SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER
Question #1. My husband works out of town many months out of the year. He complains about being on the road away from everything he loves but continues to spend the money he is making on anything he wants. I have to account for every penny but he takes hundreds of dollars every week which he never tells me where it goes. He has taken me off all the bank accounts and only gives me enough money to pay the bills. He has password on his phone and only calls me every other day when he is gone for a few minutes. He says he loves me. We have been married almost 20 years with two children. I believe he is selfish and controlling. Is it time for us both to move on?
Answer #2. There are many questions that I would like to ask you before I answer this. Since we are not able to communicate, I will do my best to answer this question for you. I am going to answer this as if it were happening to me.
First, you need to do everything possible to keep your marriage in tack. Do not listen to voices tell you to do things that are not biblical. In Malachi 2, your marriage is called a “Holy Institute.” Anything that is “holy”, the devil will always try to destroy. He might be selfish and controlling, but that is still no reason to set up housekeeping elsewhere. This is your family and you need to fight for it!
Second, you need to do whatever it takes to allow your daughters to grow up with their father in their home. Also in Malachi 2, it says that the purpose of marriage is for “godly offspring.” Even if you feel like he is never there or that he is a father who doesn’t care about them. He is a covering and a security to them. They love him and need him in their life. Your husband is a provider and even if you think the scale of monetary output is not to your advantage, he is still providing. If you talked to any wife who has been abandon with children, you will find that they would take their husbands back under any conditions. It’s a hard cruel world out there! My dad left our family when I was thirteen years old. It was a nightmare that never ended. Even though my mother was a very loving soul who never remarried or tracked strange men through our home, or talked trash about my dad, it was still unbearable.
Lastly, what do you do? Stay miserable for the rest of your life? No! No! No! The bible talks about what to do if you are a slave with an evil task master. He says to go back and serve that master with your very best. Pray for him everyday. When you talk to him, make it an extremely enjoyable conversation. You want him to be anxious when he hangs up to talk to you again. Talk about happy things! How cute the girls are, something silly they did, something of interest that came out in the news. Tell him you found a hilarious joke and read it to him. DO NOT, DO NOT talk about money or you. Very few husbands care what wives think or feel. The reason why is because we are so emotional. To a man, we sound SELFISH and CONTROLLING.
Tell him you love him. You will shock him! Pray for him! Prayer works! Read 1 Corinthians 13 everyday and apply it to your marriage.
One of the best marriage books is, “Love and Respect” by Eggerich. Get it, mark it, and live it. Make your marriage, your hobby.
GOD WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT! HE DREAMT ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE, BEFORE HE CREATED IT. I’m praying for you. You go girl! Fight the good fight!
NOTE: Daily there is a new post with information that will make your marriage a success.
LOVE YOUR SPOUSE 
I can identity with you a little in regards to the finances, my husband took over the financial responsability cause I was not wise in that area as much as I hate to admitted. He not only pays the bills on time but we have more than we ever had and he is a good provider and I can say we are blessed, I don’t know if your husband is saved or not but my isn’t. What I learned is to stop being the victim and getting on my knees and praying for myself, my marriage and my kids. I grew up in a broken home and did not want that for my family. Prayer does work and it will bring peace in your home and marriage even if your husband is not serving God. God will be the center of your marriage, life & family only if you let Him. Claim the promises of God for yourself and your family, the aim of the devil is to destroy our marriages cause if he does there is no hope for our children and they are the future generation. Remember there is power in the blood of the Jesus and in prayer.
Hi Martha! Thanks for your great comment. I know that this will help many marriages. Your prayer life is the key to your success.
Amen, I have learned so much reading your blog sister Nancy and God showed me that I needed to surrender all to Him and that He was going to take care of everything, for many years I tried being God’s little helper and wasted so many good years of my life and was not productive in God’s kingdom. I thank God for delivering me from that pit I was in and also thank Him for the great church & pastors he has given me.
Love it!
Hi Serena! Thanks for your encouraging words!
Been there, done that. I understand the frustration. I also know the pain of separation. My children were devastated when I left my husband for being abusive. My 3 year old son even stopped speaking, he was crushed. It wasn’t easy for any of us, especially my husband. He was living under such condemnation, the last thing he needed was attitude from me. I felt guilty for hating the man I once loved.
We got through it with the grace of God. Nothing is impossible with Him. I’m blessed to celebrate 19 years next month.
Hi L.Lopez! Thanks for your awesome comment! I want every couple to read your comment before they consider separation. That is the part that no one sees.
We wives can and SHOULD talk about ourselves and money…we are not doormats. I disagree with your advice, I am disappointed and very dismayed that you would advocate a position of slavery to Christian wives. This man is misbehaving, why tell his wife to shut up and put up? No way. On Sep 7, 2013 8:03 AM, “LOVE YOUR SPOUSE” wrote: > > nancysalazar posted: “SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER Question #1. My husband works out of town many months out of the year. He complains about being on the road away from everything he loves but continues to spend the money he is making on anything he wants. I have to ” >
Hi Mabellynn! Thanks for your comment. I can understand why you have made the statements that you did. When I don’t have all the information and can only hear the wife’s side, I have to do everything I can for her and her children. I consider the children first because they don’t get to make choices for the family. They are the ones who suffer. The statistics on children whose parents are divorced are devastating. These kids stay scared through life and take all their hangups into their marriages. It is a funeral that never ends. They have the highest percentage rate in jails, they have the highest rate in dropping out of school and unwed pregnancies. They spend the rest of their life trying to recover. In the mean time, their parents are scouting for someone to make them happy. Statistics show that is takes a child 5 to 7 years to get over the hurt of a breakup. Yet, the statistics show that the parents remarry between 2 to 4 years. The child hasn’t even got over the hurt, and now they have to deal with stepparents or boyfriends from mom and girl friends from dad. They now have a mom telling them they need to act perfect when visiting the family of a step father of boyfriend. They dad is telling them they need to act perfect at the family of his wife or girlfriends house. This is interesting because their own parents can’t even be civil with each other but they expect them as a child to adjust. It goes on and on Mabellynn. This woman is not putting up with anything yet. She should not worry about being a slave to her husband, that will be the least of her problems if she divorces him. Statistics show that within 10 years, each partner says that they should have never divorced. Those who stay together for the kids, say that they are so happy that they did. They feel fulfilled! Our husbands will never make us happy. God does!!!! What we put into our marriage, we get back hundredfold. I enthusiastically partner with God in siding with these children!!