LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

 UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSES FEELINGS

The word “dialogue” means a discussion between two persons intended to produce an agreement.

Dialogue is a gift you give to one another and it has no strings attached.

During confrontation, it is important that the communication lines stay OPEN.

Remember that the purpose of dialogue is to help you understand your spouse’s feelings.

Don’t focus on CHANGING your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Don’t focus on manipulating your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Try to not concentrate on how your partner thinks but how your partner feels.

It is your RESPONSIBILITY to try to understand and accept your spouse as he is.

Women are more relational then men because that is the way their brains are made.

Women communicate with their mothers, sisters, friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, and are usually easier conversationalists with strangers.

A woman’s God-given role is to be her husbands “helpmeet”.

When a wife adapts herself to her husband’s way of communicating, it is just another way of her fulfilling her role as a “helpmeet.”

When women are asked what her ideal husband would be like, she usually describes her best friend.

Wives don’t REALIZE that they are made to be different than their husbands and communicate different.

This is why woman are the ones who should learn to change.

CASE AND POINT:  Many years ago, my husband started to go through a different stage in his life.  God spoke to my heart that I would have to learn who this different thinking husband was and adjust to what his needs are now.  I started to get upset thinking that I am me and couldn’t change for him.  How do I even know what kind of a wife he needs?  Also, how do I know that I’m even capable of changing?   Third, what if I don’t want to change?  I realized that every decade “Cher” changes in order to survive and support herself.  She sang with her husband, then had a variety show ?  She changed her music style and made more albums.  All this she did for the almighty dollar.  If “Cher” could do that for money and fame, I could change to glorify God and please my husband.  SO I DID!!   It wasn’t easy, but I did it with the leading of the Holy Spirit and the love of God. Monday we will be married 53 years.  Hallelujah!!

Prov.21:19 “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

This is saying that a man would rather be alone in the world than to be in a house with an angry and argumentative woman.

You will NEVER get the results that you want by nagging.

A man will eventually shut down and withdraw if nagged because it is so demeaning to him.

You might be GLOATING because you have your husband do everything that you want  but is he holding resentment against you?

It is fine to remind your husband to do something again, but don’t say it in a demoralizing way.

Listen to your TONE of voice and to what exactly you are saying before you say it.

Don’t make statements like, “How many times do I have to say this before your brain understands it?”

SHOW YOUR HUSBAND RESPECT!!

Gal.5:15 NLT “But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out!  Beware of destroying one another.”

The key to warming your husband’s heart is to show him “respect.”

This is your husband’s lifeline.

According to God’s principles, he does not have to earn RESPECT, you are commanded to show him respect out of duty.

We are taught in God’s word that gentleness and reverence are what will win a disobedient husband over.

Do you want your husband to be more RECEPTIVE when you talk?

Good!!  Give the poor guy the respect he craves.

Once you decide to change and humble your STUBBORN self to the Lord’s way, you will be shocked at what will happen to your husband.

Take the first step and begin to invest in your husband and in your marriage.

There will be a change as soon as your speech becomes CONstructive instead of DEstructive.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DREAMS COME TRUE FOR ME

 Today is our anniversary, 55 years together!  Yesssss!!!  We met when I was 15 and he was 16 years old.  A few months after I turned 16 we started dating.  It seems like yesterday.  Where did the almost 59 years go?

My older brother (10 months older than me) was in a band with Richard.  When I met my husband and the more I got to know him, I thought he was the nicest guy I had ever met.  I remember telling my brother that if I ever had a boyfriend like Richard, I would do everything to make it work.  He was very polite and courteous.  We were friends for about 3 months and went places with my brother and other friends.

Then one day he let me know that he liked me.  I was a little upset because it took him so long to let me know.  He told me that my brother told him I didn’t like guys to flirt with me.  Which was true.  He then told him not to ask me out or I would probably quit talking to him.  I told my brother that I was talking about his other friends but not Richard.   This was in 1965.

We were married four years later.  It was the greatest day of my life.  My father, who had abandon my mother and me, along with my five brothers, never showed up to the wedding.  I waited in the back of the church for him to walk me down the aisle and when I realized he wasn’t coming, I asked my little brother to walk me down.  I didn’t care because I knew I was marrying the greatest man I had ever met and he loved me.  It was in 1969 that I married my best friend and the man I would spend the rest of my life with.

  Life has not been problem free, but we have been committed to each other every day of our married life.

I give God all the honor and glory because He has been the lover of our soul.  Without Him we are nothing and can do nothing.

Yes, dreams do come true with the leading of the Holy Spirit.  IT HAPPENED TO ME!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help our marriage succeed.

FOR WIVES IN DESPERATION

We have all heard about “home security cameras” that record what is happening in our home while we are gone.  Some are made where you can watch on your phone what is happening in your house at that very minute.

The word “security” has different meanings but basically it is measures taken as a precaution against theft or espionage or sabotage, etc.

People and businesses spend a fortune to protect what they own every year.

Many times when NEGATIVE things happen in our lives and our marriage, we feel so alone.

We feel like nobody knows our sorrows and nobody cares.

The truth is that God knows and he cares about everything that is IMPORTANT to us.

Hagar, a pregnant Egyptian slave, was mistreated by her mistress and she ran away into the desert.  The angel of the LORD came to her at a well in the desert and told her to go back to her mistress and obey her.  Also, that she was going to have a son who would grow and have many descendants.

In Gen.16:13, Hagar named God, EL ROI  “The God who sees me” because she said that she has now seen “the one who sees me.”

The well that she was at, she named it BEER LAHAI ROI which means “The well of the Living One who sees me.”

There is an important reason why I have told this story.

You may be in deep stress involving a problem in your marriage.

There might be something that you cannot tell anyone about and you are in DESPERATION to have it resolved.

This is exactly the position that Hagar was in and God told her to go back to her mean mistress and for her to be obedient to her.

When I first read this, I was so distressed that she had to go back to her master who had violated her.

You have to know that God has a plan to BLESS your life and for your marriage.

If God’s eye is on the sparrow, His eyes are certainly on you.

Never accuse God of abandoning you.

You need to become aware of His PRESENCE in your life.

No one seemed to care about Hagar and her unborn child enough to monitor her progress in the desert—no one but EL ROI.

There is no worse nightmare for a woman than to be pregnant, in poverty, and to be alone in the desert.

God saw the ABUSE Hagar had taken in the past, he pinpointed her exact position in the present, and he saw the future that he held for her.

God knows your past violations, he knows what you are going through now, and he knows the great blessing he has in store for you.

God is always working out His plan for your FUTURE.

God is always extending a helping hand to guide you through the tough times.

You might feel that your spouse is not doing enough for you and doesn’t even care to be SENSITIVE to what you are going through.

Don’t resent your spouse; He is not God.

Let the LORD be your “home security camera”.

Your spouse is not EL ROI, who sees you.

Let’s give our spouse a break and turn to the God who sees us.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HELP FOR “NOT PERFECT” WIVES

The word “flawless” means without defect or weakness in a person’s character.

We many times use the excuse that we are not perfect.

This leaves a lot of room for us to excuse ourselves for bad BEHAVIOR.

We were made by a perfect God who made us in His image.

Gen.1:27 “ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

When we look in the mirror in the morning, who stares back?  Someone worn and aged?  Someone who has a nose that is too big or too little?

Or do you see a child of God who is growing daily in his image?

What do you see when you look at your spouse?

Do you see someone who was made in the image of God?

You can be so occupied by your spouses flaws that you miss life’s beauty.

You can miss the beauty of the person that God made when he DESIGNED your spouse.

The word for God in Genesis is “Elohim” which occurs 32 times in that first chapter.

This name given to God “Elohim” , contains the idea of God’s creative power.

He created the heavens and the earth out of absolutely nothing.

God made it all, owns it all, and He can GIVE away it’s fruit to anyone he wants.

Elohim desires to use His creative power in your life now.

Often times we get upset with our spouse because we expect PERFECTION from them.

We expect our spouse to have creative power to solve all family issues, financial problems and any unexpected events.

God has UNLIMITED resources to accomplish his purposes.

So are wives flawless?

God’s Holy Spirit who dwells in us is flawless but our bodies have flaws.

