LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

A MODEL PRAYER FOR COUPLES

IF COUPLES SHOULD PRAY for one thing consistently, it is that God will use them to accomplish His purposes.  That is the theme of a biblical prayer by an obscure man named Jabez, whom the Bible describes as “more honorable than his brothers” (1Chron.4:9).

Jabez prayed, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!”  And note what happened, “So God granted him what he requested” (1Chron.4:10)

Jabez asked God to do several things, and every one is something that all married couples can and should ask for.  First, he asked that God bless him and “enlarge his territory”–meaning, give him new turf and enlarge his sphere of influence so that he could more widely influence others for God.

He also asked God to keep him from evil so that he wouldn’t cause pain to others through his own sin–in other words, that God would keep him from temptation.

The prayer of Jabez should not be a mantra recited in hopes that saying these particular words will unlock some spiritual blessing.  This prayer reflects the righteous desires of a godly man.  Do you desire that God would provide you with greater influence for His kingdom and would keep you from sin?  Then make the prayer of Jabez a model for how you pray together as a couple today.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage successful.

IF EVIL-MERODACH CAN DO IT…

THE BIBLE IS AMAZING.  It can use even the actions of a proud, pagan king to instruct us on how to treat our wives with respect. I see this in 2Kings 25:28, which describes how the Babylonian ruler Evil-Merodach treated the captive King Jehoiachin: “He spoke kindly to him, and gave him a more prominent seat than those of the kings who were with him in Babylon.”  This foreign ruler was not required to speak to and treat King Jehoiachin with such respect.  But he did.

Do you speak kindly to your spouse?  Do you speak with respect?  Without careful attention, your tongue can become caustic, searing, and accusing.  I work hard in this area, because I know that honor begins with attitude.  I also know that when I am under pressure, I can become curt and snippy.

I’ve learned that I must protect my wife from others who speak disrespectfully to her.  When our children talked back to Barbara,  they knew that they were going to have to deal with me. Our children were great, but they tried to mug her on numerous occasions.  She was outnumbered!  That’s why I did my best not to let them get away with speaking to her disrespectfully.

In addition, do you give your wife a prominent seat higher than others?  If your wife works outside the home, she may need you to supply a free evening once or twice a week, when you volunteer to do it all, put the children to bed, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, etc.  Hey, if Evil-Merodach can do it for a captive king, why can’t you treat your partner for life even better?

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

JUST DO IT MY WAY

 Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected

Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?”

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

PLEASE THINK MY WAY

Nine times out of ten, arguments end with each person more convinced they are right.

Why make your spouse feel uncomfortable?

Why put your spouse in an embarrassing situation?

If you are not asked for your opinion, they don’t want it, so why argue?

Shouldn’t you let your spouse save face?

If you prove your spouse wrong, is that going to make them like you?

THINK, how much better could it be if you are not argumentative?

Do you know how to get the best of an argument?  AVOID IT!!

Arguments can be avoided.  God hates arguments!!!  Prov. 6:17-19 “…these six things doth the LORD hate:  yea, seven are an abomination unto him…an heart that deviseth (thinks) wicked imaginations…and he that soweth discord (stirs up trouble and anger) among brethren.”

An important thing to keep in mind is that your spouse probably has ”goodwill” about what they are saying.

Would you rather have a victory or your spouses’ “goodwill?”  You seldom can have both of them.

‘Goodwill’ is the friendly hope that something (or someone) will succeed.

The truth of the matter is that your spouse probably truly wants to help you succeed.

Don’t, DON’T, Don’t let the devil lie to you.

CASE AND POINT:  When my daughter was in her early teens she asked me to take her to a Christian rock festival.  It was an all day affair.  I don’t like rock music and I was dreading it.  Every other day my husband would mention it and start laughing at me.  I was furious but I didn’t want him to know he was getting to me.  Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore.  I told him in private to “knock it off.”  He was shocked when I told him how mad I was at him constantly laughing and making me mad.  He told me that I was so wrong in my conclusion.  He told me he knows how I can’t stand the hard rock, yet I am totally willing to make our daughter happy.  His words made me feel so good, that I almost wanted to go after he said that.  I went and I believe the “Newsboys” or some group like that was there cause there was an array of groups.  It was an excellent sound with choreography and I had a great time.

This kind of incident happens occasionally but I have decided to believe my spouses’ intentions are with “goodwill.”‘

DON’T GIVE THE DEVIL THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!   GIVE YOUR SPOUSE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!

Let me say it again:  Give your SPOUSE the benefit of the doubt!!!!

DO NOT GIVE THE GOODWILL TO THE DEVIL.!!

Prov.29:20 “Seesth thou a man that is hasty in his words?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.”

