LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

THE MEANING OF COVENANT

ANY COVENANT – including the marriage covenant—is a binding, weighty obligation.  In Proverbs 20:25, we read, “It is a snare for a man to devote rashly something as holy, and afterward to reconsider his vows.”

When couples speak their vows to each other during the wedding ceremony, they are pledging to faithfully enter the estate of holy matrimony.  It’s holy because God has set it apart and blessed it. The Old Testament declares, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce”  (Mal.2:16), and in the New Testament, Jesus proclaims, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt.19:6).  As others have so rightly pointed out, the Lord didn’t stutter when He spoke these words!

It is time for us to embrace and proclaim God’s sacred view of marriage, as well as His holy hatred for divorce.  We can best do that by first committing our marriages to the Lord.  God wants to demonstrate to the world through our marriages that He is indeed alive and active in this most important of all human relationships.  Second, we can help others succeed at marriage.  We live in a culture of divorce which not only accepts divorce, but also expects it.  Why not try to come alongside friends and family members who are having difficulty in their marriages?  Too many marriages are dissolved far too quickly over what ultimately are insignificant matters.  We all need cheerleaders and coaches!  Why not become one?

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

  YOUR SPOUSE IS AN EXPERT

NOTE:  The following article is from the book The Love Dare Day by Day by Kendrick

“How can we thank God for you in return for all the joy we experience because of you before our God?”  1Thess.3:9

Whether from raw, natural ability or from hard work and training, your spouse is an expert at something, probably several things.

They may be good at building projects, or at handling people, or at calming a tense situation with their peaceful spirit.

They may have a knack for organizing work teams, handling finances,  or graciously hosting a dinner party.

And because you may have known this about them for a long time, it’s been easy letting them fill these roles in your marriage without truly noticing  how good they are at them.

People also tend to have one or more subjects they are very knowledgeable about.

But love never ceases to be amazed at what your spouse can do.

It doesn’t save its admiration only for those at work, at church, or outside the home who can accomplish noteworthy things.

This person you married is exceptional in ways you may have overlooked.

Don’t just utilize them for what they are able to do.

VALUE IT.

HONOR IT.

APPRECIATE IT.

Admire them for it.

This Weeks Dare

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.

Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about.

Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GOD SEES YOUR SHOPPING LIST

Everyone loves a buffet!

There are many REASONS for liking it but the most common ones are that you get a lot of choices, you can have as much of it as you want and no one will stop you.

This is great but thank God we don’t go to a buffet every day or I suspect we would pack the pounds on.

In the Lords prayer in Matt.6:11, Jesus said, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

“Bread” is a symbol word that stands for all our physical needs.

In Elmer Towns book, “Praying the Lord’s Prayer for spiritual breakthrough”, he has a list of five essential facts about our daily needs.

1. We have daily needs.
2. God supplies our needs.
3. We must ask God to supply our needs.
4. Our needs are supplied one day at a time.
5. We don’t have to pray for everything, but we have to pray about everything.

For our physical well-being, we eat, exercise and sleep.

God designed us to have needs in our lives so we would look to him to SUPPLY them.

He made those needs in us so when we stray away from Him, those needs make them turn back to HIM.

He did not create you to be self-sufficient.

Are you the type of person who EXPECTS your spouse to provide your every need?

I have spoke with Christian wives who have told me through the years that their husbands tell them to get a job that makes more money because he wants to buy more.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed.”

We want to leave a financial legacy for our children thinking it’s our resources that they need the most.

Ask of God because he may use FINANCES to keep our children focused on him as they grow older.

In the United States, food is plentiful and you may not need to ask.

So why are we given this PATTERN to ask anyway?

Prov.30:9 “Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say who is the Lord? Or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of the Lord in vain.”

One good reason is that God wants you and your spouse to acknowledge that it is Him who is providing for you.

We are commanded to ask for our NEEDS according to Gods will.

The Bible calls the ants “Exceedingly wise” because they do not worry but they prepare.

Prov.30:24-25 “The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer.”

It is all right to prepare but it is sin to worry.

God wants your “shopping list” of needs so don’t rely on your credit cards.

Credit card usage is using up tomorrow’s bread.

Don’t use credit cards unless you are paying them off monthly.

YOU ARE USING TOMORROW’S BREAD AND THAT IS SIN!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE KEY TO MAINTAIN A HAPPY MARRIAGE.

Forgiveness is a necessary part of life, for the simple reason that “we all stumble in many things” (James 3:2).  When Jacob died, all of Joseph’s older brothers approached him with the plea to forgive their wicked treatment of him so many years before–even though Joseph had long ago forgiven them.  They wanted to be sure.

