LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

LIVING FOR THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS

 I saw something the other day on TV that was very touching.  It showed these young Jewish teenagers living in a concentration camp in Germany in the 1940’s.  The Jewish man telling the story said he hadn’t felt hot water or washed his hands in five years.  Life was miserable for them in hard labor.  One day when the war ended and they were walking down a road they saw American tanks driving through one of their roads.  The soldiers stopped to take care of some things, when these young Jewish teens walked up to them to help them.  The soldiers saw how these guys were just a bag of bones and one of them handed one teen a can of rations.  The Jewish teenage knealt down and kissed the soldiers boots.  I couldn’t handle it because the one telling the story, was the teen himself who is now about 80 years old.   He said the soldier turned around and asked his comrades to give him more rations for the Jewish teens.

These soldiers had nothing else to give, but nothing else was needed.  Just a simple gift of rations was needed.   These kids had nothing but water and bread to eat for years only if the Germans felt like feeding them that day.  The man said that the encouragement the soldier gave him that day, changed his life.  He gave the boy hope.  He now lives here in New York and devotes his life to encouraging teens which have a hard life.

We will continue on in Titus with what not to do as a wife to blaspheme God’s word.

Titus 2:3-5 “…teach the younger women…to be good…”

This word “good” in the Greek is AGATHOS’ which means a GOOD BENEFIT.

This implies to be a person who lives for the benefit of others and loves to do good deeds.

As Jesus was doing His day to day ministry healing and feeding people, He ran into many COMPLICATIONS.

Jesus was rejected by His own people, and His family thought he was insane.

The Pharisees did every thing they could to INTIMIDATE Him.

Needy people pursued him night and day for His attention.

Matt.10:42 “And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no way loose his reward.”

Jesus is trying to teach us to be rich in good works and to be ready to benefit someone else’s life.

Let’s look at some verses that were being spoken to people who are RICH.

1Tim.6:17-18  “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they…not trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate.”

I will be taking comments from Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems from the Greek”.

In Timothy, these are good deeds that leave people in a better condition than they were in when you found them.

The rich are instructed to work hard at GIVING to the right people.

Those who possess a lot of material resources should be elated, thrilled and euphoric about every opportunity they have to give.

When you put all the Greek words together, this is what Paul was URGING the rich to do.

“Work diligently at richly performing good deeds with the resources God has given you.  Put your whole heart into using those resources to leave people in a better shape than they were before you acted on their behalf.  You should be elated, thrilled, and euphoric about every opportunity you have to give.  You should be excited about every chance that presents itself for you to be generous.”

This is not only for people who have money, this is for all of us.

This is not a third world country and that means that we can all CONTRIBUTE to inviting someone over for dinner or taking someone IN NEED for a lunch.

Ask God for opportunities to do “random acts of kindness.”

Especially do it if it is for your spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE GIFT OF COMPASSION

WHEN JOB LOST NEARLY EVERYTHING he had–his children, his possessions, his reputation, and his health–that’s when he needed his wife to step in and give him her unconditional support.  But this is what he got: “Then his wife said to him ‘Do you still hold fast to your integrity?  Curse God and die!”‘ (Job 2:8,9).  These were obviously not the words Job needed to hear from his wife.

Don’t leave your spouse alone to deal with his own personal tragedies.  Whatever he is facing, he needs you to face it with him.  He needs your compassionate, consistent, and tireless belief in him.  It’s in these moments when you will experience what Proverbs 18:21 teaches, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”    Your words have enormous power in the life of your spouse.  Find ways to use your words to encourage his faith, not his unbelief.

Talk about the context of his life and together gain an understanding of what has shaped him.  The more you fully grasp the context of your mate’s journey to adulthood–and express compassion for where he has been–the more freedom he will feel to pour out his heart.  Remember that parents, coaches, teachers, ears, siblings, and other significant people gave him a personal heritage of either success or failure.

Tell him that you are unlike those who have rejected him, your commitment is unwavering and your love is consistent.  In this climate of compassion and patience, he will begin to feel free to take risks and to move ahead without fear of rejection.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible.

