LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

TIPS FOR FRAZZLED MOMS

One of the greatest experiences in life is the birth of your children.

I read a sign once and it said, “ When your kids are born, you can’t wait till they can walk and talk.  Once they learn to walk and talk, you keep telling them to “sit down and shut up”.

In Titus the topic of children is brought up.

Titus 2:4 “…that they teach the young women to love their children.”

Once again, we are left with the thought of why women have to learn to love their children when it should come naturally.

That is because it doesn’t come or stay NATURALLY, it is something to be taught and practiced.

No mother will say I don’t love my child but they will all tell you that their child has wore them to a frazzle.

The love that is discussed in Titus, is an UNCONDITIONAL love.

Vacuuming, dusting, cooking and acting like a taxi driver to your child is showing love but it needs to go further.

Your first duty is to make your home life ATTRACTIVE to your husband and children.

Life with your children is a living thing, that means that as your children age, it will change.

There are times that you can have so much fun as a family then it is like tug-of-war each member pulling in a different direction.

Jesus commanded us to love one another.

He is not asking you to do something he has not done HIMSELF.

Whenever you are having trouble with your “love issues”, just move closer to Jesus.

Our job is to be the peacemaker in the home.

Not only are we to be peacemakers, we are to make others be at PEACE.

Jesus said, “ Blessed are the peacemakers…”

CASE AND POINT:  As my children were growing up, my husbands favorite words were “pick your battles.”  I am a disciplinarian and every time a rule was broken, I felt the children needed to suffer the consequences.  He felt differently.  It was hard for me but I was able to see the advantage it was to the family by not making everything a big deal.

It kept a lot of peace in the home.

Not everyone has perfect children, so that is why in Titus, we are told to love our kids.

Every family has at least one child that “listens to a different drummer.”

We can’t make the whole family miserable over one child.

Make sure you get ENOUGH sleep at night or take a nap.

Also, make sure that you get plenty of spiritual rest.

Make sure that you keep your spouse your TOP priority.

If you find yourself upset with your spouse, the chances are that you will end up irritated with your children.

Here are some suggestions that will help you as a parent:

1. Understand that you are not alone.

God is with you to help you.

2.   Take an inventory as to why you are weary.

You might have to much on your plate.

3.  Hire people to help you or swap chores.

Hiring out will give you extra time or rest.

Exchanging days where you will keep a friends kids and they will keep your is always comforting.

God knows what you go through and the help that you need.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

REACTIONS WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

I am sure that if we did a survey and asked wives if they loved their husbands, most would say, “Of Course!”

In Titus, it is one of the commands that all women learn to “love their husbands.”

These verses are here for a reason, and I am going to assume it is because we have a lot to be taught.

Have you ever thought about how much you really love your husband and does your affection show?

Do you share dreams?

Do you still hold hands?

Can you focus on the good and forget the bad things that have happened?

When things go wrong do you scream and pout?

Your husband is human!

Do you really love the man that God has given you?

Then that means that your husband needs “unconditional acceptance” from you.

Accept him for who and what he is, including all his imperfections.

The love that God has for Jesus is the model for love in our marriage relationship.

If you serve your spouse out of duty, with no affection, it would be very offensive to him.

Sex is one of a man’s most important NEEDS!!

I will say that again; Sex is your husbands most important NEED from you.

This is the most important thing on learning to “love your husband.”

Sex may be last on your list, but as a wife, you are to look at every thing through his perspective.  This insight of his perspective will help you with decision making.

Do you resist intimacy?

Do you act uninterested to his sexual gestures?

Your husband is not dumb, he knows when he is being brushed off by you.

He also has feelings and has to deal with rejection when it comes to sex.

Rejection in a man causes an array of emotions since this is such an important part of his life.

You have just torn him at the very center of his being, so now his response will be isolation.

Forget the mopping, the meal, the kids or anything else.  This guy needs a queen who is going to make him feel like a king.

He married you cause he thought you qualified.

Was he right or wrong?

Everyone loves the end of Cinderella but if you remember, it has a very romantic ending.

Well the shoe fit, that is why he married you.

But what happened to the romance??

He is still waiting.

Cherish him the way God planned it to be, “For better or worse.”

You will be thrilled at what it will do for your marriage!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

MEET A WORTHY QUEEN

How did a nice Jewish girl become queen of the entire Persian Empire?  That’s the story of the book of Esther.  We learn that while Esther was selected from among the most beautiful women of the kingdom to be the queen, she was far more than a beautiful young woman.  Her worthy character reveals itself as this romantic tale suddenly changes into a serious drama.

