LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 4)

Almost 90 percent of all marital arguments can be traced back to the issue of money.

Every day there are divorces filed because of financial disagreements.

One of the “vibrant marriage secrets” is  how to properly maintain you finances.

Fifth, Managing Your Money

A.)     MONEY MATTERS TO GOD.

1. Money is to be earned.

In Genesis, it was established that the role of the husband required hard work.

Gen.3:17-19 God told Adam that he would have to eat and provide “in toil” and “in the sweat of (his) face.”

God intends that income be earned by intense, earnest work and effort.

“He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.”  Prov.10:4

1. Money is to be given.

Your money comes from God (Deut.8:18) and is to be used for Him, His purposes, and His people.

As Christians, we are commanded to give our money regularly and purposefully, sacrificially, and generously.

“She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy”  Prov.31:20

What happens in your home is the person your husband thinks is needy differs from your opinion?

Do you let him continue on with His convictions and compassion and supply the need?

Once again God’s word gives us advice on our treasures in Matthew.

Do not lay up for yourselves “…treasures on earth”.  You are to “…lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven…”  Matt.6:19-21

1. Money is to be managed and saved.

To be a good steward we must learn thrift, diligence, carefulness, self-control, and skills of saving, stretching, record-keeping, and wise decision-making.

Do you go to a sale and start buying everything in sight just because it is a bargain?

Prov.24:3-4 “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”

1. Money is not to be desired.

As Christians we are to beware of greed and the love of money.

We are to “…be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share…” 1Tim.6:28

“…godliness with contentment is great gain…”1Tim.6:6

Let the Holy Spirit be the decision maker in your finances.

You can end quarreling about money today!

NOTE:  Some of the comments are from the book “A wife after God’s own Heart”, by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 3)

A “Vibrant Marriage” is what every spouse looks forward to at the beginning of their life together.

In the book of Genesis we find one of our first commands concerning marriage, straight from God.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  Gen.2:24

The word cleave in Hebrew means to “catch by pursuit, fasten together, follow close and to stick to.”

The Israelites knew exactly what the word “cleave” meant.

Marriage was a commitment to be desired.

It was a union that could not be broken by anything that may come against it.

CASE AND POINT:  I don’t know how true this story is, but I was told by a Britain that when Prince Charles and Princess Diana started having marital problems, that his father told him, “Get an heir and a spare.”  In other words, have two children from Diana.  Have one to take the throne and another one in case the first one dies.  Then Prince Charles can live his life and do whatever he wants to do.  He basically was telling him that he did not need to have a marital relationship with Diana.  The sad part of that is that he didn’t tell Diana that when he asked her to marry him.  She thought she was going to have a lifetime of love.  He also disappointed God because he violated God’s marriage treaty and the whole world knew about it.

Fourth, Enjoy your marital intimacy

 A.)    Take your calendar in hand and schedule a sex date!

Does that sound cold?  Callous? Unemotional?  Lacking in romance?

Talking with your husband openly about your sex life and revolutionize it.

Keep in mind that sex is the #1 basic need for a husband.

B.)    Talk about sex with your husband.

If you can communicate lovingly and specifically about sex, then the two of you can move toward greater enjoyment of intimacy.

C.)     Take time to prepare for sex.

Set the scene and the mood.

D.)    Try to go to bed at the same time.

How can you cuddle, be available sexually, if you and your husband don’t go to bed at the same time?

E.)     Tackle the excuse of “I’m too tired!”

And what woman isn’t???

Your assignment is to figure out what to cut out of your life so that you will not be tired for the most important part of your marriage—your sex life.

F.)     Take care of yourself.

Good grooming only costs a few minutes.

NOTE:  Some of the comments were taken out of the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

                                             VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 2)                                                  

Thank God that he has given us guidelines to live by.

Many times they are not easy or fun, but boy do they work.

We always encourage people to live by God’s guidelines in order to get the results they want with a lifetime of peace.

In order to have a “Vibrant Marriage”, we must follow God’s guidelines.

Third, Communication is Every thing.

 “Sweetness of the lips increases learning.  The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips.”  Prov.16:21, 23

A.)    You must follow God’s guidelines for good communication.

Are your words soft, sweet, suitable, and slow?

B.)    Identify any speech patterns that must go.

Put away speech patterns that don’t match up to God’s standards.