In a similar way, without the cleansing power of forgiveness, at best marriage will be very hard duty.  At worst it will be a disaster.  No matter how hard two people try to love and please each other, they will fail.  With failure comes hurt–and the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing salve of forgiveness.

The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly.  About the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt.6:14,15).  His instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be forgivers, and marriage–probably more than any other relationship–presents frequent opportunities to practice.

To forgive means to give up resentment against or relinquish the desire to punish.  By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook.  As a Christian, you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest.  Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged, “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”(Eph.4:32).

The real test of your ability to forgive comes on the battlefield when you and your spouse are ticked off and angry with each other.  That is when you need the power of the Holy Spirit and must ask, “God, please help me here, I need to move to forgiveness, because you have commanded me to do so.  Please empower me and enable me to give up the right of punishing my spouse and to forgive.”

This took practice early in our marriage, but Barbara and I learned how to keep our relationship healthy most of the time by not burning excessive emotional energy on resentment.  We grant forgiveness and ask for it freely–even when we don’t feel like it.

NOTE:  I AM SO SORRY!!   I forgot to add that this post was taken from an article  in Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.  I was out of town and didn’t get back on time to do a post.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

IS YOUR MARRIAGE ON DANGEROUS GROUND?

Everyone expects a child to throw a tantrum during the early years.

Some parents even think it is CUTE.

At age two, you can think it is cute but in an adult it will draw attention.

Unfortunately, what usually causes an adult to throw a tantrum is that they did not get THEIR way.

Once you become an adult, you learn new ways that will let you control people, and at times it feels real comfortable.

When you pray the Lord’s Prayer and say, “…Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…” Matt.6:10, you are turning your will over to God.

The verb “be done” is a command for effective action.

This is acknowledging that God knows best.

If you are SINCERE when you pray this, nothing about your life should remain the same.

You are deliberately coming against God’s will when you try to control your spouse.

The two year old is still inside each one of us, but when you let that two year old out, you are not letting “Gods will be done.”

The two year old inside you, is controlling you until you totally surrender every day that area of your life to God.

HOW EMBARRASSING!!

If you are an aggressive person in life, this is why.

You can do something about it, you just don’t.

Why??  You like the feeling of knowing that you can have it your way; YOUR WILL!

YOU ARE ON DANGEROUS GROUND!!

Psa.103:21 “Bless the Lord, all his hosts, his ministers that do his will.”

In heaven, the angels obey God and so should you with the Holy Spirits help for a flawless devotion.

Are you letting” God’s will be done” in your marriage?

Are you ready, willing and able to do God’s will in your marriage?

Nothing breeds resentment deeper than for your spouse to have their will devalued and demeaned.

They know your tricks to have your way but you don’t give them any CHOICES.

Your spouse has a choice to give in or deal with the two year old within YOU.

Your biggest grief is to deal with a self-guarded will.

Are you looking for TRUE happiness in your marriage?

True happiness is PERFECT submission to God’s will.

You can’t give God lip service and continue to love the world along with your baby tantrums.

That is like telling your spouse you love them and have a “playmate” on the side you really enjoy.

To have God’s will in your life and marriage is to release the power of the Holy Spirit on your behalf.

Here are some steps to “God’s Kingdom.”

Step 1 – Choose God’s will.

Step 2 – Accept it with thankfulness.

Step 3 – Rejoice and delight in it.

Ask God to refine you in his fire.  He will do it with love and be there with you.

Two year olds might be cute with tantrums; YOU ARE NOT!!

You may not always get what you want, but you will become what you want!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 IS YOUR MARRIAGE A CHAOTIC LIFESTYLE?

God hardwired us to reign from the beginning of creation.

But instead of being KIND stewards, we start to show dominion over people.

Many times you may find yourself spending time trying to dominate your spouse or avoid being dominated by your spouse.

When you pray, “…Your kingdom come…”  (Matt.6:10)  you are asking God to let his kingdom take priority over yours.

There will now be such a struggle going on inside of you.

You are now in a FIGHT with two kingdoms.

Just think about how you have spent your whole life expanding your own kingdom.

You have worked at INCREASING your income, your education, your influence.

Anything which you have invested your time, energy and money in, you will grow very protective of.

Our human nature is to react with HOSTILITY when people challenge our kingdom.

The moment we ask for Gods kingdom to come, we threaten our own kingdom.

Any castle with two kings in it is in for a big CONFLICT.

There can not be two kingdoms, one of them has to leave.

What kingdom principals are you LEARNING?

In what areas of your marital life are you applying them?

If you are serious about asking God for His kingdom to come into your life, this is an ENORMOUS marriage makeover.

When you ask him into your life, he does not come to speculate; He comes to take control.

Phil.2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.”

When you put your selfish ambitions in front of your marriage it will lead to a CHAOTIC lifestyle.

