LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SPOILED ROTTEN?

I’M CONVINCED THAT, for the most part, we women in America have become pampered to the point of being spoiled rotten.  We have heard hundreds of thousands of messages over the past 40 years that say in various ways, “Stand up for your rights,” “Have it YOUR way,” “Don’t let him run over you,” and on and on.

Almost all advertising, most book promotions, radio and TV programming, and nearly all retail business are aimed at women  Our affluence is feverishly feeding every woman’s obsession with self, and our culture may be promoting and encouraging women to be more self-focused today than at any other time since the days of the Roman Empire (see Psa.119:36).  And has all this self-focus made us happier, more content, more satisfied?  Hardly.

The antidote for selfishness is found in sacrificially serving others.  Sacrifice is the language of romance, and it’s how you build a great marriage.  Having the marriage you once dreamed of is impossible without self-denial.  Remember Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.  “Take your eyes off yourself, and take an appreciative look at your husband.  Take a good, hard, look.  Notice what he does for you and your kids–and than thank him for it.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1:  How important are tender touch and gentle words?

Answer #1:  Before marriage, two people in love can hardly keep their hands off each other.  They find the touch of their beloved thrilling.  But, what happens after the wedding?  After just a few years of marriage, some couples would consider a firm handshake a wildly intimate encounter.

This should not be the case!  There is great power in tender touch, even if it’s just a long, full-body hug or a lingering kiss. Or the touch may be a gentle caress of her face that has no secret motive to make sexual demands but instead communicates, “I love you, Sweetheart, and I care for you tenderly.”

Gentle words have similar power.  Consider the following list of some things any husband could use in complimenting and praising his wife:  charm; femininity; faithfulness (to God, to you, to your children); hard work; beauty; personality; her love (including her receptivity and responsiveness to you as a man); her advice and counsel; character; desirability; friendship.   And that’s just a start!

What wife wouldn’t respond to a husband who praises her regularly with gentle words for all these wonderful qualities?  Why don’t you try it, and find out for yourself?

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

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WHO HAS BRAGGING RIGHTS?

Do you like to parade your accomplishments around?

In the city of Corinth, Paul was upset with them because they were bragging about their spiritual gifts yet they were not showing love to one another.

Chances are that their listeners were extremely annoyed with this ceaseless bragging.

Have you ever been around someone who loves to brag about themself

CASE AND POINT:  I am not just saying this but my husband is multi-talented.  He is one of those people who are good at just about everything. He is mechanical, technical, musical, artistic, very paternal and an array of other areas that send my head spinning.  I have been with him since 1965 and I have never heard him brag about himself.   Never!  Yet I can meet someone for the first time and they will not stop talking about how great they are.  He does what he needs to do and he doesn’t care who gets the credit or who knows he is the one who did it.

This is what Paul said in 1Cor.13:4, “…charity (agape love) vaunteth not itself…”

The Greek word for vaunteth is PERPEREUOMAI which means “a lot of self-talk.”

This type of person is so outrageous in their bragging that they tend to lie about themselves.

Paul was exhorting themselves to stop displaying their spiritual gifts so everyone will know.

Be careful because bragging can come around subtly and suddenly.

Woman have a tendency to do this about their children.

I have learned that woman only like me to brag about their children, not mine.

You brag when you heap praises on yourself, even if it is the truth.

When we lived in England, they would say a person who brags about themselves is “full of themselves.”

Boy, do I agree with that!!!

You have to be full of yourself to entertain people with words on how great you are.

Prov.25:14 “Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give.”  NIV

When you are showing agape love to someone, you do not act superior to them because it results in separation.

Who in their right mind wants to be around someone who is obsessed with themselves.

Barclay writes:  True love will always be far more impressed with it’s own unworthiness than it’s own merit.

If you are bragging to your spouse, it is a sin because it is not a demonstration of the love of God.

Doesn’t bragging put you in first place and God with everyone else somewhere down at the end of the totem pole?

Bragging builds you up but puts your spouse down.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 ENVY CAUSES DISASTER IN MARRIAGES

Almost everyone has heard the expression, “Green with Envy.”

You might think of envy as a “small sin” or something that is not a very big deal.

The bible is full of examples of the disasters that envy had on personal relationships.

The first one was with Cain and Abel that resulted in the killing of his brother.  (Gen.4:3-8)

Envy is one of the most damaging of all sins and hurts many people and marriages.

It is a “GREEN MONSTER!!”

The reason why envy is the “green monster” is that, where envy is, LOVE cannot be.

1Cor.13:4 “…love does not envy…”

Have you ever been envious?  Let me tell you now that it does not accomplish anything good.

If you are envious, there is an antidote for you:  LOVE!

For envy, LOVE is the best antidote.

