9 Feb


If you are an emotionally intelligent wife, you will be intimately familiar to your spouse’s world.

Mal.2:14 “…she is your companion, and the wife of your covenant.”

He called this familiarity to your spouse’s world “love mapping.”

CASE AND POINT:  It seems like every time I turn on my computer, there is an “update” that needs to take place.  If I don’t update my computer, there is a chance of me losing information that I need.

In the same way, if you don’t update the important information about your spouse, you can loose touch and your relationship can drift to the point that you wake up one day and don’t know each other.

John M. Gottman Ph.D, in his book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” defines love mapping as the part of the brain that stores all the relevant information about your partner’s life.

Do you know your spouses goals in life?

Do you know your spouses worries?

Do you know your spouses hopes?

If you don’t really know someone, you can’t really love them.

The biblical term for sexual love is “to know”.

Having a baby is one life event, or a job shift is a life event, or an illness; these events change a “love map.”

The more you know and understand your spouse, the easier it is to keep connected as life swirls around you.

Getting to know your spouse better is a lifelong process.


By John M. Gottman, Ph.D.

Answer TRUE or FALSE to the following statement.

  1. I can name my partners best friends.
  2. I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently facing.
  3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my husband lately.
  4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams.
  5. I am very familiar with my partner’s religious beliefs and ideas.
  6. I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life.
  7. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
  8. I know my partner’s favorite music.
  9. I can list my partner’s three favorite movies.
  10. My spouse is familiar with my current stresses.
  11. I know the three most special times in my partner’s life.
  12. I can tell you the most stressful thing that happened to mypartner as a child.
  13. I can list my partner’s major aspirations and hopes in life.
  14. I know my partner’s major current worries.
  15. My spouse knows who my friends are.
  16. I know what my partner would want to do if he or she suddenly won the lottery.
  17. I can tell you in detail my first impressions of my partner.
  18. Periodically I ask my partner about his world right now.
  19. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
  20. My spouse is familiar with my hopes and aspirations.

Give yourself one point for each TRUE answer.

10 or above:  This is an area of strength for your marriage.  Try not to take for granted this knowledge and understanding of each other.  If you continue to keep in touch, you should be able to handle problems that arise.

Below 10:  Your marriage could stand some improvement in this area.  Take time to learn more about your spouse now, your relationship will grow stronger.

I heard once that if you really want to find things out about your husband, have a BarBQue with the men from his work and listen to their conversation.

I guess the guys at work know more about him than you do if you haven’t taken the time to learn.

It is time for a daily update!

Start today!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

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