You can silence self -promotion in your marriage and turn to service with humility.

What is God teaching you as you pray “…thy kingdom come…?”

Where God is given loving obedience, and is king of your heart, that is where the kingdom of God is.

We need to realize that we are living in a kingdom of DARKNESS.

Our marriage takes a big toll because we are living in the kingdom of darkness.

How many ways are you under the Kingdom of darkness.

1.  You can be under the darkness of ignorance.

Eph.4:18 “…having their understanding darkened…”

2.  You can be under the darkness of pollution.

Rom.13:12 “…works of darkness…”

Pride in your marriage darkens the glory of God in your soul.

3.  You can be under the darkness of misery.

Ex.10:21 says the darkness of Egypt was so thick “…it might be felt…”

Who has the spiritual rule in your heart?

There are TWO kingdoms fighting for it.

Which kingdom do you resist when it is challenged.

Your own selfish ambitious promotion or the promotion of Gods kingdom?

Where is your heart?

The Kings place or yours?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

CHOOSE THE HONEYCOMB

HUSBAND, ARE YOU LOOKING for a good way to connect emotionally with your wife?  If so, Proverbs offers this pointer, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones” (Prov.16:24).

How often do you praise your wife?  Consider a few compliments to brighten her day:

*  “Dinner was great!  Thank you for always making creative meals, even when you’re tired of cooking.”

*  “I love the way you read books to our kids.  That’s so much better for them than watching TV.”

*  “I’m grateful that you carefully budget our paycheck each month.”

*  “I admire the way you handled yourself with that rude salesman—you have such a winsome approach.”

*  “The flowers you planted make our home so much more inviting.  I appreciate your hard work.”

Speaking pleasant words to your spouse helps to establish and strengthen emotional connections.  As you work to make a genuine connection with your words, go below the surface to the real issues of life.  Share with her, for example, what goes on at work.  Most women love hearing all of the details.  You’ll also discover that she can provide wise counsel on the issues you face.

NOTE:  This article is from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WILL YOU BUILD UP or PULL DOWN

EVERY WIFE HAS THE POWER to create or destroy her relationship with her husband “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” (Prov.14:1).

Remember that God is in control and you can trust Him.  Also remember that you have to choose to obey God through honoring and respecting your husband.  Every man needs his wife’s respect; it’s one of his deepest needs.  He has others, but your respect—or lack thereof—impacts his whole life.

Respecting your husband includes really listening to him, not simply hearing the words that come out of his mouth.  Take seriously what he says!  When Barbara listens to me when I express something that I consider important for the family—and then acts on what I have said—she demonstrates respect.  On more than one occasion, her respect has empowered me to lead.  Not only does she benefit, but so does the entire family.  Some wives do not realize how powerful they can be in their husband’s life when they truly respect their man.

A husband should never try to force his wife to respect him.  Instead, he should seek to be a man worthy of respect by demonstrating godly character and sacrificial love.  And a wife should look for ways to affirm and respond to her husband’s leadership.  It starts by praising him for those areas in which he deserves genuine respect.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

UP THE CREEK OF DIVORCE (Part 2)

CONTINUED FROM PART 1:

“Now,”  Jesus said, “I have a ride home all lined up for you.  I have been getting the driver ready for Me and for you while you were out riding The Fun Bus.”  Jesus turned me around, and I saw my wife Charlyne.  She was smiling and looked so peaceful and happy.  I could tell by the way that she talked to Jesus that they knew each other well.  I wished that some day I could know Him that way.

“Honey,” the wife of my youth said, “Jesus and I want you to come home now. You have three children and a wife who need you.  I have been talking to the Lord about us all the time you have been out riding on THE FUN BUS.  I have forgiven you for everything, and the Lord will also, if you will only ask.”

Wow!  I never thought that Charlyne would come up the creek to get me.  How could she ever want me back?  After all, she knew a lot of what went on while I was aboard THE FUN BUS.  I was to ashamed and hurt to climb in with her.  I wanted to so badly, but I just couldn’t.  What would others say if I came back to the wife whom I had walked out on?

I started walking down the road of life.  I knew that Charlyne was not far away, standing and praying for me, and that I could go with her at any time, but I had my pride.  No one could put me so far up the creek that I could not make it on my own.

My feet were blistered and I was whipped, but I kept my shoulders back, and walked with a good stride.  No one could ever know how much I hurt.  I started out to have a good time, and I was going to be happy.  No one knew it, or so I thought, but this path was killing me.

What hurt most of all was to look over to the creek that ran parallel to my road and to see happy couples floating by.  The places that rent tubes in Bryson City all have their initials on their tubes in huge letters.  I did not know what GL was until I yelled to one of the other men floating by.  “It’s ‘God’s Love.’  Friend, that’s the only way to have fun making it down the creek.  Say, where’s your wife, and why are you walking instead of tubing?”

