LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

IT’S A MATTER OF WHO (and WHOSE) WE ARE

Most of our problems-marital and otherwise-can be summed up in two things;

1. We forget who God is.

2. We forget who we are in christ

     When we lose sight of who God is and of our identity as Christians, when we forget that we are children of the King, for whom nothing is impossible, we set ourselves up for failure in the very areas in which God has called us to succeed. This is particularly true in the home.

     When God calls us to marriage and parenthood, He doesn’t promise us that it will always be easy. What he does promise, however, is that He will strengthen us, help us, and uphold us through anything that comes our way. Speaking through the Old Testament prophet Isaiah, God lovingly tells His people, “You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (41:9,10).

     Are you struggling with some difficulty in your home right now? If so, remember that you belong to the Creator of the universe, and that you belong to Him. Fear not!

     Take Him at His word … He promised to uphold you.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SPOUSE’S ARE THE FIRST SUSPECT

You are to preserve your life and the life of others including your spouse.

Prov.6:16-17…The Lord hates…hands that shed innocent blood”

Not only does God hate murder but the sixth commandment also commands us not to kill.

Ex.20:13 “Thou shalt not kill…”

Whenever there is a murder, the first suspect is always the spouse.

You might be saying to yourself that you would never physically harm your spouse but we are going to expose sins that LEAD to murder.

First, we must not injure our spouse’s name.

It is a great CRUELTY to murder your spouse’s name.

You injure your spouse when you maliciously slander them.

Psa.35:11 “False witnesses did rise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not.”

Do you talk about your spouse with your family?

Do you tell his family when you feel he had done something you don’t APPROVE of?

What about when you are at work with co-workers or other friends?

Any BELITTLING of your spouse with others, is murdering their name.

Second, you must not injure them in their body.

God made this command to PRESERVE life.

Gen.9:6 “Whoever  sheds man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God made he man.”

God made your spouse for him to enjoy and he has a reason and purpose for his life.

The following is a list of EMOTIONS that lead to murder:

Anger produces murder.

 Jacobs sons Simeon and Levi murdered and it is recorded in the bible for all to read.  Gen.49:6”…In their anger they slew a man…”

Envy produces murder.

In Gal.5:21, the apostle puts envy and murder together.

Satan envied and murdered our first parents.

Envy first begins by being DISCONTENTED against God then ends in injuring man.

Envy is deep rooted and wants blood to be quenched.

Hatred produces murder.

The Pharisees hated Christ because he was more POPULAR among the people.

Haman hated Mordecai because he would not bow to him and wanted to destroy the whole Jewish race.

You can commit murder in many ways:

• With the hand  2Sam.20:10
• With the mind  1John 3:15
• With the tongue  John 18:30
• With the pen   2Sam.11:15
• By plotting another’s death  1Kings 21:10
• Witchcraft   Deut.18:10
• By having an intention to kill another   Matt.2:8,13
• By consenting to another’s death   Acts 22:20
• Unmercifulness   Deut.24:6

Although this has been a gruesome subject, remember that it starts with our mouth.

If you are HARBORING anger, envy or hatred in your heart towards your spouse, this is the time to let it go.

You are killing your marriage.

You can bring LIFE into your marriage by asking the Holy Spirit to give you guidance and direction.

Ask God to forgive you and become the spouse that you and God want you to be.

Take that FIRST step and God will lead you through the rest!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

DO YOU LIE TO YOUR SPOUSE? 

Studies show that the average person lies several times a day.

In God’s word, He calls lying an ABOMINATION.

In the Greek, an abomination is “something disgusting.”

Prov.6:16-17  These six things the Lord hates…a lying tongue…”

Do you tell your spouse to tell people lies for you like to say that you are not home when you are?

Do you tell “little white lies” just to keep yourself out of trouble?

Do you exaggerate to your spouse things you have heard?

80% of people are not truthful.

The Bible is the measuring tape we must use to determine truth.

In Col.3:9, the word “lie”, in the Greek is talking about any type of falsehood.

In every instance where the word pseudo (lying) is used, it carries the idea of someone who misrepresents who he is by what he does and by what he says.

Is lying to your spouse something that you commonly do?

These believers in the New Testament STRUGGLED with lying.

Each and every one of us have had at some time or another been tempted to lie to our spouse.

Truthfulness is the FOUNDATION to a successful marital relationship.

Quit telling yourself that you are just exaggerating a little!

Lying is an ugly EVIL!!

The bible tells us that the devil is the “father of all lies.”

The devil is behind all lies and God commands us not to lie to our spouse.

Examine yourself to see if you are not INFECTED with the disease of falsehood before you point your finger at someone else.

If you don’t keep your word, you are guilty of lying.

Rom.12:17-21 “Recompense to no man evil for evil.  Provide things honest in the sight of all men.  If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”

FEAR and PRIDE are many times why we lie.

First, we are afraid of the consequences we will suffer if we tell the truth.

If we YIELD to fear, then we are showing God that we do not trust him.

Second, we are prideful and concerned about what men will say about us.

We often lie because we want the APPROVAL of man.

The bible tells us that out of a man’s mouth will come out what is in his heart.

Matt..15:18  “Those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart.”

It is a very serious matter with God when we lie to our spouse.

Don’t act like it’s not a “big deal” and you can lie to your spouse.

IT’S AN ABOMINATION!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage to be successful.

ARE YOU BETTER THAN YOUR SPOUSE?

If you let pride enter your heart against your spouse, you are in danger of falling into temptation.

Someone who is proud is said to be “haughty.”

One of the things that God hates is a proud (haughty) look.

Prov.6:16 “These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look…”

A spouse with haughty eyes is when you exalt yourself above your spouse and are looking down on them.

Are you someone who gets on your “high horse” against your spouse?

We say that a proud person “looks down his nose” at others; do you do that to your spouse?

Are you arrogant and act “stuck up”?

When David’s heart became prideful, the devil stirred him up to number the people.

In 2Sam.24:15 says that the consequence was God sent a pestilence and 70,000 men died in three days.

Pride keeps grace from striving.

“God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble.”

You may look down on your spouse for many different reasons.

Pride causes you and your spouse to be DISTANT, whereas, humility draws you to be close.

In order to keep you from being proud, God may let you fall into the enemies hands for a while, so you will be cured of your swelling.

2Cor.12:7 “Lest I should be exalted, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me.”

What does the enemy use to make you act prideful around your spouse?

Check your heart for any BRUISES.

Psa.12:3 “The Lord shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaks proud things.”

Prov.21:4 “A high look, and a proud heart, and the plowing of the wicked IS SIN.”

Let the Holy Spirit dig into the deep, secret part of your heart and dig out that bruised part and make it new again.

God hates pride in your marriage because pride is a MARRIAGE KILLER.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

 IS YOUR MARRIAGE A HOLY INSTITUTION?

When a wife desires to glorify God with her life, then her mission brings blessings to her household.

God is a God of details and of order.

We learn that all through the old and new testament.

When he created marriage, His “holy institute” (Malachi 2:11) “which he loves”, he placed and positioned an order.

The order for marriage is the husband as the head of the house, the wife as the keeper of the household and then the “godly offspring”(Malachi 2:15).

In Titus 2:5 says, “be…subject to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

The Greek word for “being subject” is HUPOTASSO.

Wives, at this point you are saying, “I could care less what “hupatasso” means.

YES!!  You care if you will “listen up” for a minute.

HUPO means “under.”  TASSO means “arrange in orderly manner, assign a certain position or task.”

Paul is saying, “Wives, place yourself in a position of being in submission to your husband who is in authority over your family.

SUBmission is a mission!

It is a mission to allow God’s order in our home and to teach our offspring to be Godly.

Eph.6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

This word “obey” is commanding children to obey their parents.

Hupotasso is a choice the wife makes as her husbands equal, to put herself underneath her husbands direction to keep order in the home.

Hupatasso is a military terms describing soldiers on the battlefield obeying authority to facilitate effective warfare.

In other words, it is the wife who makes her home free of the enemies devices as she lines up and does her best when she is supporting her husbands agenda.

Submission is a spiritual attitude.

Women are good at having ATTITUDES.

Let’s be known by our children for having a “spiritual attitude” in our home.

Do it not because you have to obey your husband, do it because you are sold out for Jesus!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

REWARD FOR BEING KIND TO YOUR SPOUSE 

Are you helpful to your spouse in deed and with advice?

Is your conversation PLEASING?

Titus 2:5 “Be good…that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

The Greek word for “good” is AGATHOS.  

AGATHOS refers to that which is “good”.

This would be a person who is beneficial to others.

When you are good and kind to your spouse, God MULTIPLIES it a hundred times.

“…other seed fell into the good (agathos) soil, and grew up, and produced a crop a hundred times as great.”  Luke 8:8

Yes, God multiplies your good deeds ONE-HUNDREDFOLD!

It is said that in a persons mind, one bad deed takes 20 good deeds to cover it.

That means that every time you hurt or upset your spouse DELIBERATELY, it takes 20 good deeds before he forgets about the one mean action.

That is the way the brain works.

That is not the way it is with God because he will bless the GOOD DEEDS in our life a hundred times over.

That is the God that we serve!!!

Goodness comes from a place in your HEART.

We are to be sympathetic, considerate and gentle, even when you feel your spouse is undeserving.

When you are KIND you are being like Jesus.

Paul said in Eph.4:32  “Be kind (agathos) to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Has your unkindness, or hard-heartedness made your marriage better?

Has your unforgiveness brought peace and love into your home?

Has MEANNESS to your spouse brought the presence of God’s Holy Spirit right into your home?

Ask yourself how you would feel if God treated you the way you treat your spouse.

God brought you into your spouse’s life to be his greatest SUPPORTER.

Our job is not to be the corrector or boss.

Remember that you are the cheerleader, not the COACH!

CASE AND POINT:  When most people think of the kindest person, most will think of Mother Theresa.  Her life is one of a person who whole-heartedly showed kindness to everyone.  She went to the poor and dying with her love and compassion.  Below is a quote from her.

Mother Theresa:  “At the end of our lives, we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have received, how much money we have made or how many great things we have done.  We will be judged by “I was hungry and you gave me to eat.  I was naked and you clothed me.  I was homeless and you took me in.”

Mother Theresa died in 1997 and the following has been said of her world-wide: “Her works and mercy knew no boundaries.”

Is it really so hard to show goodness and kindness to your spouse?

Mother Theresa said, “Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

FREEDOM FROM CRIPPLING FEAR

    HOW DOES FEAR SHAPE YOUR response to life’s difficult moments, especially in the family?

Fear pushes some to procrastinate and put off decisions they know they should make. Others erect barriers to keep anyone from truly knowing them. Still others are controlled by a fear of failure. Finally, fear drives people away from God. Some men and women refuse to surrender to God and His will, fearing what He might require of them.

So what is the best antidote to this kind of crippling fear? Hear what Isaiah  says, “Say to those who are fearful-hearted, “Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God; He will come and save you” (35:4). The best antidote to crippling fear is prayer and total surrender of your will to Jesus Christ.

How many things do you really need to worry about? None. Instead, you should entrust your situation to a loving and almighty God. Your Lord wants you to approach Him with an attitude of gratefulness for who He is, what He has done, and what He will do. As you pray and yield your life, marriage, and family to God, and as you learn to “be anxious for nothing” (Phil. 4:6) and begin “casting all your cares upon Him” (1. Pet. 5:7), God will begin to replace your fears with faith.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE TROUBLE WITH THE 50/50 PLAN

     All husbands and wives have expectations of how the relationship should work. Often, they assume, “My spouse will meet me halfway.” Over the years we’ve heard couples talk about having a 50/50 marriage. “You do your part,” the thinking goes, “and I’ll do mine.” But while this concept sounds logical, couples who try to live it out are destined for disappointment. One reason why is that we focus more on what the other person is giving than on what we are doing. So we withhold love until the other person meets our expectations. Of course, it’s impossible to know if a person has ever met you halfway. As Thomas Fuller said, “Every horse thinks its own pack heaviest.”

     Early in our marriage, we tried this plan. I would give affection to Barbara only when I felt she had earned it. Barbara would show me affection and praise only when she thought I had held up my end of things.

     Contrast this with the type of love God shows for us. No matter what we do, He gives us 100 percent. He gives us love even when we don’t deserve it!

     So I propose that couples adopt the 100/100 plan in marriage. Under this plan, each person gives 100 percent … no matter what the other person does.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHO IS THE HOUSEHOLD MANAGER?

A wise husband will allow his wife to manage the household because this is her ministry.

I am not saying that she should be the head of the house, I am talking about being a MANAGER of the household.

This is her ministry.

This is her calling in life and she is GREAT at it!

“…be a homemaker…that the word of God not be blasphemed.”  (Titus 2:4)

The Greek word for “homemaker” is OIKOUROS.

The word “Oikouros” translated, carries the meaning of “watching the house, of a watchdog.”

These words make reference to being a guard, guardian, a watcher, and a warden.

A wife’s business should be to guard and guide her house.

CASE AND POINT:  One of the big attractions in England is for people to go to London and watch the guards at the queen’s palace.  You and I both know that we would expect guards there.  But my husband was invited to go to Mexico City and speak to many senators and governors over there concerning teen violence rehabilitation.  We went to eat at a restaurant that seemed like our equivalent of a “Dennys.”  While we were having lunch, I asked one of the senators why they had guards at the doors with machine guns.  He told me that the guards were not there to protect the restaurant.  Those were personal guards of people who were inside eating.  I was totally shocked.

After I remembered reading statistics that Mexico City had a high rate of “abductions” for ransom or killing.

When I read this verse I always think of this experience.

You and I might think that being called to be the “guardian” of your home is not a big deal.

To God, it is a high position.

Everything God DOES is for a reason and a purpose.

Those people in Mexico City who hired those guards expected them to keep them and their family safe!

God expects the wife to be his “watch dog” over the family!

What kind of a “watch dog” are you?  Lol!

God told Adam to be the guard over the Garden of Eden.

God told the CHERUBIMS with a flaming sword to be a guard over the tree of life.

Don’t take your ministry lightly.

He has equipped you and expects you to keep that home HOLY.

Start with prayer and end with prayer!

Your spouse and family are WORTH it.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

ETERNAL PUNISHMENT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY 

A Christian wife is to be true to her husband in mind, heart and in her actions.

“…be chaste…that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

Chastity is a must in our lives in order not to blaspheme the word of God.

In the Greek, the word “chaste” is HAGNOS.  It means modest, clean, pure and perfect.

Modesty is a healthy sense of shame in what you say, do, or how you dress as not to cause a man to lust.

Many expose themselves to FATAL temptations by an action that at first might seem like a little indiscretion.

Remember that we serve a God who is into detail.

If you are in doubt as to something you are about to do, or say, or wear, ASK  God.

Prov.2:11 “Discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you from the evil way.”

Discretion is to know how to avoid embarrassment or distress; also judging wisely.

In 1Tim.2:9 the Apostle Paul says, “I want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

Paul wasn’t criticizing trendy fashions, he was letting them know that the more important thing is glorifying God with their dress and deeds.

1Pet.3:3-4 “Your beauty…should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

The bible has elaborate descriptions of seductive power of sexual temptations.

1Cor.6:18 “Flee from sexual immortality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

These are important warnings and we should not take them lightly.

Better yet, we should not be tempting the opposite sex with IMMODEST behavior.

Let’s look at the eternal punishment that God has placed in his word for us to learn.

In Rev.21:8 the “sexually immoral” are placed with the cowardly, the unbelieving, and the murderers, who will be cast into the lake of fire at the end of the age.

Once again, God is a God of detail.

Just like the craftsman who carved out the details in the tabernacle to the specifications of God, God has done for us through His word.

He didn’t put it there for a nice READ.

He put it there to change our life and keep us from eternal damnation.

Don’t BLASPHEME  God’s word!!

Be pure, moral and chaste.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed