LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

GLUE THAT BINDS MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS

THE BIBLE HAS A LOT to say about the benefits of fearing God.

Leviticus 19:14, for example, indicates that a healthy fear of God  will motivate us to care for the needs of the disadvantaged with grace and kindness.

Proverbs 22:4 tells us that fearing God leads us to life, while Proverbs 10:27 tells us that it prolongs life.

And Psalm 145:19 says the Lord will fulfill the desires of those who fear Him.

In the New Testament, we see that the fear of God is the glue that holds our relationships—including our marriages—together.

Ephesians 5:21 tells us that we should be “submitting to one another in the fear of God”. 

I doubt that there is any dispute or problem in marriage that can’t be solved if both spouses properly fear the Lord and mutually honor and value each other out of that reverential respect for who God is.

A marriage should be a relationship in which forgiveness and acceptance are freely expressed because we live our lives in His presence.

In a Christian marriage, three are present: The husband, the wife, and Jesus Christ.

If the husband and wife share a mutual reverence and a holy desire to obey and serve Christ; God will  use that healthy fear to draw the couple closer to each other and closer to Himself.

NOTE:  This article is from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ONENESS OR ISOLATION IS A MARITAL CHOICE

Isolation is the great killer of marriages.

Many marriages continue for years in a state of armed truce.

Competition replaces cooperation and ugly reality dashes dreams as conflict unravels the fabric of love and concern.

The choice to heal those rifts is yours.

Every day, each partner makes choices that result in oneness or in isolation.

Here are three important choices you need to make:

Choice #1:  Resolve to pursue oneness with each other and repent of any isolation that already exists.

Remember, you don’t have to be married a long time to feel isolated.

Choice #2: Resolve to never go to bed angry with one another.

Find a way to resolve your differences and move towards oneness.

Resentment and oneness cannot coexist.

Choice #3:  Resolve to take time to share intimately with each other.

Allow your spouse into your life.

Ask questions of your spouse and listen patiently.

Learn the art of healthy, transparent communication.

MAKE  THE RIGHT CHOICES and you’ll know love, warmth, acceptance and the freedom of true intimacy and genuine oneness.

Make the wrong choices and you’ll know the quiet desperation of living together but never really touching each other deeply.  As a couple, resolve that you will not allow isolation to set up residence in your marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GOD, PRAYER, AND SEXUAL INTIMACY

Would it surprise you to see the words prayer and lovemaking in the same sentence? In face, they go together quite well.

     Making love in the marriage bed is both fantastic and beautiful. Real, passionate, and intimate love is exactly what should occur between two unashamed married lovers:”Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!”(5:1).

     So what role does prayer play? Praying together will always draw a couple closer. In fact, as your prayer life grows, you will become better lovers. Since marital intimacy was God’s idea, he wants you to experience it to the fullest. As with all other important spiritual endeavors, you and I need His Spirit’s power for true success. Vonette Bright, the wife of the late Bill Bright, said this about sex, “It’s just as important to be filled with the Holy Spirit in bed as it is in witnessing to another about Jesus Christ.”

     That’s why you should pray for one another before you go to bed. Ask Him to make you the finest lovers. Here are a few ideas to help keep lovemaking fresh.

     1. Praying together builds respect and attraction. Husbands, did you know that initiating prayer with your wife makes you more desirable?

     2. Ask God to bless your spouse through your time together. Husbands, what a privilege to pray for your wife before initiating intimacy! Wives, did you know that expressing admiration and respect for your husband in prayer will minister to him?

     3. If you’ve struggled as a couple with sex, ask God to bless your time and give you understanding for one another. We have prayed over this area of our marriage, and He has answered.

     4. Pray for patience with one another. There’s nothing quite like asking God to help you be more gentle and kind with your spouse in lovemaking.

     5. Pray during lovemaking! Yes, we’re serious. Hold your spouse and give thanks for him or her and your time together. You’ll see what we mean.

     6. Thank God for the gift of intimacy and pleasure in your marriage. A husband and wife, wrote to us, “It is special to pray together after having made love. Since God invented this beautiful expression, why should we be afraid to pray together afterward? What a way to celebrate having come to each other in purity.”

     Amen! We urge you to pray together and turn out the lights early tonight!

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q & A  

Question #1:  What does it take to become the romantic man of my wife’s dreams?

Answer #1:  

 The key is learning to become fluent in her romantic love language.

*A romantic man engages his wife in a living and growing relationship without losing sight that physical intimacy is an important part of that relationship.

*A romantic man commits to learning nonsexual ways to love his lover while nurturing in her the freedom to be sexually responsive.