CASE AND POINT:  We saw a movie called “The Iron Lady.”  It was a story about Margaret Thatcher who was the prime minister of the United Kingdom during the time that Ronald Reagan was president.  The prime minister is similar to the president of the United States.  She was prime minister during the 80’s when we were missionaries in England.  She was a great lady and worked hard to pattern the footsteps of her nation after the United States to stay a vibrant and democratic country.  One of the things she had to learn early in her career was how to talk to men since she had to lead them.  Men could be loud and emotional, but she couldn’t or she would be labeled as a high strung rational woman.  They told her that men can’t handle the high pitch in a woman’s voice because it makes them emotional.  They taught her to talk low and slow and raise her voice gradually without yelling.

Margaret Thatcher changed her way of speaking so that she could change the destiny of England and lead men in the right direction that would have a lasting change for the future.

How much more should us as wives change our voice for the eternal destiny of our marriage and family.

What you say and how you say it is crucial.

Read Jesus’ words about “radical surgery” in Matt.5:29-30.

C.)     Make it a goal to encourage your husband.

Your goal as a wife is to help, heal, and minister to your husband with your words, not to slice him to pieces.

Your ugly words are like a thrust of a sword or they can be like a refreshment that edifies and encourages grace to your husband.

WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife.

A cruel word may wreck a life.

A brutal word may smite and kill.

A gracious word may smooth the way.

A joyous word may light the day.

A timely word may lessen stress.

A loving word may heal and bless.

D.)    Be quick to say you are sorry.

This is the best way to defuse a situation that could get worse.

E.)     “Say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly!”

F.)     Seek to please God with your words.

NOTE:  Many of the comments and the poem were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 1) 

Everyone wants a vibrant marriage, but it is something that has to be worked at.

Those of us that are married already know that but have you been lazy lately.

Do you keep hitting the “snooze” button and keep going back to sleep.

Even Jesus’ disciples kept going back to sleep instead of praying.

When your marriage starts going sour, that is usually when we start crying out to God for help.

Let’s stay awake on the job, and keep focused on a marriage that will glorify God.

Here are important areas that will keep your marriage “Vibrant.”

First, Keep “growing” in the Lord.

 “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  Matt.6:33

In order to experience marital spiritual growth it will result from self-discipline and self-denial.

A.)    Read you bible daily with an open heart.

Try to be consistent but even if you only read a chapter a day, it will benefit you better than reading nothing at all.

B.)    Pray for your husband at least three times a day.

Pray before he wakes up, at noon, and right before he comes home from work.

Also, ask God to show you when he needs your prayers during that day.

C.)     Make it your priority to attend church this week.

Make this important commitment to God, and don’t let any interference come in.

Go to church anyway, even if your spouse does not want to attend.

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to touch your spouse’s heart.

D.)    Attend a bible class or a bible study.

A bible class will make a big difference in your life and in your marriage.

Don’t ever be to busy to take care of this very needful area of your spiritual growth.

Second, Work as a team with your spouse.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”  Eccles. 4:9

God’s word explains to the wife that her mission is to help her husband, submit to her husband, respect her husband, and to love her husband.

A.)    Thank your husband for living out his roles.

When was the last time that you thanked your husband for his hard work on the job?

B.)    Ask your spouse how you can help him.

Daily ask him, “How can I help you today?”

C.)     Find ways to show great respect for your husband.

Do you ask him to do things or do you tell him?

Do you practice sweet speech in your conversations?

Stop putting him down when you talk to others about him.

D.)    Think of a way that the two of you can have fun this week.

Your marriage was founded on friendship, and you need to nurture that friendship.

Your fun time together doesn’t need to cost money.

Improve his life as a helper.

Follow his leadership with a willing heart.

Esteem him highly with utmost respect.

Your assignment from God is not to change your husband, but to love, follow, assist, and minister to him.

NOTE:  Many of the comments were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WIVES, YOUR APPEARANCE COUNTS 

How a wife looks on the outside, matters to a husband on the inside.

The effort you put into your appearance is extremely high on his priority list.

It only takes a small effort to keep yourself looking “tight.”

One of the problems is that we may only dress good when we are doing it for others and not for our spouse.

DON’T LOOK LIKE A “SLOB” AROUND YOUR HUSBAND!!

I am not talking just about your weight, it’s about taking care of yourself for HIM!

Your husband takes your appearance negligence as you are not doing something that is very important to him.

Men say, “I just want to see that my wife cares enough about me to make an effort.”

If you don’t have a perfect body or perfect complexion, make the best with what you have.

