LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

STAY OUT OF HUSBANDS BACKPACK

Everyone has heard of the statement “The more, the merrier!”

When I was a little girl, there was a comic strip called “Dagwood and Blondie.”   Everyone read the comics every Sunday.  Dagwood always ate stacked sandwiches.  So a big sandwich was called a “Dagwood Sandwich.”

When it comes to an ice cream cone or a sandwich, a “triple decker” is cool.

When it comes to Christianity, a “triple decker” could mean something else.

Let’s see what Jesus was teaching His disciples on this subject.

Matt.18:21-22 “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  Till seven times?  Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

Jesus was giving them a teaching on forgiveness.

This was not an easy thing for the disciples as it was not for us when we realized we had to forgive people we didn’t want to forgive.

Right now I want to look at “compounding sin.”

FIRST lets’ talk to women who are on their second marriage.

How often has your husband done or said something that has infuriated you because that was what your first husband did and you hate it.

You told yourself that you would never take that again off any man.  You married your second husband because he was different.  You were sure he would never act like that and if he did.  There is the door.

Sucker once but not twice!

So you DEVOUR him.  How dare him!  You sucker punch him!

You contemplate LEAVING him or having him leave.

You are hurt.

You are COMPOUNDING someone elses sin and putting it in your husbands’ back pack!!

Your poor husband is “sucker punched” because he has no idea what got you so mad.  He has no idea what he has done.  He loves you but now he thinks he is married to a nut!!

Get it OUT of his backpack!  It is not his and don’t let him carry it.

Bury it in the deepest part of the ocean.

SECOND, you may have grown up in a home where your dad was very abusive to your mom.  Physically or mentally.

You decided that you are not ever going to be like your mom.  A small part of you is a man hater but you will never admit that.

Not all men.  Just the ones that act like “dear ol’ dad.”

All of a sudden, your husband says something or does something that triggers off a thought.  He is just like dad!

He better not think I am like my mother and will put up with his garbage.

No!!  Not me!!

I’ll show this dude right now who I am and who he isn’t.

When I am done, he will never do or say that again!

No!!  Not to me!!

You hit him with everything you have.  You make sure he is down and will stay there for quite a while.   How dare him!

Poor guy!  He is not your dad!   Get a grip!

You have just been “sucker punched” by a lying devil.

This is exactly why Jesus said to forgive “seven times seventy.”

Jesus knows every trick of the devil and he wants you to live in peace.

That is how much he loves you.

You are COMPOUNDING someone elses sin and putting it in your husband’s backpack.

Don’t make him carry that UGLY thing around!  He didn’t do anything wrong.

Maybe you are mad at someone at work or at home.  Maybe you are mad at a friend or relative.  Why are you COMPOUNDING that on his back.

Well, he does that to me!?!   Forgive “Seven times seventy.”

Your forgiveness of others is the condition for God to forgive you.  Mark 11:26 “”But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

CASE AND POINT:  As a new Christian, I was very upset with my child who kept doing what I asked them not to.  Every time they did it again, my anger would rise higher than the time before.  It finally got to a point where they no longer were being disciplined for their action.  They were being disciplined for all the other times they had done that same thing.  God convicted me about COMPOUNDING.  I knew I had to let it go and just deal with the one incident.

FREE your husband from “triple decker” COMPOUNDING!  You will free yourself.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HOW GOD SHOWS YOU OFF

A DAY AT THE SPA!  HURRAY!!

I am sure that everyone knows what a SPA is but I will describe it for you anyway.

SPA is a brand name of a mineral water from Spa, Belgium.

But our idea of a spa is a thermal bath of warm water where the water is believed to have special health–giving properties.

When you arrive at a SPA you usually are given a robe, slippers, a drink and you are in the atmosphere of soothing music.  There are also an array of other services like a massage or a facial.

It is where you go to in order to PAMPER your body.

Let’s look at God’s word and see some verses concerning your body.

