LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION AND ANSWER  

Question #1.  What is the proper way of handling a situation when your spouse is friendly with someone of the opposite sex.

Answer #1.  It is very hard for someone to see their spouse enjoying the company of someone from the opposite sex.  I would suggest that at first you should try to ignore it, especially if your spouse has never given you any reason to think otherwise by their actions.  If it continues again and you are feeling uncomfortable, the best thing to do is to address it to your spouse.  Do not involve the other person.  Do not accuse your spouse of anything.  Just address to your spouse how you are feeling and you want him/her to help you with this.  You have the right to ask them not to be friendly and keep the relationship on a business like level.  Do not tell your spouse not to say hello or smile.  Your spouse is not guilty of anything and they may not even be aware of their actions.  Do not violate your marriage by bringing accusations that are unsubstantiated.

IS YOUR SPOUSE AVOIDING YOU?

Is your talking non-stop and annoying at times?

Do you talk so much to your spouse that he doesn’t even LISTEN to you any more?

Do your words just keep pouring out that it now just sounds like noise?

1Cor.13:1 “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (agape love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 

In the Corinth church, Paul was so unimpressed with their spirituality because they obviously had a great LACK of love.

Do you claim a lot and say a lot , yet your life doesn’t match up to your claims?

Are you irritating to your spouse and family because you lack love?

This kind of love is AGAPE, which is a self-giving love.

Agape love gives without expecting repayment.

This kind of love gives even when it is not ACCEPTED.

You give agape love even when a person is unlovable.

Agape love doesn’t love just to RECEIVE something back for it.

Agape love is self-denial for the sake of another.

This is not about your EMOTIONS and how you feel but what you need to do to make things right for someone else.

Do you express this spontaneous and divine love with your spouse?

Sacrifice is very important to your Christian walk but without love, it is USELESS.

Love is most valuable because without it everything else is useless.

If your spouse doesn’t listen to you and won’t be changed, ask God to show you a way to HANDLE the situation.

Ask God to change you so you can deal with your spouse in a spirit of love.

Ask God to GIVE you His heart for your spouse.

You can deal with anything if you have God’s heart and mind.

Be willing and open to make changes in your WORDS and in your character.

The last thing you want to be is a “tinkling cymbal.”

Whatever God shows you in your actions or words that needs to be changed, accept it and change.

GOD IS LOVE!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post that will have issues to make your marriage a success!

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN

Do you get annoyed when your husband leaves the toilet seat up?

How about when he TAILGATES, does that get to you?

Does he pick his teeth with his finger in front of company?

Do you enjoy those SHAVINGS all over the bathroom counter from cleaning his shaver?

Does he make a joke when you are saying something serious?

The questions above are marital ISSUES that I hear about a lot while counseling wives.

In marriage, there will  be things that will occur which will get you angry.

At those moments, you will FEEL like taking a swing or totally giving up in your marriage.

Even if the violation isn’t a big deal, it’s just the thought of having to deal with the same issues over and over again.

Many times I will listen to wives who are tired of being married to men who are great but their wife is just tired of the “small stuff.”

God knows that and he has us covered.

Let’s look at 1Pet.4:8 to get God’s instruction to understand.

1Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent love among yourselves: for love shall cover the multitude of sins.”

The word COVER implies “to hide from view.”

This doesn’t mean for you to ignore the sin, it means you cover it.

Cover is the definite action of concealing the existence of something by obstructing the VIEW of it.

When we respond in love to our spouse, we prevent the development of sin.

DIVINE love is not seeing sin in a person and then shutting our eyes to it.

Divine love makes us care for our spouse and helps us to seek the good of our partner.

In James 5:20, our focal point needs to be for restoration and recovery.

“Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.” (Jas. 5:20)

Take action to RESTORE your spouse by covering any multitude of sin and violations against you.

Love doesn’t cover all sin because there is a “sin unto death.”

Love does cover a multitude of sin but there is a large quantity of sin that it does NOT cover.

I have learned from the years of being married, that I SHOULDN’T make a big deal out of everything that goes wrong.

I have learned that the more I let go, the more peace and power of the Holy Spirit I see in our marriage.

Also, one of the main benefits is that I am being a testimony to my CHILDREN.

