LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

MENTAL DISTRESS IN MARRIAGE  (Part 2) 

Pride causes discouragement and depression when we worry.

Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction.”

Proverbs 29:23 “A man’s pride shall bring him low.”

To avoid this, God tells us to humble ourselves by letting him take care of our marital problems.

1Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.”

1. Has God ever told you to be quiet, but you don’t.
2. Next you find yourself in a fight then you finally have to be quiet to end it.
3. Then you are depressed because you either said hurtful things or you were told hurtful truths.

God did not design us to be able to handle tomorrow’s problems.

He only gives us enough grace to get through TODAYS marital issues.

When you cast your cares, that act of humility demonstrates your faith.

When the verse says, …the mighty hand of God…”, it means that God can hand-le anything and everything.

Let God use His “mighty hand in your marriage.”

Worry does not empty tomorrow’s problem, it just empties today’s strength.

THE WORD CHOKED

Mark 4:18-19  “And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word, And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.””

This is saying that after you have heard Gods word, you still allow things to enter your heart and it strangles Gods word that is in you.

After suffocating Gods word, you can no longer PRODUCE fruit in your life, so you miss out on a good harvest.

This mentions three things that choke the word:

1. The cares of the world.
2. The deceitfulness of riches.
3. The lust of other things.

We start to allow the problems, rather than Gods word to tell us how to act.

Luke 21:34 “And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting (being overfull), and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares.”

OUCH!   I said, “OUCH!!”

You have been warned to not be “overcharged.”

Overcharged means to feel stressed, depressed and just an emotional wreck.

You won’t be able to hear the VOICE of God.

Also, notice in Luke 21:34 that a person who is “overcharged” with the “cares of this world” are on the same category as a drunkard.

People who are drunk are not alert, sharp or perceptive.

You cannot make good marital DECISIONS when you are overcharged with the cares of this world.

The choice is yours:  You can sin by letting things bother you, or you can choose to not let things bother you.

A WORRY FREE LIFE IS YOUR CHOICE.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

MENTAL DISTRESS IN MARRIAGE (Part 1) 

Faith is a reaction from the heart based on something God has said.

Fear (or worry) is a reaction from the mind or emotions based on something your circumstance (or the devil) has said.

According to Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary, the word “Worry” when used as a noun means: “mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated.”

Have you experienced “mental distress” in your marriage?

The words “mental stress” means that your mind and emotions are suffering.

The synonyms for worry are: agonize, fret, be anxious, be concerned, be troubled, be bothered, be apprehensive, be nervous, be fearful, and lose sleep.

Worry can be destructive to every area of your life as negative forces work in the mental and emotional realm.

Worry is something YOU ALLOW.

How many times a day do you open the door and welcome worry into your life and marriage?

Negative thoughts will NEVER bring you peace and joy.

Worry never deals with the known realm—

It always deals with the unknown realm.

Worry never deals on the positive—

it always deals on the negative.

 Think of all the things in your marriage that you worry about UNNECESSARILY.

When you worry, you are more SELF-conscious than GOD-conscious.

You are being carnally minded!!

If you are worried about something, you are in fear, not in faith.

The act of worry is sin!  Rom.14:23b “…whatsoever is not of faith is sin.”

HUMILITY

You cannot be humble and worry at the same time because worry is rooted in pride.

When we worry, we are not trusting God and we start trusting in ourselves to resolve our own problems.

1Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.”

If we “cast all our care” then we would be carefree!

Carefree is :  untroubled, lighthearted, relaxed, cheerful or free from care.

God is telling us that a true sign of humility is casting your cares on Him.

When you have marital problems and you handle it yourself, you are telling God, “I don’t believe you will solve this for me.”

If you do that, you are now on the throne of your marital life and NOT GOD!

Only you can let God back on the throne.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE PARABLE OF THE PORCUPINES

     Have you heard the story of the two porcupines freezing in the winter cold? Shivering in the frigid air, the two porcupines moved closer together to share body heat. But when their sharp spines and quills pricked each other, they moved apart, victims once more of the bitter cold, Soon they felt they must come together once again or freeze to death. But their quills caused too much pain, and once again they parted.

Does the parable of the porcupines remind you at all of anything going on under your own roof? Family members can also suffer from the cold of isolation, and often they learn the pain of drawing close to someone with sharp quills. We desperately need to learn how to live with the barbs that are part of coming together in oneness!

The fact is, intimacy extracts a price. The closer I get to Barbara, the more she becomes aware of who I really am. The more transparent we become, the greater the possibility that she will reject me. But if both of us are committed to each other despite our quills-if we are willing, as Jesus said, to lose our lives instead of saving them-then intimacy awaits us.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q&A  

Question # 1.  How can we confront one another without being  judgmental or condemning?

Answer #1.  Perhaps the greatest roadblock to loving confrontation is the well-known plank in our eyes.  Such handicapped vision inevitably distorts our relationships.

                Here are five tips Barbara and I have found useful in keeping judgement out of confrontation;

                1. Check your motivation. Are you bringing this up to help or to hurt? Pray about it. When we take the situation to God and He shines His light on us, we usually see our motivation for what it is.

               2. Check your attitude. Loving confrontation says, “I care about you.” Don’t hop on your bulldozer and bury your mate.

               3. Check the circumstance. Pick a suitable time, location, and setting. Don’t confront your mate the moment he or she walks in the door after a hard day’s work, at mealtime, or in front of others.

               4. Check for other pressures. Be sensitive to the situation of others. What’s the context of their lives?

               5. Be ready to take it as well as dish it out. Confrontation can boomerang; there may be some issues in your life that need to be addressed too. If you expect others to listen, to understand, to hear you out and to accept your point of view, then be ready to do the same.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE  (Part 5) 

We will continue on with “Managing your Money.”

Managing your money in a Godly manner is of vital importance to your marriage.

Fifth, Managing Your Money

 B.)  MONEY MATTERS IN MARRIAGE.

Will you or won’t you follow God’s perfect plan?

What will you do with the money He entrusts to you for faithful management?

God doesn’t care how much money is in your hand, but He cares about the way you act with the money that is in your hand.

The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31, used her mind to budget and increase the family funds and created goods to barter.

As a result, God was honored. (vs.30)

The poor were served. (vs.20)

Her husband was elevated (vs.23) and

She was known by all as “a virtuous wife.” (vs.10)

“Her worth” to her husband, children, and community was “…far above rubies…” (vs.10)

God wants you to grow in character,

Be content with what you have,

Support you husbands efforts, and

Be a diligent homemaker and

Financial warrior as you “Build your home.”  (Prov.14:1)

C.)  MONEY SHOULD MATTER TO YOU.

Make a commitment to God to do a better job with His resources, money and wise management.

1. PRAY:  Because it is a spiritual issue but also a matter of obedience.
2. GIVING:  Because God asks you to.
3. SAVING:  Because it will be better for your family.
4. BUDGETING:  Because it maps out a path for your lifestyle.
5. DOING WITHOUT:  Because disciplines are birthed and enhanced when you do.
6. BEWARING:  Because greed, lust, bitterness, and envy sneak in.
7. GROWING:  Because of contentment.

D.)  MASTERING YOUR MONEY.

How can you begin to master your money and your heart?

Things to do:

• Present to God the firstfruits of all your income.  That’s the advice of Prov.3:9-10.
• Put those communication skills to work!  Be sweet, be patient, be wise.
• Put personal goals into motion.  Shop less, to spend less, to work on a heart of contentment, to become a more skillful home manager, to live a simpler life, to be more prayerful and creative about taking care of your family.
• Purchase a book about the financial in’s and out’s of home management.  Become a tightwad.

LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE

1. Honor your husband’s direction.
2. Create a budget.
3. Help out with managing the finances.
4. Set up a financial center. (organize)
5. Give to God’s purposes.
6. Keep a list of things you want or need.

NOTE:  Some of the comments in this post were taken from the book “A wife after God’s Own Heart”, by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE (Part 4)

Almost 90 percent of all marital arguments can be traced back to the issue of money.

Every day there are divorces filed because of financial disagreements.

One of the “vibrant marriage secrets” is  how to properly maintain your finances.

Managing Your Money

A.)     MONEY MATTERS TO GOD.

1. Money is to be earned.

In Genesis, it was established that the role of the husband required hard work.

Gen.3:17-19 God told Adam that he would have to eat and provide “in toil” and “in the sweat of (his) face.”

God intends that income be earned by intense, earnest work and effort.

“He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.”  Prov.10:4

1. Money is to be given.

Your money comes from God (Deut.8:18) and is to be used for Him, His purposes, and His people.