Here are some suggestions for how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument.  This is from Bits and Pieces, published by The Economic Press.

Welcome the disagreement.

If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention.  Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.

Distrust your first instinctive impression.

Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive.  Be careful.  Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction.  It may be you at your worst, not your best.

Control your temper.

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

Listen first.

Give your spouse a chance to talk.  Let them finish.  Do not resist, defend or debate.  This only raises barriers.  Try to build bridges of understanding.  Don’t build higher barriers ofmisunderstanding.

Look for areas of agreement.

When you have heard your spouse out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Be honest.

Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.  Apologize for your mistakes.  It will help disarm your spouse and reduce defensiveness.

Promise to think over your spouses’ ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.  Your spouse may be right.  It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your spouse can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Thank your spouse sincerely for their interest.

Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.  Think of your spouse as someone who really wants to help you, and remember that you want to remain friendly to each other.

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear.

Job 6:25 “How forcible are right words!  But what doth your arguing reprove (prove)?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GETTING RID OF MARITAL NEGATIVE MENTALITY

COMPUTERS!!! I am terrible with computers.  When I get on my computer, there is rarely a time that I am not asking my husband to help me.  My hubby is excellent with computers.  He tells me once and expects me to remember.  I will ask him the same thing everyday if I don’t write it down.    My life would go smoother but a lot slower without computers.

God specifically designed a PC, PERSONAL COMPUTER for each of us.

Our PC is our brain.  It was intricately designed to make us a success for the kingdom of God.

Jer.1:5  “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee…”

You have a purpose and a special design that makes you, ONLY YOU!

Much of the manner in which we approach life, is a learned behavior.

That is why the Apostle Paul is constantly telling us how to BEHAVE.

This means that you have the ability to “reprogram” your own computer.

But do you???

You need to get rid of a NEGATIVE MENTALITY and develop a habit of happiness.

So what is the first thing we need to do?

SMILE!!   SMILE!!   SMILE!!

No matter what comes your way, you need to have a smile on your face.

When your husband enters that door, he needs to see that SMILE.

Some comments came from Joel Olsteens book, “Become a Better You.”  He is famous for his smile.  His smile and excellent attitude has opened many opportunities for the furtherance of Gods kingdom.

Your countenance can give people hope.

You may be the kind of wife that shows with your face, all the problems that have occurred through the day.  The bible says to “…rejoice in the Lord.”

Right now, you need to make a DECISION to be happy, if you are going to be happy, then show it.

Happiness does not depend on your circumstances.

Rom.8:28 “…all things work together for good when you love the Lord.”

It’s a CHOICE that you make.

How have you trained your brain????

It’s YOUR choice, remember???

You don’t have to have your way to be happy.

Our spouse should not have to SEARCH for our smile like looking for an old slipper.

Your smile should hit him at the door with LIP GLOSS!!

Each day is full of surprises and inconveniences.

Don’t let stress steal your joy, BE FLEXIBLE!!

Prolonged stress will affect your health.

You cannot CONTROL people and you cannot CHANGE people.

God cannot use your life the way he really wants to if you always look depressed and only smile on special occasions.

Make a DECISION to keep a smile on your face.

When people see you with peace, joy and happiness, they should want what you have.

REPROGRAM your brain and make some minor adjustments to respond with a smile to problems.

Change your focus and train your mind to see the good.

Let your COUNTENANCE magnify God.

Don’t magnify your problems.

The key is to retain your brain to move away from negative thoughts.

The Apostle Paul said, “I have learned how to be content…”

He learned it.   LEARN.   It did not happen automatically.

A smile is an act of faith.

A smile says everything is going to be ALL RIGHT.

A smile with LIP GLOSS says, “It’s alright”, with love.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT ENERGIZES YOUR SPOUSE

The fifth thing a husband can’t do without is for his wife to be PROUD OF HIM.

He needs your Admiration!!

A sculptor is an artist who shapes a hard material (stone, wood, etc.) by shaving or chipping away at it.

Wives are masters at sculpting.

They say that when a woman marries a man, she can’t wait to change him. When a man marries a woman, he hopes she will never change.

When you tell your husband that you think he is wonderful, he is ENERGIZED to do more.

It inspires him to handle new responsibilities and to perfect his skills.

Your appreciation of him brings more SATISFACTION than his paycheck.

Behind every man should be an admiring wife.

Instead of an admiring wife, there ends up being a wife with a CHISEL in her hand ready to sculpt a change in him.

Dr. Laura Schlessingers book, “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands”, has some very interesting things to say.

She states in her book that a smart wife doesn’t start chipping away at who he is and what he does.

How would you feel if you married your husband and he walks through the door with a life size COOKIE CUTTER of the ideal wife he wanted and you have to measure up to that.

