LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

ARE YOUR ROOTS SHOWING?

Women try to get away with not dying their hair as long as they can, to SAVE money.

As soon as those roots on your head start showing, you immediately get them dyed.

Women dye their hair because they don’t want anyone to see their real hair color or their GRAY roots.

We know it is a bit vain, but it is a fact that women do dress to impress other women.

There are other roots that many wives have and they look very ugly when they “rear their ugly heads.”

These roots that I am talking about are what the bible calls “…roots of bitterness…”

Heb.12:15 “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”

As I have taught around the world to wives’, the one stronghold that seems the most that women embrace is the BITTERNESS.

Wives many times feel that they have a right to be bitter.

Our Father in heaven doesn’t want us to suffer with these roots that are showing through our life and will eventually grow so deep, they will SUCK the life out of us.

I will be using a book that explains how Jesus used the sycamine tree to  remove evil forces, like bitterness, from ones life.  “Sparkling Gems From the Greek” by Rick Renner.

Luke 17:6 “And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.”

The sycamine tree grew throughout the Middle East

Jesus was telling them to forgive 7×70 and it seemed so impossible that in verse 17:5 they said, “…Lord increase our faith…”

Jesus was telling them, if you really want to be free of these attitudes, you can speak to this menacing growth in your life and command it to be planted in the sea!

Why did Jesus use the sycamine tree to illustrate the destructive forces of bitterness and unforgiveness.

1. The sycamine tree had a very large and deep root structure.  Because its roots went down so deep, it was hard to kill.  Its roots were so deep that it had tapped into underground water sources.  Even if you cut it’s base, the tree was unaffected and still alive by its deep roots.  Roots of bitterness go down deep in the human life and lie hidden in the soil of the heart.
2. The sycamine tree’s wood was the preferred wood for building caskets and coffins.  It grew quickly and for that reason was famous in the Middle East.  Bitterness grows quickly and out of control.  Also, it grew best in dry conditions, which describes the Middle East.  When we are spiritually dry, bitterness runs rapid.  This wood was used for coffins shows how deadly bitterness is.  It will kill your joy, peace and spiritual life.
3. The sycamine tree produced a fig that was very bitter to eat.  This fruit was so bitter, it took a long time to eat little by little.  That is what bitterness does.  We keep chewing on it over and over again.
4. The sycamine tree was pollinated only by wasps.  It could be reproduced only by a wasps stinging it right in its heart.  The devil desires to pollinate our hearts by stinging us with bitterness.

Jesus is telling his married couples that it just takes a LITTLE bit of faith to get rid of this bitterness.

We have a precious woman in our church which almost died a few years ago.  She had continual stomach problems.  Finally, one day she couldn’t take the pain anymore and was hospitalized.  They found a huge growth in her colon.  It was, I believe three feet wide and very long,  The doctors were able to salvage enough of her colon so she may lead a normal life.  When I saw the picture, I was amazed that something that enormous could live in her body.

Had it not been removed, she would have died!

What is your DESIRE today?

Do you wish to be free from the bitterness in your life or against your spouse??

Do you want to rip those destructive ROOTS out of your heart?

Do you want those roots of bitterness to resurface and destroy your marriage?

Are you tired of those detrimental attitudes toward your spouse that are killing your JOY and stealing your PEACE?

You would be embarrassed of your roots showing but you flaunt your roots of bitterness that distorts your life towards your spouse.

Stop blaming your spouse and speak to those roots of bitterness to leave.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

A MAN EXPECTS A WIFE WHO…

NOTE;  This was taken from a book named “Happily Ever After” by Ken Davis.

A MAN EXPECTS A WIFE WHO…

*  is always beautiful and cheerful.

*  could have married a movie star but wants only you.

*  has hair that never needs curlers or a beauty shop.

*  has beauty that won’t run in a rainstorm, because she doesn’t wear makeup.  Her glow is natural.

*  is never sick; she’s just allergic to jewelry and Italian leather shoes.

*  insists that moving the furniture by herself is good for her figure.

*  is an expert at cooking, cleaning house, and fixing the car or computer.

*  is an expert at painting the house.  She even hangs wallpaper by herself.

*  has favorite hobbies of moving the lawn and shoveling snow.

*  hates credit cards and her favorite expression is “What can I do for you, dear?”

*  thinks you have Einstein’s brain and look like Mr. America.

*  says she loves you because you’re so sexy.

BUT INSTEAD HE GETS A WOMAN WHO:

*  speaks 140 words a minute with wind gusts up to 180.

*  was once a model…for a totem pole.

*  is known as a light eater: as soon as it gets light, she starts eating.

*  treats you like a god…offering three burnt offerings a day.  Where there is smoke, there she is, cooking.

*  has hair that, despite what she does, looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.

*  uses a broom only to fly somewhere.

*  can find you if you get lost–just open your wallet.

*  fights with the neighbors just to keep in practice until you get home.

*  lets you know you have only two faults:  everything you say and everything you do.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily a new post is on.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

Question #1:  How do you get to the root of a problem without blowing up?

Answer #1:  It sounds like you have been prayed for over and over again, but are going in circles without lasting freedom.

Maybe prayer works temporarily, but the problem pops up again.  It could be that the root of the problem has not been dealt with.  It’s difficult getting to the root of a problem when the focus is on the fruit.

There is a saying:  We laugh at someone who cuts down a tree to reach it’s fruit; but the same mistake is made by every person who is over eager and impatient in the pursuit of pleasure.  –William Ellery Channing

If the roots are planted in unhealthy and damaged soil then there will be bad fruit.  Bad fruit can be jealousy, addictions, physical sickness or an array of other issues.  These issues aren’t the deepest problem, but rather an outlet of expression of a deeper problem.  There could be a deeper seated root often festering away ready to explode again.

Only when we let God go to the root of the problem and bring healing, will you truly be free from the fruits that plague your life.

This is going to take more than just communications skills if you are discussing the wrong issues.

1.  I would ask God what the root problem is.  Ask God to start with your heart, not your spouse.

2.  Whatever root God shows you that needs changing, immediately allow the Holy Spirit to start His divine work in you.

3.  When God shows you what deep issue your spouse may have, remember that you are a part of the solution.  That means that you partner with the Holy Spirit in aiding your spouse in what ever way you can.  This is going to take much long-suffering.  Nothing is overnight.  There could be deep childhood hurts that may take years.

4.  Be patient as the Holy Spirit completes His work.  Remember that you are in this for the long haul.

There is a program that I recommend.  It is called PREPARE-ENRICH.  Check with your pastor to see if he is a certified facilitator in this program.  If not, you can look it up in the internet.  They will give you a list of facilitators in your city.  There are an array of questions that you and your spouse answer separately on the internet.  When finished, the facilitator will give you a ten page report.  It is amazing to find out the strong areas in your marriage.  You will also find growth areas that you need to work on.  I highly recommend it because many times it takes a third party who is impartial to recognize problems.

Keep in mind that your marriage is God’s HOLY INSTITUTION.  He desires to help you.

PARTNER WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!

#5 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

Let your spouse do most of the talking

We often find ourselves doing all the talking when we want our spouse to do something OUR WAY.

We forget that our spouse has needs, wants, interests and preferences.

It is not all about you!!!!

The only way that you can find out what your spouses CONCERNS are, is to let them talk.

My husband likes to use the saying, “Give a man enough rope and he will hang himself.”

Through life, I have seen this happen over and over, again.

Psa.12:4 “Who have said, With our tongue will we prevail; our lips are our own: who is lord over us?”

In Hebrew, the word “prevail” is pronounced, gabar.  This word means to exceed or to be stronger.

This verse shows a person who is a smooth talker and relies on his own ability and flattering talk to deceive and overcome his listener.

This verse goes on to say, because you have a GIFT of communication, you think you can say what you want.

In the end, those are the ones who will receive greater damnation.  Matt.12:37  “For  by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

What are your spouses’ needs?

What are your spouses’ wants?

What are your spouses’ interests?

What are your spouses’ preferences?

Are your spouses’ concerns NOT important to you?

Is it just all about you?    It’s not about you!!!!!!

LISTEN for hints about your spouses concerns?

Sometimes that is all your spouse wants is to be heard.

Your spouse may just want to FEEL important.

Your spouse wants to feel important and be a part.

Ask your spouse questions about your decision, because you may need ADVISE to make it work.

Ask your spouse questions from comments and hints that they have given you.

DON’T DO ALL THE TALKING!  DO MORE LISTENING!

Eccles.5:3 “…a fool’s voice is known by multitude of words.”

In Hebrew, the word “fool” is someone who is stupid or silly.

This verse says, if you want to identify someone who is acting ignorant, just look around and see who won’t stop talking.

CASE AND POINT:  Over 20 years ago my husband was invited to speak at a church.  After the service, we went for coffee with the pastor whose name I don’t remember.  He sat there for over an hour talking about how his song leading has improved.  When we left, so many things went through my mind.  I don’t want this to sound like a “bragamony” but I felt he had a great opportunity to pick my husbands brain.  This pastor was new at pastoring.  My husband had been a missionary for five years in England, pioneered three churches, and at that time had been in ministry approximately 20 years.  Since my husband never makes suggestions on improvements unless asked, we learned how to improve your vocal cords from a pastor that didn’t know how to sing.  Lol!!

I usually learn from my mistakes, but this was a time that I learned from someone else’s.

Let your spouse do most of the talking.

Is your spouse screaming to be heard?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post in this series, “How to get your spouse to think your way.”

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post which is a continuation of this series, “How to get your spouse to think your way.” Daily there is a new post.                                                                      

#3 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

If You Are Wrong, Admit it Quickly

Why do people try to wiggle out of their mistakes?

Some people have a character flaw of being addicted to “being right.”

Flaws exist because they are a RESPONSE to a challenge or a trauma that threatens us .

Character flaws definitely make life much more difficult because you have to carry around a lot of baggage.

The problem with “dodging a bullet”, is that the bullet is still flying around.

The “dodging bullet” still needs to be dealt with and it will probably hit somebody else.

As the “dodging bullet” flies around, you end up losing the respect from those close to you.

You can turn this common flaw into the virtue, HUMILITY.

Phil.2:8  “And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross”

In Phil.2:8, the word “fashion”  is the Greek word schema.  This was the same word that was used in ancient times to depict a king who exchanged his kingly garments for a brief period of time for the clothing of a beggar.

God almighty shed His glorious appearance and PUT ON the garment of flesh made from dust just for us.

The word “humbled” is the Greek word tapeinao which means to be willing  to stoop to any measure that is needed.

Ask yourself what the reward is for being addicted to “being right.”

Addicted to “being right” shows that the person has issues:

Maybe, trying to save face or, holding on to self esteem or, an array of other reasons.

Next time you catch yourself trying to “be right”, take it as an OPPORTUNITY to admit you’re wrong.

How can admitting you are wrong help you?

People being addicted to “being right” often are criticized for not being compassionate and caring about others.

A person who admits they are wrong, are more resourceful because he believes this gives him the insight to develop new capabilities.

CASE AND POINT:  I remember we had a guest speaker at church years ago.  He told the church that they should always be working on something in their life to be more like Jesus.  Just the week before God had showed me an area that I needed to improve.  I asked God to reveal to me every time I did that thing he wasn’t pleased with.  I allowed the Holy Spirit to convict me and guide my attitude about that area.  I was very excited about partnering with the Holy Spirit to work on areas of my life.

Admitting you are wrong creates:

An environment of TOLERANCE towards others,

Open-mindedness to discovering the truth, and

It will point out where you sound STUPID.

Admitting your fault puts you closer to dealing with it.

This could be the first step towards a successful turn-around.

Admitting your fault SHOWS your integrity and courage even if there are consequences.

It is everyone’s responsibility to seek what is right and just.  Phil.4:8 “Finally, brethren…whatsoever things are just…think on these things.

From lifehack.org, here are pointers on confessing up and dealing with your mistakes:

• See things from someone else’s perspective:  If you’ve made a promise and failed to keep it, put yourself n the other party’s shoes and see how things look from there.

• Be sympathetic:  Realize that your mistakes might affect many more people than just you, and recognize the pain you’ve caused.  A little bit of sympathy can well be the opening you need to set things right.

• Take responsibility:  Don’t try to weasel out of it, and don’t look around wildly for someone else to blame.  Even if your failure came about because someone let you down, you’re ultimately responsible for the projects under your authority.

• Accept the consequences:  It’s hard, I know, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and take your lumps.  Few actions come without any consequences at all; be prepared to embrace whatever befalls you as a result of the mistakes you’ve made.

• Have a plan:  Taking responsibility means being prepared to clean up the mess, which means you need a plan.  You should have a clear idea of what went wrong and how you can fix it – and how you can avoid it in the future.

• Be sincere:  Don’t pretend to feel sympathy or act phony so that the other person can see how deeply you care.  Don’t play the martyr.  Show honest emotion—the first step to rebuilding the trust lost.

• Apologize.  No, really.  A lot of people go to great lengths to make up for their mistakes – or to hide them – when a simple “I’m sorry” would do the job, and cause a lot fewer hard feelings.

Prov.8:12 “Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty (proud), and before honour is humility.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly!

Yes, admit it!

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  We will continue this series with “How to get your spouse to think your way.

Louis Tartaglia, M.D. has an article that shows a process of responding to being addicted to being right.

(NOTE:  This was taken from a book called “Happily ever Laughter” by Ken Davis.)

MARITAL DIFFERENCES

I married my wife for her good looks-

but not the ones she is giving me lately.

-unknown

At our wedding rehearsal, when the minister said,

“For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health,” Gail responded,

“I’ll take better, rich and healthy.”

The minister reminded us that it wasn’t multiple choice.

– Dave Veerman

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy.

First, let her think she is having her own way.

And second, let her have it!

-Lyndon B. Johnson

If Laurie, Linda, Michelle and Liz go out for lunch,

they call each other Laurie, Linda, Michelle and Liz.

If Mark, Juan, Franklin, and Paul go out,

they will affectionately refer to each other as

Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut Head, and Snappy.

– unknown

Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate through the night.

-unknown

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

– unknown

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

-unknown

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life,

she will save the infant’s life

without even considering if there are men on base.

-Dave Barry

A man has five items in his bathroom:

a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

-unknown

A man will pay two dollars of a one dollar item he needs.

A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn’t need,

but it’s on sale.

-unknown

I’m sure glad my husband (Billy) and I are not exactly alike;

if that were the case, one of us wouldn’t be necessary.

-Ruth Graham

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.   Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

There have been many questions on the subject of dating.  Since there are not scriptures in the bible directly related on courtship, I have hesitated to address this subject.  Today what I will post, will be as close to Gods word as I can get.  Much of it will be my opinion and the wisdom of God through the experience of decades of pastoring.  Sad to say, but the couples that didn’t follow our guidelines, have had many marital problems and many are not married today.

Question #1.  Is it okay to date?  What are your guidelines for dating?  What does the bible say about dating?

Answer #1.

First,  in answer to the question about what the bible says about dating, there are no direct guidelines.

Second, in answer to the question is it okay to date, I would need more information on what is their interpretation of dating.

Third, in answer to the question, what are the guidelines for dating, read the following:

1.  We always suggest that the couple who first starts liking each other, Pray.  The bible says to “make your requests be known to God.”  If singles try out the person before praying, there will be a lot of broken hearts in the process.  Remember that the person you are interested in, could one day be some one elses future mate.  At this point, they should observe their spiritual walk.  Are they at church, prayer, and ministry.  Try not to communicate with them at this point because your emotions will run away with you.  Your decision to continue on with the relationship will be based on emotions not from a divine answer from God.

2.  After you have prayed and feel assured that this is the right person, we suggest that they get to know each other in a group setting.  This is usually at church, church functions, ministry functions and casual events.  So much is accomplished in this setting.  You both get to observe each other, around other people.   They say if a wife wants to learn what her husband enjoys, just invite the guys from his work over for a bar-b-que.  As she listens to the conversation, she will learn a lot about her husband.  Group observation is of the utmost importance.  During the praying period, they can also be in a group setting but we have found it is best not to inform anyone else that they are interested in each other.  This will keep from getting a lot of people involved if there is a decision to not go ahead with the relationship.  Don’t pair off.

3.  Once you have prayed, observed the person with their peers and are even more convinced this could be the right person for you, then there should be more one-on-one conversation.  At this point, we suggest that they should not be out alone.  At this point, you should start asking many questions.  I tell the women to be nosey about everything.  Past marriages or relationships.  Find out why they did not work out.  Do they have children?  Recreational activities, family relationships, career, boundaries, children, future vision, and dislikes.  You must know what they expect in a spouse.  There should be an array of questions answered at that point.  If you are intimidated to ask, this will continue on in your relationship.

4.  Now is the time that the man definitely should speak with their clergy.  They have now prayed, observed, and have enquired from each other if they are even compatible.  The intention of the clergy conversation should be for engagement.  If it is not, then it looks like he is just playing with her emotions and he has no intentions of ever marry her.  If he says he does have intentions, but it will be years before he is ready to marry, that is very unfair to the girl.  If she agrees that she would like time before engagement, then at that point they should come to some kind of an agreement.  On many occasions, we suggest that they cancel the relationship till they are ready to be engaged.  This helps the couples to not become physically involved but the choice is theirs.

5.  Choose to keep your relationship at a friendship level.  At this next stage there is a lot of temptations to overcome. Remember, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”  1Cor.6:19-20 NIV  Christians are held to a higher standard than the world.  Let the Holy Spirit guide you.  The goal in any Christian relationship is to honor God.  We suggest that they not get involved with each others family.  They are not engaged and it makes it real hard on family if it doesn’t work out.  The family takes it harder than the couples themselves.

6.  Choose not to kiss or have sexual relations.  A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man instantly.  Include others to be around you that way physical issues will be less distracting.   Always treat each other with respect.

7.  The last stage is engagement.  At this point we then tell the couple they must be very careful.  The devil will hit them with every kind of temptation.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honest, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if it has excellence  or is praiseworthy–think about such things.”  Phil.48 (NIV)

Once again, we have found that the many couples who have embraced these guidelines, have kept their virginity till married.  They have excellent marriages and continue to honor God by practicing morality towards their wife.  Although the guidelines seem stringent, the couple admit that when they have children, they will want them to practice celibacy till marriage.  Keep in mind all the different kinds of venereal diseases that condoms cannot protect from.  Gods word always condemns immoral actions.

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily  we have a new post.

TRAINING YOUR COMPUTER

COMPUTERS!!! I am terrible with computers.  When I get on my computer, there is rarely a time that I am not asking my husband to help me.  My hubby is excellent with computers.  He tells me once and expects me to remember.  I will ask him the same thing everyday if I don’t write it down.    My life would go smoother but a lot slower without computers.

God specifically designed a PC, PERSONAL COMPUTER for each of us.

Our PC is our brain.  It was intricately designed to make us a success for the kingdom of God.

Jer.1:5  “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee…”

You have a purpose and a special design that makes you, ONLY YOU!

Much of the manner in which we approach life, is a learned behavior.

That is why the Apostle Paul is constantly telling us how to BEHAVE.

This means that you have the ability to “reprogram” your own computer.

But do you???

You need to get rid of a NEGATIVE MENTALITY and develop a habit of happiness.

So what is the first thing we need to do?

SMILE!!   SMILE!!   SMILE!!

No matter what comes your way, you need to have a smile on your face.

When your husband enters that door, he needs to see that SMILE.

Some comments came from Joel Olsteens book, “Become a Better You.”  He is famous for his smile.  His smile and excellent attitude has opened many opportunities for the furtherance of Gods kingdom.

Your countenance can give people hope.

You may be the kind of wife that shows with your face, all the problems that have occurred through the day.  The bible says to “…rejoice in the Lord.”

Right now, you need to make a DECISION to be happy, if you are going to be happy, then show it.

Happiness does not depend on your circumstances.

Rom.8:28 “…all things work together for good when you love the Lord.”

It’s a CHOICE that you make.

How have you trained your brain????

It’s YOUR choice, remember???

You don’t have to have your way to be happy.

Our spouse should not have to SEARCH for our smile like looking for an old slipper.

Your smile should hit him at the door with LIP GLOSS!!

Each day is full of surprises and inconveniences.

Don’t let stress steal your joy, BE FLEXIBLE!!

Prolonged stress will affect your health.

You cannot CONTROL people and you cannot CHANGE people.

God cannot use your life the way he really wants to if you always look depressed and only smile on special occasions.

Make a DECISION to keep a smile on your face.

When people see you with peace, joy and happiness, they should want what you have.

REPROGRAM your brain and make some minor adjustments to respond with a smile to problems.

Change your focus and train your mind to see the good.

Let your COUNTENANCE magnify God.

Don’t magnify your problems.

The key is to retain your brain to move away from negative thoughts.

The Apostle Paul said, “I have learned how to be content…”

He learned it.   LEARN.   It did not happen automatically.

A smile is an act of faith.

A smile says everything is going to be ALL RIGHT.

A smile with LIP GLOSS says, “It’s alright”, with love.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily is a new post.

CELEBRATION TODAY!

TODAY IS EXACTLY TWO MONTHS THAT THE “loveyourspouse” BLOG HAS BEEN ON.

Today we will reach 10,000 views.

I can’t even express the joy that is in my heart today!

Today I want to do something special!

Can you take a minute and hit the comment button.

I would like to hear from you concerning your spouse.  I would like for you to thank God for your spouse and write whatever is on your heart.

I want to save these as momentos and put them in a book for my office.

Maybe I’ll wallpaper my office with them??  lol!!  You never know!

G O D   G E T S   T H E   G L O R Y !!!

If this is your first time on this blog, welcome aboard and feel free to go through the RECENT POSTS section and look at the blogs up to this point.

If  you are a regular on this blog, I can’t thank you enough for partnering with us.  Please leave a testimony in the COMMENT section.  Hit the COMMENT button.

I love you all and keep the Holy Spirit as the “guiding light” in your marriage!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows blog!!  Daily there is a new post.