LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1:  How can husbands and wives please each other more consistently?

Answer #1:  As you seek to learn what pleases your mate, consider the following top fives provided by Dr. Willard Harley in his book His Needs, Her Needs:

Top Five Ways for a Man

to Please His Wife

1.  Have a strong commitment to your family; make it a priority.

2.  Provide security:  emotional, financial, personal protection, etc.

3.  Be willing to be her partner, to share life with her in honest, open relationship.

4.  Talk with her in complete sentences; take time to discuss subjects with her.

5.  Provide nonsexual affection:  hugging, touching, tenderness, closeness that doesn’t demand a sexual response.

Top Five Ways for a Woman

to Please Her Husband

1.  Show your mate admiration and respect through verbal praise.

2.  Provide domestic support–help to keep the home in order.

3.  Be attractive; he wants to be proud of you.

4.  Offer recreational companionship.

5.  Help him to pleasure you through an exciting, satisfying sexual union.

Paul wrote, “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification” (Rom.15:2).  Well, who is more your “neighbor” than your spouse, with whom you spend so many hours together every day?

NOTE:  This article was from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 ENVY CAUSES DISASTER IN MARRIAGES

Almost everyone has heard the expression, “Green with Envy.”

You might think of envy as a “small sin” or something that is not a very big deal.

The bible is full of examples of the disasters that envy had on personal relationships.

The first one was with Cain and Abel that resulted in the killing of his brother.  (Gen.4:3-8)

Envy is one of the most damaging of all sins and hurts many people and marriages.

It is a “GREEN MONSTER!!”

The reason why envy is the “green monster” is that, where envy is, LOVE cannot be.

1Cor.13:4 “…love does not envy…”

Have you ever been envious?  Let me tell you now that it does not accomplish anything good.

If you are envious, there is an antidote for you:  LOVE!

For envy, LOVE is the best antidote.

Envy reveals itself in two ways:

1. When your heart and mind is desiring something which is possessed by someone else;
2. When you have spite and resentment at seeing the success of someone else.

Are you satisfied with your own portion or do you want someone else’s.  Love is happiest when someone else has more.

Are you envious of someone else’s marriage?

Do you compare your finances to another couple’s finances?

Do you compare yourself to another person’s status or success and find yourself envying them?

If you are walking in agape love, your concern will be the success of others.

Envy caused Joseph’s brothers to have him enslaved.  Acts 7:9 “…became jealous of Joseph…”

Envy caused the Jews to have Jesus crucified.  Matt.27:18 “…For he knew that they had handed Him over because of envy…”

If you are envious, you will find fault in everyone.

That “Green Monster” will seek out reasons for you to be envious.

The most miserable person you will find, is some one who is filled with envy.

Don’t let envy destroy your life and your marriage.

The antidote is LOVE!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS

The word “kind” in the Greek is CHRESTEUOMAI, which means to be adaptable or compliant to the needs of others.

Do you ever demand that your spouse or other people be like you?

Agape love makes you want to go the extra mile to become what others need you to be for them.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is the complete opposite to being kind.

Do you have a willingness to change so you can meet the needs of your spouse.

Are you good natured and gentle to your spouse and others?

Do you treat your spouse tenderly and with affection.

To be “kind” shows courtesy.

In 1Corinthians 13, it was the second characteristic of the highest level of agape love.

1Corinthians 13:4 “Charity…is kind…”

God designed these verses to mention being “kind” as a characteristic for us to examine ourselves to see how we match up.

“Kindness” explains what agape love is.

Do you look for a way of being constructive with your spouse?

Showing kindness 24/7 is impossible for us to demonstrate on our own

We need the Holy Spirit to guide and strengthen us all the way and all the day.

Kindness is a generous portion of active “goodwill.”

Are you a big dose of “sweet usefulness?”

That is the definition of “kindness.”

As you are kind to your spouse, you will be shown kindness.

When Jesus commanded His disciples to love their enemies, He did not simply mean to feel kindly about them, but to be kind to them.  (Matt.5:40-41)

In 1Corinthians, Paul is not writing about how love feels, he is writing about how it can be seen in action.

This evil world gives agape love many opportunities to demonstrate kindness to others.

Mark Twain call kindness “A language that the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Kindness is a universal language because it does not speak to the intellect, but directly to the heart.