As Christians, we are commanded to give our money regularly and purposefully, sacrificially, and generously.

“She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy”  Prov.31:20

What happens in your home is the person your husband thinks is needy differs from your opinion?

Do you let him continue on with His convictions and compassion and supply the need?

Once again God’s word gives us advice on our treasures in Matthew.

Do not lay up for yourselves “…treasures on earth”.  You are to “…lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven…”  Matt.6:19-21

1. Money is to be managed and saved.

To be a good steward we must learn thrift, diligence, carefulness, self-control, and skills of saving, stretching, record-keeping, and wise decision-making.

Do you go to a sale and start buying everything in sight just because it is a bargain?

Prov.24:3-4 “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”

1. Money is not to be desired.

As Christians we are to beware of greed and the love of money.

We are to “…be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share…” 1Tim.6:28

“…godliness with contentment is great gain…”1Tim.6:6

Let the Holy Spirit be the decision maker in your finances.

You can end quarreling about money today!

NOTE:  Some of the comments are from the book “A wife after God’s own Heart”, by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE  (Part 3)

A “Vibrant Marriage” is what every spouse looks forward to at the beginning of their life together.

In the book of Genesis we find one of our first commands concerning marriage, straight from God.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  Gen.2:24

The word cleave in Hebrew means to “catch by pursuit, fasten together, follow close and to stick to.”

The Israelites knew exactly what the word “cleave” meant.

Marriage was a commitment to be desired.

It was a union that could not be broken by anything that may come against it.

CASE AND POINT:  I don’t know how true this story is, but I was told by a Britain that when Prince Charles and Princess Diana started having marital problems, that his father told him, “Get an heir and a spare.”  In other words, have two children from Diana.  Have one to take the throne and another one in case the first one dies.  Then Prince Charles can live his life and do whatever he wants to do.  He basically was telling him that he did not need to have a marital relationship with Diana.  The sad part of that is that he didn’t tell Diana that when he asked her to marry him.  She thought she was going to have a lifetime of love.  He also disappointed God because he violated God’s marriage treaty and the whole world knew about it.

Fourth, Enjoy your marital intimacy

 A.)    Take your calendar in hand and schedule a sex date!

Does that sound cold?  Callous? Unemotional?  Lacking in romance?

Talking with your husband openly about your sex life will revolutionize it.

Keep in mind that sex is the #1 basic need for a husband.

B.)    Talk about sex with your husband.

If you can communicate lovingly and specifically about sex, then the two of you can move toward greater enjoyment of intimacy.

C.)     Take time to prepare for sex.

Set the scene and the mood.

D.)    Try to go to bed at the same time.

How can you cuddle, be available sexually, if you and your husband don’t go to bed at the same time?

E.)     Tackle the excuse of “I’m too tired!”

And what woman isn’t???

Your assignment is to figure out what to cut out of your life so that you will not be tired for the most important part of your marriage—your sex life.

F.)     Take care of yourself.

Good grooming only costs a few minutes.

NOTE:  Some of the comments were taken out of the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

                                                  KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE (Part 2)                                                  

Thank God that he has given us guidelines to live by.

Many times they are not easy or fun, but boy do they work.

We always encourage people to live by God’s guidelines in order to get the results they want with a lifetime of peace.

In order to have a “Vibrant Marriage”, we must follow God’s guidelines.

Third, Communication is Every thing.

 “Sweetness of the lips increases learning.  The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips.”  Prov.16:21, 23 

A.)    You must follow God’s guidelines for good communication.

Are your words soft, sweet, suitable, and slow?

B.)    Identify any speech patterns that must go.

Put away speech patterns that don’t match up to God’s standards.

CASE AND POINT:  We saw a movie called “The Iron Lady.”  It was a story about Margaret Thatcher who was the prime minister of the United Kingdom during the time that Ronald Reagan was president.  The prime minister is similar to the president of the United States.  She was prime minister during the 80’s when we were missionaries in England.  She was a great lady and worked hard to pattern the footsteps of her nation after the United States to stay a vibrant and democratic country.  One of the things she had to learn early in her career was how to talk to men since she had to lead them.  Men could be loud and emotional, but she couldn’t or she would be labeled as a high strung rational woman.  They told her that men can’t handle the high pitch in a woman’s voice because it makes them emotional.  They taught her to talk low and slow and raise her voice gradually without yelling.