Envy reveals itself in two ways:

1. When your heart and mind is desiring something which is possessed by someone else;
2. When you have spite and resentment at seeing the success of someone else.

Are you satisfied with your own portion or do you want someone else’s.  Love is happiest when someone else has more.

Are you envious of someone else’s marriage?

Do you compare your finances to another couple’s finances?

Do you compare yourself to another person’s status or success and find yourself envying them?

If you are walking in agape love, your concern will be the success of others.

Envy caused Joseph’s brothers to have him enslaved.  Acts 7:9 “…became jealous of Joseph…”

Envy caused the Jews to have Jesus crucified.  Matt.27:18 “…For he knew that they had handed Him over because of envy…”

If you are envious, you will find fault in everyone.

That “Green Monster” will seek out reasons for you to be envious.

The most miserable person you will find, is some one who is filled with envy.

Don’t let envy destroy your life and your marriage.

The antidote is LOVE!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS

The word “kind” in the Greek is CHRESTEUOMAI, which means to be adaptable or compliant to the needs of others.

Do you ever demand that your spouse or other people be like you?

Agape love makes you want to go the extra mile to become what others need you to be for them.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is the complete opposite to being kind.

Do you have a willingness to change so you can meet the needs of your spouse.

Are you good natured and gentle to your spouse and others?

Do you treat your spouse tenderly and with affection.

To be “kind” shows courtesy.

In 1Corinthians 13, it was the second characteristic of the highest level of agape love.

1Corinthians 13:4 “Charity…is kind…”

God designed these verses to mention being “kind” as a characteristic for us to examine ourselves to see how we match up.

“Kindness” explains what agape love is.

Do you look for a way of being constructive with your spouse?

Showing kindness 24/7 is impossible for us to demonstrate on our own

We need the Holy Spirit to guide and strengthen us all the way and all the day.

Kindness is a generous portion of active “goodwill.”

Are you a big dose of “sweet usefulness?”

That is the definition of “kindness.”

As you are kind to your spouse, you will be shown kindness.

When Jesus commanded His disciples to love their enemies, He did not simply mean to feel kindly about them, but to be kind to them.  (Matt.5:40-41)

In 1Corinthians, Paul is not writing about how love feels, he is writing about how it can be seen in action.

This evil world gives agape love many opportunities to demonstrate kindness to others.

Mark Twain called kindness “A language that the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Kindness is a universal language because it does not speak to the intellect, but directly to the heart.

True love is always demonstrated by action.

Remember:  The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost tomorrow.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOVING

The Apostle Paul used the word AGAPE to describe the highest level of love in this world that is from God.

Paul uses the description to explain what AGAPE love is in 1Corinthians 13.

God designed these verses so we would know if we were walking at his highest level of loving.

1Cor.13:4 “Charity (agape love) suffereth long…”

Long suffering, in the Greek, MAKROTHUMIA, means “the patient restraint of anger.”

Long suffering is to endure, to put up with people and circumstances.

Do you lose your patience from time to time with your spouse?

Do these situations involve people or things?

What are some of these situations that cause you not to be so long-suffering?

Long suffering is when you are in a difficult situation with your spouse or anyone else and you decide to put up with them.

Once you accept Jesus Christ as your LORD and Savior, longsuffering is required to maintain our hope in Gods promises.

If you don’t have hope or purpose for your life, why would you wait?  Why would you continue to suffer?  You would give up!!

Love will be patient no matter what the situation.

A candle is prepared to burn a long time if it has that long wick.

You are to forbear and patiently wait if you have the characteristic of the highest level of AGAPE love.

Can you show longsuffering till your spouse finally comes around and make progress.

Do you patiently wait while you try to teach or communicate to your spouse.

Longsuffering is forbearing without reacting in anger or turning away.

Long suffering is not a feeling.

Our human nature wants to get nervous and hyper as soon as it has to be patient.

Can you hold tight to your trust in God?

Longsuffering is a decision of the will; it is a decision to endure in faith.

The long view is to forgive each other’s failures and to hold tight to our trust in God.

Keep going even though your husband doesn’t respond to you!

Do you say that you are sick and tired of waiting for your spouse to change?

Have you stopped hoping and believing?

Does this relationship test your patience?

If this is true, you need an injection of AGAPE love right now!

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LOVING THE UNLOVABLE

Is your talking non-stop and annoying at times?

Do you talk so much to your spouse that he doesn’t even LISTEN to you any more?

Do your words just keep pouring out that it now just sounds like noise?

1Cor.13:1 “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (agape love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 

In the Corinth church, Paul was so unimpressed with their spirituality because they obviously had a great LACK of love.

Do you claim a lot and say a lot , yet your life doesn’t match up to your claims?

Are you irritating to your spouse and family because you lack love?

This kind of love is AGAPE, which is a self-giving love.

Agape love gives without expecting repayment.