My goal in life is to not quench the precious Holy Spirit in my life and marriage.

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

Is having a toilet seat down that important?

NOTE:  Tomorrow is another new post with great marriage tips.

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING FOR SPOUSES

Your personal worth sets the limit on how successful your accomplishments are on your marriage.

Your greatest POSSESSION is to have a healthy self-esteem.

There is a need inside each one of us to be or feel like a special person and especially from our spouse.

You will grow and mature to be what God wants you to be if your FOUNDATION is built on a strong self-image.

It takes time to correct things that are wrong in your life and in your marriage because no one matures instantly.

To mature physically, spiritually and emotionally sometimes comes PAINFULLY.

In Christ, you are his unique creation and your marriage is unique.

Remember, your self-image is what you think you are.

Your self-image is not what you are.

Your self-image is not what others think you are.

There is an array of sources that you should not be basing your feelings on about yourself: family, other people, physical traits, talents/abilities, failures, etc.

Feelings of guilt and failure, many times come from setting up high expectations for ourselves.

This defected foundation needs to let God rebuild it.

STEPS TOWARDS A

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

1. Let yourself, Love yourself.
2. Be the person God intended you to be.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Honestly estimate yourself.  Assess strengths and weaknesses.
5. Don’t condemn yourself.
6. Don’t have high expectations for yourself.
7. Forgive yourself.
8.  Accept God’s forgiveness.
9. Towards others, have an attitude of forgiveness.
10. Towards others, have an attitude of love.
11. Do things that will make you like yourself more.
12. Choose realistic goals.
13. Seek God’s praise for what you do.
14. Don’t seek praise from others for what you do.
15. Build up others with your gifts and abilities.
16. Surround yourself with friends that build you up.
17. Do not put yourself around people who tear you down.
18. Build up those around you.
19. Let God shape you into the person he wants you to be.
20. Thank God for his never-ending love for you.
21. Thank God for the future he has prepared for you.

NOTE:  More marital encouragement on tomorrows post.

NOTE:  Some comments for this post was taken from the book, Perfect in His Eyes, by Kay Marshall Strom

LIVE TV HORRIFYING SCENE

I came across this story while I was reading about YAHWEH SHAMMAH, which means “The LORD is There”.

This is a true story that exemplifies a visual example of “The LORD is There.”

NOTE: The following article came from the book “Praying the Names of God” by Ann Spangler.

Genelle Guzman-McMillan has a story that is mesmerizing because she survived troubles the rest of us have only encountered in our nightmares.  She is the last survivor of the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center.

Genelle is a soft-spoken woman who remembers what happened in terrifying detail.  Employed by the Port Authority of New York, she arrived a little after 8 a.m. on September 11 and rode the elevator to her job on the sixty-fourth floor of the north tower.  Thinking it was safe to stay, Genelle didn’t attempt to leave the building until after the second plane hit.  Racing down fifty-one flights of stairs in high heels, she stopped for a moment on the thirteenth floor.  As she bent down to remove her shoes, the north tower collapsed on top of her.

Like millions of others, I watched the horrifying scene via live TV, convinced that no one had survived the collapse of the second tower.

Here’s what happened to Genelle when all hell broke loose:

One hundred ten floors were coming down around us.  I knew I was being buried alive.  The noise was deafening…

When I woke again I told myself I had to do something.  But what could I do?  “God, you’ve got to help me!”  I prayed.  “You’ve got to show me a sign, show me a miracle, give me a second chance.  Please save my life!”  My eyes were so caked with grime that the tears couldn’t come, but I felt it in my heart.  I was talking to God as if he was right there.  I told him I was ready to live my life the right way.  “Lord, just give me a second chance, and I promise I will do your will.”…

The next day, I heard a beep-beep sound like a truck backing up.  I called for help, but there was no response…  Finally someone hollered back:  “Hello, is somebody there?”  “Yes, help me!  My name is Genelle, and I’m on the thirteenth floor,” I cried, not realizing how ludicrous the information about my location must have sounded, coming from a pile of rubble…

I could see a bit of daylight coming through a crack, so I stuck my hand through it…I stretched my hand out as far as I could, and this time someone grabbed it.  “Genelle, I’ve got you!  You’re going to be all right.  My name is Paul.  I won’t let go of your hand until they get you out.”

Genelle had prayed to the God she had ignored for most of her life, and he had been there for her.  After twenty-seven hours she was pulled out of the rubble and then spent five weeks in the hospital recuperating.  Afterward, she tried locating Paul, the man who had held onto her hand until she was rescued.  Later, when she asked about him, her rescuers assured her:  “There’s no one named Paul on our team…nobody was holding your hand when we were removing the rubble.”

Genelle had felt completely calm the moment Paul grabbed her hand.  She had believed his repeated assurances that help was on the way and that she would be all right.  Despite the fact that her story has been told in Jim Cymbala’s book Breakthrough Prayer, on Oprah and CNN, and in Guideposts and Time magazines, no one named Paul has ever stepped forward to take credit for rescuing her.  But Genelle knows that Paul was there.  He was like an angel of God’s presence, assuring her that all would be well.

Hour after hour Genelle had cried out for help.  It took more than a day for the rescue crew to locate her but only an instant for God to pinpoint her location.  When a psychiatrist, probing for symptoms of posttraumatic stress, interviewed her in the hospital, Genelle told him that God above was her psychiatrist.  “After all, God was there when I needed him.  He had made sure I was found.  He had comforted me and given me a new life.”

Like few others, Genelle knows the saving power of the One who revealed himself to her as Yahweh Shammah, the Lord who is there.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post with more marital insights.

BEST ROBE FOR YOUR SPOUSE

I don’t know about you, but the hardest thing for me is finding a nice gift for my husband.

CASE AND POINT: Fathers Day, my husband’s birthday and our anniversary are within four weeks.  It is always a nightmare for me because I want to give him the best gift I can find but I never know what to give him.  To me he deserves the best but how do you put that in a box?

Of all the men I have ever met, my husband is the best father I have ever known.

I am not saying that to make him sound nice, but he is very maternal.

Jesus told a story about a wealthy father whose son had left him and taken his inheritance with him.  After the son had no more money left, he returned home.

According to Jewish custom, when a child squandered a family inheritance among gentiles they had a qetsatsah ceremony.  The villagers would fill a large pot with corn and nuts, which would burn till the pot broke in front of the errant son.  At the point they would say, “So-and-so (sons name) is cut off from his people.”  At that point the son had to get out of town for good.

Instead of not allowing his son back home, Jesus tells the story how the father ran to meet him.  He put best robe on him, put a ring on his finger and put shoes on his feet.  He made a great feast and said, “My son was dead, and is alive again.”  His older son became very angered at his foolish younger brother.

That is a picture of how God feels about you and I.

Unless you have never had a prodigal child leave home, there is no way to explain the emotions that are going on in your heart.

Jesus claimed a father/son relationship with God and that shocked and offended the Jews because they feared in even pronouncing Gods name wrong.

To the Jews, they knew there was a massive gap between sinful human beings and a Holy God.

Jesus invited His followers to call God, ABBA that in Aramaic means “Daddy.”

Three times in prayer Jesus used the word ABBA,PATER in prayer and in anguish at Gethsemane.

Mark 14:36 “ABBA, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

God showed you gracious and fatherly love when he accepted you into His family.

Have you ever considered that you might be like the older son?

Do you find yourself getting mad at your spouse when they “have it better than you?”

This happens often in marriage for various reasons.

We forget to consider what the other one has gone through.

Human nature is to only consider your sacrifices and not to look at what your spouse goes through day in and day out.

Psa.103:13-14 

“As a father has compassion on his children,

so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust.”

Ask God for His grace so you can reflect His character to your spouse.

Luke 12:32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.”

Give your spouse that best robe and add some soft slippers to that?!?!

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will contain new helpful marital information.

RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND

THE APOSTLE PETER calls special attention to the title Sarah used in addressing her husband, “my Lord” (Gen. 18:12; see 1Pet.3:6).  She used this title as a way to show Abraham her respect.

In a similar way, the apostle Paul writes, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph.5:33).  When you respect your husband, you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, and esteem him.  It means you value his opinion, admire his wisdom and character, appreciate his commitment to you, and consider his needs and values.

Husbands have many needs!  One day Dennis gave me a list of what he considered to be some of the things that communicate respect to most men:

*  Expressing confidence in him as a man

*  Listening to him

*  Being a friend and enjoying companionship

*  Letting him know that he’s needed

These are just a few of the many ways a wife can show that she respects her husband.  To bolster Dennis’s confidence, for example, I try to be his number one fan.  Every husband wants his wife to be on his team and to coach him when necessary–but most of all, to be his cheer-leader.  A husband needs a wife who is behind him, believing in him, appreciating him, and cheering him on.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have more important information to have a successful marriage.

NOTE:  This article was from Family Life marriage bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

SATURDAY QUESTION AND ANSWER

Question #1.  My husband and I are almost through raising our kids.  We both have worked hard in full time ministry which is continuing to grow.  My husband is an excellent and affectionate man.  However, a few years ago, I noticed that he began to change.  He seemed distant, disinterested, and seemed overwhelmed. Because we are together night and day working in ministry, I know that there was not a person who was being a distraction in his life.  I feel like he doesn’t love me like he did, although I know that he is faithful and committed to his family and to his God.  What can I do?

Answer #1.  Thank you for your question.  There isn’t a lot of information nor is there enough time to explore this in a way that would be fair to you and your husband.  What I will do is address it in general, and bring to light some issues that I hope will help you.

Jesus went through attacks during his ministry, so will every one and every minister that spreads the gospel.  They are not exempt from what every other man goes through in life.   The difference is that they turn to God and not women, money, sex, drugs, alcohol, power and etc.

Just like women go through menopause, PMS, and various women’s issues that change her body chemistry and anxiety, men go through their different stages in life.  Several years ago, I saw changes in my husband and I can share with you what God showed me in hopes that it will help other women.

1.  Your husband could be overwhelmed.  The size of our ministry is very sizeable.  Although we have other ministers on staff, as senior pastor, my husband carries the whole load on his shoulders.   Like Moses, it becomes heavy at some point.  Moses could have refused help and let his arms fail him which would have brought defeat to the nation of Israel.

2.  There could be failures he has no control over.  There are an array of mishaps in ministry that can make your husband feel like a failure.  Although your husband knows these issues are out of his control, he still has to answer to people and to God.  The bigger your church, the more of a build up this could be.

3.  As a wife, you could be aggravating by complaining.  As comical as this may sound it is true.  Every wife has good intentions to be a “helpmeet”.  The problem is that our husbands end up not having a resting place.  They have problems at work with people, with their children, then with their wife. We need to learn to “shut up.”  God told me not to tell my husband the church problems.  I was devastated!!!  Who was I going to tell then?  He said to me to let the other men on staff take the problems to him.  I had to be a “soft pillow” for him to rest his mind.  I was to also solve as many problems quietly without adding to his list.  It seemed so unfair at first.  God gave me the strength and encouragement that I needed to be the wife he wanted me to be.

4.  His family takes a tole on him.  He is expected to be provider and protector to his family.  This is an impossible task to do all of the time.  This is Gods job and we are to go to God for these things.  However, we have high expectations that we put on our husbands.  On top of that, we keep our husbands aware of everything that is going wrong with the children and expect him to solve it our way.  Instead of making everything an issue, we need to put out the fires and pray.

5.  His needs are not being met.  Instead of looking at your needs, you need to look at his needs.  Trust me, men have so many needs.  Starting with SEX, RESPECT, ADMIRATION, ROMANCE, a LISTENING EAR, a SMILE, APPRECIATION and I could go on.  I won’t because I want you to ask God what your husband needs.

6.  Do the things he likes to do.

This list is really endless.  I can testify that it works.  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, God let me feel the heavy load that my husband carries.  If your husband is not expressing the love he used to and you are fearful, partner with the Holy Spirit and start working at your marriage.  It WORKS!!

MAIN INGREDIENT FOR PROSPEROUS MARRIAGE

Every one wants a prosperous marriage.

If this is true, then why are so many marriages TROUBLED?

We can find the answer in proverbs.

Prov.13:21 ”Prosperity is the reward of the righteous.”

This verse is saying that the REWARD of being a righteous spouse is having a prosperous marriage.

Righteousness is the character or quality of being right or just.

Righteousness is fulfilling our responsibility of being in a right relationship or right standing with God.

In Hebrew word TSEDEQ is translated “righteousness”.

We are not to just do what God says to do but we are to become like him.

Jesus stressed that righteousness is about our thoughts, motives, and desires which is a HEART MATTER.

Jesus stressed that righteousness is not about outward behavior.

CASE AND POINT:  As I was growing up, I prided myself on doing what was right.  I knew there were two different roads that I could go down, but I always tried to pick the right road.  I didn’t enjoy behaving all the time, but I made it a point not to lie and fulfill my responsibilities.  But the day I gave my life to God, he showed me how my desires were for the things of the world and even though I tried to do what was right, I missed the mark.  He continued to deal with my heart and if I wanted heaven I needed His righteousness.  My words to him were, “If there is a heaven, I want to be there.”  That day he gave me the assurance that I have a place in eternity with him.

Do you want to be rescued from a troubled marriage?

“The righteous are delivered from trouble, and the wicked get into it instead.”  (Prov.11:8 NRSV)

Do you let God help you with what you say to your spouse when you are ANGRY?

“The lips of the righteous nourish many.”  (Prov.10:21)

Do you want to be a blessing to your spouse?

“Blessings crown the head of the righteousness.  (Prov.10:6)

Have you asked God to make changes in your marital relationship and you are still waiting on God.

“What the wicked dread will come upon them, but the desire of the righteous will be granted. (Prov.10:24 NRSV)

How do you act when things don’t turn out your way and you feel violated?

“When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever.”  (Prov.10:25)

Do you carry terrible thoughts about your spouse and seem to have negative attitudes?

“The memory of the righteous will be a blessing. (Prov.10:7)

Why so some marriages suffer?

We may not always UNDERSTAND all the reasons why our marriage is suffering.

Our job is to be consistent with His righteousness.

Matt.5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger ad thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.”

NOTE:  Tomorrow will have more insights into marriage.

SUPERNATURAL STAYING POWER FOR MARRIAGES

Hope is a gift that we have for our lives today that is meant to carry you into the next.

When we become hopeless, our days are no longer SUNNY but we only see gray.

CASE AND POINT:  My husband and I were missionaries in England for about 5 years in the 80’s.  We arrived in December and I remember when the airplane doors opened, I was overwhelmed with the freezing temperatures.  Our daughter kept her coat on all summer and in October she asked me when summer was coming.  When I told her summer had just finished, she started crying.  England was freezing and her hope was a gorgeous sunny summer.

Although my daughter was only 8 years old, hopelessness comes to us no matter how old we are.

Isa. 40:31 “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.”

No matter what you are facing in your marriage, hope is a new kind of strength that helps you to endure what you need to face.

Hope enables us to be patient and to wait CONFIDENTLY for God to act.

Do you let doubt and anxiety paint ugly pictures in your mind about your marriage or your spouse?

God’s word says that he has great PLANS, not only for your marriage but also for you personally.

God has supernatural staying power for your marriage.

Jer.29:11  “’For I know plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

The Christian symbol for hope has been an ANCHOR for about two thousand years.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Heb.6:19

When disappointments bring FEAR into your life, remember that the Holy Spirit resides in you.

Fear and grief will be destroyed if your hope is grounded in God.

Confess to God if you have been putting your hope in things that CANNOT save you.

CASE AND POINT: This morning on a news station they had someone who wrote a book on how many children to have.  The author mentioned how many couples keep having children thinking it will make their marriage better.  Instead, it eats into their quality time and the result is a marriage breakup.

Put your trust in God and let him teach you how to meet your spouse’s needs.

Clinical studies have shown that many premature deaths have been caused by habitual hopelessness.

The National Institute on Aging did a study on people who were hopeful for the future.  From three to seven years later, the ones who were classified as “hopeless”, 29% died.  The ones classified as “hopeful”, only 11% died.

Hope is a healing balm for both your body and soul.

Supernatural staying power is what hope gives us.

Hope is not based on emotions, it is deeply rooted in a relationship with God.

Are there failure and betrayals in your marriage?

Are there illnesses or hardships in your marriage?

Put your trust and hope in a living God.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post contains new insights for your marriage.