*A romantic man can kiss, hug, touch, and cuddle without a sexual agenda, while helping his wife embrace the joy of sex at the right time.

*A romantic man connects to his wife’s world, supports, listens, and shares his heart, while being confidently aware that sexual intimacy is vital to the survival of his marriage.

*A romantic man will do all of these things even when his spouse is sexually unresponsive, knowing that in due time he will reap what he sows.

     You can learn to speak your wife’s language of romantic love and still be fully a man, with all the sexual desire God put there. Remember, there is no shame, no condemnation, and no apology for being a real man.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FORSAKE DEPENDENCE ON YOUR PARENTS

You may have moved out of their house a long time ago, but have you really left your parents behind?

God did not mince words when He instructed a married couple to leave their parents.

The Hebrew word that normally gets translated leave from Gen.2:24 more fully means “to forsake dependence upon,” “lose,” “leave behind,” “release,” and  “let go.”

Centuries later, Jesus addressed this issue when He said that God never intended for anybody—not in-laws, not mother, not father, not children, not friends, not pastors, not employers—to come between a husband and a wife (Matt.19:6).  No one!

After our wedding ceremony, Barbara and I walked down the aisle together, symbolically proclaiming to all witnesses that we had left our parents.

We had forsaken our dependence upon them for our livelihood and emotional support, and were turning now to each other—for the rest of our lives—as the most important persons in our universe.

This public affirmation of our covenant to each other meant, “No relationship on earth, other than my relationship with Jesus Christ and God, is more important to me than the one with my spouse.”

If you or your spouse has not fully left mother and father, begin to discuss how you have failed to leave and what you can do today to truly forsake dependence upon your parents and cleave to one another.

NOTE:  This article is by Dennis & Barbara Rainey in their book “Family Life and Marriage Bible.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHO IS THE BUILDER OF YOUR HOME?

THE DICTIONARY traditionally defines understanding as “the faculty of the human mind by which it…comprehends the ideas which others express and intend to communicate.”

Yet in the Bible, understanding is not just a transfer of information, but empathy for the other person.

Consider Exodus 36:1, which tells how two craftsmen named Bezalel and Aholiab were given divine wisdom and understanding, “to know how to do all manner of work for the service of the sanctuary,” so that they could “do according to all that the Lord has commanded.”

This is a scriptural example of what the Bible refers to as “understanding.”

These men, and the other artisans working under their supervision, were given the divine ability not only to know how to work their magic with gold and silver and leather and beautiful fabrics and thread, but also how to communicate with one another in a way that would move their assignment forward.

Barbara and I have found that this kind of understanding—the kind that goes beyond mere facts to empathize with the other—is essential in building our relationship and family.

When I know that she tries to understand some situation from my perspective (and vice versa), it’s amazing how problems dissipate.

As we make Jesus Christ the Builder of our homes (Psa.127:1), we can begin to see our relationship reflect God’s character.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ADULTERY STARTS WITH EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS

For too many people. Christians included, adultery is the first step out of a marriage.  An emotional or sexual attachment to someone other than your spouse creates intense passions that sabotage trust and steal marital intimacy.  For that reason, God stated emphatically in the Seventh Commandment, “You shall not commit adultery” (Ex.20:14).

Adultery destroys homes and lives.  Proverbs 6:27-29 details the consequences of playing with this kind of fire, “Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?  Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?  So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent.”

Adultery, as alluring as it may seem, always fails to live up to its promises.  It pledges excitement and fulfillment, and instead delivers pain and alienation.  Peter Blichington, in his outstanding book Sex Roles and the Christian Family, cites a study by the Research Guild that measured sexual satisfaction.  The guild found that “Compared with the 67% of men and 55% of woman who find marital sex very pleasurable, only 47% of the men and 37 % of the women with extramarital experience rate its sexual aspect very pleasurable.”

The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence!

The glistening highway of adultery is actually a rutted back road littered with loneliness, guilt, and broken hearts.  Adultery supplants loyalty and trust with fear and suspicion.  The consequences are enormous and last for a lifetime.  As my colleague and friend Bob Lepine warns, “No sex outside of marriage is that good!”

Will you commit to emotional and moral fidelity to your spouse, no matter how much you struggle in your marriage?  If so, three steps are critical.

First, maintain a healthy sexual relationship.  Lovingly study your mate to learn what will keep him or her interested and satisfied in your sexual relationship.  Cultivate the fine–and often forgotten—art of romance.  Pursue your spouse with the same creativity and energy that characterized your dating relationship.