When Mordecai, the cousin of Queen Esther, informs her of a plot to destroy all the Jews living in the kingdom, he urges her to go to the king  and plead with him on behalf of her people.  But this request presents the young queen with a tough decision.  She knows that the rules and laws of the palace dictate that no one can approach the king without being summoned…and she knows that the queen before her was removed from her position for her insolence.   But because of the urgency of the moment, she decides to risk her position for a higher good.  And in that decision, Esther reveals several things about her relationship with the king:

First, she was  not presumptuous.  She came before him as his queen, wearing her royal robes, but she came humbly, standing and waiting for him to notice her.  She didn’t barge into the throne room.  Even though she had a relationship with the king, she didn’t abuse that privilege.  God, in turn, honored her.

Second, Esther respected her husband and his position as king.  As she reached the throne, she touched his golden scepter, demonstrating that she recognized his authority and power.

Third, Esther began her reply to her husband, “If it please the King.”  In the other two recorded conversations between this king and queen, the same statement prefaces her remarks.  This was not just an official formality, but a genuine expression to Ahasuerus of her overall commitment, respect, and submission to him as her husband and her authority.  Although my husband, Dennis, is not a king like Ahasuerus, he is worthy of my respect.

Before I present my case to Dennis, I also try to assure him of my respectful loyalty to him as my partner and authority.  At times I speak frankly about his weaknesses and how they affect me, but when I do, he is much more able to hear my words because of my loyalty and frequent verbal reassurances.  He knows that even if nothing changes, I will still remain committed to him.

What I learn from Queen Esther and how she respected her husband reminds me of the advice shared by a good friend of ours who was married for nearly 50 years.  Speaking with a small group of women, she said, “Ladies, if you crown him king, he will treat you like a queen!”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question:  What are a man’s most important romantic needs?

Answer:   Show your husband the following list of needs and ask him if they are true for him.  If so, ask him to prioritize them in order of importance.

1.  He needs his wife to respect and celebrate who he is as a man and how God made him sexually.  A critical wife can create an impotent man.

2.  He needs his wife to make his romantic needs (frequency and creativity) a priority in their relationship.

3.  He needs his wife to desire and make him feel wanted.  He needs his wife to be unashamed of her passion for him.

4.  He needs his wife to be adventure-some, fun, and sexually imaginative.  He needs his wife to be unafraid about using her sexual power as a woman.

5.  He needs his wife to let him know that he is a great lover.  That he brings his wife great pleasure.

Romantic love is part of God’s character.  He made us in His image and He gave us emotions.  Just as He woos us to follow after Him and express our love for Him, so a husband and wife should attempt to win each other’s affections.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

CURING A STIFF NECK

DID YOU KNOW that a lot of neck problems are actually heart problems?  It’s true!  Whenever you see someone called “stiff-necked” in the Bible (2Chron.30:8), the underlying problem is always a hard heart.

So what’s the best way to loosen a stiff neck?  The biblical answer is submission.

We can all better submit to God when we voluntarily submit ourselves to a relationship of accountability.  This submission says to another believer, “I will give you the key to some private rooms in my life.”

Being accountable does not mean, of course, that you give this person the key to every room.  At first, you might give him the key to one very small closet in the basement.  After you experience the freedom that comes from opening that closet, you’ll find that you can turn over even more of those keys.

Submission provides protection.  String may hold a kite down, but that very string also allows it to soar.  A kite that breaks away from the string might experience freedom for a short while, but soon it comes crashing to earth.

Submission in the body of Christ works the same way.  By submitting your life to another to hold you up and to hold you down, you will experience one of the great protections available in the body of Christ.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is new post to help your marriage succeed.

QUEEN, TAKE YOUR THRONE

There are a lot of movies about the Kings & Queens of England.  They are portrayed as people who are not approachable.   The only way to visit them is to be invited.  All others, they are protected from.  Even the ones who are invited to visit the queen must learn an array of items to show respect to the queen.  Like how to bow when she is met, how to leave her presence and how to handle yourself in speaking with her.

In other words, you are to be “discreet.”

In Titus, woman are told if they are not DISCREET that they will blaspheme God’s word.

Titus 2:3-5 “the aged women…they may teach the young women to be discreet…that the word of God be not blasphemed.

The word “discreet” in the Greek means SOUND IN MIND; SELF-CONTROLLED; MODERATE AS TO OPINION OR PASSION.

This is not something that we are born with, it is something we must learn.

If you are not SELF CONTROLLED and have to vent to all, letting everyone at work, home or school know exactly what you think or feel, you are not alone.

Most women aren’t self controlled and that is why this is in the bible.

You are God’s ROYALTY and he wants you to stand out in a crowd.

You are GODS child and he wants to show you off to the world.

In the bible, there is an EXAMPLE of a great man that was discreet.

Gen.41:33 “…let Pharoah…look out a man discreet and wise, and set him over the land of Egypt.”

Joseph interpreted Pharoah’s dream, in turn, when he went to find someone discreet and wise, he found none other than Joseph.

Gen.41;39 “…Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art.”

Why?  Because they knew that Joseph had God’s favor in his life.

Why?  Because Joseph used the gifts God gave him to HELP others.

Why?  Because Joseph was wise.

Why?  Because Joseph was DISCREET.

When you have an opinion about something, does that opinion stand first and all others are not considered.

Do people look at you as being FAIR on your judgment.

This has to be at the top of God’s list because EIGHT items were listed to be learned.

Are you the queen of God’s heart?

Then lets learn to be discreet.

Ask God what areas you need to be more like Him.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TIPS FOR FRAZZLED MOMS

One of the greatest experiences in life is the birth of your children.

I read a sign once and it said, “ When your kids are born, you can’t wait till they can walk and talk.  Once they learn to walk and talk, you keep telling them to “sit down and shut up”.

In Titus the topic of children is brought up.

Titus 2:4 “…that they teach the young women to love their children.”

Once again, we are left with the thought of why women have to learn to love their children when it should come naturally.

That is because it doesn’t come or stay NATURALLY, it is something to be taught and practiced.

No mother will say I don’t love my child but they will all tell you that their child has wore them to a frazzle.

The love that is discussed in Titus, is an UNCONDITIONAL love.

Vacuuming, dusting, cooking and acting like a taxi driver to your child is showing love but it needs to go further.

Your first duty is to make your home life ATTRACTIVE to your husband and children.

Life with your children is a living thing, that means that as your children age, it will change.

There are times that you can have so much fun as a family then it is like tug-of-war each member pulling in a different direction.

Jesus commanded us to love one another.

He is not asking you to do something he has not done HIMSELF.

Whenever you are having trouble with your “love issues”, just move closer to Jesus.

Our job is to be the peacemaker in the home.

Not only are we to be peacemakers, we are to make others be at PEACE.

Jesus said, “ Blessed are the peacemakers…”

CASE AND POINT:  As my children were growing up, my husbands favorite words were “pick your battles.”  I am a disciplinarian and every time a rule was broken, I felt the children needed to suffer the consequences.  He felt differently.  It was hard for me but I was able to see the advantage it was to the family by not making everything a big deal.

It kept a lot of peace in the home.

Not everyone has perfect children, so that is why in Titus, we are told to love our kids.

Every family has at least one child that “listens to a different drummer.”

We can’t make the whole family miserable over one child.

Make sure you get ENOUGH sleep at night or take a nap.

Also, make sure that you get plenty of spiritual rest.

Make sure that you keep your spouse your TOP priority.

If you find yourself upset with your spouse, the chances are that you will end up irritated with your children.

Here are some suggestions that will help you as a parent:

1. Understand that you are not alone.

God is with you to help you.

2.   Take an inventory as to why you are weary.

You might have to much on your plate.

3.  Hire people to help you or swap chores.

Hiring out will give you extra time or rest.

Exchanging days where you will keep a friends kids and they will keep your is always comforting.

God knows what you go through and the help that you need.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

REACTIONS WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

I am sure that if we did a survey and asked wives if they loved their husbands, most would say, “Of Course!”

In Titus, it is one of the commands that all women learn to “love their husbands.”

These verses are here for a reason, and I am going to assume it is because we have a lot to be taught.

Have you ever thought about how much you really love your husband and does your affection show?

Do you share dreams?

Do you still hold hands?

Can you focus on the good and forget the bad things that have happened?

When things go wrong do you scream and pout?

Your husband is human!

Do you really love the man that God has given you?

Then that means that your husband needs “unconditional acceptance” from you.

Accept him for who and what he is, including all his imperfections.

The love that God has for Jesus is the model for love in our marriage relationship.

If you serve your spouse out of duty, with no affection, it would be very offensive to him.

Sex is one of a man’s most important NEEDS!!

I will say that again; Sex is your husbands most important NEED from you.

This is the most important thing on learning to “love your husband.”

Sex may be last on your list, but as a wife, you are to look at every thing through his perspective.  This insight of his perspective will help you with decision making.

Do you resist intimacy?

Do you act uninterested to his sexual gestures?

Your husband is not dumb, he knows when he is being brushed off by you.

He also has feelings and has to deal with rejection when it comes to sex.

Rejection in a man causes an array of emotions since this is such an important part of his life.

You have just torn him at the very center of his being, so now his response will be isolation.

Forget the mopping, the meal, the kids or anything else.  This guy needs a queen who is going to make him feel like a king.

He married you cause he thought you qualified.

Was he right or wrong?

Everyone loves the end of Cinderella but if you remember, it has a very romantic ending.

Well the shoe fit, that is why he married you.

But what happened to the romance??

He is still waiting.

Cherish him the way God planned it to be, “For better or worse.”

You will be thrilled at what it will do for your marriage!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

REWARDS FOR THE OLDER WIFE

A few decades ago there was a song telling about the different stages of life.  After each stage, Peggy Lee would sing the words, “Is that all there is?”

Those words indicate that after each stage in life, there was a big disappointment for her.

This is where a lot of women over 50 are at after they have raised their children, been a responsible wife and worked through the issues of life.

In Titus, Paul is talking to the older women specifically.

Titus 2;3 “The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness…”

This is your time to ENJOY the rewards of maturity.

Child bearing and monthly period discomfort are some of the areas God has just relieved you from.

You have lived in the “rat race of life”, up to this point.

Now you can LIVE for God, your husband, and yourself.

Charles Spurgeon, a famous Christian preacher who brought revival to England said these words, “And how beautifully can an aged Christian woman, by her kindly example, be a teacher of good things!  There is no more charming sight under heaven, I think, than that of an elderly Christian lady, whose words and whose whole life are such as becometh the gospel of Christ.”

In those days, I am sure that the average life span for women at that time was under 50 years.

No matter what you or anyone else thinks of you, Gods opinion is the only one that should count in your life.

God has five commands for the older woman which are not suggestions.  He commands them of us.

1. Live holy.  (vs.3)
2. Be not slanderers.  (vs.3)
3. Not given to wine.  (vs.3)
4. Be teachers of good things.  (vs.3)
5. Teach the young women.  (vs. 4)

The word “slander” in the Greek is pronounced diabolos  which means DEVIL.

Every time you gossip about somebody, you are partaking in the devils perfect plan.

It is our responsibility to prepare this next generation with GODLY womanhood.

I am not saying it, the word of God is saying it.

Women, if we do not do this, then we will fail to be what God wants us to be.

Are you more mature and serene with this NEW season of life?

Are you more well poised and charming?

Most “boomers” now days are mentally fruitful and full of energy.

Don’t let the devil lure you into his party;  the PITY PARTY.

We all watch TV and see so many items geared for the “boomers.”

Everyone wants to stay young forever but it will not happen.

Let’s enjoy  ourselves and do the things God has called us to do.

Psa.92:14 “They shall still bear fruit in old age;They shall be fresh and flourishing.”

This is a promise from God, but you have to start today in order to be fresh and flourishing in the future.

You have a lot to give.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

BUILDING YOUR MATE DURING THE STORM

Nehemiah 4:2

The storms of life are coming, and believe us, they will affect you and your mate differently.  So how can you turn toward one another instead of away from each other?  There are many ways to do this:

First, recognize that suffering will come.  James 1:2 says, “Count it all joy when you fall into various trials.”  The passage doesn’t say if you encounter them.  Anticipate possible challenges and freely share your feelings about suffering.  If you have a plan and know biblically how to view adversity, then it won’t cause you to go to war with one another.  Indeed, you can turn troubles and trials into something purposeful, meaningful, and an opportunity for growth.

Second, give your mate the freedom to process what’s going on in his life.  Don’t expect him or her to flip a switch and just deal with the problem and move on.  It’s not usually that easy.  If your mate’s suffering doesn’t diminish after a reasonable time, resist the temptation to make such statements as, “Snap out of it and trust God!” or, “Quit acting like a big baby!” or, “We’ve spent enough time talking about this.  I think it’s time we just put the whole matter to rest.”  We become like Christ only by going through a lifelong process.  Trials and tragedies should force us to turn to God, but one person may take longer than another to come to that point.

Third, find out what your mate needs.  Often it is best simply to say, “I want to meet your needs and be the best possible partner I can be, but at times I don’t know how.  Would you tell me how you want me to love and encourage you in this situation?”  Talk about your feelings and give your spouse the freedom to feel whatever.

Fourth, build your marital foundation on Christ.  Jesus said, “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock” (Matt.7:24-25).  When you build your home on Christ, you place it on the only foundation that can withstand trouble, trials, and tribulation.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.