1Cor.6:19-20  “What?  Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God , and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price:  therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

The Greek word for “temple” is translated a highly decorated shrine.

Because the Corinthians were Greek they knew how impressive shrines were.

CASE AND POINT:  In Moscow, Russia, they have a gigantic white marble  cathedral with golden domes that is called “Christ the Savior.”  It is the largest Orthodox church in the world.  It is a memorial to the sacrifices of the Russian people.   Anyone going into that city sees that cathedral because it is in the center of the city.

Every country loves to show off its shrines.

God is no different!  God desires to show you and your spouse off.

He says that your marriage is a “city on a hill.”

When the Holy Spirit came into your heart, His work inside you was so glorious it was called a marvelous temple of God.

If you have been dealing with a poor self-image, this is the greatest self-image BOOSTER.

He has built for himself a beautiful temple within your heart–and that is who you are right now.

Now live like the magnificently decorated cathedral of God’s Spirit that  YOU ARE.

Here is a list of the commands about the body (Romans 12:1):

1.  Yield it to God (Romans 11:1; 6:13-20)

2.  Make it a living sacrifices (Rom.12:1)

3.  Make it holy (Rom.11:1, 1Cor.3:17)

4.  Make it accepted of God (Rom.12:1)

5.  Make it full of light (Mt.6:22)

6.  Reckon it dead to sin ((Rom.6:11)

7.  Reckon it alive to God (Rom.6:11)

8.  Refuse its slavery to sin (Rom.6:12)

9.  Mortify its deeds (Rom.8:13)

10. Refuse to defile it (1Cor.3:17)

11. Make it a fit temple for the Holy Spirit (1Cor.3:16-17; 6:13-20)

12. Make it free from fornication (1Cor.6:12-13)

13. Glorify God in it (1Cor.6:20)

14. Keep it in control (1Cor.9:27)

15. Put off its sin (Col.2:11)

The Apostle Paul  is letting us know that he never wants to be disqualified.

He is pouring his heart out to us.

In the Greek, the word “castaway” refers to a person who was once HONORED and RESPECTED. He has now lost his testimony and forfeited his reputation and is now shamed.

By mastering your body, you can now use it as an instrument in your MARRIAGE.

God desires that you as a spouse, be a shrine.

Can I Get Real? Christ paid a price and made an investment into your life with His blood.  He has compelled you to live a righteous life so he can use you as a shrine.  In return for that, you get to spend eternity in heaven.  It doesn’t get any better than that.  He has left his Holy Spirit as a helper so you are not alone.  JUMP at the opportunity to be a SHRINE for Jesus!!!!!

ARE YOU WITH ME GIRLS????

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ONLY THE HUMBLE LEARN

THE BIBLE REPEATEDLY TEACHES that growth cannot occur without a teachable heart.  A teachable spirit is one of the most important components in any marriage.

A growing desire to learn requires the ability to freely admit fault and to ask forgiveness.  Ultimately, it means a willingness to do what is right and what God wants, regardless of the personal sacrifice or cost.  At the heart of teachability lies humility.

The foreigners who settled the towns vacated by the exiled Israelites had to humble themselves and learn what God required of those who would inhabit His land.  Many of them died because they did not fear the Lord (2Kings 17:24-27).

It is imperative in our relationships to retain our ability to say, “I have not arrived,” “I have more to learn,” and “Please help me develop in this area.”  Regularly ask God to give you and your mate teachable hearts willing to do all He has commanded.

“But my mate is not teachable!”  you object.  Then begin to pray now that he or she will hunger and thirst for progress and not get satisfied with mediocrity.  Also, model a teachable heart.  Teachability can be contagious!  You may be the best example of this humble virtue your mate ever sees.

NOTE:  This article came from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

PUT YOUR SPOUSE FIRST

Have you made the decision that, no matter what, your spouse is number one (obviously, after Jesus Christ)?  You married each other for life.  You are not guaranteed how long that life together will be.  Putting your spouse first says, in effect, “I choose to make the most of whatever time we will share on this earth.”

At one level, this means making sure your mutual needs for romance and physical oneness get met.  At another level, it means choosing to give each other the gift of mutually pleasing one another however you can.

Do you have a heart for your spouse and his or her needs?  Do you show appreciation for your mate’s efforts to remain pure in thinking and faithful to you in your marriage?  Do you value how God designed him or her and show it with any kind of admiration and gratitude?

It has been said that less than 20 percent of all married couples have conversations about sex.  Is that true of you?  Do the two of you talk about what you like and don’t like?  Do you know what would please your mate?  You can’t enflame your romance if you don’t know each other’s needs and what would communicate love to your spouse.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WHY WIVES HATE SUBMISSION

Today we are going to learn to fight like a girl, wives.

When I first accepted Christ, there was a verse that drove me nuts!!!

I really wanted to rip it out of my bible.

It was Ephesians 5:22 “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

I drew the conclusion that it meant I was not to have an OPINION or a PERSONALITY.

It seemed like everywhere I went, somebody was teaching on “submission.”

BOY WAS I WRONG!! THAT IS NOT WHAT IT MEANS AT ALL!!

The apostle Paul was continuing his thought from Eph.5:21 “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

In this scripture Paul was letting everyone know that they must submit to each other in order to accomplish something for the kingdom of God.

In Ephesians 6, Paul had spoke about CHILDREN submitting to their parents.

Paul was trying to show the great importance of the Christian marriage and he expressed the importance of a wife to submit to her husband.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

It means that you recognize there is an order of authority in the family.

It shows that you recognize that there is an order of authority in the Christian family and as a wife, you are a part of an ordained TEAM.

You are NOT more important than the working team.

When you submit to God, it means that you recognize that authority.
When you submit to the police, it means that you recognize that authority.
When you submit to your employer, it means that you recognize that authority.

Submission does not means INFERIORITY or SILENCE!!

Submission means sub-mission!!

In other words girls, it means that you are on a MISSION!

WE ARE HERE TO CHANGE THE WORLD!!

Our “mission” is to OBEY and GLORIFY our LORD.

That “mission” is more important than your individual desires.

You are not putting yourself under your husband. You are submitting yourself under the commission of God for your family

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What do the words mean, ”…as unto the LORD”

1. Your submission to your husband is part of your Christian walk.
2. This is a different way of life for you, that sets you apart.
3. This has nothing to do with your husbands intelligence, giftedness or capabilities.
4. This has nothing to do with whether your husband is right on a particular issue. It has to do with Jesus being right.

If you are not married, you better find a guy you can respect. RESPECT!

You might say, “Why should I obey him if I think he is wrong?

SUBMISSION IS TESTED IN DISAGREEMENT!!

How would you know that you are submissive if nothing ever happens in your marriage that you DISAGREE with?

Fight like a girl, fight for your mission!

SUB-MISSION IS A MISSION!  It’s a mission to keep peace in your family!

SUB-MISSION IS A MISSION!  It’s a mission to bring comfort to your children!

FIGHT FOR YOUR MISSION!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

A MAN’S FAVORITE PLACE

NO, we are not talking about fights in an arena. No…no.

NOR, are we talking about boxed presents. No!

NO. This is about something that our husbands love to do regularly.

In our husbands brain, there is a part, which is for “nothing”

There are absolutely no thoughts about anything in this part of a mans brain.

Does this seem STRANGE? Well, it seems strange to us GIRLS?!?

It definitely DOES NOT seem strange to God!!

Psa.139:13-14 “…thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and  wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works…”.

In Mark Gungors dvd called “Laugh your way to a Better Marriage”, he calls this area a “nothing box”.

This is a place where men can go and just EXIST.

This place is his favorite place to be.

I AM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!!!

In Mark Gungors book, he talks about neurophysiologist Professor Ruben Gur of the University of Pennsylvania. The Professor showed that 70 percent of the electrical activity of men’s brains shut down when they were in a resting state.

SEVENTY PERCENT!!

Women’s brains maintain a full 90 percent of their electrical activity.

OKAY LADIES! HOLD THE CHEERING!!

This doesn’t mean that WOMEN are smarter than their husband.

Women are MULTI-TASKERS and they concentrate on several things at the same time.

Your husband, who thinks very intently, has a keen single-minded focus.

Your husband has the ability to focus on one task and EXCEL at it.

This is why we see men in the women’s industries and they are the best in the world. (Chefs, hair designers, clothing designers, etc.)

Men are champions at what they do because they have laser-like PRECISION.

This is because they have the ability to block everything out including their WIVES! Ha!Ha!

That is the part us wives have DIFFICULTY with!!

Wives think ,”This guy is thinking about something and he doesn’t want me to know!” “WHY?!?!?” “I TELL HIM EVERYTHING!!”

HE’S HOLDING OUT ON ME!!

We become mad and the poor guy doesn’t even know what he has done wrong.

He is trying to REST HIS MIND!

Wives, if this is the place that your husband desires to be, then you need to leave him alone!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GO SHOPPING !!!

GUESS WHO IS WATCHING YOU ARGUE?

There are seven things that God hates and arguments are one of them.

Prov.6:16-19  “These things the LORD hates…he that sows discord among brethren.”

All married couples say that it is necessary to argue some of the time.

What does God say?  No!!  Phil.2:14 “Do all things without murmurings and DISPUTING:”

In the Greek, the word “disputing” means DEBATE, DISCUSSION, REASONING, or THOUGHT.

In Phillipians we are told not to complain, debate, or try to reason if it is going to cause arguments with our spouse

Results never turn out good when we argue.  Job.6:25 “How forcible are right words!  What does your ARGUING PROVE?”

If our spouse makes us angry, how should we answer them?   Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but GRIEVOUS words stirs up anger.”

The word grievous in the Hebrew means PAINFUL.

When we get mad, we start saying all kinds of painful things to our spouse.  We don’t mean to, but we start saying whatever the devil tells us to.

What starts arguments?????????????

Mark 7:21 Jesus said: “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murder, thefts, covetousness,  wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy (cursing), pride, foolishness:  All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

Arguing starts in our hearts.

There is power in agreement!

CASE AND POINT:  I remember about a year ago hearing an interview with Joel and Victoria Osteen.  Victoria said how Joel had bought the kids a BB gun.  One day he went out to their back yard to shoot the gun off with the kids.  She got mad and told him that one of the kids will get hurt.  He told her no they won’t and that everything will be fine.  As he shut the back door, she stood there in her anger.  She said that at that very moment, God spoke to her.  He said that she spoke negative remarks and opened doors for the devil to do what she said.  Instead, God told her that she should have been in agreement with her husband and believe blessings over her children and husband.

We are commanded to quit arguing and to LOVE ONE ANOTHER in Galatians!

Gal.5:14-15 “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this;  Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.  But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.”

What in the world are we doing biting and devouring each other?

What are you doing biting and devouring YOUR SPOUSE!!

The word “consume” means to DESTROY COMPLETELY.

If you destroy completely, there is nothing left.

If there is nothing left, it ends in DIVORCE.

A divorce is a FUNERAL that NEVER ENDS!

You need to have a win-win ATTITUDE!

That means you have to care about your spouse and want them to succeed and also want to succeed yourself.

Wanting your spouse to succeed leaves you with a GOOD FEELING about yourself.

You are not the pit bull next door.    You are his GIRLFRIEND!!

WIN!!   WIN!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

OVERCOMING YOUR MATE’S FEAR

THERE ARE 365 “FEAR NOTS” in the Scripture.  It’s clear that we fear a host of things, yet for many of us, the greatest fear is the fear of rejection.  Perhaps you or your mate fears failure or appearing stupid, forgetful, or insensitive.  All of these can become grounds for rejection.

The more fears your mate has, the less open he or she will be in relationships.  If the words withdrawn and inexpresive describe your mate, then recognize it as a possible clue to actual or perceived rejections of the past.  And remember Elisha’s word to his fearful servant:  “Do not fear, for those who are with us are  more than those who are with them” (2Kings 6:16).  Fear dissipates when someone who is fearful knows that significant people in his life (people like you!) are with him.

Be careful of communicating rejection to your mate in any way.   Instead, seek to understand your mate.  Ask yourself, Why is my mate fearful?  You may need to ask forgiveness for adding to the problem.

A fearful person needs to be received gently in love.  He or she needs to be heard.  Those fears are real, no matter how inconsequential they may seem to you.  To be ignored can make our spouse feel uncared for and unimportant.  1John 4:18 promises us, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”  Choose to love, and see how God will use your love to help your spouse overcome her fears!

NOTE:  This article was taken from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful!

LOVING YOUR SPOUSE AGAIN

My husband just married a couple this weekend.  I always love to see the grooms face when he sees his bride walking down the aisle.

My father had left our family about 5 years before I got married.  I remember waiting at the back of the church for him to walk me down the aisle.  I was his only daughter, but he never showed up.  One of my little brothers, who was shorter than me, walked me down the aisle because my older brother was in training to leave for the Vietnam war.

Did I care that my dad didn’t come?  No!?!  I was about to marry the greatest man I had ever met.  I was “IN LOVE”!!

Almost all brides and grooms are “IN LOVE”, when they get married.

One of the main questions wives ask me is, “What can I do to love my husband again?”   This is a question that wives ask me all over the world when I give marriage seminars.

It is a scientific fact that there is such a thing as “body chemistry.”  The sad truth is that it is also a scientific fact that it only lasts about 18 months to 2 years.

Thank God he has given us answers in His word on how to handle this.

Gal.5:6”…but faith which works by love.” KJV

The message bible says, “What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.”

In Beth Moore’s book , she states that if you put Gal.5:6 along side with 2Cor. 5:7 “…we walk by faith…“ this is what you get:

We LIVE by faith,  We LOVE by faith.

We have heard that love is not a FEELING, but have we learned it???     LET’S LEARN IT!!!!!!

LOVE is a LIFESTYLE!!     Eph.5:2”And walk in love…”

This verse tells us to “live love”.

We are to love SACRIFICIALLY !!

CASE AND POINT:  Just like we get up every morning and squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube,  we don’t  just stare at the tube hoping the paste will come out.  I know it sounds ridiculous but lets face it,  we put more work into our face in the morning than we do into our marriage all day.

God so desires to HELP us SQUEEZE His love into our lives.

God will always put people in our lives that for us, are HARD to LOVE.

If you don’t find yourself at sometime feeling the squeeze to “walk in love”, WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE HARD TO LOVE, then you might be living a self-centered life.

As you step out in faith to love the HARD TO LOVE people in your life, Gods Holy Spirit intervenes and does the impossible.  Are you showing love to your spouse, but aren’t seeing any FRUIT from your labor.  DO YOU GIVE UP???

Keep going and showing love because you are living out the scripture, “…faith which worketh by love…”.

Those verses would not be in the bible if it was just easy to love everyone all the time.   It’s impossible for us to do that.

But “…with God all things are possible…”

You should love your husband even if:

*  You don’t feel like it,

*  He doesn’t deserve it,

*  You get nothing in return.

*  Etc.

God calls all spouses to sacrifice our SELFISHNESS!!

AGAPE , which is the Greek word for love, is when you chose to love as an act of the will.

1Cor.13:8 says that “…love never fails…”

We should love out of OBEDIENCE.

This doesn’t mean that you will get the results you want.

The word “fail“ portrays not having any effect.

When you love YOUR SPOUSE sacrificially, EL ROI, the God who sees me, sees everything.   Yes!!!!   He sees everything!!!

When we love our spouse SACRIFICIALLY in Jesus’ name for His honor and glory, WE CANNOT FAIL.

Are you going to believe Gods word by faith or are you going to obey your emotions?

Love by faith wives, not just by feelings.

Why is loving your spouse so painful and fruitless at times?  Because you are trying to fill up your gas tank with a  little gas can.

Rom.5:5 “…the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts  by the Holy Ghost which is given to us.”

This verse is saying that He will fill your tank up with His love if you daily make a commitment of your will to Him.

DAILY COMMIT YOUR WILL TO GOD!!

1Cor.13:13  “…the greatest …is love.”

She loves me,  she loves me not,  SHE LOVES ME !!!!!!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

FINDING SPARE TIME                 

When surveyed, 70% of women said that they don’t have enough time to do everything that they are supposed to do.

This statistic along with many other comments used in todays post, were found in a book called, ”Lies Woman Believe” by Nancy Leigh Demoss.

The average woman today has the equivalent of fifty full time servants, in the form of modern time-saving devices and equipment.

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I moved to England in the early 80’s as missionaries, I remember that our home reminded me of my grandmothers house in the 50’s.  Our kitchen in England didn’t have a garbage disposal, no electric can opener or toaster.

I am sure that these items were available, it was just that they were not standard equipment.  There were many items at that time that we thought were very primitive there.   However, now it looks like they have passed up the U.S.A. in their technology and modernization.

Jesus Himself had a long “to do list” yet he managed to accomplish it in a short time.  At the end of Jesus life, He was able to say,”…I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.” John17:4 KJV

I don’t know about you, but when I go to bed at night, I never say “I have finished my work.”   I usually make my  “to do list” and add everything I didn’t do that day, onto my list for the next day.

In Jesus words, we find a powerful truth.  Notice the truth that Jesus finished in his 33 years of life.

Notice what work Jesus completed, “I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.”  Jn.17:4 KJV

Jesus secret was that he did not do the things that his disciples wanted him to do, or the multitudes, but only what God wanted him to do.

There will always be time to do the things that are on Gods “to do list”.

When you let others determine the priorities for your life, rather than discerning what God wants you to do, you will end up in piles of undone or poorly done projects.

You will live with GUILT and FRUSTRATION, rather than enjoying a peaceful life.

Don’t get confused trying to help somebody do what God has called them to do and then ignore what you are supposed to be doing.

If this sounds like you, then you are wearing to many hats.

Keep in mind that at different seasons in your life YOU will have different priorities than other times.

You will end up exhausted and overwhelmed trying to be the perfect mom., wife, housekeeper and hold down a full-time  job.

NO WOMAN CAN WEAR ALL THOSE HATS!!!!  If you try, someone or something or you will suffer.

Frustration is the result of trying to fulfill responsibilities that God did not intend for you to do.

Fruitfulness and joy are the result of fulfilling Gods intention for your life.

How often do you have a crazy hat day?? Is it once a week or every day??

Can we be honest?  You are probably looking and acting ridiculous.

Several years ago my husband was invited to preach in Cuba.  At the airport in Miami we could not believe our eyes.  Cubans going back home could not afford to pay for the extra baggage, so they wore the clothing home.  I’m talking five skirts, 7 blouses and sweaters, 10 hats and all that on one person.  The airline employees were laughing. My husband and I were laughing.  The Cubans themselves were hysterically laughing.  Although they could barely walk, they didn’t care cause they just wanted to get across the gate and get on that plane.

That must be what God sees but no one is laughing.

I have an assignment for you.

Take off those hats!!  Your spouse wants to see what you look like.

He hasn’t seen his bride in a long time.     JUST ASK HIM!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.