As ridiculous as it sounds, this is what wives do to husbands.

It is under the umbrella of  “I am trying to help him.”

It is in the same drawer with your chisel and it looks like a chisel.

Men first YEARNED for their mothers’ acceptance, approval, and appreciation, and then their wives’.

When a wife gives them the three A’s, acceptance, approval, and appreciation, a husband will do anything to please her.

To keep a husband, you need to admire him for the things he ENJOYS and wants to do also.

If you don’t, he will perceive himself as being an annoyance and irrelevant to his wives’ more important motivations.

Laura has the following in her book:

“Wives want romance, hugs, kisses, and surprises.  They would get more of these things if they hadn’t just told hubby he was stupid or that a time out with the guys was tantamount to abandonment…or that four hours out of 168 to himself is being overly selfish or self-indulgent.” (4hrs. in a week)

There was a time many years ago, when my husband had to travel quite a bit to our other churches.  The weight and heaviness was starting to get me down.  I read a book about Oral Roberts.  His wife said that there was a place in Palm Springs that he would go to in order to clear his mind and hear from God.  When she saw him flustered, she would tell him he needed to get away.  I noticed that when my husband was away, he would come back energized.  He would be renewed.  When he got away, he could see the ministry with revelation.

I am not suggesting that all husbands take off nor spend large portions of time away.

Women are often attracted to someone who is athletic, musical, etc.

Then after marriage or as time passes, they don’t want them to go to practice and then not to do it anymore.   Nothing!!

Your responsibility is to SUPPORT HIM in whatever brings him joy or energy.

Marriage means we share—but it also means we support the individuality necessary for mental and emotional health, spiritual growth, and ultimate well-being of the relationship.

Without this healthy balance, a marriage can decay or dissolve.

Okay girls.  Put the chisel down!!!

Your marriage can become an overfilled pressure cooker, unless you have necessary OUTLETS.

Stress many times is released with quiet contemplation or a complete change in activity.

Men need some SPACE away from femininity and domesticity at times, in order to reassert their important masculinity.

I have to tell you something that I see quite a bit. Wives that have several close sisters almost always make the holiday plans.  You just know on holidays their poor husbands don’t have a chance to make decisions for his family.  They have to go to her family and he has to do what her sisters want to do even though he works hard and it’s his holiday also.   At the beginning of the marriage, he probably wanted to do some fun things.  Now he just goes with the program but has nothing to look forward to.  It’s the same people with the same conversations.

GIVE HIM A BREAK, GIRLS!!!   Let him plan the next holiday away from the same-old-same-old.

If your family gets their back up, then you know you are in bondage. Lol!!  They should be excited for you!

Remember the three A’s: Acceptance, Approval and Appreciation.  These are all a part of admiration.

ADMIRATION is an expression of your love.

1Cor.13:3  “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to encourage your marriage.

IN-LAWS ARE COMING!

In-laws are an extension of your family.

You are connected through God’s laws and man’s laws.

I will be using different comments from the book “Woman, a formula for victorious living”, by Lu Ann Bransby.

Do not talk about your husband’s family.  He loves his family and so should you even if they are unlovable.

The bible prophesied there would be discord between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law.  Lk.12:53 “…The mother-in-law shall be divided against the daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against the mother-in-law…”

God left an example of what a mother-in –law and daughter-in-law relationship should be like.  Ruth 1:16-17

We are commanded to respect our mother-in-law.  Mk.10:19 “Thou knowest the commandments…Honour thy father and mother.”

Prov.23:22 “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”

Not showing love to your in laws will damage your relationship with your husband and you have to blame yourself.

If they try your patience, God tells us to be patient.  (Rom.12:9-18) This scripture also tells us to be hospitable.

We are commanded to forgive our in-laws if they have wronged us, even if they don’t ask us for forgiveness. Matt.6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father(God) forgive your trespasses.”

Don’t be guilty of being a busy body in your in-laws affairs. 1Pet.4:15 “Let none of you suffer as a…busybody in other men’s matters.”

The bible says that we are not to speak evil against our in laws or argue with them.   We are to be tenderhearted.  Eph.4:31-32 “Let all…anger and evil speaking, be put away from you…and be tenderhearted…”

We should be honest and forthright and at peace with them.  (Rom.12:17-18)

We shouldn’t complain to our husband about his family.  We should take our complaints to the Lord.  (Psa.55:2)

We should never covet anything our in-laws have, for covetousness is idolatry and sin.  Col.3:5-6 “Mortify therefore your members which are upon this earth;… covetousness which is idolatry.”

