LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION AND ANSWER 

Question #1.  My mate has hurt me so badly, how can I ever forgive him/her?

Answer #1.  After Christ was betrayed, jeered, tried and unfairly convicted.  He finally suffered the cruelest indignity.  The only perfect man who ever lived was hung on a cross with two other criminals.  Below Him, soldiers mocked Him and stripped Him of His clothing while passerby sneered.

Yet Christ responded in an incredible way.  Even at that moment, while suffering the most terrible abuse, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do”  (Luke 23:34).  His response holds three lessons.

1.  Forgiveness embraces the offenders.  Christ offered forgiveness to the very people who hurt Him the most.  And that’s not all.  He offered it to them while they were still hurting Him.

2.  Forgiveness initiates.  God desired your fellowship so much that He took the initiative in forgiving you.  He did not wait for you to earn it (as if you ever could).

3.  Forgiveness gives up all rights to punish.  God canceled your debt against Him.  You deserve to die as the penalty for your sins.  But, Christ paid the penalty as a substitute for you.

If you ever have trouble forgiving your mate, just remember what Christ did for you—and that you didn’t deserve it.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ARE YOU HUNGRY YET?

You know that your body depends on food for nourishment and health but your soul longs for heaven.

Your earthly things can’t SUPPORT your soul.

Whether, you are having marital problems or not, stop right now and feed your soul.

Matt.5:6 “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.”

When those hunger PAINS hit your stomach, you know that you have to get food in you or you die.

Only the Holy Spirit can purify and satisfy your soul when it longs for holiness.

You can always depend on God to SATISFY your craving for him immediately.

Are you satisfied with yourself when you don’t consider your spouses feelings?

Do you know all there is to know about your Lord and savior, so you can act Christ-like in your marriage?

Or do you turn to your CAREER or material things to satisfy you?

There is so much more to learn about the “abundant life.”

John 6:35 “And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.”

Jesus says that he is the “bread of life” which is a basic food for living.

Eating is not something that you and I do just once a day.

In the same way, we should be learning and carrying Gods word in our hearts EVERYDAY and all through the day.

In your marriage, a husband is the “head of the household” but the wife is the “manager of the household.”

These are an important responsibility in the “eyes of God.”

It is hard to make righteous decisions without the supernatural guidance of the Holy Spirit.

This is a common TRAP that the enemy uses in marriages.

Sometimes when we ignore the importance of seeking after righteousness, we are like teenagers who think they know more than their parents.

Luke 6:25 “Woe unto you that are full!  For ye shall hunger.  Woe unto you that laugh now!  For ye shall mourn and weep.”

Are you planning your time for your next spiritual meal?

If not, you must plan for that spiritual meal in order to SURVIVE or you will die spiritually!!

CASE AND POINT:  In the 80’s my husband and I were missionaries in England.  One of the times when a team of men came from the states, a comment was made about the Americans from one of the British men.  He said that he could not believe how much Americans love their food.  He said that the Americans hadn’t even finished their meal and they were talking about what they were going to eat for their next meal.  He stated that the British eat just to get it over with.  We were laughing how Americans live to eat!

As a Christian, why can’t we be thirsting for our next encounter with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  What a privilege!!

Are you an empty head speaking empty words?

How SAD for your spouse who can’t rely on you to go to for Godly direction or Godly counsel.

Get hungry for God’s knowledge that only He can give to you.

Are you hungry YET?!?

GUARANTEE TO A JOYFUL MARRIAGE (Part 3)

Meekness is not an easy virtue to put to practice.

We have an enemy that is always trying to stir up strife in our marriage.

Something will always come up to disturb your contentment.

Matt. 5:5 “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.”

Meekness is the workmanship of the Holy Spirit .

God’s graces are various and one of them is meekness.

God’s graces are compared to needlework in the Psalms.

Psa. 45:14a “She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework…”

What makes needle point beautiful are the various colors in it.

That is the way the beatitudes are with an array of items that make us look beautiful in Christ.

66% of marital disagreements are never resolved according to John Gottman, a researcher at the University of Washington.

Meekness is twofold: Meekness towards God and meekness towards man.

Meekness towards God is submission to his will and flexibleness to his word.

Here are areas that we need to show meekness towards our spouse.

