexual relationship the fulfilling experience it was meant to be.

This is a complete sex manual with basic facts, illustrations, and frank discussion of all facets of human sexuality.

A perfect gift for newlyweds and a sourcebook for pastors and marriage counselors, this book has helped more than a million people understand and enjoy the gift God intended for pleasure.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

LOVE IS FERTILE SOIL

“…that you being rooted and grounded in love…”

When we plant a living seed into healthy soil, we expect it to blossom.

And just as flowers in a greenhouse are supplied with an ideal environment for growth, so a home filled with love provides the ideal atmosphere for people to bloom.

We know that children who grow up in loving families tend to sleep deeper, stand taller, and venture farther than those who are never secure in their parents’ love.

Likewise, when you provide safe, loving soil for your spouse to grow in, they will be more likely to flourish with confidence, knowing that they are valued and secure.

What happens when someone is loved over the years?

Their needs are met, dreams encouraged, opinions heard, and successes praised.

They’re assured of your patience and forgiveness when they fail, and free to express themselves honestly without fear of your judgement.

They’ll even weather intense seasons of disappointment with the stability your love supplies.

Admit it–we’d all love to be loved like that.

Questions

How will your mate be affected by living with you in the future?

Will they become radiant or saddened?

Confident or angry?

Will you dare to create a loving environment for your spouse to grow in?

NOTE:  This article was take from “The Love Dare” by Kendrick

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

RESOLVE CONFLICT THROUGH LOVING CONFRONTATION

NOTE:  This article was taken from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Barbara and I manage our conflicts with a tool we call “loving confrontation.”  When either of us gets upset with the other, we try not to hide or deny what is making us see red; we get the hurt in the open through direct, but loving confrontation.

If you want to practice loving confrontation, you can’t believe that your mate is out to get you, nor can you be out to get your mate.  Be willing to hear what God may be saying through your mate.  Many of Barbara’s best statements to me hurt a bit; but I need to hear them because they keep me on the right track.  I want to hear what she is trying to say, instead of plotting how I will reply and defend myself.

Consider a few tips that Barbara and I have found useful in keeping a judgmental spirit out of confrontation:

Check your motivation.  Will what you say help or hurt?  Will bringing this up cause healing, wholeness, and oneness, or further conflict?  Prayer is the best barometer of your motivation.  When you take your situation to God and He shines His light on you and the problem, you usually see your motivation for what it is.

Check your attitude.  A tender spirit expressed through loving confrontation says, “I care about you.  I respect you and I want you to respect me.  I want to know how you feel.”  Don’t hop on your bulldozer and run down your partner.  Do you have a spirit of humility or pride?

Check the circumstances.  The circumstances may include timing, location and setting.  Perhaps the most important is timing. Barbara should not confront me as I walk in the house after a hard day’s work.  I should not confront her as she’s helping a sick child.

Check to see what other pressures may be present.  Be sensitive to where your mate is coming from.  What’s the context of your mate’s life right now.

Check your readiness to take it as well as dish it out.  Sometimes a confrontation can boomerang.  Your mate may have some stuff saved on the other side of the fence that may come right back at you.

Check the emotional temperature.  Call a time-out if the conflict escalates.  Hot, emotionally charged words don’t bring peace.  Say to each other, “I’m not running away from our talk, I love you and want to work this out–but I need a little time to process before we continue our conversation.”

How you handle conflict in your marriage and family will determine what kind of relationships you experience.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SATURDAY Q&A 

 NOTE:  The following question and answer is from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1.  How can we become friends again after the children are gone?

Answer #1.  

The most important thing you can do is to begin to develop some common interests, some things you enjoy doing together.  Find something to share and make your relationship a priority.  Rediscovering or even rebuilding the common basis that you lost during the years when he spent all day at work and you spent all day with the kids will take time and hard work.

One of you need to take the steps to participate in an activity that the other already is involved in or interested in, so that the relationship can have a chance to grow.  The husband and wife need to reach a compromise, sacrificing their own rights and wishes for the ultimate good of the relationship.

You can also try to uncover a common cause, or a shared mission–some ministry that both of you can passionately support.  Couples across the nation have found their common cause in mentoring younger couples.  They are dedicating part of their lives to teaching others how to make marriages work and how to build godly homes through leading small groups in our HomeBuilders Couples Series.  These can be the best years of your life!

LOVE FINDS FAVOR

“Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man.” Prov.3:3-4 NASB

Kind people simply find favor wherever they go—even at home.

Kindness is attractive because it gives value to the other person and honors them with gentleness and respect.

When you’re operating from kindness, you’re careful how you treat your spouse, never being harsh.

You’re sensitive.

Tender.

Even if you need to say hard things, you’ll bend over backwards to make your rebuke or challenge as easy as possible for them to hear.

It’s the act of speaking the truth in love, which few of us tend to do naturally.

We feel that if our words are true, the tone of communication should also be accepted.

But love finds favor by speaking with gentleness, removing the heat from the discussion.

This allows the focus to be on the truth in your statement, not on the manner in which it was delivered.

A spoonful of kindness indeed helps the truth go down.

PRAYER

“Heavenly Father, help me to walk in kindness and truth.  Give me the foresight to hold my tongue until I can filter my words through the standards of honesty and love.  In Jesus’ name, amen.”

NOTE:  This article is from “Love Dare” which is published by Kendrick.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help you succeed in marriage.

MARRIAGE IS EMOTIONAL WORK

Emotional work refers to managing your feelings so others can see your facial and bodily display.

The strongest positive effect on wives’ marital well-being , is when a spouse SUPPORTS her emotionally.

We may think that it is the physical help with housework and child care by a spouse that makes the difference in a marriage, but most wives say it is the emotional concern.

Studies show that 85% of illnesses are due to stress.

CASE AND POINT:  Jackie Robinson was the first black baseball player to be hired on a major league team.  Before that if you were black, you played on the black leagues only.  You would conclude that he must have been the greatest ball player of his time.  They had to have overlooked every white player before they would even consider Jackie Robinson.  Here are some points of interest about Jackie Robinson.

• He was not the best hitter, best runner, best catcher or overall best black player in the “negro leagues.”
• He was picked because he had been on the UCLA college baseball team.
• It was the conclusion that Jackie had the stamina to make it through the many challenges of criticism awaiting him by both the jealous black teams he was leaving behind and the prejudice white teams he had to face ahead.
• History shows us that not only did he become a better player but he received many awards.  He handled himself with such emotional control, that he opened doors for other outstanding black baseball players to be picked for the major leagues in the 1940’s

That is emotional work and Jackie Robinson changed history.

Your emotions are not an indication as to how spiritual you are but rather proof of your HUMANITY.

You need to talk to the one who speaks peace to the storm.

God wants you to be BALANCED and to be beautiful inside and out.

Jesus spoke these words to us in Matthew 5:3-12.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake,

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

This is tremendous emotional work and this was expected of every Christian.

The word “blessed” means highly favored.

God wants your marriage blessed (highly favored).

In order for you to receive Gods blessing in your marriage, you will find yourself going down a road of emotional work.

This does not mean that God doesn’t LOVE you or that there is something majorly wrong with your marriage.

It means God wants your marriage to be beautiful on the inside and outside.

God sees the stamina in you to MAKE IT through.

The Holy Spirit is there to lovingly guide you through.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

CAUSE OF MARITAL PRAYERLESSNESS

If you want your marriage to thrive, then you MUST spend time in prayer.

One of the main reasons for prayerlessness is lack of faith in the integrity (completeness) of God’s word.

When faith is perfected we shall receive the answer.

Matt.9:29 “…according to your faith be it unto you…”

Matt.21:21 “If ye have faith, and doubt not…ye shall say unto this mountain Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea, (and) it shall be done.”

Mark 11:24 “Whatever things ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them.”

Mark 9:23 “Jesus said unto him, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.”

How to obtain achieving faith.

PRAISE IS THE ANSWER!

In the bible there is more emphasis on praise then there is on prayer.  Psa.145:10 “…all thy works shall praise thee…”

Praise is also the highest occupation of angels.  Rev.5:11-12 “And I beheld, and I heard the voice of many angels round about the throne and…the number of them was ten thousand times ten thousand, and thousands of thousands, saying with a loud voice, Worthy is the lamb!”

In heaven it is important to maintain a chorus of praise unceasingly day and night around the throne, so it must be supremely important on EARTH.

If this is what occupies the total time in heaven, it must be just as important on earth.

CASE AND POINT:  This morning I was watching T.D. Jakes.  He was preaching and said something I knew but for some reason it was profound to me today.  He said how when he became a pastor, his first church offering that came in the collection plate was a total of $2.50.   He said how much the enemy had tormented him as he was preparing for the opening of his church.  He looked at the plate and said, “The devil hassled me over just $2.50” Then he said that it wasn’t about the $2.50 it was about where he was headed and what he would accomplish.

We have an enemy who knows the power within us!

The enemy knows how important our marriage is and where we are HEADED as a couple and what we will accomplish.

The enemy knows that you are a champion in Gods eyes and that you will damage and destroy what satan wants to achieve.

You were MADE to be fruitful and create.

You scare the enemy because of who you are.

You don’t have to have a title in your church or a prominent position to PRAISE God.

Praise is the spark plug of faith.

For ANSWERED prayer we have to pray in faith and praise gives us faith.

When you praise and pray, then God can trust you with bigger problems and more insight.

Whoever heard of an athlete training for an obstacle race, pleading with his trainer to remove the OBSTACLES?

There will always be trials and obstacles in our marriage that will cause us to loose faith.

How can you be an OVERCOMER in your marriage if there is nothing to overcome?

If you want what you’ve never had, then you must do what you’ve never done!

NOW GOD CAN TRUST YOU WITH BIGGER PROBLEMS!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.