True love is always demonstrated by action.

Remember:  The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost tomorrow.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LOVING

The Apostle Paul used the word AGAPE to describe the highest level of love in this world that is from God.

Paul uses the description to explain what AGAPE love is in 1Corinthians 13.

God designed these verses so we would know if we were walking at his highest level of loving.

1Cor.13:4 “Charity (agape love) suffereth long…”

Long suffering, in the Greek, MAKROTHUMIA, means “the patient restraint of anger.”

Long suffering is to endure, to put up with people and circumstances.

Do you lose your patience from time to time with your spouse?

Do these situations involve people or things?

What are some of these situations that cause you not to be so long-suffering?

Long suffering is when you are in a difficult situation with your spouse or anyone else and you decide to put up with them.

Once you accept Jesus Christ as your LORD and Savior, longsuffering is required to maintain our hope in Gods promises.

If you don’t have hope or purpose for your life, why would you wait?  Why would you continue to suffer?  You would give up!!

Love will be patient no matter what the situation.

A candle is prepared to burn a long time if it has that long wick.

You are to forbear and patiently wait if you have the characteristic of the highest level of AGAPE love.

Can you show longsuffering till your spouse finally comes around and make progress.

Do you patiently wait while you try to teach or communicate to your spouse.

Longsuffering is forbearing without reacting in anger or turning away.

Long suffering is not a feeling.

Our human nature wants to get nervous and hyper as soon as it has to be patient.

Can you hold tight to your trust in God?

Longsuffering is a decision of the will; it is a decision to endure in faith.

The long view is to forgive each other’s failures and to hold tight to our trust in God.

Keep going even though your husband doesn’t respond to you!

Do you say that you are sick and tired of waiting for your spouse to change?

Have you stopped hoping and believing?

Does this relationship test your patience?

If this is true, you need an injection of AGAPE love right now!

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LOVING THE UNLOVABLE

Is your talking non-stop and annoying at times?

Do you talk so much to your spouse that he doesn’t even LISTEN to you any more?

Do your words just keep pouring out that it now just sounds like noise?

1Cor.13:1 “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (agape love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 

In the Corinth church, Paul was so unimpressed with their spirituality because they obviously had a great LACK of love.

Do you claim a lot and say a lot , yet your life doesn’t match up to your claims?

Are you irritating to your spouse and family because you lack love?

This kind of love is AGAPE, which is a self-giving love.

Agape love gives without expecting repayment.

This kind of love gives even when it is not ACCEPTED.

You give agape love even when a person is unlovable.

Agape love doesn’t love just to RECEIVE something back for it.

Agape love is self-denial for the sake of another.

This is not about your EMOTIONS and how you feel but what you need to do to make things right for someone else.

Do you express this spontaneous and divine love with your spouse?

Sacrifice is very important to your Christian walk but without love, it is USELESS.

Love is most valuable because without it everything else is useless.

If your spouse doesn’t listen to you and won’t be changed, ask God to show you a way to HANDLE the situation.

Ask God to change you so you can deal with your spouse in a spirit of love.

Ask God to GIVE you His heart for your spouse.

You can deal with anything if you have God’s heart and mind.

Be willing and open to make changes in your WORDS and in your character.

The last thing you want to be is a “tinkling cymbal.”

Whatever God shows you in your actions or words that needs to be changed, accept it and change.

GOD IS LOVE!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DEALING WITH YOUR SPOUSES ANNOYANCES

Do you get annoyed when your husband leaves the toilet seat up?

How about when he TAILGATES; does that get to you?

Does he pick his teeth with his finger in front of company?

Do you enjoy those SHAVINGS all over the bathroom counter from cleaning his shaver?

Does he make a joke when you are saying something serious?

The questions above are marital ISSUES that I hear about a lot while counseling wives.

In marriage, there will  be things that will occur which will get you angry.

At those moments, you will FEEL like taking a swing or totally giving up in your marriage.

Even if the violation isn’t a big deal, it’s just the thought of having to deal with the same issues over and over again.

Many times I will listen to wives who are tired of being married to men who are great but their wife is just tired of the “small stuff.”

God knows that and he has us covered.

Let’s look at 1Pet.4:8 to get God’s instruction to understand.

1Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent love among yourselves: for love shall cover the multitude of sins.”

The word COVER implies “to hide from view.”

This doesn’t mean for you to ignore the sin, it means you cover it.

Cover is the definite action of concealing the existence of something by obstructing the VIEW of it.

When we respond in love to our spouse, we prevent the development of sin.

DIVINE love is not seeing sin in a person and then shutting our eyes to it.

Divine love makes us care for our spouse and helps us to seek the good of our partner.

In James 5:20, our focal point needs to be for restoration and recovery.

“Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.” (Jas. 5:20)

Take action to RESTORE your spouse by covering any multitude of sin and violations against you.

Love doesn’t cover all sin because there is a “sin unto death.”

Love does cover a multitude of sin but there is a large quantity of sin that it does NOT cover.

I have learned from the years of being married, that I SHOULDN’T make a big deal out of everything that goes wrong.

I have learned that the more I let go, the more peace and power of the Holy Spirit I see in our marriage.

Also, one of the main benefits is that I am being a testimony to my CHILDREN.

My goal in life is to not quench the precious Holy Spirit in my life and marriage.

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

Is having a toilet seat down that important?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

SPOILED ROTTEN?

I’M CONVINCED THAT, for the most part, we women in America have become pampered to the point of being spoiled rotten.  We have heard hundreds of thousands of messages over the past 40 years that say in various ways, “Stand up for your rights,” “Have it YOUR way,” “Don’t let him run over you,” and on and on.

Almost all advertising, most book promotions, radio and TV programming, and nearly all retail business are aimed at women  Our affluence is feverishly feeding every woman’s obsession with self, and our culture may be promoting and encouraging women to be more self-focused today than at any other time since the days of the Roman Empire (see Psa.119:36).  And has all this self-focus made us happier, more content, more satisfied?  Hardly.

The antidote for selfishness is found in sacrificially serving others.  Sacrifice is the language of romance, and it’s how you build a great marriage.  Having the marriage you once dreamed of is impossible without self-denial.  Remember Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.  “Take your eyes off yourself, and take an appreciative look at your husband.  Take a good, hard, look.  Notice what he does for you and your kids–and than thank him for it.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1:  How important are tender touch and gentle words?

Answer #1:  Before marriage, two people in love can hardly keep their hands off each other.  They find the touch of their beloved thrilling.  But, what happens after the wedding?  After just a few years of marriage, some couples would consider a firm handshake a wildly intimate encounter.

This should not be the case!  There is great power in tender touch, even if it’s just a long, full-body hug or a lingering kiss. Or the touch may be a gentle caress of her face that has no secret motive to make sexual demands but instead communicates, “I love you, Sweetheart, and I care for you tenderly.”

Gentle words have similar power.  Consider the following list of some things any husband could use in complimenting and praising his wife:  charm; femininity; faithfulness (to God, to you, to your children); hard work; beauty; personality; her love (including her receptivity and responsiveness to you as a man); her advice and counsel; character; desirability; friendship.   And that’s just a start!

What wife wouldn’t respond to a husband who praises her regularly with gentle words for all these wonderful qualities?  Why don’t you try it, and find out for yourself?

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed?

IS YOUR MARITAL FOUNDATION DEFECTED? 

Your personal worth sets the limit on how successful your accomplishments are on your marriage.

Your greatest POSSESSION is to have a healthy self-esteem.

There is a need inside each one of us to be or feel like a special person and especially from our spouse.

You will grow and mature to be what God wants you to be if your FOUNDATION is built on a strong self-image.

It takes time to correct things that are wrong in your life and in your marriage because no one matures instantly.

To mature physically, spiritually and emotionally sometimes comes PAINFULLY.

In Christ, you are his unique creation and your marriage is unique.

Remember, your self-image is what you think you are.

Your self-image is not what you are.

Your self-image is not what others think you are.

There is an array of sources that you should not be basing your feelings on about yourself: family, other people, physical traits, talents/abilities, failures, etc.

Feelings of guilt and failure, many times come from setting up high expectations for ourselves.

This defected foundation needs to let God rebuild it.

STEPS TOWARDS A HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

1. Let yourself, Love yourself.
2. Be the person God intended you to be.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Honestly estimate yourself.  Assess strengths and weaknesses.
5. Don’t condemn yourself.
6. Don’t have high expectations for yourself.
7. Forgive yourself.
8.  Accept God’s forgiveness.
9. Towards others, have an attitude of forgiveness.
10. Towards others, have an attitude of love.
11. Do things that will make you like yourself more.
12. Choose realistic goals.
13. Seek God’s praise for what you do.
14. Don’t seek praise from others for what you do.
15. Build up others with your gifts and abilities.
16. Surround yourself with friends that build you up.
17. Do not put yourself around people who tear you down.
18. Build up those around you.
19. Let God shape you into the person he wants you to be.
20. Thank God for his never-ending love for you.
21. Thank God for the future he has prepared for you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LIVE TV HORRIFYING SCENE

I came across this story while I was reading about YAHWEH SHAMMAH, which means “The LORD is There”.

This is a true story that exemplifies a visual example of “The LORD is There.”

NOTE: The following article came from the book “Praying the Names of God” by Ann Spangler.

Genelle Guzman-McMillan has a story that is mesmerizing because she survived troubles the rest of us have only encountered in our nightmares.  She is the last survivor of the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center.

Genelle is a soft-spoken woman who remembers what happened in terrifying detail.  Employed by the Port Authority of New York, she arrived a little after 8 a.m. on September 11 and rode the elevator to her job on the sixty-fourth floor of the north tower.  Thinking it was safe to stay, Genelle didn’t attempt to leave the building until after the second plane hit.  Racing down fifty-one flights of stairs in high heels, she stopped for a moment on the thirteenth floor.  As she bent down to remove her shoes, the north tower collapsed on top of her.

Like millions of others, I watched the horrifying scene via live TV, convinced that no one had survived the collapse of the second tower.

Here’s what happened to Genelle when all hell broke loose:

One hundred ten floors were coming down around us.  I knew I was being buried alive.  The noise was deafening…

When I woke again I told myself I had to do something.  But what could I do?  “God, you’ve got to help me!”  I prayed.  “You’ve got to show me a sign, show me a miracle, give me a second chance.  Please save my life!”  My eyes were so caked with grime that the tears couldn’t come, but I felt it in my heart.  I was talking to God as if he was right there.  I told him I was ready to live my life the right way.  “Lord, just give me a second chance, and I promise I will do your will.”…

The next day, I heard a beep-beep sound like a truck backing up.  I called for help, but there was no response…  Finally someone hollered back:  “Hello, is somebody there?”  “Yes, help me!  My name is Genelle, and I’m on the thirteenth floor,” I cried, not realizing how ludicrous the information about my location must have sounded, coming from a pile of rubble…

I could see a bit of daylight coming through a crack, so I stuck my hand through it…I stretched my hand out as far as I could, and this time someone grabbed it.  “Genelle, I’ve got you!  You’re going to be all right.  My name is Paul.  I won’t let go of your hand until they get you out.”

Genelle had prayed to the God she had ignored for most of her life, and he had been there for her.  After twenty-seven hours she was pulled out of the rubble and then spent five weeks in the hospital recuperating.  Afterward, she tried locating Paul, the man who had held onto her hand until she was rescued.  Later, when she asked about him, her rescuers assured her:  “There’s no one named Paul on our team…nobody was holding your hand when we were removing the rubble.”

Genelle had felt completely calm the moment Paul grabbed her hand.  She had believed his repeated assurances that help was on the way and that she would be all right.  Despite the fact that her story has been told in Jim Cymbala’s book Breakthrough Prayer, on Oprah and CNN, and in Guideposts and Time magazines, no one named Paul has ever stepped forward to take credit for rescuing her.  But Genelle knows that Paul was there.  He was like an angel of God’s presence, assuring her that all would be well.

Hour after hour Genelle had cried out for help.  It took more than a day for the rescue crew to locate her but only an instant for God to pinpoint her location.  When a psychiatrist, probing for symptoms of posttraumatic stress, interviewed her in the hospital, Genelle told him that God above was her psychiatrist.  “After all, God was there when I needed him.  He had made sure I was found.  He had comforted me and given me a new life.”

Like few others, Genelle knows the saving power of the One who revealed himself to her as Yahweh Shammah, the Lord who is there.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.