WHO WILL BUILD YOUR HOME

Who will be the builder of your marriage?  King David warned, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it”  (Psa.127:1).

Several years ago I met a husband and wife who had been married for fourteen years, but one might say they had been married for one year, fourteen times!  Despite the appearance of success, their home was riddled with conflict.  Both harbored massive resentments against the other.  The builder of the home was clearly Self.

Even when they attended a Weekend to Remember conference, they fought the whole time.  Yet somehow, at home, they committed their lives to Christ and asked Him to be the Architect and Builder of their marriage.

A year later they told me their story.  They reported leading their seven-year-old and ten-year-old children to Christ, clear signs of the Master Builder at work in their marriage.  In fact, that first year they began building their home on God’s wisdom, they changed the day they celebrated their wedding anniversary to the date of their first conference!  When people ask them today how many years they’ve been married, they reply, “Since 1988,” even though they actually walked down the aisle thirteen years before.

God really does renovate and rebuild homes!  No matter what you are facing, no matter how difficult the challenge, He is able to do exceedingly, above all that you can ask or think (Eph.4:20).

NOTE:  Daily their is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

RULING THE ROOST WELL

Everyone loves anything that is homemade for an array of reasons.  They know that the ingredients are fresh with no preservatives in them.  These homemade goods were cooked or baked with love.

Let’s look at Titus in Gods word.

Titus 2:3-5  “…the aged women…should teach the young women… to be keepers at home…”

This is an admonition not to neglect your domestic duties.

This does not mean that a woman should be IMPRISONED in her own home and not work or be involved in anything outside of the home.

Caring for the home is what is implied in this verse.

The bible clearly states that a women’s highest calling, is to be a “keeper at home.’

1Tim.5:14 “I will therefore that the younger women marry…guide the house…”

The meaning for “guide the house” in the Greek, refers to RULE A FAMILY.  This doesn’t mean your husband is under you.  It is an expression given to a watchdog or a rooster.  This is talking to the person who watches over the family making sure that all members are taken care of and everything is in good order.

The apostle Paul is teaching the husband what the role of his wife is suppose to be.  Her purpose in life, is to guide that house.

This FREES up the husband to do other things to provide and protect his family.

This is no menial chore since the wife has to be a master planner, a budgeter, learn culinary skills, and excel in interior decorating.

Are you organized and disciplined when it comes to YOUR home?

God is glorified in a well kept house that is a blessing to others.

Is your home a place where people FEEL welcomed, comfortable and at peace?

When you are a “keeper at home”, you fulfill a high calling and fulfill a blessed role.

A wife’s role is so vital and demanding that she must devote herself to this role entirely.

You cannot decide you will be a “keeper at home” this week, then not come back to it for a month.

You need to stay on top of it everyday.

CASE AND POINT:  I was watching the Food Network Channel and heard the producer say something very important.  As the chef’s were competing against each other to have their own show, she told them there were three things needed in their presentations: warmth, information, and magic.

That really excited me when I heard it because my thought was that as a “keeper at home” , we need those three ingredients to be successful.

WARMTH – Show tenderness to your family members so that they know you are always approachable.  We are not to be the drill sergeant but a loving mother.  Remember that our home is our place of refuge.  It is not a place to be yelled and criticized.

INFORMATION – We get our information from the word of God.  We are to teach and inform the family members how they need to love and respect each other.  This is where you control what is watched on TV, listened to on the radio and done or said in the house. If one of your children accuses you of favoring another child, you can tell them you are defending godly principles in your home.  Whoever breaks those godly rules will suffer the repercussion no matter who it is.

MAGIC – We believe in miracles and the power of the Holy Spirit.  As the “keeper at home”, it is your job to keep the presence of the Holy Spirit in your home.  You might be upset because no one is serving God the way you want them to but you need to daily seek God for guidance and believe in His miracle working power.

Managing your home is your constant occupation.

A woman who neglects her responsibilities, her house will come to ruin.  Prov.14:1 “…the foolish woman plucketh it (house) down with her hands.”

Do you give your home the priority it deserves?

Do you TREASURE your role as an indispensable wife and mother?

Is your home well ordered?

Allow the Holy Spirit to help you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HEY WILD THING!

We will continue to look at what a wife does that blasphemes God’s word.

There were 8 items that wives were told to do or else they would blaspheme Gods Word.

We will be looking at the high importance of a wife being chaste.

Titus 2:4-5  “…That they may teach the younger women to be…chaste…”

The word “chaste” comes from the Greek word pronounced hag-nos’ which means PROPERLY, CLEAN, INNOCENT, MODEST, PERFECT, CLEAN AND PURE.

Jesus paid a big price on the cross, and that gives him a right to choose what kind of behavior he expects from His loved ones who will spend eternity with him.

These behavior patterns are very BECOMING for a husband to see coming from his wife also.

1Pet.3.1-2 “…wives …if any (husband) obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”

This verse is saying that if your husband is unsaved, you don’t even have to say a word.   Just by your chaste conversation, you will win him over.

This is why it is so IMPORTANT for us to be chaste in our behavior and conversation.

2Cor.11:2 “For I am  jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.”

In this verse Paul was jealous over his own converts so he could present them to Christ just like a chaste virgin is presented to her husband.

We see Apostle Paul using the same word chaste to describe the virgin that is PRESENTED to her husband on their wedding day.

Paul is looking for his converts to live a chaste life cause he wants to be proud of them.

Sad to say, we don’t get to hear a lot of talk about living a HOLY life.

Instead of wives trying to dress modestly, a few years ago we saw a lot of them at age 40 dressing like Britney Spears.

Christian woman should not have all the fad clothes that say “Rock Star” on their Tshirts just to get the attention that they want.

You don’t have to keep up with what all the movie stars are wearing and doing.

Prov.4:24-27 (NAS) “Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put devious lips far from you.  Let your eyes look directly ahead, and let your gaze be faced straight in front of you.  Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established.  Do not turn to the right or left: turn your foot from evil.”

No Christian wife should have a “wild disposition.”

l love to see the young Christian girls dressed in style without showing their private parts.

CASE AND POINT:  About 30 years ago I went to a church with another pastors wife.  The pastors wife was loud, wild and boisterous.  All she talked about was herself and what she was wearing .  Everyone knew she was in the room cause she was so entertaining.  When the band started playing and the service started she told me and another pastors wife to wait.  About ten minutes later  she said, “Okay let’s go.  I go first and you two walk behind me.”  She was a big woman and swung her hips as she came down the aisle.  She smiled and starred at everyone as she walked down the aisle making sure that they all were starring at her.  I couldn’t believe my eyes as a new convert.  There was nothing “chaste” about her.  Within 5 years, I heard she was divorced from the pastor.  I remember thinking that their marriage was such a bad testimony, but so was her behavior.

Don’t be written on the minds of people around you for the wrong thing.

When you live to PLEASE God, you will please the people around you.

God is searching the world for “chaste” women to represent him!!

Are you one of them?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

QUEEN, TAKE YOUR THRONE

There are a lot of movies about the Kings & Queens of England.  They are portrayed as people who are not approachable.   The only way to visit them is to be invited.  All others, they are protected from.  Even the ones who are invited to visit the queen must learn an array of items to show respect to the queen.  Like how to bow when she is met, how to leave her presence and how to handle yourself in speaking with her.

In other words, you are to be “discreet.”

In Titus, woman are told if they are not DISCREET that they will blaspheme God’s word.

Titus 2:3-5 “the aged women…they may teach the young women to be discreet…that the word of God be not blasphemed.

The word “discreet” in the Greek means SOUND IN MIND; SELF-CONTROLLED; MODERATE AS TO OPINION OR PASSION.

This is not something that we are born with, it is something we must learn.

If you are not SELF CONTROLLED and have to vent to all, letting everyone at work, home or school know exactly what you think or feel, you are not alone.

Most women aren’t self controlled and that is why this is in the bible.

You are God’s ROYALTY and he wants you to stand out in a crowd.

