LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

GOD WANTS YOUR FAMILY to be a light in a dark world. And make no mistake-an ordinary family really can have a tremendous impact on our world (see Ezek. 44:15).

In the early days of World War II, a large Allied army found itself trapped in the channel port of Dunkirk. Hitler’s tank forces, only miles away, were ready to smash forward. Britain’s Royal Navy lacked the ships to mount a rescue. But then, as William Manchester describes in his book, The Last Lion, “A strange fleet appeared trawlers and tugs, scows and fishing sloops, lifeboats and pleasure craft, smacks and coasters … even the London Fire Brigade’s fire-float Massey Shaw-all of them manned by civilian volunteers: English fathers, sailing to rescue England’s exhausted, bleeding sons.”

This ragtag civilian armada brought 338,682 men safely to the shores of England. Common people had made the difference.

Today, our nation’s marriages and children face their own Dunkirk. And I wonder, Will there be enough common people willing to set sail to rescue this generation of exhausted, bleeding children of divorce and broken families?

The task may seem massive given the state of marriage and families in our culture. But like the common people who rescued the soldiers at Dunkirk, we can do our part by reaching out to those in our neighborhoods and our workplaces with the hope of the gospel and the wisdom of God’s Word.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DON’T LOOK LIKE A SLOB WIVES

How a wife looks on the outside, matters to a husband on the inside.

The effort you put into your appearance is extremely high on his priority list.

It only takes a small effort to keep yourself looking “tight.”

One of the problems is that we may only dress good when we are doing it for others and not for our spouse.

DON’T LOOK LIKE A “SLOB” AROUND YOUR HUSBAND!!

I am not talking just about your weight, it’s about taking care of yourself for HIM!

Your husband takes your appearance negligence as you are not doing something that is very important to him.

Men say, “I just want to see that my wife cares enough about me to make an effort.”

If you don’t have a perfect body or perfect complexion, make the best with what you have.

WOMEN ARE COMPLICATED!!

We were happy that our husbands enjoyed our looks during courtship, but we resent it that our appearance should still matter to him after marriage.

GIRLS!!  It is not about being a Size 2, it’s about showing your husband that you are making an effort to address something that is very important to him.

It is all about him!

 REMEMBER?  REMEMBER DURING COURTSHIP?

Almost every man cares if his wife is out of shape and doesn’t make an effort to change.

88% of men said it would bother them if their wife let herself go and didn’t bother to make an effort to change it.

Only 12% said it did not bother them.

What matters most to your husband is the fact that you are making an effort to take care of yourself for him.

 Men were surveyed about the following statement:  It is not important that his wife look like she looked when they met.  It is more important that she makes the effort to take care of herself now for him.

83% of the men agreed with this statement.  17% did not.

Sad to say, a lot of Christian women feel they have taken the vows”…for better or worse…” so what’s on the outside doesn’t matter.

When you take care of yourself or slim down, it makes your husband feel loved and cared for.

One husband said his wife was slimming down for him and it made him feel like a million bucks.

Where do you start?

1. YOUR husband wants to help you.

97% of men said they would love to do what it takes to help their wife get in shape.

1. There are many resources out there to help you.
2. You have a God in heaven who will help you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR SPOUSE STRUGGLES WITH LUST

With all the temptations and sensual temptations that come your husband’s way, what should a wife do?

In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only”, she gives the following suggestion on what a wife should do.

I have added the scriptures to enhance your learning.

1. PRAY FOR HIM

Your spouse needs your steadfast prayers more than anything else.

Praying for your spouse is part of your duty as a “helpmeet.”

1Tim.2:1 “Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men.”

1. CHECK YOUR HEART.

Accept the struggle he has with lust and encourage him rather than freak out and conclude the worst about him.

Prov.2:2 “…apply thine heart to understanding.”

Prov.2:11 “Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee.”

The more understanding you are, the more loved he will feel.

1. DETERMINE YOUR INVOLVEMENT LEVEL.

Men don’t need a critique, but an encourager.

Jude 1:16 “These are…complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words…”

1. BECOME A SUPPORT.

Ask what you can do to help.

Put yourself on his team to help him win this fight.

Gen.2:18 “And God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

1. DRESS MODESTLY.

Are you on some mans rolodex because of how you dress?

Because women aren’t visual, they many times don’t really understand what they are doing to the men around them.

Are you cluttering up a good husbands mind and tempting him to dishonor his wife?

2Cor.7:1 “”…dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God”

1Tim.2:9-10 “And women should be…quiet and sensible in manner and clothing…”

The items listed above that are according to God’s commands, are not hard to do.

Isn’t your husband worth it?

Didn’t you marry him “for better or worst?”

Esther was called and intelligently designed “for such a time as this” to keep her people from being destroyed.

What about you?

Maybe you were designed “for such a time like this” to be used by God to be a testimony to your husband and family.

How powerful!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

IS YOUR HUSBAND PROUD OF YOU (Pt.2) 

The following information is a continuation from the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Shaunti has researched and done surveys to assist her on accurate information.

Temptation Steps

STEP #1.  For every man, sensual images and thoughts arrive involuntarily.

Woman feel all the trouble starts because “men have roving eyes.”

The truth is that there are roving, under-dressed women—and men can’t not notice their existence.

STEP #2.  Every man’s involuntary physical impulse is to enjoy the feelings associated with these thoughts and images.

When a sensual image enters a man’s mind, it brings a rush of sensual pleasure.

One man interviewed said that forcing him to end that thought is sometimes as difficult as it would be to stop in the middle of sex.

STEP #3.  But every man can make a choice—to dwell on the images and thoughts, or to dismiss them.

This choice is the critical distinction between temptation and sin.

He can tear down the thought immediately and “take every thought captive.”

Reassurances

REASSURANCE #1.  His temptation is not always primarily sexual.

It is pleasurable to look at that good-looking woman, like looking at a beautiful painting.

REASSURANCE #2.  Every man is different.

Every man experiences a different level of visual temptation.

REASSURANCE #3.  It’s not because of you.

“If men could, most would shut off their temptation to look at other women in a second.  We loathe this temptation as much as our wives do.”

REASSURANCE #4.  This doesn’t impact his feelings for you!

With his wife, he has a deep and long meaning relationship.

Most men would make an observation about a beautiful woman but would be offset by the fact that they would never risk losing their wife.

As I read what Shaunti Feldhahn’s surveys discovered, it really gave me compassion for men because of the burden of their temptations.

It is like telling women never to be emotional, when most women are highly emotional compared to a man.

In God’s word, we can see where Jesus has left help for men in their temptations.

Gal.5:16  “This I say then, Walk in the (Holy) Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

The Apostle Paul also talks about his temptations and the resolution.

1Cor.9:27  “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection:  lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

IS YOUR HUSBAND PROUD OF YOU? (PT.1) 

I have talked to many wives and unfortunately there are many who get a wrong attitude after marriage.

Wives mention that it is all right for them to let their looks, weight, and manner of dress deteriorate.

Many wives, especially Christian wives feel that they are just fine the way they look.

Many Christian wives say, “Any way if my husband loves God, he needs to be content with me as I am.”

Or “Let him take his concerns to God.”

Or “Anyway, beauty is only skin deep.”

Or “God hates vanity.”

Or “If I am overweight, I’m suppose to worship God and not my body.”

Or “God looks on the inside, and so should my husband.  Not the outside.”

It all sounds good girls, but it is not going to work.  Listen up!

 I am going to read you some comments from a book called “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Men are visual and we will first talk about two compulsions men have:

COMPULSION #1 – A man can’t not want to look.

A survey was taken asking men what their reaction would be if an attractive women with a great body would walk in the room.

98% of the men said they would be attracted.  Only 2% of men were not attracted by a woman with a great body.

These were happily married believers.

Even when they tried not to look, the power of the desire to look was overwhelming.

COMPULSION #2 – A man has a mental rolodex of sensual images.

They are images that have been involuntarily burned in their brains just by living in today’s culture—images that can arise without warning.

These images can be of anything:  the memory of a Playboy magazine, or a recollection of a shapely woman.

These images often arise in the brain without warning, even if your husband doesn’t want them there.

87% of men say these images pop up in their heads whether they are happily married or not.

As the national survey showed, this temptation is common to every man, even if he is devoted to his wife.

Temptations are not sin.  It is what you do with those temptations that is the issue.

I know as a wife you might be thinking that this information is a lot to stomach.

I have placed this information for wives to realize that your appearance is so very important to your husband.

Your looks are high on the list of why he married you.

You should always be dressed in a modest but attractive manner.

He wants to be proud of his beautiful wife’s good looks.

So put down your little hobbies and freshen up before he comes home or you come home.

You will be pleasing God as well.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

BANDAGES FOR A BROKEN MARRIAGE (Part 2) 

• Stop blaming, criticizing, or arguing.
• Commit yourself to repair it.
• Start Changing.

A.)    Ask the Holy Spirit what areas you need to change to be a Godly wife.

Hebrews 13:5-6 “For God has said, “I will never fail you.  I will never forsake you.”  That is why we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid.”

B.)    Listen to your husband, even if it hurts.

Most of the time they are really begging their wife to change in certain areas.

It is a privilege to find out what is in your husbands heart and mind.

Do you ignore your husband when he is trying to let you know what bothers him?

Remember that he loves you.

Out of all the girls he may have known, you are the one he chose to marry.

He married you to have fun with for the rest of his life.

1Peter 5:6 “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you.”

1Cor.7:4-5 “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife.  So do not deprive each other of sexual relations.”

1. Treat him with love and respect.

Ephesians 5:33 “…she must respect her husband.”

Statistics show that when husbands are asked what means the most to them in their marriage, they say the need for their wives to respect them.

Husbands say that as much as sex is so important to them, respect is even more important.

John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”  “By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Ephesians 4:29 “Don’t use foul or abusive language.  Let everything you say be good and helpful, so your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

If you are using abusive language, you need to stop right now.  It is a habit that you CAN control.

This kind of language grieves the Holy Spirit!

1Peter 4:8 “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

A wife is suppose to be a soft pillow for her husband to lay his head on!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATAN’S LIES TO FAMILIES

EVER SINCE THE DEVIL GOT KICKED OUT of heaven, he’s been breathing out lies and violence (Eze.28:12-17). Consider four lies Satan continually tells us:

1.  You’re a failure.  Satan wants you to believe that your faults are too big to be covered by God’s grace.  God would have you reply, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.”  (Rom.8:1)

2.  You don’t deserve to be unhappy.  Satan attempts to convince you that if you just get out from under this relationship or family pressure you’ll be happy.  God’s word replies, “The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart”  (Psa.19:8)

3.  Nobody will find out.  You may think nobody will ever discover that little sin promising instant satisfaction, but God’s Word says, “Be  sure your sins will find you out” (Num.32:23).

4.  If I had__________, I’d be happier.  Satan wants you to focus on what others have.  God’s word says, “Be content with such things as you have.  For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you'” (Heb.13:5).

If we refuse to believe Satan’s lies, we render him powerless.  Resist him by remembering the truth of God’s Word!  And don’t believe his lies.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q&A 

Question #1.  Is it wise to tell my spouse that I really need him/her?

Answer #1.  Spouses that frequently and specifically verbalize their need for one another cement true partnerships.  Yet somewhere between the wedding aisle and the fifth anniversary, a thief often makes off with such mutual admissions.  How ironic that marriage, the ultimate admission of one person’s need for another, would end up being an accomplice to the thief!

Think back to those early days of romance and intrigue.  She made you laugh.  He made you feel secure and stable.  She brought warmth into a room.  His touch transformed a drab apartment into a home.  You knew you needed your mate because he or she:

*  stopped to smell the roses that you didn’t even notice were growing

*  made art and museums come alive

*  was organized and you weren’t

*  shared openly and honestly about emotions, whereas you locked up your feelings

*  listened when you really needed someone to hear you

But perhaps most importantly, you needed to feel valued and important, and here was another person who authentically admitted he or she needed to spend the rest of his or her life with you.