This kind of love gives even when it is not ACCEPTED.

You give agape love even when a person is unlovable.

Agape love doesn’t love just to RECEIVE something back for it.

Agape love is self-denial for the sake of another.

This is not about your EMOTIONS and how you feel but what you need to do to make things right for someone else.

Do you express this spontaneous and divine love with your spouse?

Sacrifice is very important to your Christian walk but without love, it is USELESS.

Love is most valuable because without it everything else is useless.

If your spouse doesn’t listen to you and won’t be changed, ask God to show you a way to HANDLE the situation.

Ask God to change you so you can deal with your spouse in a spirit of love.

Ask God to GIVE you His heart for your spouse.

You can deal with anything if you have God’s heart and mind.

Be willing and open to make changes in your WORDS and in your character.

The last thing you want to be is a “tinkling cymbal.”

Whatever God shows you in your actions or words that needs to be changed, accept it and change.

GOD IS LOVE!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ASSASSINATE FEAR THROUGH FAITH IN A GREAT GOD

AS MENTIONED EARLIER in the Book of Joshua, the phrase “fear not” appears 365 times in the Bible.  Like a daily vitamin, God has provided just what we need to conquer our daily dreads.

Faith in Jesus Christ and the promises of His Word will cause fear to flee.  Instead of feeling terrorized, paralyzed, and hypnotized by our fears, faith galvanizes our character with courage.  Why not commit one or more of the following verses to memory?

*  “I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psa.34:4).

*  “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You”  (Psa.56:3).

*  “Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid nor dismayed before the king of Assyria, nor before all the multitude that is with him; for there are more for us than with him.  With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the Lord our God, to help us and to fight our battles” (2Chron.32:7,8).

*  “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You” (Isa.26:3).

If you struggle with fear in your marriage and family, take those fears to a God who not only tells you not to fear, but who ask gives you reason not to fear.  He is the One Who can deliver you from your fears and replace them with peace, comfort, and courage.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.  How can a husband best voice his acceptance of his wife, including in her appearance?

Answer #1.  Every man should take a page from the Song of Solomon.  Solomon knew the importance of elevating his wife’s beauty, her appearance, her dignity, her worth and her value as a woman.  He carefully chose his words to communicate how beautiful she was to him.  Every woman needs to hear such praise and affirmation.  Acceptance begins with an understanding of what your wife is feeling about herself.

Does she feel good about the way she looks? Her hair?  Her clothes and shoes?  Her weight? Her skin tone?  Her body image?  Her teeth?  Her overall attractiveness?

Chances are good that she compares herself to the airbrushed models of perfection she sees every day.  From the covers of the magazines in the checkout line to the advertisements  she watches on television, your wife is constantly made to feel inferior, unworthy, and unacceptable.

Solomon recognized his wife’s need for affirmation and didn’t hesitate to go beyond mer acceptance.  He lavished praise on her.  He said, “I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh’s chariots” (Song of Solomon1:9).  Solomon used poetic language to tell his wife that she was magnificent.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

IS YOUR MARITAL FOUNDATION DEFECTED? 

Your personal worth sets the limit on how successful your accomplishments are on your marriage.

Your greatest POSSESSION is to have a healthy self-esteem.

There is a need inside each one of us to be or feel like a special person and especially from our spouse.

You will grow and mature to be what God wants you to be if your FOUNDATION is built on a strong self-image.

It takes time to correct things that are wrong in your life and in your marriage because no one matures instantly.

To mature physically, spiritually and emotionally sometimes comes PAINFULLY.

In Christ, you are his unique creation and your marriage is unique.

Remember, your self-image is what you think you are.

Your self-image is not what you are.

Your self-image is not what others think you are.

There is an array of sources that you should not be basing your feelings on about yourself: family, other people, physical traits, talents/abilities, failures, etc.

Feelings of guilt and failure, many times come from setting up high expectations for ourselves.

This defected foundation needs to let God rebuild it.

STEPS TOWARDS A HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

1. Let yourself, Love yourself.
2. Be the person God intended you to be.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Honestly estimate yourself.  Assess strengths and weaknesses.
5. Don’t condemn yourself.
6. Don’t have high expectations for yourself.
7. Forgive yourself.
8.  Accept God’s forgiveness.
9. Towards others, have an attitude of forgiveness.
10. Towards others, have an attitude of love.
11. Do things that will make you like yourself more.
12. Choose realistic goals.
13. Seek God’s praise for what you do.
14. Don’t seek praise from others for what you do.
15. Build up others with your gifts and abilities.
16. Surround yourself with friends that build you up.
17. Do not put yourself around people who tear you down.
18. Build up those around you.
19. Let God shape you into the person he wants you to be.
20. Thank God for his never-ending love for you.
21. Thank God for the future he has prepared for you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.