Treat your in laws the way you would like for them to treat you.  Matt.7:2 “…and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

The bible commands us to respect and listen to our parents (and in laws).  Prov.23:22

Don’t be jealous over your husband’s relationship with his parents.  Jealousy is sin  Song of Solomon 8:6 “…Jealousy is as cruel as the grave…”

Never make fun of your in laws.  Eph.5:4 “…nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

Be good to your in laws. Jas.4:17 “Therefore to him (her) that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him (her) it is sin.”

TESTIMONY:

I would like to take a minute to tell you about my experience with my in laws.  As I was growing up, my mother always said to marry a guy who grew up in a good family.  She would stress the fact I should get to know all the family members and to make sure they had good morals.  I thought my mother was nuts!  I didn’t care what a guys parents were like, he better be cute and nice.  Well, when I met my husband, I remembered what my mom said.  I just loved his parents.  I totally adored his mom.  They treated my husband like he was a piece of gold.  I appreciated all the 18 years that they put into his life.  I told myself, that for the rest of my life, I would treat them with love and respect.  Well, I got to put my love for them to practice.  For 17 years my father-in-law got to live with us before he died.  Also, my mother-in-law has lived with us for the last 23 years.  She has been a loving grandmother to my children, and an excellent mother-in-law to me.  It has been, such a privilege to have my children live in a home filled with the love of parents and grandparents.  This is something that I did not have as a child.  I can’t even express the joy that I had to see my child bring so much fulfillment to my in laws.

My heart goes out to many of you who don’t have great in laws.  Always remember that Gods grace is in our lives in abundance if we take these issues to him.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

LIVE BY THE BLUEPRINT

Marriages and families are like the pieces of a puzzle.  Even when the pieces are all there, we need something to help us bring order out of chaos.  We need a box top or a blueprint if we are to fit our lives, marriages and families together in a purposeful design.

Unfortunately, some Christians never stop to evaluate what they are building.  Many give in to the temptation simply to increase the speed at which they jam the pieces of life together.  They rush to get married, , raise kids, and assemble their picture of success, only to find at life’s end that they were using a flawed blueprint—a counterfeit image of life.

Others measure success in the size of the puzzle or number of its pieces, but not in the value of the picture itself.  So they sacrifice order for quality—and the result is discord and disarray, isolation and loneliness, and a picture that never quite comes together.

Consider for a moment what you are building:

Are you building off the right blueprint?  Are decisions that you make about your marriage and family made by using the biblical blueprints?

I’m not asking if you have a perfect marriage or are raising perfect children—only if you are using the blueprint of the Bible and daily consulting the Maker of families as you build your home.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

HOPE EVEN IN THE DARKNESS

REGARDLESS OF HOW GRIM your situation may look—either in your own family or in your community—repentance and faith in God, powered by confidence in His Word, can bring hope to the darkest of days.  That is the lesson of King Josiah (2Kings 22:19).

You experience Gods truth in your family as you apply His Word repeatedly.  When God blesses your faith and obedience, in both trials and triumphs, you will see changes in your family.  Following Christ will not be some sacred theory or once-a-week tradition, but a day-by-day experience with the living Creator of the Universe.  What could be more thrilling than praying for needs as a family and then watching those prayers get answered?

And when you make choices and decisions based on the absolute standard of Scripture, there will be benefits: Peace, harmony, and hope.  When you embrace and proclaim God’s truth, your convictions take root and emerge.  When someone proclaims publicly that which he embraces privately, he takes a hugh step toward maturity and godliness.  No longer  is he satisfied with seeing God work in his life and family; now he becomes a soldier for truth; a conduit of love, grace, and life change in others.

What challenge are you facing today that demands that you embrace God’s Word, step out, and proclaim publicly what you believe?

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

 A GREAT CELEBRATION TODAY!

TODAY IS ABOUT TEN YEARS THAT THE “loveyourspouse” BLOG HAS BEEN ON.

We have reached over 450,000 views.

The blog has been viewed in every continent in the world!

It has been to just about every country including terrorist nations.

I can’t even express the joy that is in my heart today!

Today I want to do something special!

Can you take a minute and hit the comment button.

I would like to hear from you concerning your spouse.  I would like for you to thank God for your spouse and write whatever is on your heart.

I want to save these as momentos and put them in a book for my office.

Maybe I’ll wallpaper my office with them??  lol!!  You never know!

G O D   G E T S   T H E   G L O R Y !!!

If this is your first time on this blog, welcome aboard and feel free to go through the RECENT POSTS section and look at the blogs up to this point.

If you are a regular on this blog, I can’t thank you enough for partnering with us.  Please leave a testimony in the COMMENT section.  Hit the COMMENT button.

I love you all and keep the Holy Spirit as the “guiding light” in your marriage!!!

NOTE  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.