Recapture those days!  You can’t afford not to.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

BANDAGES FOR A BROKEN MARRIAGE (Part 1)

A bandage is a piece of soft material that covers and protects an injured part of the body.

How do we find a bandage big enough and strong enough for an injured heart?

All of us at some time or another have been hurt in our marriage which causes us to wonder if we will ever recover.

It doesn’t even have to be anything very severe, it just had a hurting effect because it was important to you.

Here are some helpful things you can do to protect that injured heart and start the healing process.

1. Commit yourself to repair it.

Spouses many times get so wrapped up on revenge that they don’t stop to think about ending the arguments.

• Partner with the Holy Spirit to save that marriage because God hates divorce.

Mal.2:16 “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD (Yahweh), the God of Israel.  “It is as cruel as putting on a victim’s bloodstained coat,” says the LORD Almighty (El Shadday).  “So guard yourself; always remain loyal…” (NLT)

In the NKJV, it is translated as this:

“…He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence.”

1. Stop blaming, criticizing or arguing.

We have a tendency to not see what we do wrong, but only have eyes to see what our spouse is up to.

Prov.17:14 “Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Rom.12:17  “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.  Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.”

Prov.12:18 “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”

You don’t have to fall for the devils devices in your marriage.

In the Song of Solomon, God calls them little foxes.

“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!  Song of Solomon 2:15 NLT

Does your spouse have annoying little habits that sneak into your marriage and start pulling it apart?

Every marriage is plagued with the little foxes that try to sabotage your marital intimacy.

The Lord uses His truths as bandages to strengthen our marital relationship.

Allow the Holy Spirit to start the healing process.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

CHOSE A LOVE NOT FEAR ATTITUDE

Does love really make pain go away?

God’s word says it does because love and fear cannot be in the same place.

Many researchers have also proved it scientifically, as well.

CASE AND POINT:  Naomi Eisenberger of University of California, Los Angeles, did research on this.  Her team used an fMRI machine to scan brains of women.  The conclusion, a loved ones presence diminishes pain.  Pain didn’t feel so bad when these women looked at people they loved.  This was also true of men.  Many other researchers came up with the same conclusions stating that loved ones are a good pain killer.

Love is much more powerful than fear and our brains were made to operate in love.

Caroline Leaf has written an awesome book called, “The Gift Within You” which explains this in detail.

“Love” in the brain shows how God designed us for euphoria, constantly thinking about and longing for our beloved.

He wanted us to love Him first with all our hearts.

Then He designed us to show love to family, friends and strangers.

CASE AND POINT:  My grandmother was killed in downtown Los Angeles in the 70’s right after I became a Christian.  She was hit by a car making a right turn without looking at pedestrians stepping off the curb.  Her head hit the curb and she was all by herself.  A woman who was a total stranger, got in the ambulance and stood with my grandmother till a family member showed up at the hospital.  This woman told our family what happened at the incident and said if the same thing happened to her mother, she had hoped someone would do the same for her.  The woman said she felt that if grandma opened her eyes, she wanted her to be by someone who cared.  What an example of LOVE!

Examine all your attitudes to see if they are a LOVE or FEAR attitude.

Phil.2:5 (LAB)  “You must have the same attitude Christ has…”

Even if you can’t choose the circumstances around you, you can choose to operate in LOVE.

You have the power to choose your thoughts.

Your love needs to go viral!

CASE AND POINT:  Did you see the movie “Outbreak?”  The whole movie involves finding an antidote for a virus they could not cure.  People were dying all over the world as they were looking for the “host” that caused all the deaths.

That is the way our love should be.

Our LOVE should go viral and hit all over the world!

Or are you having trouble just loving the ones in your household?

Is it hard for you to love your spouse?

If so, then how are you going to show love to anyone else?

Are you wired for love!

Today is the day to rewire your HEART and BRAIN for love!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.