First, meekness involves a spouse to the bearing of injuries.

1Cor.13:5 “…is not easily provoked thinketh no evil…

Are you wrapped up in your own personal pains?

Meekness keeps spouses in tune with each other.

Psa.38:12,13 “They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things…But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.”

 Meekness is the bridle for your mouth.

It binds up your tongue and guides it to good behavior.

Spouses we need to practice acting like a deaf man as if we do not hear the assaults that come our way.

Second, Meekness is forgiving of our injuries.

Mark 11:25 “And when ye stand praying, forgive…that your Father which is in heaven may forgive your trespasses.”

A meek spirit is a forgiving spirit.

We have a tendancy to forget kindness but remember injuries.

Forgiving for the unsaved is like cutting against the grain.

Do you smother the fire of your rage, but will not extinguish it?

Spouses, we need to make sure that fire is out!!

Third, Meekness is returning good for evil.

Matt.5:44 ”…Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you…”

Rom.12:20 “…if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink…”

 1Pet.3:9  “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing…”

 It is brutish to treat your spouse with evil intentions.

It is devilish to repay with evil intentions.

Return a blessing next time and receive a blessing yourself.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GUARANTEE TO A  JOYFUL MARRIAGE (Part 2) 

We will go to the beatitudes to show us God’s steps to “marital happiness.”

Gods desire is to show you how to fill your marriage with happiness and grace by using the beatitudes as a guideline.

The beatitudes are a strand of precious pearls, which are an ornament of “grace.”

These are steps to God-likeness and blessedness.

The first pearl was Matt.5:3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

This poverty is in a mans spirit, not in his pocket.

The next pearl is in Matthew 5:4:

Matt.5:4 “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”

The definition of “mourn,” is grief and sorrow caused by profound loss, especially death.

Don’t compare

Who are these mourners who are blessed?

All mourners are not all blessed.

If you were to connect your conduct towards your spouse, with God’s thoughts about it, you would get a shock that would sober you up.

So go down deep into the hidden corners of your heart and expose them to yourself so you can see what God see’s.

The elders of Israel told the people they worshipped creeping things, abominable things, lustful things which lived within their heart.

The way to heaven is to feel that we are on the way to hell.

In order to have a spiritually healthy marriage you must be aware of your corruption and abhor your own transgressions.

You have a “Great Physician” who wants to heal you of all your heart diseases.

If you can look on sin and not be sorrowful then you have never looked on Christ.

Beware if you can sin and feel no difference because you are not far from having a callous heart.

Luke 6:25 “Woe to you who are well-fed now, for you shall be hungry.  Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep.”

1Cor.5:2 “And you have become arrogant, and have not mourned instead, in order that the one who had done this deed might be removed from your midst.”

The mourning is not the revelation that you have contributed ungodliness to your marriage, it is that those sins have brought and continue to bring death to the marital balance.

Those that mourn know they have lost their self-respect, their righteousness, and mourn the loss of the innocence in their marriage.

Confession is one thing, contrition (mourn and grief) is another.

When you mourn, you are not under the heading of “chance”, you are under the blanket of transformation by the power of the ever-blessed God.

Marital mourning is regret that you have been a disappointment to the Lord concerning your marriage.

The marriages that are happy and spiritually prosperous are the ones that are mourning, because they will be strengthened and encouraged by consolation.

If you are sensitive to the Holy Spirit the sins that you now commit will be a sense of daily grief to you.

When you are broken hearted about your sins, you will think that God is far away but he is really the closest to you.

What men esteem, God despises.  What God esteems, man despise.

God loves a broken and contrite heart!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GUARANTEE TO A JOYFUL MARRIAGE  (part 1) 

The word “blessed” in the bible means “happy.”

In Matt.5:3 Gods word says, “…blessed are the poor in spirit…”

This is a guarantee that if we want to be happy in our marriage we must be “poor in spirit.”

Statistics show that in earlier years of marriage couples are not as happy as in the later part of their marriage.

If we FOLLOW Gods plan for marriage, then we don’t have to wait for our later years.

We can find fulfillment and happiness every day in Christ.

What then is “poor in spirit” and what do we need to do to attain it?

To be “poor in spirit” is to have a humble opinion of ourselves.

As a spouse, you must have no righteousness of your own.

It is the OPPOSITE of pride, vanity and ambition.

Do you display pride in your marriage towards your spouse when he is wrong in an issue?

How about in spiritual AREAS?

Are you vain when it comes to yourself?  Maybe you convince yourself that you just want to look nice.

Does the importance of your career sometimes drown out your marital responsibilities?

How do you know if you are “…poor in spirit…?”

First, are you a Christ-admirer?

This means that you should want Christ in your life more than anything.  This is a person whose heart and mind is totally sold out to God.

Second, do you spend much time in prayer?

Do you realize that your marriage depends on your prayer life to intercede for your spouse.  We are commanded to intercede for others especially for our spouse.  That is what a “helpmeet” does as their responsibility.

Third, are you weaned from yourself?

Psa.131:12 “My soul is even as a weaned child.”  Are you hung up on yourself?  Do you find yourself staying in your comfort zone?  Do you put what makes you happy over what makes your spouse happy?  If so, you have not been weaned from yourself.

Fourth, are you lowly in heart?

Job 42:6 “…I abhor myself in dust…” Job rolled himself in dust to show his sense of unworthiness.  What do you do to show God that you are unworthy?  You can start by looking for opportunities to serve your spouse.

Are you willing to be where God places you?

Are you willing to BEAR what God lays on you as a spouse?

I hope you are not thinking you deserve God’s favor because of how hard you have it as a spouse!!

You need to be willing to be God’s Hands.

That is when you WILL BE blessed and happy.

Henry Ward Beecher said, “The strength and the happiness of a man consists in finding out the way in which God is going, and going in that way, too.”

If you want a happy marriage, you have to see yourself as you are, and want to make the changes in your life.

Which path are you going to take your marriage down today?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GOD GAVE THE GIFT OF SEX

NOTE FROM NANCY:  The following is from the back of a book called “Intended for Pleasure.”  It is a must for every married couple.  Because of the content, I have decided to not post important information you need but to recommend that you purchase it.  This way parents can delicately talk to their children if they decide to. If I posted this information on my blog, parents may not approve of their children reading it.  This book was written to help married adults fulfill and enjoy their sex relationship.

Make your sexual relationship the fulfilling experience God meant it to be.

GOD GAVE HUMANKIND THE GIFT OF SEX.

But many couples don’t experience the kind of joy and fulfillment God intended.

If you’ve ever been frustrated with a lack of intimacy in your marriage, or if you just want to know more about how you can get the most out of your relationship, Intended for Pleasure is for you.

This honest and frank resource will answer your questions about sex and sexuality, improving sexual response, sex techniques for pregnancy, birth control, sex at any age, solutions for sexual problems, and much more.

All of the questions you’ve been afraid to ask (or didn’t even know to ask!) are answered right here.

The most important book on Christian sexuality is better than ever.

A CLASSIC FOR THIRTY YEARS, Intended for Pleasure is an easy-to-read reference book that combines biblical teaching on love and marriage with the latest medical information on sex and sexuality.

This popular resource gently encourages married couples to make their sexual relationship the fulfilling experience it was meant to be.

This is a complete sex manual with basic facts, illustrations, and frank discussion of all facets of human sexuality.

A perfect gift for newlyweds and a sourcebook for pastors and marriage counselors, this book has helped more than a million people understand and enjoy the gift God intended for pleasure.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SHUN VERBAL DUST-OFFS

Ryne Duren, former pitcher for the New York Yankees, liked to intimidate batters.  He became known as the patron saint of the psych-out.  He knew how to mentally harass opposing batters, dusting them off with an assortment of wildly launched pitches.

Unfortunately, a similar thing can happen in our homes, although instead of a baseball, we launch hurtful, intimidating words that inflict fear, pain, and guilt.  Too late we learn what the wise man meant when he said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov.18:21).

Even though you may be very skillful with the quick retort, what do you gain when you fire off such verbal volleys?  The same scripture that speaks of the tongue’s destructive power also warns that those who exercise that power will have to eat whatever diseased fruit they plant.  Often, that fruit is resentment, discord and revenge.  The dust-off experts not only hurt others; they poison their own relationships.

What can you do to decrease the inclination to attack each other with hurtful words?  Since Jesus Christ is “the Word” (John 1:1, pray that your speech in every aspect of home life will reflect His role as Prince of Peace and Mediator.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  Family Life conducted a survey of more than ten thousand couples, asking them to name the culprits that robbed their marriages of romance.  The most commonly mentioned factors were children, stress, fatigue, busyness, misplaced priorities, anger, and unresolved conflict.

In the bible we find an appropriate name for these romance robbers.  The bride of King Solomon said to him, “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes” (Song 2:15).

In those days, a wise gardener would protect his vineyard from foxes.  The nocturnal bandits would sneak in during the dead of the night and eat the most tender parts of the vine, rendering them fruitless and useless.

The vineyard is like your marriage.  The foxes are the things that sneak up on you ad snatch the fruit of passion before it can bloom.  Drop your guard, and they’ll reduce the vineyard of your marriage to a barren, lifeless place where romance shrivels on the vine.

At all costs, protect your marriage!  That must remain first on your priority list.  Children are a gift from God, but your spouse must take precedence.  Never let him feel as though he’s second in your life.

NOTE:  This article is from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

CREATING A LOVING ENVIRONMENT

“…that you being rooted and grounded in love…”

When we plant a living seed into healthy soil, we expect it to blossom.

And just as flowers in a greenhouse are supplied with an ideal environment for growth, so a home filled with love provides the ideal atmosphere for people to bloom.

We know that children who grow up in loving families tend to sleep deeper, stand taller, and venture farther than those who are never secure in their parents’ love.

Likewise, when you provide safe, loving soil for your spouse to grow in, they will be more likely to flourish with confidence, knowing that they are valued and secure.

What happens when someone is loved over the years?

Their needs are met, dreams encouraged, opinions heard, and successes praised.

They’re assured of your patience and forgiveness when they fail, and free to express themselves honestly without fear of your judgement.

They’ll even weather intense seasons of disappointment with the stability your love supplies.

Admit it–we’d all love to be loved like that.

Questions

How will your mate be affected by living with you in the future?

Will they become radiant or saddened?

Confident or angry?

Will you dare to create a loving environment for your spouse to grow in?

NOTE:  This article was take from “The Love Dare” by Kendrick

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

STOP BEING AN EMOTIONAL WRECK 

Emotional work refers to managing your feelings so others can see your facial and bodily display.

The strongest positive effect on wives’ marital well-being , is when a spouse SUPPORTS her emotionally.

We may think that it is the physical help with housework and child care by a spouse that makes the difference in a marriage, but most wives say it is the emotional concern.

Studies show that 85% of illnesses are due to stress.

CASE AND POINT:  Jackie Robinson was the first black baseball player to be hired on a major league team.  Before that if you were black, you played on the black leagues only.  You would conclude that he must have been the greatest ball player of his time.  They had to have overlooked every white player before they would even consider Jackie Robinson.  Here are some points of interest about Jackie Robinson.

• He was not the best hitter, best runner, best catcher or overall best black player in the “negro leagues.”
• He was picked because he had been on the UCLA college baseball team.
• It was the conclusion that Jackie had the stamina to make it through the many challenges of criticism awaiting him by both the jealous black teams he was leaving behind and the prejudice white teams he had to face ahead.
• History shows us that not only did he become a better player but he received many awards.  He handled himself with such emotional control, that he opened doors for other outstanding black baseball players to be picked for the major leagues in the 1940’s

That is emotional work and Jackie Robinson changed history.

Your emotions are not an indication as to how spiritual you are but rather proof of your HUMANITY.

You need to talk to the one who speaks peace to the storm.

God wants you to be BALANCED and to be beautiful inside and out.

Jesus spoke these words to us in Matthew 5:3-12.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake,

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

This is tremendous emotional work and this was expected of every Christian.

The word “blessed” means highly favored.

God wants your marriage blessed (highly favored).

In order for you to receive Gods blessing in your marriage, you will find yourself going down a road of emotional work.

This does not mean that God doesn’t LOVE you or that there is something majorly wrong with your marriage.

It means God wants your marriage to be beautiful on the inside and outside.

God sees the stamina in you to MAKE IT through.

The Holy Spirit is there to lovingly guide you through.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.