LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

GOD WANTS YOUR FAMILY to be a light in a dark world. And make no mistake-an ordinary family really can have a tremendous impact on our world (see Ezek. 44:15).

In the early days of World War II, a large Allied army found itself trapped in the channel port of Dunkirk. Hitler’s tank forces, only miles away, were ready to smash forward. Britain’s Royal Navy lacked the ships to mount a rescue. But then, as William Manchester describes in his book, The Last Lion, “A strange fleet appeared trawlers and tugs, scows and fishing sloops, lifeboats and pleasure craft, smacks and coasters … even the London Fire Brigade’s fire-float Massey Shaw-all of them manned by civilian volunteers: English fathers, sailing to rescue England’s exhausted, bleeding sons.”

This ragtag civilian armada brought 338,682 men safely to the shores of England. Common people had made the difference.

Today, our nation’s marriages and children face their own Dunkirk. And I wonder, Will there be enough common people willing to set sail to rescue this generation of exhausted, bleeding children of divorce and broken families?

The task may seem massive given the state of marriage and families in our culture. But like the common people who rescued the soldiers at Dunkirk, we can do our part by reaching out to those in our neighborhoods and our workplaces with the hope of the gospel and the wisdom of God’s Word.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

BANDAGES FOR A BROKEN MARRIAGE (Part 1)

A bandage is a piece of soft material that covers and protects an injured part of the body.

How do we find a bandage big enough and strong enough for an injured heart?

All of us at some time or another have been hurt in our marriage which causes us to wonder if we will ever recover.

It doesn’t even have to be anything very severe, it just had a hurting effect because it was important to you.

Here are some helpful things you can do to protect that injured heart and start the healing process.

1. Commit yourself to repair it.

Spouses many times get so wrapped up on revenge that they don’t stop to think about ending the arguments.

• Partner with the Holy Spirit to save that marriage because God hates divorce.

Mal.2:16 “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD (Yahweh), the God of Israel.  “It is as cruel as putting on a victim’s bloodstained coat,” says the LORD Almighty (El Shadday).  “So guard yourself; always remain loyal…” (NLT)

In the NKJV, it is translated as this:

“…He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence.”

1. Stop blaming, criticizing or arguing.

We have a tendency to not see what we do wrong, but only have eyes to see what our spouse is up to.

Prov.17:14 “Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Rom.12:17  “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.  Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.”

Prov.12:18 “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”

You don’t have to fall for the devils devices in your marriage.

In the Song of Solomon, God calls them little foxes.

“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!  Song of Solomon 2:15 NLT

Does your spouse have annoying little habits that sneak into your marriage and start pulling it apart?

Every marriage is plagued with the little foxes that try to sabotage your marital intimacy.

The Lord uses His truths as bandages to strengthen our marital relationship.

Allow the Holy Spirit to start the healing process.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

CHOSE A LOVE NOT FEAR ATTITUDE

Does love really make pain go away?

God’s word says it does because love and fear cannot be in the same place.

Many researchers have also proved it scientifically, as well.

CASE AND POINT:  Naomi Eisenberger of University of California, Los Angeles, did research on this.  Her team used an fMRI machine to scan brains of women.  The conclusion, a loved ones presence diminishes pain.  Pain didn’t feel so bad when these women looked at people they loved.  This was also true of men.  Many other researchers came up with the same conclusions stating that loved ones are a good pain killer.

Love is much more powerful than fear and our brains were made to operate in love.

Caroline Leaf has written an awesome book called, “The Gift Within You” which explains this in detail.

“Love” in the brain shows how God designed us for euphoria, constantly thinking about and longing for our beloved.

He wanted us to love Him first with all our hearts.

Then He designed us to show love to family, friends and strangers.

CASE AND POINT:  My grandmother was killed in downtown Los Angeles in the 70’s right after I became a Christian.  She was hit by a car making a right turn without looking at pedestrians stepping off the curb.  Her head hit the curb and she was all by herself.  A woman who was a total stranger, got in the ambulance and stood with my grandmother till a family member showed up at the hospital.  This woman told our family what happened at the incident and said if the same thing happened to her mother, she had hoped someone would do the same for her.  The woman said she felt that if grandma opened her eyes, she wanted her to be by someone who cared.  What an example of LOVE!

Examine all your attitudes to see if they are a LOVE or FEAR attitude.

Phil.2:5 (LAB)  “You must have the same attitude Christ has…”

Even if you can’t choose the circumstances around you, you can choose to operate in LOVE.

You have the power to choose your thoughts.

Your love needs to go viral!

CASE AND POINT:  Did you see the movie “Outbreak?”  The whole movie involves finding an antidote for a virus they could not cure.  People were dying all over the world as they were looking for the “host” that caused all the deaths.

That is the way our love should be.

Our LOVE should go viral and hit all over the world!

Or are you having trouble just loving the ones in your household?

Is it hard for you to love your spouse?

If so, then how are you going to show love to anyone else?

Are you wired for love!

Today is the day to rewire your HEART and BRAIN for love!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

OVERCOMING TOXIC THOUGHTS IN MARRIAGE 

Your emotions don’t have to control you.

Have you ever got very upset about something only to find out later that it has already been worked out?  DON’T YOU FEEL DUMB and wish you had kept quiet to begin with?

Remember, if your emotions control you, they are controlling your marriage.

You have the ability to analyze your emotions and rewire them.

The love circuit of the brain can balance reason and emotions in your marriage.

2Cor.10:5 “…bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…”

We can either fix or rewire memories.

Rom.12:2 “…be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that he may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

God calls us daily to use the gift of choice he has given us but DO YOU?

Deut.30:19 “…record this day…I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life…”

You can change your brains thoughts and anyone can learn to do that.

Prov.13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

As we self-surrender to God, He then releases the gift inside us.  WHAT AN ABSOLUTE BLESSING!

1Cor.1:19 “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

This BIBLICAL principle lines up with a SCIENTIFIC principle.

Phil.4:7 (CEV) “Because you are Christ’s, God will bless you with peace which no one will understand.”

In a book called “The brain that changed itself” by Doidge, his research shows that 87-95% of mental and physical illness today comes from our thought lives.

Over and over again you hear the saying, “You are what you think.”

“From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

In Galatians, the Apostle Paul helps us out by telling us what we should be thinking.

Gal.5:22-23 “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:  against such there is no law.”

How to overcome toxic thoughts

Emotions, words, love, dreams, and choices.

1. It is your choice to capture your thoughts.  Evaluate your thoughts and apply God’s wisdom to manage them.
2. Keep reason and emotions balanced.
3. When you are in the discomfort zone, use that to help you identify toxic thoughts.
4. Rewire your thoughts.
5. It is your choice not to operate in fear.  Chose love, in the promises of the Lord.  Pray and obey the guidance from the Holy Spirit.

You and your husband have a divine pre-wired gift from God.

Don’t let emotions stop you from achieving your divine purpose.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

DISCOMFORT ZONES IN MARRIAGE 

CASE AND POINT:  Have you ever gone to the doctors office for something and then you hear the words, “This is going to cause you some discomfort.”  All of a sudden they stick you with something that hurts so bad your eyes bulge out.  One time at the doctor’s office they told me to count to ten and the discomfort would be over.  Well, it didn’t take, so they had to do it over again.  After another set of counting to ten while I was in excruciating pain which they called “discomfort”, I was told we would have to “Try it again one more time.”  She said, “I can’t put you through anymore pain so if this doesn’t take, I am going to stop.”  I won’t keep you in suspense, it “took” the third time and the counting to ten stopped.  I never returned for any more poking and pulling.  I don’t believe the doctors anymore when they call something “discomfort.”  That bottle should read, RED HOT!

From time to time, discomfort will enter our marriage.

This “discomfort zone” is never fun or easy and many times cannot be avoided.

The reason why is because it is a disruption in your body or mind.

Whenever there is disruption in our regular and consistent electrical chemical balance, it will result in discomfort.

When this occurs in my marriage, I always try to identify what the root of the problem is.

Sometimes the root might be my children, finances, etc.

At other times, it just might be my own selfishness!

What ever the cause of the discomfort, I know that I just need to connect with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Then you can be free from the chains of toxicity and fear attitudes.

There will be a quickening and awareness because our brains are made to respond to information.

• If the information is good and based on LOVE, wisdom will be further developed.
• If the information is negative and FEAR based, chemicals that disrupt thinking are released into the brain, and produce stress.

This is all scientifically explained in Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You.”

This stress manifests itself through worry.

Worry in turn, causes toxic reactions and PHYSICAL illnesses.

Never ignore toxic thoughts because it is real and alive.

Those toxic thoughts KILL your brain cells and physically it looks like black oil was poured over your brain.

The live thought part of your brain becomes dead.

I don’t know about you, but when I start to worry about something, I cannot THINK clearly.

When that happens to you, it is because your thoughts are now toxic.

You can switch it to “love” by the power and presence of God’s spirit.

Discomfort is a signal to you, to switch to the” love path.”

If you don’t, the damages could be irreversible.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 CREATED TO LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

FEAR is a powerful emotion!

Fears destruction tries to dominate our thoughts and cause us to react to situations that will never happen.

In Christina Leaf’s book, “A Gift Within You”, she has an array of information on how the brain works.

Although this book is not on marriage, it’s information can give you so much insight into your marriage to help you realize that scientifically, it is your choice to “live in love” or “live in fear.”

We usually handle fear in one of three ways:

• You may try to control fear with reasoning and evaluation, or
• You may allow toxic thoughts to dominate you as it throws your body into stress, or
• You might make it even worse through wrong reasoning.

Your “toxic thoughts” will create “toxic fruit” in your marriage.

Scientists call this a “learned” fear because it is not a natural part of how we were created.

God called us and has equipped us to “live in love”, but when we don’t, it is a sign that we have surrendered our minds to “toxic thoughts.”

We were created for “love.”

There is another book by Kandal , “In Search of Memory” that explains this issue.

The real pathway for us is the “love” pathway.

Your brain has a choice to turn a thought into FEAR or turn that thought into LOVE.

The “love” pathway evaluates the toxic fear thought, then hands the situation to God and does not fear.

Jas.1:2 (AMP) “Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials or fall into various temptations.”

Remember that a thought has an emotion attached to it: LOVE or FEAR.

This will create an attitude into your marriage; either bad or good.

Job 32:8 “…The breath of the Almighty gives them understanding.”

There is only one thing that we are to fear and that is God.

Heb.11:31 “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Prov.1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Remember that FEAR causes the following thoughts to flow:  hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

Would you like to live with a spouse like that?

NOT ME!

Neither does your spouse!!

Travel the “love” path in your marriage and love will be your guide and your rear guard!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATAN’S LIES TO FAMILIES

EVER SINCE THE DEVIL GOT KICKED OUT of heaven, he’s been breathing out lies and violence (Eze.28:12-17). Consider four lies Satan continually tells us:

1.  You’re a failure.  Satan wants you to believe that your faults are too big to be covered by God’s grace.  God would have you reply, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.”  (Rom.8:1)

2.  You don’t deserve to be unhappy.  Satan attempts to convince you that if you just get out from under this relationship or family pressure you’ll be happy.  God’s word replies, “The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart”  (Psa.19:8)

3.  Nobody will find out.  You may think nobody will ever discover that little sin promising instant satisfaction, but God’s Word says, “Be  sure your sins will find you out” (Num.32:23).

4.  If I had__________, I’d be happier.  Satan wants you to focus on what others have.  God’s word says, “Be content with such things as you have.  For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you'” (Heb.13:5).

If we refuse to believe Satan’s lies, we render him powerless.  Resist him by remembering the truth of God’s Word!  And don’t believe his lies.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q&A 

Question #1.  Is it wise to tell my spouse that I really need him/her?

Answer #1.  Spouses that frequently and specifically verbalize their need for one another cement true partnerships.  Yet somewhere between the wedding aisle and the fifth anniversary, a thief often makes off with such mutual admissions.  How ironic that marriage, the ultimate admission of one person’s need for another, would end up being an accomplice to the thief!

Think back to those early days of romance and intrigue.  She made you laugh.  He made you feel secure and stable.  She brought warmth into a room.  His touch transformed a drab apartment into a home.  You knew you needed your mate because he or she:

*  stopped to smell the roses that you didn’t even notice were growing

*  made art and museums come alive

*  was organized and you weren’t

*  shared openly and honestly about emotions, whereas you locked up your feelings

*  listened when you really needed someone to hear you

But perhaps most importantly, you needed to feel valued and important, and here was another person who authentically admitted he or she needed to spend the rest of his or her life with you.

Recapture those days!  You can’t afford not to.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NEGATIVE TOXIC THOUGHTS IN MARRIAGE 

Every type of emotion comes from one of two roots:  LOVE or FEAR.

This has been proven scientifically and all the data on it can be found in an awesome book called “A Gift Within” by Carolina Leaf.

All other emotions grow from these.

From LOVE flows: joy, peace, happiness, hope, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, anticipation, compassion, calmness, satisfaction, inspiration, excitement.

From FEAR flows: hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

God gives us the choice as to which thoughts you will be operating in.

You cannot blame your spouse if you choose to have your thoughts operating in a pool of FEAR.

1John 4:18 (AMP)  “There is no fear in love (dread does not exist), but full-grown (complete, perfect), love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror!  For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection)”.

THIS IS AMAZING:  Scientists have found that these two emotions, love and fear, CANNOT COEXIST.

 WHAT IS AMAZING is the fact that God already said that in 1John 4:18, even before scientist discovered it.

1John 4:18 “There is no fear in love…”.

Science shows us that when we operate in love, there is a massive unlearning of negative toxic thoughts.

• The brain releases a chemical called, OXYTOCIN, which melts away negative toxic thoughts.
• This causes re-wiring of new non-toxic circuits.
• When we trust, bond and reach out to others, this chemical also flows.

LOVE literally wipes out FEAR!!

(Book-A Study in the Neuroscience of Love and Hate/ by Lawrence Erlbaum)

How exciting!!  Science has to prove the word of God to the unbelievers.

As you help your spouse or restore your relationship with your spouse, endorphins and serotonins are released.  These chemicals in our body are what make us feel good about ourselves.

• So when we reach out in love, God blesses us.
• He detoxifies our brain and increases our wisdom.
• Don’t be at the mercy of toxic memories.

Remember:  “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.”

Do you have hate, anger and bitterness towards your spouse?

Do you treat your spouse with rage, irritation, and unforgiveness?

Does self-pity, worry, envy and jealousy run through your vains?

Are unkind words in your vocabulary towards your husband?

You DO NOT have to be at the mercy of toxic memories!

Let God detoxify your brain.  JUST ASK HIM!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

KILL YOUR DISTORTED SPOUSAL PERSPECTIVE

Scientific studies have proved that your brain is made up of about 100 billion nerve cells – which look like trees.

All through  the bible, God refers to us as trees in many of the verses.

Psa.1:3  “And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”

Prov.3:18  “She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her…”

The more branches you grow on these nerve cells, the more intelligent you become.

You grow what looks like BRANCHES in your brain as you take in knowledge and store it.

Science has proved that when you are not taking in knowledge, the branches in your brain begin to die.

Hosea 4:6 “My people are destroyed(die) for lack of knowledge”.

When you are able to view your spouse’s gifting, you are now seeing them through Jesus’ eyes.

That is why the question we are asking today is “Do You See What God Sees?” and the answer is “NO”!

If we saw what God sees, we would have more respect for our spouse’s opinion.

If you don’t view your spouse as Jesus sees them, you will want them to CONFORM to your way of thinking.

Your perspective of your spouse becomes distorted because you are now judging and evaluating them according to your view and not God’s handiwork in their life.

In Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You”, she scientifically and through God’s word, explains the brain.

Her book is on the brain, but I recommend it to every married couple because of all the knowledge on the way the brain thinks.

When you take information into your brain, 100 billion neurons have the POTENTIAL to connect 100 trillion times.

That is an incredible capacity for thoughts and intelligence.

In order to understand your husband, you would have to know WHICH way a thought has traveled.

It is impossible for you to know which path of thought your spouse’s brain went down and God doesn’t expect you to know that.

God expects you to be UNDERSTANDING without understanding.

Do you try to change your husband?

Don’t get hung up on trying to improve your spouse’s WEAKNESSES.

Instead, learn to support his strengths.

A wife is a “helpmeet” to expand the husband’s life by taking care of the little details he overlooks.

It is not an opportunity to tell him how dumb he is and how you are tired of his ignorance.

It is time of opportunity for you to make him look good to his family, his friends, his co-workers and acquaintances.

His heart has to “safely trust in you.”

DOES IT?!?!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.