You are GODS child and he wants to show you off to the world.

In the bible, there is an EXAMPLE of a great man that was discreet.

Gen.41:33 “…let Pharoah…look out a man discreet and wise, and set him over the land of Egypt.”

Joseph interpreted Pharoah’s dream, in turn, when he went to find someone discreet and wise, he found none other than Joseph.

Gen.41;39 “…Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art.”

Why?  Because they knew that Joseph had God’s favor in his life.

Why?  Because Joseph used the gifts God gave him to HELP others.

Why?  Because Joseph was wise.

Why?  Because Joseph was DISCREET.

When you have an opinion about something, does that opinion stand first and all others are not considered.

Do people look at you as being FAIR on your judgment.

This has to be at the top of God’s list because EIGHT items were listed to be learned.

Are you the queen of God’s heart?

Then lets learn to be discreet.

Ask God what areas you need to be more like Him.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TIPS FOR FRAZZLED MOMS

One of the greatest experiences in life is the birth of your children.

I read a sign once and it said, “ When your kids are born, you can’t wait till they can walk and talk.  Once they learn to walk and talk, you keep telling them to “sit down and shut up”.

In Titus the topic of children is brought up.

Titus 2:4 “…that they teach the young women to love their children.”

Once again, we are left with the thought of why women have to learn to love their children when it should come naturally.

That is because it doesn’t come or stay NATURALLY, it is something to be taught and practiced.

No mother will say I don’t love my child but they will all tell you that their child has wore them to a frazzle.

The love that is discussed in Titus, is an UNCONDITIONAL love.

Vacuuming, dusting, cooking and acting like a taxi driver to your child is showing love but it needs to go further.

Your first duty is to make your home life ATTRACTIVE to your husband and children.

Life with your children is a living thing, that means that as your children age, it will change.

There are times that you can have so much fun as a family then it is like tug-of-war each member pulling in a different direction.

Jesus commanded us to love one another.

He is not asking you to do something he has not done HIMSELF.

Whenever you are having trouble with your “love issues”, just move closer to Jesus.

Our job is to be the peacemaker in the home.

Not only are we to be peacemakers, we are to make others be at PEACE.

Jesus said, “ Blessed are the peacemakers…”

CASE AND POINT:  As my children were growing up, my husbands favorite words were “pick your battles.”  I am a disciplinarian and every time a rule was broken, I felt the children needed to suffer the consequences.  He felt differently.  It was hard for me but I was able to see the advantage it was to the family by not making everything a big deal.

It kept a lot of peace in the home.

Not everyone has perfect children, so that is why in Titus, we are told to love our kids.

Every family has at least one child that “listens to a different drummer.”

We can’t make the whole family miserable over one child.

Make sure you get ENOUGH sleep at night or take a nap.

Also, make sure that you get plenty of spiritual rest.

Make sure that you keep your spouse your TOP priority.

If you find yourself upset with your spouse, the chances are that you will end up irritated with your children.

Here are some suggestions that will help you as a parent:

1. Understand that you are not alone.

God is with you to help you.

2.   Take an inventory as to why you are weary.

You might have to much on your plate.

3.  Hire people to help you or swap chores.

Hiring out will give you extra time or rest.

Exchanging days where you will keep a friends kids and they will keep your is always comforting.

God knows what you go through and the help that you need.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

REACTIONS WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

I am sure that if we did a survey and asked wives if they loved their husbands, most would say, “Of Course!”

In Titus, it is one of the commands that all women learn to “love their husbands.”

These verses are here for a reason, and I am going to assume it is because we have a lot to be taught.

Have you ever thought about how much you really love your husband and does your affection show?

Do you share dreams?

Do you still hold hands?

Can you focus on the good and forget the bad things that have happened?

When things go wrong do you scream and pout?

Your husband is human!

Do you really love the man that God has given you?

Then that means that your husband needs “unconditional acceptance” from you.

Accept him for who and what he is, including all his imperfections.

The love that God has for Jesus is the model for love in our marriage relationship.

If you serve your spouse out of duty, with no affection, it would be very offensive to him.

Sex is one of a man’s most important NEEDS!!

I will say that again; Sex is your husbands most important NEED from you.

This is the most important thing on learning to “love your husband.”

Sex may be last on your list, but as a wife, you are to look at every thing through his perspective.  This insight of his perspective will help you with decision making.

Do you resist intimacy?

Do you act uninterested to his sexual gestures?

Your husband is not dumb, he knows when he is being brushed off by you.

He also has feelings and has to deal with rejection when it comes to sex.

Rejection in a man causes an array of emotions since this is such an important part of his life.

You have just torn him at the very center of his being, so now his response will be isolation.

Forget the mopping, the meal, the kids or anything else.  This guy needs a queen who is going to make him feel like a king.

He married you cause he thought you qualified.

Was he right or wrong?

Everyone loves the end of Cinderella but if you remember, it has a very romantic ending.

Well the shoe fit, that is why he married you.

But what happened to the romance??

He is still waiting.

Cherish him the way God planned it to be, “For better or worse.”

You will be thrilled at what it will do for your marriage!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

MEET A WORTHY QUEEN

How did a nice Jewish girl become queen of the entire Persian Empire?  That’s the story of the book of Esther.  We learn that while Esther was selected from among the most beautiful women of the kingdom to be the queen, she was far more than a beautiful young woman.  Her worthy character reveals itself as this romantic tale suddenly changes into a serious drama.

When Mordecai, the cousin of Queen Esther, informs her of a plot to destroy all the Jews living in the kingdom, he urges her to go to the king  and plead with him on behalf of her people.  But this request presents the young queen with a tough decision.  She knows that the rules and laws of the palace dictate that no one can approach the king without being summoned…and she knows that the queen before her was removed from her position for her insolence.   But because of the urgency of the moment, she decides to risk her position for a higher good.  And in that decision, Esther reveals several things about her relationship with the king:

First, she was  not presumptuous.  She came before him as his queen, wearing her royal robes, but she came humbly, standing and waiting for him to notice her.  She didn’t barge into the throne room.  Even though she had a relationship with the king, she didn’t abuse that privilege.  God, in turn, honored her.

Second, Esther respected her husband and his position as king.  As she reached the throne, she touched his golden scepter, demonstrating that she recognized his authority and power.

Third, Esther began her reply to her husband, “If it please the King.”  In the other two recorded conversations between this king and queen, the same statement prefaces her remarks.  This was not just an official formality, but a genuine expression to Ahasuerus of her overall commitment, respect, and submission to him as her husband and her authority.  Although my husband, Dennis, is not a king like Ahasuerus, he is worthy of my respect.

Before I present my case to Dennis, I also try to assure him of my respectful loyalty to him as my partner and authority.  At times I speak frankly about his weaknesses and how they affect me, but when I do, he is much more able to hear my words because of my loyalty and frequent verbal reassurances.  He knows that even if nothing changes, I will still remain committed to him.

What I learn from Queen Esther and how she respected her husband reminds me of the advice shared by a good friend of ours who was married for nearly 50 years.  Speaking with a small group of women, she said, “Ladies, if you crown him king, he will treat you like a queen!”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question:  What are a man’s most important romantic needs?

Answer:   Show your husband the following list of needs and ask him if they are true for him.  If so, ask him to prioritize them in order of importance.

1.  He needs his wife to respect and celebrate who he is as a man and how God made him sexually.  A critical wife can create an impotent man.

2.  He needs his wife to make his romantic needs (frequency and creativity) a priority in their relationship.

3.  He needs his wife to desire and make him feel wanted.  He needs his wife to be unashamed of her passion for him.

4.  He needs his wife to be adventure-some, fun, and sexually imaginative.  He needs his wife to be unafraid about using her sexual power as a woman.

5.  He needs his wife to let him know that he is a great lover.  That he brings his wife great pleasure.

Romantic love is part of God’s character.  He made us in His image and He gave us emotions.  Just as He woos us to follow after Him and express our love for Him, so a husband and wife should attempt to win each other’s affections.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.