Margaret Thatcher changed her way of speaking so that she could change the destiny of England and lead men in the right direction that would have a lasting change for the future.

How much more should us as wives change our voice for the eternal destiny of our marriage and family.

What you say and how you say it is crucial.

Read Jesus’ words about “radical surgery” in Matt.5:29-30.

C.)     Make it a goal to encourage your husband.

Your goal as a wife is to help, heal, and minister to your husband with your words, not to slice him to pieces.

Your ugly words are like a thrust of a sword or they can be like a refreshment that edifies and encourages grace to your husband.

WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife.

A cruel word may wreck a life.

A brutal word may smite and kill.

A gracious word may smooth the way.

A joyous word may light the day.

A timely word may lessen stress.

A loving word may heal and bless.

D.)    Be quick to say you are sorry.

This is the best way to defuse a situation that could get worse.

E.)     “Say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly!”

F.)     Seek to please God with your words.

NOTE:  Many of the comments and the poem were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR MARRIAGE  (Part 1) 

Everyone wants a vibrant marriage, but it is something that has to be worked at.

Those of us that are married already know that but have you been lazy lately.

Do you keep hitting the “snooze” button and keep going back to sleep.

Even Jesus’ disciples kept going back to sleep instead of praying.

When your marriage starts going sour, that is usually when we start crying out to God for help.

Let’s stay awake on the job, and keep focused on a marriage that will glorify God.

Here are important areas that will keep your marriage “Vibrant.”

First, Keep “growing” in the Lord.

 “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  Matt.6:33

In order to experience marital spiritual growth it will result from self-discipline and self-denial.

A.)    Read you bible daily with an open heart.

Try to be consistent but even if you only read a chapter a day, it will benefit you better than reading nothing at all.

B.)    Pray for your husband at least three times a day.

Pray before he wakes up, at noon, and right before he comes home from work.

Also, ask God to show you when he needs your prayers during that day.

C.)     Make it your priority to attend church this week.

Make this important commitment to God, and don’t let any interference come in.

Go to church anyway, even if your spouse does not want to attend.

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to touch your spouse’s heart.

D.)    Attend a bible class or a bible study.

A bible class will make a big difference in your life and in your marriage.

Don’t ever be to busy to take care of this very needful area of your spiritual growth.

Second, Work as a team with your spouse.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”  Eccles. 4:9

God’s word explains to the wife that her mission is to help her husband, submit to her husband, respect her husband, and to love her husband.

A.)    Thank your husband for living out his roles.

When was the last time that you thanked your husband for his hard work on the job?

B.)    Ask your spouse how you can help him.

Daily ask him, “How can I help you today?”

C.)     Find ways to show great respect for your husband.

Do you ask him to do things or do you tell him?

Do you practice sweet speech in your conversations?

Stop putting him down when you talk to others about him.

D.)    Think of a way that the two of you can have fun this week.

Your marriage was founded on friendship, and you need to nurture that friendship.

Your fun time together doesn’t need to cost money.

Improve his life as a helper.

Follow his leadership with a willing heart.

Esteem him highly with utmost respect.

Your assignment from God is not to change your husband, but to love, follow, assist, and minister to him.

NOTE:  Many of the comments were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GOD’S MEASURING ROD

“THE STRENGTH OF A NATION,” said Abraham Lincoln, “lies in the homes of its people.” In other words, the state of the union is determined by the state of the marriage union-the condition of our nation’s marriages, families, and homes.

But by what yardstick can we accurately measure how our homes are doing? Ezekiel once saw a vision of an angel taking measurements of Jerusalem, symbolically giving God’s estimation of the city (40:1-44:3). That is the kind of measure we need to apply to our homes and our nation-what does God think?

And what do we see as we use the divine measuring rod? We see that for every two marriages that begin this year there will be one marriage that will end in divorce. We see the birth rate declining, while juvenile delinquency, sexual perversion, and promiscuity continue to skyrocket.

Why is this happening? It’s taking place because the state of the union is determined by the state of the marriage union.

Are we destined as a nation to follow in the footsteps of all other cultures throughout history that have fallen because of such a moral decline? Our only hope is to rebuild the walls of both the home and the nation according to God’s measuring rod. And the rebuilding process begins in each of our families as we start to know, apply, experience, embrace, and ultimately proclaim God’s truth about what makes strong, healthy marriages and families.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.