This is why we must ASK God to be Lord of our lives.

Don’t forget that every human life, including your spouse’s, is sacred.

Don’t take God’s earthly blessings for GRANTED.

Don’t take your husband for granted.

Remember that you bear God’s image.

As a spouse, you are a representative of God’s perfect love.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

COURAGE TO LET DOWN YOUR GUARD

Marriage takes courage because it is something worth fighting for.

We need to put on our boxing gloves DAILY and fight for our marriage.

CASE AND POINT:  Oscar DeLaHoya was a champion boxer that the whole Hispanic community was proud of.  He invested a lot of money for children in the Barrio communities.  All his games were sold out with the Hispanic community dominating the seats.  Any Hispanic that you would talk to and mention Oscar’s name, they would respond with acalades.  His last fight was sold out months in advance.  There was excitement in the air.  But something happened that surprised everyone.  In one of the early rounds, Oscar DeLaHoya refused to come out.  He decided that he did not have what it took and that he would not be able to win the fight.  That could be the mistake of his life. The people at the boxing arena were furious.  They felt cheated.  It was in all the papers.  Oscar is no longer their hero.  Why??  Because he quit!!  They felt that he should have fought to the finish.

There is something about fighting to the finish.

It takes GUTS to work through all the emotions.

It takes guts to admit you are wrong and say you are sorry.

It takes COURAGE to give in to your spouse’s desires.

It takes courage to let down your guard and let your spouse see the real you.

It takes courage to change and choose to PLEASE your spouse.

Romans 16:17 “…mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”

This verse is telling us that if our lives are not disciplined then the church is to stay away from us.

Rom.16:19 “Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you.”

In our marriages we need to take the road paved with diligence and perseverance.

The road to a successful marriage is rarely SIMPLE because as a spouse you need to be productive and hard-working.

Just as we do everything to be successful in our jobs, so should we do the same to be successful in our marriages.

The devil will tell you, “Why are you doing this?  Your spouse doesn’t appreciate you anyway!”

The beginning of a marriage is always exciting.

The DIFFICULT part is sticking through the rough stuff to the very end.

The real test is when the newness and the excitement is gone and the hard-work and commitment begins.

Stay committed to the VOWS you made to your husband and to God.

Punch it out and move forward with every ounce of your might.

Your spouse is WORTH it.

He loves you!  You are his choice!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LEARN TO LISTEN

Every cell phone user has experienced it at some point, and one company has built an entire advertising campaign around it:  While you are speaking to a spouse, a business contact, or a friend, the connection breaks—only you don’t know it immediately.  You continue to talk until you sense something is wrong and finally ask, “Are you still there?”

Dead silence or a static screech provide the answer—yes, indeed, the person on the other end is gone.  And then you wonder, Just how much of what I said wasn’t heard?

How often does this type of thing happen in your marriage?  One of you is talking, but no one is on the other end of the conversation.  Listening is not as easy as talking for most of us!  When Job told his friends, “Listen carefully to my speech, and to my declaration with your ears.”  he said it out of deep frustration (Job 13:17).  Remember that attentive listening encourages and blesses the speaker.

So the Bible urges us, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak” (James 1:19).  If you want the tension level in your marriage to decrease, then learn to become a better listener.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1:  How do husbands and wives differ regarding the sexual relationship.

Answer #1:  Sex is a beautiful God-given desire, that in many ways measures the depth of a marital relationship .  It often indicates the level of commitment and intimacy in other areas of the marriage.

For sex to be truly satisfying to both partners, each has to risk being totally open and vulnerable to each other.  Each person in the marriage should feel needed, wanted, accepted, and loved sacrificially.  One key to building this type of relationship is understanding the general differences between men and women in how they view sex.

Most men tend to focus on the physical aspect  of the  relationship.  They are stimulated, drawn, and captivated by the sight of their wives.  Sight, smell and the body stimulate a man.  A man needs respect, admiration, and to be needed physically.  Generally, men put a much higher priority on sex than woman do.

Women have a different orientation that demands a different approach.  Most women are more oriented to the relationship.  The woman desires emotional oneness.  Touch, attitudes, actions, words and the whole person stimulates the woman.  The woman needs understanding, love, to be needed emotionally, and time to warm up to the sexual act.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

MAKE YOUR CHILDREN APPRECIATE DAD

I know that Father’s Day is over with and this blog may seem like it is too late, but it isn’t.

Example:  As wives, we need to teach our children to be appreciative to their Dads.

Of course they are, but do they EXPRESS it.

There are an array of occasions that our children can send their dads a card like his birthday, Christmas and etc.

In God’s word we are told to honor our fathers and mothers.

Ex.20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

This scripture implies that we more or less determine the length of our life according to our behavior.

This is exactly why it is important for us as wives to TEACH our children to honor their father.

I heard a sermon once that was really interesting on Ex.20:12.  The speaker said that you do not have to honor your father if he is a murderer, child molester, sexual pervert, abandons his children, is a batterer or into demonic satanic activity.  I am sure there are an array of other reasons but that needs to be addressed to God on an individual basis.

The following comments are from an article called Ten Ways to Say “Thank you, Dad”, by Melinda L. Wentzel (melindawentzel.com)

She states that fathers are often unappreciated, largely misunderstood—an entire populace of men rarely acknowledged for the many and varied ways in which they contribute as parents.

Here is a list of items you might mention SPECIFICALLY the next time you talk or send a card to your dad.

Thanks for encouraging me to forge my own path instead of assuming that the paths of others would necessarily be right for me…for letting me climb to the tops of trees and to skateboard with wild abandon…for ferrying me to the ER when necessary.

Thanks for teaching me how to throw a fastball, wield a mean golf club and sink a jump shot on command…for being my biggest advocate (even still) and for believing in me even before I believed in myself.

Thanks for being oh-so-generous with your time…for listening intently to my wishes and worries…for considering me a worthy companion as we jogged over the back roads of town, watched doubleheaders into the wee hours and sat in scratchy lawn chairs together, completely mesmerized by the thunderstorms that rolled across the skies in the midst of July’s unbearable heat, summer after endless summer.

Thanks for introducing me to the concept of balancing a checkbook, as well as finding balance in my life…for teaching me to accept failure when it comes to call and to learn from my missteps…to appreciate having grandparents, a roof overhead and acres of woods all around.

Thanks for tolerating my teen years (Oy!), for trusting me with your beloved cars even though the voices inside your head must have screamed, “Noooo!” and for resisting the overwhelming desire to share with my High School Yearbook Committee that hideous photo of me with the mumps.  For that alone, I love you dearly.

Thanks for navigating so many road trips—to distant airports, to a good number of college campuses I considered calling home, to my very first job interview in the city.  Never mind that we got horribly lost in the process; but getting a glimpse of the White House at rush hour surely was grand.

Thanks for inspiring me to be a responsible individual, to work hard and to strive to do good in this world…for illustrating the power of forgiveness, the refuge of one’s church and the necessary nature of grieving our losses…for reminding me that things usually work out in the end—even when they look entirely hopeless at the start.

Thanks for underscoring the importance of finding time for one’s children, time for one’s marriage and time for oneself…for helping me recognize the inherent value of ice cream sundaes, the versatility of duct tape and the irreplaceable nature of a good friend.

Thanks for loving your grandchildren with as much ferocity as you loved me, for implanting within me the seeds of faith and for showing me the beauty of marrying one’s best friend.

By Melinda L. Wentzel

NOTE:  I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I did.  My father left when I was thirteen.  He never returned to live with us again.  My dads  visits were sporadic, with intervals of years between them.  A few years before he died we were reconciled with him.  I don’t have all of these precious memories that Melinda has.

What I do have truly blesses my life.  I have invested my life into my marriage so my children don’t have to be another statistic of a child living with a divorced parent.  My children can have the memories that Melinda has, and they do!  Praise God!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Everyday there is a new post.

REJECTING YOUR OWN SELF WORTH

Have you ever felt rejected and unwanted.

I know that all of us at some time in our life, have experienced something that made us feel rejected.

CASE AND POINT:  From junior high school, till I graduated from high school, we moved to different schools ten times.  I felt like I was always the new girl and everyone had their cliques.  Rejection was not something I wanted to embrace at that young age, especially since it was right after my father abandon our family.  I wish I could say that I got use to it, but it had the opposite affect on me.  It drove me further into rejecting my own self worth.

I don’t believe that this is God’s perfect will for our lives, but he will take what satan has tried to destroy us with and God will turn it around and use it for His honor and glory!

Do you feel like you can never please people?

Don’t be in an EMOTIONAL prison just because of what the evil one is now throwing in your face.

I can be thankful today because it gives me an OPPORTUNITY to tell others how devastating rejection is and that it can have a lifetime affect on someone’s life.

1Cor.1:28 “And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen…”

The city of Corinth at that time had so much disgust for Christians that the Apostle Paul had to encourage believers with this letter.

The word “despised” in the Greek means contemptible, least esteemed.

These people who were total outcasts in their society, God said that those are the ones He has chosen.

Yes!  God goes around LOOKING for people who are low-class, second rate and despicable to others.

Why?   Why does he pick the lowest of the low??

Do you feel unloved by your spouse?

Do you feel DISRESPECTED by your spouse?

Does your spouse make you feel like the lowest of the low?

Do you have money saved and bags packed for an easy EXIT the next time things get heavy at home?

Well, hold your head up high and don’t let other people affect your self-image and confidence.

The devil will always try to use the people you love the most and the ones that are closest to you, to drag you DOWN.

People you don’t know cannot hurt you; it’s the people that you love that hurt you.

Isa.53:3  says that Jesus was “…despised and rejected of men…”

All the neglect that has taken place in your life has qualified you to be the exact kind of person that Jesus wants to use.

Why?  Because you know how Jesus FELT and He knows what you have been through.

In 1Cor.1:29 it says, “That no flesh should glory in his presence.”

The NIV translation says, “So no one may boast before him.”

If you are rejected by people you love and have given your life to them, God gets all the GLORY.

The more we are treated like second rate citizens, the more precious we are to God.

Don’t RESENT your spouse!

Are you one of God’s chosen few?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DEVIL HATES HUMILITY IN MARRIAGE

Satan loves to infect marriages with his virus.

The enemy infiltrates our marriages with DISUNITY which probably causes more souls to sin than anything else.

Jas.4:11-12 NIV “Brothers, do not slander one another.  Anyone who speaks against his brother, or judges him, speaks against the law and judges it.  When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Law-giver and Judge, one who is able to save and destroy.  But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?”

Do you criticize and have unfavorable judgment against your spouse?

Do you CONDEMN your spouse because of his conduct?

Do you judge his character and motives that you feel are wrong?

You are on dangerous ground when you start judging another persons WORTH.

The love that unites your marriage is one of the most important things than anything else.

1Cor.13:13 (New Scofield) “Now abideth faith (that works miracles), hope (that makes us happy), love (that unites the Body), these three; but the greatest of these is love”.

Satan loves for you to be judgmental against your spouse because you cannot be judgmental without exalting yourself.

Lucifer’s syndrome is SELF-ELEVATION.

Listen to me wives, this is exactly what brought Lucifer down!  DOWN!!

Lucifer could not see God being number one; Lucifer had to be number one.

Does it BUG you when your spouse puts himself first?

Do you start thinking, “Who does he think he is?  Does he think he is better than me?”

Let me spin it for you.  Do you think you are better than him?

Do you think that he should put you first and him second?

When he puts himself first, does it get your back up?

Hold that tiger, girl!!  Grrrrrrrrr!

Satan fell because of his determination to be first, and his self-exaltation.

You can sit there and act like it is no big deal, but swallow this, it caused the first BROKEN fellowship in heaven.

Don’t think you can out smart satan at his own game.

If you start judging your husband, it is the start of RIPPING your marriage to shreds.

Humble yourself and be last instead of first, with a great attitude.

Put a smile on your face because you just made the devil mad.

The evil one HATES humility!!!

He wants to see the “Me first” attitude from you.

When you have lowliness of mind and love that covers all sins, it will heal and unite your marriage.

Let go of the pride and self glory!   Go for the GOLD!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.