LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SPEAK AFFIRMING WORDS

NOTE:  The following article is from the book “The Love Dare – Day by Day” By Kendrick

CAN YOU IMAGINE how relieved Joseph’s brothers felt when their now-powerful younger sibling told them, “Do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones”?

And can you picture their body language when he “comforted them and spoke kindly to them” (50:21)?  Joseph’s words were powerful.

Our wives need the same kind of affirming words that create security and comfort.

To encourage and bless your wife, affirm her consistently with pleasant, loving words.

Let her know that you value, respect, and love her.

Some evenings I come home, and  I’m absolutely amazed at how busy Barbara has been for me and the children.

Running errands, settling squabbles, fixing meals–the list is endless.

Occasionally, I’ll miss my cue to encourage her and she’ll say, “You know what I would like you to do?  Just tell me you appreciate what I am doing for you!”

You can tell your wife how much you appreciate her through specific compliments:

*  “I appreciate your efforts to keep my clothes clean and pressed.  You’re incredible!”

*  “Thanks for looking so nice today.”

*  “I appreciate always being able to count on you to follow through, no matter what.”

*  “Thanks for being there—for always putting the children and me ahead of yourself.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to assist you in making your marriage a success.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  My husband works out of town many months out of the year.  He complains about being on the road away from everything he loves but continues to spend the money he is making on anything he wants.  I have to account for every penny but he takes hundreds of dollars every week which he never tells me where it goes.  He has taken me off all the bank accounts and only gives me enough money to pay the bills.  He has password on his phone and only calls me every other day when he is gone for a few minutes.  He says he loves me.  We have been married almost 20 years with two children.  I believe he is selfish and controlling.   Is it time for us both to move on?

Answer #2.  There are many questions that I would like to ask you before I answer this.  Since we are not able to communicate, I will do my best to answer this question for you.  I am going to answer this as if it were happening to me.

First, you need to do everything possible to keep your marriage in tack.  Do not listen to voices telling you to do things that are not biblical.  In Malachi 2, your marriage is called a “Holy Institute.”  Anything that is “holy”, the devil will always try to destroy.  He might be selfish and controlling, but that is still no reason to set up housekeeping elsewhere.  This is your family and you need to fight for it!

Second, you need to do whatever it takes to allow your daughters to grow up with their father in their home.  Also in Malachi 2, it says that the purpose of marriage is for “godly offspring.”  Even if you feel like he is never there or that he is a father who doesn’t care about them.  He is a covering and a security to them.  They love him and need him in their life.  Your husband is a provider and even if you think the scale of monetary output is not to your advantage, he is still providing.  If you talked to any wife who has been abandon with children,  you will find that they would take their husbands back under any conditions.  It’s a hard cruel world out there!  My dad left our family when I was thirteen years old.  It was a nightmare that never ended.  Even though my mother was a very loving soul who never remarried or tracked strange men through our home, or talked trash about my dad, it was still unbearable.

Lastly, what do you do?  Stay miserable for the rest of your life?  No! No! No!  The bible talks about what to do if you are a slave with an evil task master.  He says to go back and serve that master with your very best.  Pray for him everyday.  When you talk to him, make it an extremely enjoyable conversation.  You want him to be anxious when he hangs up to talk to you again.  Talk about happy things!  How cute the girls are, something silly they did, something of interest that came out in the news.  Tell him you found a hilarious joke and read it to him.  DO NOT, DO NOT talk about money or you.  Very few husbands care what wives think or feel.  The reason why is because we are so emotional.  To a man, we sound SELFISH and CONTROLLING.

Tell him you love him.  You will shock him!  Pray for him!  Prayer works!  Read 1 Corinthians 13 everyday and apply it to your marriage.

One of the best marriage books is, “Love and Respect” by Eggerich.  Get it, mark it, and live it.  Make your marriage, your hobby.

GOD WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!  HE DREAMT ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE, BEFORE HE CREATED IT.  I’m praying for you.  You go girl!  Fight the good fight!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post with information that will make your marriage a success.

DON’T LOOSE YOUR CREDIT CARD

Everyone loves a buffet!

There are many REASONS for liking it but the most common ones are that you get a lot of choices, you can have as much of it as you want and no one will stop you.

This is great but thank God we don’t go to a buffet every day or I suspect we would pack the pounds on.