WOMEN ARE COMPLICATED!!

We were happy that our husbands enjoyed our looks during courtship, but we resent it that our appearance should still matter to him after marriage.

GIRLS!!  It is not about being a Size 2, it’s about showing your husband that you are making an effort to address something that is very important to him.

It is all about him!

 REMEMBER?  REMEMBER DURING COURTSHIP?

Almost every man cares if his wife is out of shape and doesn’t make an effort to change.

88% of men said it would bother them if their wife let herself go and didn’t bother to make an effort to change it.

Only 12% said it did not bother them.

What matters most to your husband is the fact that you are making an effort to take care of yourself for him.

 Men were surveyed about the following statement:  It is not important that his wife look like she looked when they met.  It is more important that she makes the effort to take care of herself now for him.

83% of the men agreed with this statement.  17% did not.

Sad to say, a lot of Christian women feel they have taken the vows”…for better or worse…” so what’s on the outside doesn’t matter.

When you take care of yourself or slim down, it makes your husband feel loved and cared for.

One husband said his wife was slimming down for him and it made him feel like a million bucks.

Where do you start?

1. YOUR husband wants to help you.

97% of men said they would love to do what it takes to help their wife get in shape.

1. There are many resources out there to help you.
2. You have a God in heaven who will help you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

A CHEMISTRY LESSON

High school chemistry taught me a very valuable lesson: When certain substances come into close contact, they can cause a chemical reaction.  I proved that fact during my senior year of high school, when I dropped a jar full of pure sodium into a river  and nearly blew up a bridge below!

I’ve learned since then that many people don’t respect the laws of chemistry, any more than I did as a teenager.  They mix volatile ingredients without giving much thought to the consequences–just as David did in the sordid account of Bathsheba.  Just the mere sight of her caused him to start a life down a very slippery slope.  It can be that simple.  I’ve discovered that many married people don’t understand that a chemical reaction can occur with someone other than their mates.

Don’t misunderstand–I’m not talking merely about sexual attraction.  I’m referring to a reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls.  This is emotional adultery–an intimacy with the opposite sex outside of marriage.  When two people begin discussing intimate struggles, doubts or feelings, they may be sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for marriage partners.  Emotional adultery is friendship with the opposite sex that progresses too far.  In most cases, adulterous relationships start as casual relationships at work, school, even church.

So guard your heart!

NOTE:  This article came from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q & A

Question #1.  How specifically can I build up my spouse–especially when I feel critical?

Answer #1.  I often look to Proverbs 18:21 as a good reminder of the power of words.  It says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”   It’s a simple choice–you can either choose to give life with your words, or give death.  This is especially true when it comes to your spouse.

Sometimes it’s easy, even automatic, to pick out wrong things your spouse does.  But how about this instead?  The next time you start to criticize your spouse for doing something wrong, think about the last time you praised him or her for something he or she did right.

One word  of caution: don’t falsely flatter your spouse, or insincerely attempt to compliment him or her.  It is better to find two or three things that you honestly admire than to lavish praise that is undeserved.

We all need someone on our team, someone who’s pulling for us during the tough times.  There’s a special comfort and security in knowing your spouse will cheer for you, even when the world is dragging you down.

NOTE:  This question and answer came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT SHOULD A WIFE DO? 

With all the temptations and sensual temptations that come your husband’s way, what should a wife do?

In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only”, she gives the following suggestion on what a wife should do.

I have added the scriptures to enhance your learning.

1. PRAY FOR HIM

Your spouse needs your steadfast prayers more than anything else.

Praying for your spouse is part of your duty as a “helpmeet.”

1Tim.2:1 “Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men.”

1. CHECK YOUR HEART.

Accept the struggle he has with lust and encourage him rather than freak out and conclude the worst about him.

Prov.2:2 “…apply thine heart to understanding.”

Prov.2:11 “Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee.”

The more understanding you are, the more loved he will feel.

1. DETERMINE YOUR INVOLVEMENT LEVEL.

Men don’t need a critique, but an encourager.

Jude 1:16 “These are…complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words…”

1. BECOME A SUPPORT.

Ask what you can do to help.

Put yourself on his team to help him win this fight.

Gen.2:18 “And God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

1. DRESS MODESTLY.

Are you on some mans rolodex because of how you dress?

Because women aren’t visual, they many times don’t really understand what they are doing to the men around them.

Are you cluttering up a good husbands mind and tempting him to dishonor his wife?

2Cor.7:1 “”…dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God”

1Tim.2:9-10 “And women should be…quiet and sensible in manner and clothing…”

The items listed above that are according to God’s commands, are not hard to do.

Isn’t your husband worth it?

Didn’t you marry him “for better or worst?”

Esther was called and intelligently designed “for such a time as this” to keep her people from being destroyed.

What about you?

Maybe you were designed “for such a time like this” to be used by God to be a testimony to your husband and family.

How powerful!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT HUSBANDS SEE, WITHOUT SAYING (Pt.2) 

The following information is a continuation from the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Shaunti has researched and done surveys to assist her on accurate information.

Temptation Steps

STEP #1.  For every man, sensual images and thoughts arrive involuntarily.

Woman feel all the trouble starts because “men have roving eyes.”

The truth is that there are roving, under-dressed women—and men can’t not notice their existence.

STEP #2.  Every man’s involuntary physical impulse is to enjoy the feelings associated with these thoughts and images.

When a sensual image enters a man’s mind, it brings a rush of sensual pleasure.

One man interviewed said that forcing him to end that thought is sometimes as difficult as it would be to stop in the middle of sex.

STEP #3.  But every man can make a choice—to dwell on the images and thoughts, or to dismiss them.

This choice is the critical distinction between temptation and sin.

He can tear down the thought immediately and “take every thought captive.”

Reassurances

REASSURANCE #1.  His temptation is not always primarily sexual.

It is pleasurable to look at that good-looking woman, like looking at a beautiful painting.

REASSURANCE #2.  Every man is different.

Every man experiences a different level of visual temptation.

REASSURANCE #3.  It’s not because of you.

“If men could, most would shut off their temptation to look at other women in a second.  We loathe this temptation as much as our wives do.”

REASSURANCE #4.  This doesn’t impact his feelings for you!

With his wife, he has a deep and long meaning relationship.

Most men would make an observation about a beautiful woman but would be offset by the fact that they would never risk losing their wife.

As I read what Shaunti Feldhahn’s surveys discovered, it really gave me compassion for men because of the burden of their temptations.

It is like telling women never to be emotional, when most women are highly emotional compared to a man.

In God’s word, we can see where Jesus has left help for men in their temptations.

Gal.5:16  “This I say then, Walk in the (Holy) Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

The Apostle Paul also talks about his temptations and the resolution.

1Cor.9:27  “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection:  lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WHAT HUSBANDS SEE, WITHOUT SAYING (PT.1) 

I have talked to many wives and unfortunately there are many who get a wrong attitude after marriage.

Wives mention that it is all right for them to let their looks, weight, and manner of dress deteriorate.

Many wives, especially Christian wives feel that they are just fine the way they look.

Many Christian wives say, “Any way if my husband loves God, he needs to be content with me as I am.”

Or “Let him take his concerns to God.”

Or “Anyway, beauty is only skin deep.”

Or “God hates vanity.”

Or “If I am overweight, I’m suppose to worship God and not my body.”

Or “God looks on the inside, and so should my husband.  Not the outside.”

It all sounds good girls, but it is not going to work.  Listen up!

 I am going to read you some comments from a book called “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Men are visual and we will first talk about two compulsions men have:

COMPULSION #1 – A man can’t not want to look.

A survey was taken asking men what their reaction would be if an attractive women with a great body would walk in the room.

98% of the men said they would be attracted.  Only 2% of men were not attracted by a woman with a great body.

These were happily married believers.

Even when they tried not to look, the power of the desire to look was overwhelming.

COMPULSION #2 – A man has a mental rolodex of sensual images.

They are images that have been involuntarily burned in their brains just by living in today’s culture—images that can arise without warning.

These images can be of anything:  the memory of a Playboy magazine, or a recollection of a shapely woman.

These images often arise in the brain without warning, even if your husband doesn’t want them there.

87% of men say these images pop up in their heads whether they are happily married or not.

As the national survey showed, this temptation is common to every man, even if he is devoted to his wife.

Temptations are not sin.  It is what you do with those temptations that is the issue.

I know as a wife you might be thinking that this information is a lot to stomach.

I have placed this information for wives to realize that your appearance is so very important to your husband.

Your looks are high on the list of why he married you.

You should always be dressed in a modest but attractive manner.

He wants to be proud of his beautiful wife’s good looks.

So put down your little hobbies and freshen up before he comes home or you come home.

You will be pleasing God as well.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed