LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

 WHAT SUCKS LIFE OUT OF YOU

Women try to get away with not dying their hair as long as they can, to SAVE money.

As soon as those roots on your head start showing, you immediately get them dyed.

Women dye their hair because they don’t want anyone to see their real hair color or their GRAY roots.

We know it is a bit vain, but it is a fact that women do dress to impress other women.

There are other roots that many wives have and they look very ugly when they “rear their ugly heads.”

These roots that I am talking about are what the bible calls “…roots of bitterness…”

Heb.12:15 “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”

As I have taught around the world to wives’, the one stronghold that seems the most that women embrace is the BITTERNESS.

Wives many times feel that they have a right to be bitter.

Our Father in heaven doesn’t want us to suffer with these roots that are showing through our life and will eventually grow so deep, they will SUCK the life out of us.

I will be using a book that explains how Jesus used the sycamine tree to  remove evil forces, like bitterness, from ones life.  “Sparkling Gems From the Greek” by Rick Renner.

Luke 17:6 “And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you.”

The sycamine tree grew throughout the Middle East

Jesus was telling them to forgive 7×70 and it seemed so impossible that in verse 17:5 they said, “…Lord increase our faith…”

Jesus was telling them, if you really want to be free of these attitudes, you can speak to this menacing growth in your life and command it to be planted in the sea!

Why did Jesus use the sycamine tree to illustrate the destructive forces of bitterness and unforgiveness.

1. The sycamine tree had a very large and deep root structure.  Because its roots went down so deep, it was hard to kill.  Its roots were so deep that it had tapped into underground water sources.  Even if you cut it’s base, the tree was unaffected and still alive by its deep roots.  Roots of bitterness go down deep in the human life and lie hidden in the soil of the heart.
2. The sycamine tree’s wood was the preferred wood for building caskets and coffins.  It grew quickly and for that reason was famous in the Middle East.  Bitterness grows quickly and out of control.  Also, it grew best in dry conditions, which describes the Middle East.  When we are spiritually dry, bitterness runs rapid.  This wood was used for coffins, shows how deadly bitterness is.  It will kill your joy, peace and spiritual life.
3. The sycamine tree produced a fig that was very bitter to eat.  This fruit was so bitter, it took a long time to eat little by little.  That is what bitterness does.  We keep chewing on it over and over again.
4. The sycamine tree was pollinated only by wasps.  It could be reproduced only by a wasps stinging it right in its heart.  The devil desires to pollinate our hearts by stinging us with bitterness.

Jesus is telling his married couples that it just takes a LITTLE bit of faith to get rid of this bitterness.

We have a precious woman in our church which almost died a few years ago.  She had continual stomach problems.  Finally, one day she couldn’t take the pain anymore and was hospitalized.  They found a huge growth in her colon.  It was, I believe three feet wide and very long,  The doctors were able to salvage enough of her colon so she may lead a normal life.  When I saw the picture, I was amazed that something that enormous could live in her body.

Had it not been removed, she would have died!

What is your DESIRE today?

Do you wish to be free from the bitterness in your life or against your spouse??

Do you want to rip those destructive ROOTS out of your heart?

Do you want those roots of bitterness to resurface and destroy your marriage?

Are you tired of those detrimental attitudes toward your spouse that are killing your JOY and stealing your PEACE?

You would be embarrassed of your roots showing but you flaunt your roots of bitterness that distorts your life towards your spouse.

Stop blaming your spouse and speak to those roots of bitterness to leave.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

EVERY COUPLE HAS A GOOD REWARD

Give your spouse credit for their resolution ideas

 In order to get your spouse to think your way, you need their COOPERATION.

You might never see a good idea from your spouse that isn’t yours.

To be effective, you need to understand that you never LOSE credit when you share the glory with your spouse.

When you highlight the contribution of your spouse, they will increase their self-confidence and it will raise their spirit—which will improve future performance.

In Matt.10:10 Jesus said, “…the worker is worthy of his support.”

A spouse NEVER loses out by giving credit and recognition where it is due.

By giving your spouse credit for their ideas, you are demonstrating that together, you have both effectively built a strong team.

Psa.133:1 “…how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”

Eccles.4:9 “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.”  There are four reasons why two are better than one:

1. Because they have more reward for their labor. (v.9)
2. One can lift the other one up if he falls. (4:10)
3. Both can keep warm. (4:11)
4. They can prevail against another. (4:12)

This is an excellent and worthy ACCOMPLISHMENT.

By arguing and yelling out names, you quench the Holy Spirit, along with all that the two of you are trying to build for Gods kingdom.

Always explain to your spouse CALMLY that you both are on the same team and that you want to do your part to make the both of you look good.

You would make your spouse feel really important if you tell them that you also want them involved in any future issues that may come up.

Complaining will yield NO FRUIT, and will probably only antagonize your spouse.

Try to resolve issues; then learn to live with the situation.

If you fail to reach an understanding or an agreement with your spouse after attempting to work out the situation, seek the Lord’s GUIDANCE and extend grace to your spouse.

Live with the situation!

Don’t develop a negative attitude because it will DAMAGE your credibility and eat you alive.Let go of resentment!

Remember the saying: Differences create the challenges in life that open the door to discovery.

In the book, “The seven habits of highly effective teens” by Sean Covey, he defines a word called SYNERGIZE.  Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create a better solution than either could alone.

It’s not your way but a better way, a higher way.

GETTING  TO  SYNERGY  ACTION  PLAN

1.  Define the problem or opportunity

2.  Their way  (Seek  first to understand the ideas of others.)

3.  My way (Seek to be understood by sharing your ideas)

4.  Brainstorm (Create new options and ideas.)

5.  High way  (Find the best solution)

Do you try and ram your OPINIONS down your spouses’ throat?

How does that make you feel after?

Isn’t it wiser to get IDEAS from your spouse since not everyone thinks like you?

In fact, no one else thinks like you!!!

Our brain is so intricate that there are trillions of ways to process information.

If you only respect your idea, you are living in denial.

It has been recorded, that Walt Disney never gave anyone on staff credit for their work.  He would tell them that it was better for people to recognize the Disney name then to give everyone credit.  It brought a lot of division in his employees.  He got credit for everything they did.  At different intervals, he would loose his best cartoonist and other very valuable employees.  Walt Disney did not care.  He only cared about the Disney name getting the credit.

Let’s avoid making our spouse feel like less of a person just like these Disney employees.

TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR SPOUSE IS SCREAMING TO BE HEARD

Let your spouse do most of the talking

We often find ourselves doing all the talking when we want our spouse to do something OUR WAY.

We forget that our spouse has needs, wants, interests and preferences.

It is not all about you!!!!

The only way that you can find out what your spouses CONCERNS are, is to let them talk.

My husband likes to use the saying, “Give a man enough rope and he will hang himself.”

Through life, I have seen this happen over and over, again.

Psa.12:4 “Who have said, With our tongue will we prevail; our lips are our own: who is lord over us?”

In Hebrew, the word “prevail” ispronounced, gabar.  This word means to exceed or to be stronger.

This verse shows a person who is a smooth talker and relies on his own ability and flattering talk to deceive and overcome his listener.

This verse goes on to say, because you have a GIFT of communication, you think you can say what you want.

In the end, those are the ones who will receive greater damnation.  Matt.12:37  “For  by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

What are your spouses’ needs?

What are your spouses’ wants?

What are your spouses’ interests?

What are your spouses’ preferences?

Are your spouses’ concerns NOT important to you?

Is it just all about you?    It’s not about you!!!!!!

LISTEN for hints about your spouses concerns?

Sometimes that is all your spouse wants is to be heard.

Your spouse may just want to FEEL important.

Your spouse wants to feel important and be a part.

Ask your spouse questions about your decision, because you may need ADVISE to make it work.

Ask your spouse questions from comments and hints that they have given you.

DON’T DO ALL THE TALKING!  DO MORE LISTENING!

Eccles.5:3 “…a fool’s voice is known by multitude of words.”

In Hebrew, the word “fool” is someone who is stupid or silly.

This verse says, if you want to identify someone who is acting ignorant, just look around and see who won’t stop talking.

CASE AND POINT:  Over 20 years ago my husband was invited to speak at a church.  After the service, we went for coffee with the pastor whose name I don’t remember.  He sat there for over an hour talking about how his song leading has improved.  When we left, so many things went through my mind.  I don’t want this to sound like a “bragamony” but I felt he had a great opportunity to pick my husbands brain.  This pastor was new at pastoring.  My husband had been a missionary for five years in England, pioneered three churches, and at that time had been in ministry approximately 20 years.  Since my husband never makes suggestions on improvements unless asked, we learned how to improve your vocal cords from a pastor that didn’t know how to sing.  Lol!!

I usually learn from my mistakes, but this was a time that I learned from someone else’s.

Let your spouse do most of the talking.

Is your spouse screaming to be heard?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT MAKES A FRIENDLY FRIEND?                                                                                   

 Begin in a friendly way

FRIENDLY means acting in a non-threatening manner toward and/or showing kindness to someone.

There are some pretty important words in the definition of friendly, like non-threatening and showing kindness.

How many times have you wanted your spouse to think your way and you end it with THREATS? Huh?? How many times??

Being friendly is also showing kindness.

How do we be NICE when we are loosing the battle of convincing our spouse that we are right?

It takes a lot of patience and self-control.

Let’s look at some scriptures that use the word “friend”:
Judges 19:3 “And her husband arose, and went after her, to speak friendly unto her, and to bring her again…”

The word “friendly” used in this verse, in Hebrew is leb. It means with care, comfort, kindness, understanding and wisdom.

Does that sound like how you RESPOND when you are not getting the response that you want from your spouse?

Prov.18:24 “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
This verse is saying, that in order to have friends, you have to dine and entertain them. But there is a friend, that will stick by you during adversity.
The One who sticks closer than a brother is YOU!  The spouse!

In Mal.4:14 , it says that the wife is a COMPANION.

You are his friendly friend!
It is okay to be PASSIONATE about wanting your spouse to think your way.

It is okay to bring him a dozen red roses, with chocolate candies and a marching band. Why Not?!? It might work! (If it does, tell me. I might try it. heehee)!

CASE AND POINT: I hope I remember all the details to this story, because I thought it was cool. When Mel Gibson wanted Julia Roberts to do a movie with him (Conspiracy Theory), he sent a marching band with him. She was laughing hysterically while she was telling the story. I can’t image what she was like when the band arrived. Needless to say, her response to Mel was, YES!

The point is, that in the process, don’t forget to be friendly.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO BE FRIENDLY.

1. Smile. I know that I mention that a lot but that is because you guys keep forgetting to smile. We smile at everyone all day. Then we come home and smile at the dog. What happened to the spouse?

2. Learn to speak, small talk. Have a nice little chit chat about something interesting. Not your girlfriends business but something of his interest.

3. Try talking about positive topics. If we listen to ourselves, most of the stuff we talk about is too negative. Especially women. Stay positive. Again, talk about the topics he likes. IT WORKS!!
One time a pastor asked me what puts my husband in a good mood. I told him, his baby. He told me that he was going to have a T-shirt made with my babies picture on it before he entered my husbands’ office. Lol!! I told him that would definitely work. My husband would be like putty in his hands. Lol!! Be creative! You are friendly with everyone else, why not with your spouse?

4. Have a sense of humor. Your spouse loves to have a good laugh. So laugh even if you have to think of a joke or a funny story. You need to have fun with each other. Look for opportunities to laugh. Even if it isn’t the funniest thing you have ever heard.

I heard on the history channel that King Henry the VIII, wore his WEALTH. He had his jewels sewn into all of his garments. His vests were extravagant. Everything he wore was exquisite.

God has given us garments of jewels to wear. That is our countenance; a SMILE.

Wear your wealth!

Do you want your spouse to think your way?

Be his friendly friend!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

EXTRA BAGGAGE RUINS MARRIAGE 

If You Are Wrong, Admit it Quickly!  

Why do people try to wiggle out of their mistakes?

Some people have a character flaw of being addicted to “being right.”

Flaws exist because they are a RESPONSE to a challenge or a trauma that threatens us .

Character flaws definitely make life much more difficult because you have to carry around a lot of baggage.

The problem with “dodging a bullet”, is that the bullet is still flying around.

The “dodging bullet” still needs to be dealt with and it will probably hit somebody else.

As the “dodging bullet” flies around, you end up losing the respect from those close to you.

You can turn this common flaw into the virtue, HUMILITY.

Phil.2:8  “And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross”

In Phil.2:8, the word “fashion”  is the Greek word schema.  This was the same word that was used in ancient times to depict a king who exchanged his kingly garments for a brief period of time for the clothing of a beggar.

God almighty shed His glorious appearance and PUT ON the garment of flesh made from dust just for us.

The word “humbled” is the Greek word tapeinao which means to be willing  to stoop to any measure that is needed.

Ask yourself what the reward is for being addicted to “being right.”

Addicted to “being right” shows that the person has issues:

Maybe, trying to save face or, holding on to self esteem or, an array of other reasons.

Next time you catch yourself trying to “be right”, take it as an OPPORTUNITY to admit you’re wrong.

How can admitting you are wrong help you?

People being addicted to “being right” often are criticized for not being compassionate and caring about others.

A person who admits they are wrong, are more resourceful because he believes this gives him the insight to develop new capabilities.

CASE AND POINT:  I remember we had a guest speaker at church years ago.  He told the church that they should always be working on something in their life to be more like Jesus.  Just the week before God had showed me an area that I needed to improve.  I asked God to reveal to me every time I did that thing he wasn’t pleased with.  I allowed the Holy Spirit to convict me and guide my attitude about that area.  I was very excited about partnering with the Holy Spirit to work on areas of my life.

Admitting you are wrong creates:

An environment of TOLERANCE towards others,

Open-mindedness to discovering the truth, and

It will point out where you sound STUPID.

Admitting your fault puts you closer to dealing with it.

This could be the first step towards a successful turn-around.

Admitting your fault SHOWS your integrity and courage even if there are consequences.

It is everyone’s responsibility to seek what is right and just.  Phil.4:8 “Finally, brethren…whatsoever things are just…think on these things.

From lifehack.org, here are pointers on confessing up and dealing with your mistakes:

• See things from someone else’s perspective:  If you’ve made a promise and failed to keep it, put yourself n the other party’s shoes and see how things look from there.
• Be sympathetic:  Realize that your mistakes might affect many more people than just you, and recognize the pain you’ve caused.  A little bit of sympathy can well be the opening you need to set things right.
• Take responsibility:  Don’t try to weasel out of it, and don’t look around wildly for someone else to blame.  Even if your failure came about because someone let you down, you’re ultimately responsible for the projects under your authority.
• Accept the consequences:  It’s hard, I know, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and take your lumps.  Few actions come without any consequences at all; be prepared to embrace whatever befalls you as a result of the mistakes you’ve made.
• Have a plan:  Taking responsibility means being prepared to clean up the mess, which means you need a plan.  You should have a clear idea of what went wrong and how you can fix it – and how you can avoid it in the future.
• Be sincere:  Don’t pretend to feel sympathy or act phony so that the other person can see how deeply you care.  Don’t play the martyr.  Show honest emotion—the first step to rebuilding the trust lost.
• Apologize.  No, really.  A lot of people go to great lengths to make up for their mistakes – or to hide them – when a simple “I’m sorry” would do the job, and cause a lot fewer hard feelings.

Prov.8:12 “Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty (proud), and before honour is humility.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly!

Yes, admit it!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

A MODEL PRAYER FOR COUPLES

IF COUPLES SHOULD PRAY for one thing consistently, it is that God will use them to accomplish His purposes.  That is the theme of a biblical prayer by an obscure man named Jabez, whom the Bible describes as “more honorable than his brothers” (1Chron.4:9).

Jabez prayed, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!”  And note what happened, “So God granted him what he requested” (1Chron.4:10)

Jabez asked God to do several things, and every one is something that all married couples can and should ask for.  First, he asked that God bless him and “enlarge his territory”–meaning, give him new turf and enlarge his sphere of influence so that he could more widely influence others for God.

He also asked God to keep him from evil so that he wouldn’t cause pain to others through his own sin–in other words, that God would keep him from temptation.

The prayer of Jabez should not be a mantra recited in hopes that saying these particular words will unlock some spiritual blessing.  This prayer reflects the righteous desires of a godly man.  Do you desire that God would provide you with greater influence for His kingdom and would keep you from sin?  Then make the prayer of Jabez a model for how you pray together as a couple today.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage successful.

IF EVIL-MERODACH CAN DO IT…

THE BIBLE IS AMAZING.  It can use even the actions of a proud, pagan king to instruct us on how to treat our wives with respect. I see this in 2Kings 25:28, which describes how the Babylonian ruler Evil-Merodach treated the captive King Jehoiachin: “He spoke kindly to him, and gave him a more prominent seat than those of the kings who were with him in Babylon.”  This foreign ruler was not required to speak to and treat King Jehoiachin with such respect.  But he did.

Do you speak kindly to your spouse?  Do you speak with respect?  Without careful attention, your tongue can become caustic, searing, and accusing.  I work hard in this area, because I know that honor begins with attitude.  I also know that when I am under pressure, I can become curt and snippy.

I’ve learned that I must protect my wife from others who speak disrespectfully to her.  When our children talked back to Barbara,  they knew that they were going to have to deal with me. Our children were great, but they tried to mug her on numerous occasions.  She was outnumbered!  That’s why I did my best not to let them get away with speaking to her disrespectfully.

In addition, do you give your wife a prominent seat higher than others?  If your wife works outside the home, she may need you to supply a free evening once or twice a week, when you volunteer to do it all, put the children to bed, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, etc.  Hey, if Evil-Merodach can do it for a captive king, why can’t you treat your partner for life even better?

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

JUST DO IT MY WAY

 Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected

Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?”

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

PLEASE THINK MY WAY

Nine times out of ten, arguments end with each person more convinced they are right.

Why make your spouse feel uncomfortable?

Why put your spouse in an embarrassing situation?

If you are not asked for your opinion, they don’t want it, so why argue?

Shouldn’t you let your spouse save face?

If you prove your spouse wrong, is that going to make them like you?

THINK, how much better could it be if you are not argumentative?

Do you know how to get the best of an argument?  AVOID IT!!

Arguments can be avoided.  God hates arguments!!!  Prov. 6:17-19 “…these six things doth the LORD hate:  yea, seven are an abomination unto him…an heart that deviseth (thinks) wicked imaginations…and he that soweth discord (stirs up trouble and anger) among brethren.”

An important thing to keep in mind is that your spouse probably has ”goodwill” about what they are saying.

Would you rather have a victory or your spouses’ “goodwill?”  You seldom can have both of them.

‘Goodwill’ is the friendly hope that something (or someone) will succeed.

The truth of the matter is that your spouse probably truly wants to help you succeed.

Don’t, DON’T, Don’t let the devil lie to you.

CASE AND POINT:  When my daughter was in her early teens she asked me to take her to a Christian rock festival.  It was an all day affair.  I don’t like rock music and I was dreading it.  Every other day my husband would mention it and start laughing at me.  I was furious but I didn’t want him to know he was getting to me.  Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore.  I told him in private to “knock it off.”  He was shocked when I told him how mad I was at him constantly laughing and making me mad.  He told me that I was so wrong in my conclusion.  He told me he knows how I can’t stand the hard rock, yet I am totally willing to make our daughter happy.  His words made me feel so good, that I almost wanted to go after he said that.  I went and I believe the “Newsboys” or some group like that was there cause there was an array of groups.  It was an excellent sound with choreography and I had a great time.

This kind of incident happens occasionally but I have decided to believe my spouses’ intentions are with “goodwill.”‘

DON’T GIVE THE DEVIL THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!   GIVE YOUR SPOUSE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!

Let me say it again:  Give your SPOUSE the benefit of the doubt!!!!

DO NOT GIVE THE GOODWILL TO THE DEVIL.!!

Prov.29:20 “Seesth thou a man that is hasty in his words?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.”

Here are some suggestions for how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument.  This is from Bits and Pieces, published by The Economic Press.

Welcome the disagreement.

If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention.  Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.

Distrust your first instinctive impression.

Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive.  Be careful.  Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction.  It may be you at your worst, not your best.

Control your temper.

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

Listen first.

Give your spouse a chance to talk.  Let them finish.  Do not resist, defend or debate.  This only raises barriers.  Try to build bridges of understanding.  Don’t build higher barriers ofmisunderstanding.

Look for areas of agreement.

When you have heard your spouse out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Be honest.

Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.  Apologize for your mistakes.  It will help disarm your spouse and reduce defensiveness.

Promise to think over your spouses’ ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.  Your spouse may be right.  It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your spouse can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Thank your spouse sincerely for their interest.

Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.  Think of your spouse as someone who really wants to help you, and remember that you want to remain friendly to each other.

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear.

Job 6:25 “How forcible are right words!  But what doth your arguing reprove (prove)?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GETTING RID OF MARITAL NEGATIVE MENTALITY

COMPUTERS!!! I am terrible with computers.  When I get on my computer, there is rarely a time that I am not asking my husband to help me.  My hubby is excellent with computers.  He tells me once and expects me to remember.  I will ask him the same thing everyday if I don’t write it down.    My life would go smoother but a lot slower without computers.

God specifically designed a PC, PERSONAL COMPUTER for each of us.

Our PC is our brain.  It was intricately designed to make us a success for the kingdom of God.

Jer.1:5  “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee…”

You have a purpose and a special design that makes you, ONLY YOU!

Much of the manner in which we approach life, is a learned behavior.

That is why the Apostle Paul is constantly telling us how to BEHAVE.

This means that you have the ability to “reprogram” your own computer.

But do you???

You need to get rid of a NEGATIVE MENTALITY and develop a habit of happiness.

So what is the first thing we need to do?

SMILE!!   SMILE!!   SMILE!!

No matter what comes your way, you need to have a smile on your face.

When your husband enters that door, he needs to see that SMILE.

Some comments came from Joel Olsteens book, “Become a Better You.”  He is famous for his smile.  His smile and excellent attitude has opened many opportunities for the furtherance of Gods kingdom.

Your countenance can give people hope.

You may be the kind of wife that shows with your face, all the problems that have occurred through the day.  The bible says to “…rejoice in the Lord.”

Right now, you need to make a DECISION to be happy, if you are going to be happy, then show it.

Happiness does not depend on your circumstances.

Rom.8:28 “…all things work together for good when you love the Lord.”

It’s a CHOICE that you make.

How have you trained your brain????

It’s YOUR choice, remember???

You don’t have to have your way to be happy.

Our spouse should not have to SEARCH for our smile like looking for an old slipper.

Your smile should hit him at the door with LIP GLOSS!!

Each day is full of surprises and inconveniences.

Don’t let stress steal your joy, BE FLEXIBLE!!

Prolonged stress will affect your health.

You cannot CONTROL people and you cannot CHANGE people.

God cannot use your life the way he really wants to if you always look depressed and only smile on special occasions.

Make a DECISION to keep a smile on your face.

When people see you with peace, joy and happiness, they should want what you have.

REPROGRAM your brain and make some minor adjustments to respond with a smile to problems.

Change your focus and train your mind to see the good.

Let your COUNTENANCE magnify God.

Don’t magnify your problems.

The key is to retain your brain to move away from negative thoughts.

The Apostle Paul said, “I have learned how to be content…”

He learned it.   LEARN.   It did not happen automatically.

A smile is an act of faith.

A smile says everything is going to be ALL RIGHT.

A smile with LIP GLOSS says, “It’s alright”, with love.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.