“She left me,” I lied back, “and I am walking because I enjoy walking.”

“Doesn’t look to me like you are enjoying things very much,” he shouted as he and his wife floated out of sight, around a bend, in two big GL tubes.

The Fun Bus came by several times, offering a ride.  Once or twice I almost got in, but each time I remembered how Jesus had looked when He sent that driver away.  I wished that there had been no Fun Bus in my life.  How I wished that Charlyne and I were there having a good time together floating by on GL tubes, the best on the mountain.

I saw Charlyne drive by several times.  Not once did she stop and beg, nor did she threaten or manipulate me to come home.  She was just there.  I asked myself why she looked so happy and I was so miserable.  We were both divorced, but now she radiated love.  Not until a long time later did I realize that her car was traveling on GL tires and the love that I saw in her was the love of Christ.  Then it happened.  Jesus came by again.  He looked at me with the same eyes that had send The Fun Bus scampering.  The Lord spoke only three words.  “Bob, go home.”

Suddenly it all came together for me.  I turned around and Charlyne was there, but The Fun Bus was gone.  I climbed in and started home.  Just a bit farther ahead, we passed that couple on the GL Tubes.  He excitedly pointed me out to his wife and both gave us a big thumbs up and smiled.  They knew what had happened.

That has been a while ago.  If I can do anything in this life for the Lord, it will be to help keep other husbands and wives from taking “The Fun Bus.”  My friend, there is no fun to be had on Satan’s bus.

Bob Steinkamp

Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

UP THE CREEK OF DIVORCE (Part 1)

NOTE:  This is an article that I felt you would thoroughly enjoy reading.  Bob who was a prodigal returned home after being divorced and was remarried to his wife for another additional 23 years before the Lord took him home to Heaven.

The Fun Bus Story

There is a big van that can be seen around Bryson City.  It is from a campground a few miles away.  Painted on both sides of that vehicle, in huge letters, is an invitation to ride The Fun Bus.  That bus carries people to Deep Creek for tubing.  I suspect that the driver carries his excited riders as far upstream as possible, and then picks them up down below after they leisurely float down-stream on their rented tubes.

Years ago, I used to flag down another fun bus and hitch a ride.  The driver of my bus was always willing to stop for anyone who wanted to ride with him.  In fact, if he notices an individual walking a certain direction, he has no hesitation to stop and to offer a ride.  I often felt guilty riding with him, and not paying, but after all, it was called The Fun Bus.

One day The Fun Bus carried me further upstream than I had ever been before, but the driver did not come back for me.  I discovered the driver delights in taking people up the creek and then leaving them there.  I had been hitching a ride on the wrong Fun Bus.  The one I continued to flag down came not from a campground, but from Satan’s playground, and was being driven by the enemy himself.

That day when I found myself up the creek of divorce without a bus, the evil one was nowhere to be seen.  I now understand that he delights in staying just out of sight, but always ready to offer another ride, not toward home, but farther on up the creek.

After I discovered that I had been deceived, The Fun Bus came by and offered me another ride into a non-covenant relationship with another woman.  I was tired and hurt from the path of life that I had been traveling, and stood at the door of The Fun Bus, almost ready to climb aboard, when Jesus passed by.

The devil driver began to tremble when he saw that the Lord whom I had once served faithfully was there.  I must tell you that I did also.  You see, back in the 70’s I had asked Jesus to forgive me for all the trips on Satan’s Fun Bus that I had ever taken.  I received God’s free gift of eternal life that will some day take me to Heaven.  Now that will be some trip!

Later, I had even surrendered my life to the Lord’s service.  Back then, I tried to avoid The Fun Bus, but I suppose time just changes things.  the driver used to pass and honk at me often.  One day I accepted just a short ride with him.  The next day, it was a snap to ride on just a bit farther.  Soon, I was riding anywhere that THE FUN BUS from Hell would take me.

That day, when I found myself up the creek, Jesus put His loving arm around my shoulders for the first time in a long while.  He had been attempting to do that for a long time, but I had been pushing Him away, much like a pouting child.  I did not know that the Lord considered me to be one of His pouting children, and that He was not about to give up on me.

With His arms around me, Jesus and I walked right up to the door of The Fun Bus.  “He won’t be riding with you any longer,”  Jesus said to the driver.  At the same time, He gave me the warmest squeeze that I had ever experienced.  That was exactly what I had been searching for when I boarded The Fun Bus in the first place.  “He still owes me all those rides, ” the enemy squealed.

The Master looked him straight in the eye, and said, “Bob’s debt to you is paid by My shed Blood.”  The Fun Bus driver did not take that well.  He trembled, and sped off.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.