Second, guard your heart in relation to the opposite sex.  According to Jesus, the eyes are the doorway to the heart (Matt.6:22, 23)  For this reason, restrict your gaze and refuse the temptation to look longingly at other men or women.  Don’t fantasize about someone else.

Proverbs 4:23 counsels, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”  Build boundaries around your heart by making yourself accountable to a friend for your secret thoughts.

Third, be honest with your spouse about temptations.  One of the most important practices Barbara and I employed early in our marriage was that of sharing with each other when we experienced temptations.  On more than one occasion I’ve asked her to pray for me because I was struggling with lust.  Once, in our first year of marriage, Barbara shared with me that a certain man was being inappropriately friendly with her.  These confessions can seem risky, but when a husband and wife are committed to each other, they actually help to nurture trust.

As partners in life, we need to protect our fidelity and trust…all the days of our lives.

NOTE:  This articles was taken from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DEFUSE DESTRUCTION IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Do you know how to defuse the destructive power of resentment in your marriage?

We will look at four important steps that can be taken.

First, Toss out your need for revenge.

When we are hurt, our natural instinct is to strike back at our spouse.

This is our primitive need for self-preservation.

Revenge begets revenge and there is no end to the cycle.

To forgive your spouse means that you give up your right to retaliate.

Giving up your right to retaliate against your spouse is for your benefit because there will be no end to the escalating conflict.

Second, Acquire a holy view-point.

Matt.18:21-35 is the parable about the unforgiving servant.  “…and his Lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.”

Then Jesus said, “So likewise shall my heavenly father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.”

We should have shivers down our back.

Your hurts are insignificant when compared to the hurt you have caused God.

UNLESS YOU FORGIVE THE HURT OTHERS HAVE DONE TO YOU, GOD CANNOT FORGIVE YOUR DEBT TO HIM.

Third, Hold onto a spirit of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is designed to protect us from our own anger.

It is not necessary for your spouse to admit their guilt or ask for forgiveness.

Lovingly ask your spouse to stop hurting you.

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head!!

Four, Turn your resentment into kindness

In Romans 12:17-21 tells us never to be revengeful because we will be overcome with evil.

Matt.5:44 “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you…”

There are times that we want our spouse to suffer for what they have  done to us but the gospel has taken away your right to punish.

Do you want to free yourself from resentment and anger and get full advantage from forgiveness?

Turn your resentment into kindness.

When you do this:

• It gives you the feeling that you are now in control.
• It protects you from further anger.
• Possibly your spouse will not continue to hurt you.
• It keeps you from further sins.

Keep your reactions from becoming a greater sin than the original action.

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, HE IS YOUR PRIORITY.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE POWER OF ANTICIPATION

LOOK AT HOW THE WOMAN describes her husband,  “Behold, he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.  My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag”  (Song of Solomon 2:9).  Can you sense the power of this love, the anticipation she feels as she scans the horizon?  Her soul is longing to catch a glimpse of him.

And in verses 10-14 you begin to see how Solomon has cultivated this power of anticipation.  He woos her with descriptions of flowers and springtime and secret places where they will go.

The wise husband will take a page out of Solomon’s songbook and court his wife.  He will realize she wants special time away with him—away from newspapers, televisions, radio, telephone, kids.  She wants him to sweep her off her feet.

As I look back on the times of passion and romance and love that Barbara and I have most enjoyed, they have happened when we plan something special and build in the element of surprise.  It might be a special date, a surprise picnic, a weekend away at a cabin in the wood…anything that sparks the imagination and builds a sense of anticipation.  It’s one of the greatest secrets to keeping the romantic fires burning in your marriage.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.   How can I protect my marriage from the things that would rob it of romance?

Answer #1.  The bible suggests an appropriate name for romance robbers.  After the bride of King Solomon described him in endearing poetic terms, her brothers said, “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes”  (Song of Solomon 2:15) .

In those days, a wise gardener would protect his vineyard from foxes.  The nocturnal bandits would sneak in during the dead of the night and eat the most tender parts of the vine, rendering them fruitless and useless.

The vineyard is like your marriage.  The foxes are the things that sneak up on you and snatch the fruit of passion before it can bloom.  And they can be anything: television, cell phone, household chores, hobbies—you name it.  Even children can be foxes!  The terrible thing is that these sly creatures are relentless.  Drop your guard, and they’ll reduce the vineyard of your marriage to a barren, lifeless place where romance shrivels on the vine.

Don’t let it happen to you!  Catch those little foxes and keep them out of your garden.  If you don’t know what they are, then observe carefully.  You’ll spot them if you look for them!

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.