In the Lords prayer in Matt.6:11, Jesus said, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

“Bread” is a symbol word that stands for all our physical needs.

In Elmer Towns book, “Praying the Lord’s Prayer for spiritual breakthrough”, he has a list of five essential facts about our daily needs.

1. We have daily needs.
2. God supplies our needs.
3. We must ask God to supply our needs.
4. Our needs are supplied one day at a time.
5. We don’t have to pray for everything, but we have to pray about everything.

For our physical well-being, we eat, exercise and sleep.

God designed us to have needs in our lives so we would look to him to SUPPLY them.

He made those needs in us so when we stray away from Him, those needs make them turn back to HIM.

He did not create you to be self-sufficient.

Are you the type of person who EXPECTS your spouse to provide your every need?

I have spoke with Christian wives who have told me through the years that their husbands tell them to get a job that makes more money because he wants to buy more.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed.”

We want to leave a financial legacy for our children thinking it’s our resources that they need the most.

Ask of God because he may use FINANCES to keep our children focused on him as they grow older.

In the United States, food is plentiful and you may not need to ask.

So why are we given this PATTERN to ask anyway?

Prov.30:9 “Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say who is the Lord? Or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of the Lord in vain.”

One good reason is that God wants you and your spouse to acknowledge that it is Him who is providing for you.

We are commanded to ask for our NEEDS according to Gods will.

The Bible calls the ants “Exceedingly wise” because they do not worry but they prepare.

Prov.30:24-25 “The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer.”

It is all right to prepare but it is sin to worry.

God wants your “shopping list” of needs so don’t rely on your credit cards.

Credit card usage is using up tomorrow’s bread.

Don’t use credit cards unless you are paying them off monthly.

YOU ARE USING TOMORROW’S BREAD AND THAT IS SIN!!

Learn to be content with the finances God has placed in your hand.

NOTE:  Tomorrow’s post will have information that will help your marriage to be a success.

SEEK FORGIVENESS…Even if you don’t feel like it.

Forgiveness is a necessary part of life, for the simple reason that “we all stumble in many things” (James 3:2).  When Jacob died, all of Joseph’s older brothers approached him with the plea to forgive their wicked treatment of him so many years before–even though Joseph had long ago forgiven them.  They wanted to be sure.

In a similar way, without the cleansing power of forgiveness, at best marriage will be very hard duty.  At worst it will be a disaster.  No matter how hard two people try to love and please each other, they will fail.  With failure comes hurt–and the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing salve of forgiveness.

The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly.  About the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt.6:14,15).  His instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be forgivers, and marriage–probably more than any other relationship–presents frequent opportunities to practice.

To forgive means to give up resentment against or relinquish the desire to punish.  By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook.  As a Christian, you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest.  Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged, “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”(Eph.4:32).

The real test of your ability to forgive comes on the battlefield when you and your spouse are ticked off and angry with each other.  That is when you need the power of the Holy Spirit and must ask, “God, please help me here, I need to move to forgiveness, because you have commanded me to do so.  Please empower me and enable me to give up the right of punishing my spouse and to forgive.”

This took practice early in our marriage, but Barbara and I learned how to keep our relationship healthy most of the time by not burning excessive emotional energy on resentment.  We grant forgiveness and ask for it freely–even when we don’t feel like it.

NOTE:  I AM SO SORRY!!   I forgot to add that this post was taken from an article  in Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.  I was out of town and didn’t get back on time to do a post.

Note:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post with messages on how to make your marriage a success.

TANTRUMS ARE FOR TWO YEAR OLDS

Everyone expects a child to throw a tantrum during the early years.

Some parents even think it is CUTE.

At age two, you can think it is cute but in an adult it will draw attention.

Unfortunately, what usually causes an adult to throw a tantrum is that they did not get THEIR way.

Once you become an adult, you learn new ways that will let you control people, and at times it feels real comfortable.

When you pray the Lords Prayer and say, “…Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…” Matt.6:10, you are turning your will over to God.

The verb “be done” is a command for effective action.

This is acknowledging that God knows best.

If you are SINCERE when you pray this, nothing about your life should remain the same.

You are deliberately coming against Gods will when you try to control your spouse.

The two year old is still inside each one of us, but when you let that two year old out, you are not letting “Gods will be done.”

The two year old inside you, is controlling you until you totally surrender every day that area of your life to God.

HOW EMBARRASSING!!

If you are an aggressive person in life, this is why.

You can do something about it, you just don’t.

Why??  You like the feeling of knowing that you can have it your way; YOUR WILL!

YOU ARE ON DANGEROUS GROUND!!

Psa.103:21 “Bless the Lord, all his hosts, his ministers that do his will.”

In heaven, the angels obey God and so should you with the Holy Spirits help for a flawless devotion.

Are you letting” Gods will be done” in your marriage?

Are you ready, willing and able to do Gods will in your marriage?

Nothing breeds resentment deeper than for your spouse to have their will devalued and demeaned.

They know your tricks to have your way but you don’t give them any CHOICES.

Your spouse has a choice to give in or deal with the two year old within YOU.

Your biggest grief is to deal with a self-guarded will.

Are you looking for TRUE happiness in your marriage?

True happiness is PERFECT submission to God’s will.

You can’t give God lip service and continue to love the world along with your baby tantrums.

That is like telling your spouse you love them and have a “playmate” on the side you really enjoy.

To have Gods will in your life and marriage is to release the power of the Holy Spirit on your behalf.

Here are some steps to “Gods Kingdom.”

Step 1 – Choose God’s will.

Step 2 – Accept it with thankfulness.

Step 3 – Rejoice and delight in it.

Ask God to refine you in his fire.  He will do it with love and be there with you.

Two year olds might be cute with tantrums; YOU ARE NOT!!

You may not always get what you want, but you will become what you want!

NOTE:  Tomorrow there will be a new post he make your marriage a success.

MY PLACE OR YOURS?

God hardwired us to reign from the beginning of creation.

But instead of being KIND stewards, we start to show dominion over people.

Many times you may find yourself spending time trying to dominate your spouse or avoid being dominated by your spouse.

When you pray, “…Your kingdom come…”  (Matt.6:10)  you are asking God to let his kingdom take priority over yours.

There will now be such a struggle going on inside of you.

You are now in a FIGHT with two kingdoms.

Just think about how you have spent your whole life expanding your own kingdom.

You have worked at INCREASING your income, your education, your influence.

Anything which you have invested your time, energy and money in, you will grow very protective of.

Our human nature is to react with HOSTILITY when people challenge our kingdom.

The moment we ask for Gods kingdom to come, we threaten our own kingdom.

Any castle with two kings in it is in for a big CONFLICT.

There can not be two kingdoms, one of them has to leave.

What kingdom principals are you LEARNING?

In what areas of your marital life are you applying them?

If you are serious about asking God for His kingdom to come into your life, this is an ENORMOUS marriage makeover.

When you ask him into your life, he does not come to speculate; He comes to take control.

Phil.2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.”

When you put your selfish ambitions in front of your marriage it will lead to a CHAOTIC lifestyle.

You can silence self -promotion in your marriage and turn to service with humility.

What is God teaching you as you pray “…thy kingdom come…?”

Where God is given loving obedience, and is king of your heart, that is where the kingdom of God is.

We need to realize that we are living in a kingdom of DARKNESS.

Our marriage takes a big toll because we are living in the kingdom of darkness.

How many ways are you under the Kingdom of darkness.

1.  You can be under the darkness of ignorance.

Eph.4:18 “…having their understanding darkened…”

2.  You can be under the darkness of pollution.

Rom.13:12 “…works of darkness…”

Pride in your marriage darkens the glory of God in your soul.

3.  You can be under the darkness of misery.

Ex.10:21 says the darkness of Egypt was so thick “…it might be felt…”

Who has the spiritual rule in your heart?

There are TWO kingdoms fighting for it.

Which kingdom do you resist when it is challenged.

Your own selfish ambitious promotion or the promotion of Gods kingdom?

Where is your heart?

The Kings place or yours?

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have new encouragement to help your marriage be successful.

THE FUN BUS  (Part 2)

CONTINUED FROM PART 1:

“Now,”  Jesus said, “I have a ride home all lined up for you.  I have been getting the driver ready for Me and for you while you were out riding The Fun Bus.”  Jesus turned me around, and I saw my wife Charlyne.  She was smiling and looked so peaceful and happy.  I could tell by the way that she talked to Jesus that they knew each other well.  I wished that some day I could know Him that way.

“Honey,” the wife of my youth said, “Jesus and I want you to come home now. You have three children and a wife who need you.  I have been talking to the Lord about us all the time you have been out riding on THE FUN BUS.  I have forgiven you for everything, and the Lord will also, if you will only ask.”

Wow!  I never thought that Charlyne would come up the creek to get me.  How could she ever want me back?  After all, she knew a lot of what went on while I was aboard THE FUN BUS.  I was to ashamed and hurt to climb in with her.  I wanted to so badly, but I just couldn’t.  What would others say if I came back to the wife whom I had walked out on?

I started walking down the road of life.  I knew that Charlyne was not far away, standing and praying for me, and that I could go with her at any time, but I had my pride.  No one could put me so far up the creek that I could not make it on my own.

My feet were blistered and I was whipped, but I kept my shoulders back, and walked with a good stride.  No one could ever know how much I hurt.  I started out to have a good time, and I was going to be happy.  No one knew it, or so I thought, but this path was killing me.

What hurt most of all was to look over to the creek that ran parallel to my road and to see happy couples floating by.  The places that rent tubes in Bryson City all have their initials on their tubes in huge letters.  I did not know what GL was until I yelled to one of the other men floating by.  “It’s ‘God’s Love.’  Friend, that’s the only way to have fun making it down the creek.  Say, where’s your wife, and why are you walking instead of tubing?”

“She left me,” I lied back, “and I am walking because I enjoy walking.”

“Doesn’t look to me like you are enjoying things very much,” he shouted as he and his wife floated out of sight, around a bend, in two big GL tubes.

The Fun Bus came by several times, offering a ride.  Once or twice I almost got in, but each time I remembered how Jesus had looked when He sent that driver away.  I wished that there had been no Fun Bus in my life.  How I wished that Charlyne and I were there having a good time together floating by on GL tubes, the best on the mountain.

I saw Charlyne drive by several times.  Not once did she stop and beg, nor did she threaten or manipulate me to come home.  She was just there.  I asked myself why she looked so happy and I was so miserable.  We were both divorced, but now she radiated love.  Not until a long time later did I realize that her car was traveling on GL tires and the love that I saw in her was the love of Christ.  Then it happened.  Jesus came by again.  He looked at me with the same eyes that had send The Fun Bus scampering.  The Lord spoke only three words.  “Bob, go home.”

Suddenly it all came together for me.  I turned around and Charlyne was there, but The Fun Bus was gone.  I climbed in and started home.  Just a bit farther ahead, we passed that couple on the GL Tubes.  He excitedly pointed me out to his wife and both gave us a big thumbs up and smiled.  They knew what had happened.

That has been a while ago.  If I can do anything in this life for the Lord, it will be to help keep other husbands and wives from taking “The Fun Bus.”  My friend, there is no fun to be had on Satan’s bus.

Bob Steinkamp

Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.

THE LAW OF UNDERSTANDING

When Joseph’s brothers came from Canaan to Egypt seeking food in the midst of the famine, they had to use and interpreter to communicate with their brother.  There have been times in our marriage when Barbara and I have needed someone to interpret for us so we can truly understand each other!  Understanding is not merely a transfer of information, but an empathy for the other person based on what he or she communicated with you.  Barbara and I have found understanding to be essential in building each other’s self-image.  We are continually seeking to comprehend the context of each other’s lives, the kind of context that helps to explain our self-image, our behavior, and our attitudes.

Applying the Law of Understanding will give you the right to be heard by your mate.  If he or she senses that you truly understand– or at least desire to understand–then your suggestions and attempts to build into your mate will be better received.

The next time your mate expresses a concern, ask if he or she feels that you understand it.  Practice listening with a sympathetic ear, and look beyond the response to its cause.  What has occurred into your mate’s life that contributes to this present attitude?  Which pressure today may be crushing your mate’s self-confidence?

Proverbs 24:3 reads, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.”  And 1Peter 3:7 teaches husbands to dwell with their wives with understanding.  As we give each other the gift of understanding , we build a stronger, healthier marriage that endures.

NOTE:  Tomorrow’s new post will help you in making your marriage a success.

NOTE:  This article was written by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

NOTE:  Todays post will be taken from an article written in the book Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainy.

ROMANCE FAQ

Question #1.  How do I balance being a mother with my first calling as wife?

Answer #1.  Family Life conducted a survey of more than ten thousand couples, asking them to name the culprits that robbed their marriages of romance.  The most commonly mentioned factors were children, stress, fatigue, busyness, misplaced priorities, anger, and unresolved conflict.

In the Bible we find an appropriate name for these romance robbers.  The bride of King Solomon said to him, “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes” (Song 2:15).

In those days, a wise gardener would protect his vineyard from foxes.  The nocturnal bandits would sneak in during the dead of night and eat the most tender parts of the vine, rendering them fruitless and useless.

The vineyard is like your marriage.  The foxes are the things that sneak up on you and snatch the fruit of passion before it can bloom.  Drop your guard, and they’ll reduce the vineyard of your marriage to a barren, lifeless place where romance shrivels on the vine.

At all costs, protect your marriage!  That must remain first on your priority list.  Children are a gift from God, but your spouse must take precedence.  Never let him feel as though he’s second in your life.

NOTE:  Tomorrow’s new post will give you hope and encouragement for your marriage.

THE FUN BUS  (Part 1)

NOTE:  This is an article that I felt you would thoroughly enjoy reading.  Bob who was a prodigal returned home after being divorced and was remarried to his wife for another additional 23 years before the Lord took him home to Heaven.

The Fun Bus Story

There is a big van that can be seen around Bryson City.  It is from a campground a few miles away.  Painted on both sides of that vehicle, in huge letters, is an invitation to ride The Fun Bus.  That bus carries people to Deep Creek for tubing.  I suspect that the driver carries his excited riders as far upstream as possible, and then picks them up down below after they leisurely float down-stream on their rented tubes.

Years ago, I used to flag down another fun bus and hitch a ride.  The driver of my bus was always willing to stop for anyone who wanted to ride with him.  In fact, if he notices an individual walking a certain direction, he has no hesitation to stop and to offer a ride.  I often felt guilty riding with him, and not paying, but after all, it was called The Fun Bus.

One day The Fun Bus carried me further upstream than I had ever been before, but the driver did not come back for me.  I discovered the driver delights in taking people up the creek and then leaving them there.  I had been hitching a ride on the wrong Fun Bus.  The one I continued to flag down came not from a campground, but from Satan’s playground, and was being driven by the enemy himself.

That day when I found myself up the creek of divorce without a bus, the evil one was nowhere to be seen.  I now understand that he delights in staying just out of sight, but always ready to offer another ride, not toward home, but farther on up the creek.

After I discovered that I had been deceived, The Fun Bus came by and offered me another ride into a non-covenant relationship with another woman.  I was tired and hurt from the path of life that I had been traveling, and stood at the door of The Fun Bus, almost ready to climb aboard, when Jesus passed by.

The devil driver began to tremble when he saw that the Lord whom I had once served faithfully was there.  I must tell you that I did also.  You see, back in the 70’s I had asked Jesus to forgive me for all the trips on Satan’s Fun Bus that I had ever taken.  I received God’s free gift of eternal life that will some day take me to Heaven.  Now that will be some trip!

Later, I had even surrendered my life to the Lord’s service.  Back then, I tried to avoid The Fun Bus, but I suppose time just changes things.  the driver used to pass and honk at me often.  One day I accepted just a short ride with him.  The next day, it was a snap to ride on just a bit farther.  Soon, I was riding anywhere that THE FUN BUS from Hell would take me.

That day, when I found myself up the creek, Jesus put His loving arm around my shoulders for the first time in a long while.  He had been attempting to do that for a long time, but I had been pushing Him away, much like a pouting child.  I did not know that the Lord considered me to be one of His pouting children, and that He was not about to give up on me.

With His arms around me, Jesus and I walked right up to the door of The Fun Bus.  “He won’t be riding with you any longer,”  Jesus said to the driver.  At the same time, He gave me the warmest squeeze that I had ever experienced.  That was exactly what I had been searching for when I boarded The Fun Bus in the first place.  “He still owes me all those rides, ” the enemy squealed.

The Master looked him straight in the eye, and said, “Bob’s debt to you is paid by My shed Blood.”  The Fun Bus driver did not take that well.  He trembled, and sped off.

Part Two on Monday’s post.