LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

Question #1:  How do you get to the root of a problem without blowing up?

Answer #1:  It sounds like you have been prayed for over and over again, but are going in circles without lasting freedom.

Maybe prayer works temporarily, but the problem pops up again.  It could be that the root of the problem has not been dealt with.  It’s difficult getting to the root of a problem when the focus is on the fruit.

There is a saying:  We laugh at someone who cuts down a tree to reach it’s fruit; but the same mistake is made by every person who is over eager and impatient in the pursuit of pleasure.  –William Ellery Channing

If the roots are planted in unhealthy and damaged soil then there will be bad fruit.  Bad fruit can be jealousy, addictions, physical sickness or an array of other issues.  These issues aren’t the deepest problem, but rather an outlet of expression of a deeper problem.  There could be a deeper seated root often festering away ready to explode again.

Only when we let God go to the root of the problem and bring healing, will you truly be free from the fruits that plague your life.

This is going to take more than just communications skills if you are discussing the wrong issues.

1.  I would ask God what the root problem is.  Ask God to start with your heart, not your spouse.

2.  Whatever root God shows you that needs changing, immediately allow the Holy Spirit to start His divine work in you.

3.  When God shows you what deep issue your spouse may have, remember that you are a part of the solution.  That means that you partner with the Holy Spirit in aiding your spouse in what ever way you can.  This is going to take much long-suffering.  Nothing is overnight.  There could be deep childhood hurts that may take years.

4.  Be patient as the Holy Spirit completes His work.  Remember that you are in this for the long haul.

There is a program that I recommend.  It is called PREPARE-ENRICH.  Check with your pastor to see if he is a certified facilitator in this program.  If not, you can look it up in the internet.  They will give you a list of facilitators in your city.  There are an array of questions that you and your spouse answer separately on the internet.  When finished, the facilitator will give you a ten page report.  It is amazing to find out the strong areas in your marriage.  You will also find growth areas that you need to work on.  I highly recommend it because many times it takes a third party who is impartial to recognize problems.

Keep in mind that your marriage is God’s HOLY INSTITUTION.  He desires to help you.

PARTNER WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT!!!

#3 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

If You Are Wrong, Admit it Quickly

Why do people try to wiggle out of their mistakes?

Some people have a character flaw of being addicted to “being right.”

Flaws exist because they are a RESPONSE to a challenge or a trauma that threatens us .

Character flaws definitely make life much more difficult because you have to carry around a lot of baggage.

The problem with “dodging a bullet”, is that the bullet is still flying around.

The “dodging bullet” still needs to be dealt with and it will probably hit somebody else.

As the “dodging bullet” flies around, you end up losing the respect from those close to you.

You can turn this common flaw into the virtue, HUMILITY.

Phil.2:8  “And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross”

In Phil.2:8, the word “fashion”  is the Greek word schema.  This was the same word that was used in ancient times to depict a king who exchanged his kingly garments for a brief period of time for the clothing of a beggar.

God almighty shed His glorious appearance and PUT ON the garment of flesh made from dust just for us.

The word “humbled” is the Greek word tapeinao which means to be willing  to stoop to any measure that is needed.

Ask yourself what the reward is for being addicted to “being right.”

Addicted to “being right” shows that the person has issues:

Maybe, trying to save face or, holding on to self esteem or, an array of other reasons.

Next time you catch yourself trying to “be right”, take it as an OPPORTUNITY to admit you’re wrong.

How can admitting you are wrong help you?

People being addicted to “being right” often are criticized for not being compassionate and caring about others.

A person who admits they are wrong, are more resourceful because he believes this gives him the insight to develop new capabilities.

CASE AND POINT:  I remember we had a guest speaker at church years ago.  He told the church that they should always be working on something in their life to be more like Jesus.  Just the week before God had showed me an area that I needed to improve.  I asked God to reveal to me every time I did that thing he wasn’t pleased with.  I allowed the Holy Spirit to convict me and guide my attitude about that area.  I was very excited about partnering with the Holy Spirit to work on areas of my life.

Admitting you are wrong creates:

An environment of TOLERANCE towards others,

Open-mindedness to discovering the truth, and

It will point out where you sound STUPID.

Admitting your fault puts you closer to dealing with it.

This could be the first step towards a successful turn-around.

Admitting your fault SHOWS your integrity and courage even if there are consequences.

It is everyone’s responsibility to seek what is right and just.  Phil.4:8 “Finally, brethren…whatsoever things are just…think on these things.

From lifehack.org, here are pointers on confessing up and dealing with your mistakes:

• See things from someone else’s perspective:  If you’ve made a promise and failed to keep it, put yourself n the other party’s shoes and see how things look from there.

• Be sympathetic:  Realize that your mistakes might affect many more people than just you, and recognize the pain you’ve caused.  A little bit of sympathy can well be the opening you need to set things right.

• Take responsibility:  Don’t try to weasel out of it, and don’t look around wildly for someone else to blame.  Even if your failure came about because someone let you down, you’re ultimately responsible for the projects under your authority.

• Accept the consequences:  It’s hard, I know, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and take your lumps.  Few actions come without any consequences at all; be prepared to embrace whatever befalls you as a result of the mistakes you’ve made.

• Have a plan:  Taking responsibility means being prepared to clean up the mess, which means you need a plan.  You should have a clear idea of what went wrong and how you can fix it – and how you can avoid it in the future.

• Be sincere:  Don’t pretend to feel sympathy or act phony so that the other person can see how deeply you care.  Don’t play the martyr.  Show honest emotion—the first step to rebuilding the trust lost.

• Apologize.  No, really.  A lot of people go to great lengths to make up for their mistakes – or to hide them – when a simple “I’m sorry” would do the job, and cause a lot fewer hard feelings.

Prov.8:12 “Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty (proud), and before honour is humility.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly!

Yes, admit it!

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  We will continue this series with “How to get your spouse to think your way.

#2 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected 

Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?” 

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.

HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

Number 1:

To Win the Argument, Avoid It.

Nine times out of ten, arguments end with each person more convinced they are right.

Why make your spouse feel uncomfortable?

Why put your spouse in an embarrassing situation?

If you are not asked for your opinion, they don’t want it, so why argue?

Shouldn’t you let your spouse save face?

If you prove your spouse wrong, is that going to make them like you?

THINK, how much better could it be if you are not argumentative?

Do your know how to get the best of an argument?  AVOID IT!!

Arguments can be avoided.  God hates arguments!!!  Prov. 6:17-19 “…these six things doth the LORD hate:  yea, seven are an abomination unto him…an heart that deviseth (thinks) wicked imaginations…and he that soweth discord (stirs up trouble and anger) among brethren.”

An important thing to keep in mind is that your spouse probably has ”goodwill” about what they are saying.

Would you rather have a victory or your spouses’ “goodwill?”  You seldom can have both of them.

‘Goodwill’ is the friendly hope that something (or someone) will succeed.

The truth of the matter is that your spouse probably truly wants to help you succeed.

Don’t, DON’T, Don’t let the devil lie to you.

CASE AND POINT:  When my daughter was in her early teens she asked me to take her to a Christian rock festival.  It was an all day affair.  I don’t like rock music and I was dreading it.  Every other day my husband would mention it and start laughing at me.  I was furious but I didn’t want him to know he was getting to me.  Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore.  I told him in private to “knock it off.”  He was shocked when I told him how mad I was at him constantly laughing and making me mad.  He told me that I was so wrong in my conclusion.  He told me he knows how I can’t stand the hard rock, yet I am totally willing to make our daughter happy.  His words made me feel so good, that I almost wanted to go after he said that.  I went and I believe the “Newsboys” or some group like that was there cause there was an array of groups.  It was an excellent sound with choreography and I had a great time.

This kind of incident happens occasionally but I have decided to believe my spouses’ intentions are with “goodwill.”‘

DON’T GIVE THE DEVIL THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!   GIVE YOUR SPOUSE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!

Let me say it again:  Give your SPOUSE the benefit of the doubt!!!!

DO NOT GIVE THE GOODWILL TO THE DEVIL.!!

Prov.29:20 “Seesth thou a man that is hasty in his words?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.”

Here are some suggestions for how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument.  This is from Bits and Pieces, published by The Economic Press.

Welcome the disagreement.

If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention.  Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.

Distrust your first instinctive impression.

Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive.  Be careful.  Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction.  It may be you at your worst, not your best.

Control your temper.

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

Listen first.

Give your spouse a chance to talk.  Let them finish.  Do not resist, defend or debate.  This only raises barriers.  Try to build bridges of understanding.  Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

Look for areas of agreement.

When you have heard your spouse out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Be honest.

Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.  Apologize for your mistakes.  It will help disarm your spouse and reduce defensiveness.

Promise to think over your spouses’ ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.  Your spouse may be right.  It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your spouse can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Thank your spouse sincerely for their interest.

Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.  Think of your spouse as someone who really wants to help you, and remember that you want to remain friendly to each other.

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear.

Job 6:25 “How forcible are right words!  But what doth your arguing reprove (prove)?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post which is a continuation of this series “How to get your spouse to think your way.”

TRAINING YOUR COMPUTER

COMPUTERS!!! I am terrible with computers.  When I get on my computer, there is rarely a time that I am not asking my husband to help me.  My hubby is excellent with computers.  He tells me once and expects me to remember.  I will ask him the same thing everyday if I don’t write it down.    My life would go smoother but a lot slower without computers.

God specifically designed a PC, PERSONAL COMPUTER for each of us.

Our PC is our brain.  It was intricately designed to make us a success for the kingdom of God.

Jer.1:5  “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee…”

You have a purpose and a special design that makes you, ONLY YOU!

Much of the manner in which we approach life, is a learned behavior.

That is why the Apostle Paul is constantly telling us how to BEHAVE.

This means that you have the ability to “reprogram” your own computer.

But do you???

You need to get rid of a NEGATIVE MENTALITY and develop a habit of happiness.

So what is the first thing we need to do?

SMILE!!   SMILE!!   SMILE!!

No matter what comes your way, you need to have a smile on your face.

When your husband enters that door, he needs to see that SMILE.

Some comments came from Joel Olsteens book, “Become a Better You.”  He is famous for his smile.  His smile has opened many opportunities for him.

Your countenance can give people hope.

You may be the kind of wife that shows with your face, all the problems that have occurred through the day.  The bible says to “…rejoice in the Lord.”

Right now, you need to make a DECISION to be happy, if you are going to be happy, then show it.

Happiness does not depend on your circumstances.

Rom.8:28 “…all things work together for good when you love the Lord.”

It’s a CHOICE that you make.

How have you trained your brain????

It’s YOUR choice, remember???

You don’t have to have your way to be happy.

Our spouse should not have to SEARCH for our smile like looking for an old slipper.

Your smile should hit him at the door with LIP GLOSS!!

Each day is full of surprises and inconveniences.

Don’t let stress steal your joy, BE FLEXIBLE!!

Prolonged stress will affect your health.

You cannot CONTROL people and you cannot CHANGE people.

God cannot use your life the way he really wants to if you always look depressed and only smile on special occasions.

Make a DECISION to keep a smile on your face.

When people see you with peace, joy and happiness, they should want what you have.

REPROGRAM your brain and make some minor adjustments to respond with a smile to problems.

Change your focus and train your mind to see the good.

Let your COUNTENANCE magnify God.

Don’t magnify your problems.

The key is to retain your brain to move away from negative thoughts.

The Apostle Paul said, “I have learned how to be content…”

He learned it.   LEARN.   It did not happen automatically.

A smile is an act of faith.

A smile says everything is going to be ALL RIGHT.

A smile with LIP GLOSS says, “It’s alright”, with love.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily is a new post.

CELEBRATION TODAY!

 We have reached over 400,000 views! 

I can’t even express the joy that is in my heart!

Today I want to do something special!

Can you take a minute and hit the comment button.

I would like to hear from you concerning your spouse.  I would like for you to thank God for your spouse and write whatever is on your heart.

I want to save these as momentos and put them in a book for my office.

Maybe I’ll wallpaper my office with them??  lol!!  You never know!

G O D   G E T S   T H E   G L O R Y !!!

If this is your first time on this blog, welcome aboard and feel free to go through the RECENT POSTS section and look at the blogs up to this point.

If  you are a regular on this blog, I can’t thank you enough for partnering with us.  Please leave a testimony in the COMMENT section.  Hit the COMMENT button.

I love you all and keep the Holy Spirit as the “guiding light” in your marriage!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows blog!!  Daily there is a new post.

(NOTE:  This was taken from a book called “Happily ever Laughter” by Ken Davis.)

MARITAL DIFFERENCES

I married my wife for her good looks-

but not the ones she is giving me lately.

-unknown

At our wedding rehearsal, when the minister said,

“For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health,” Gail responded,

“I’ll take better, rich and healthy.”

The minister reminded us that it wasn’t multiple choice.

– Dave Veerman

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy.

First, let her think she is having her own way.

And second, let her have it!

-Lyndon B. Johnson

If Laurie, Linda, Michelle and Liz go out for lunch,

they call each other Laurie, Linda, Michelle and Liz.

If Mark, Juan, Franklin, and Paul go out,

they will affectionately refer to each other as

Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut Head, and Snappy.

– unknown

Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate through the night.

-unknown

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

– unknown

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

-unknown

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life,

she will save the infant’s life

without even considering if there are men on base.

-Dave Barry

A man has five items in his bathroom:

a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

-unknown

A man will pay two dollars of a one dollar item he needs.

A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn’t need,

but it’s on sale.

-unknown

I’m sure glad my husband (Billy) and I are not exactly alike;

if that were the case, one of us wouldn’t be necessary.

-Ruth Graham

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.   Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

There have been many questions on the subject of dating.  Since there are not scriptures in the bible directly related on courtship, I have hesitated to address this subject.  Today what I will post, will be as close to Gods word as I can get.  Much of it will be my opinion and the wisdom of God through the experience of decades of pastoring.  Sad to say, but the couples that didn’t follow our guidelines, have had many marital problems and many are not married today.

Question #1.  Is it okay to date?  What are your guidelines for dating?  What does the bible say about dating?

Answer #1.

First,  in answer to the question about what the bible says about dating, there are no direct guidelines.

Second, in answer to the question is it okay to date, I would need more information on what is their interpretation of dating.

Third, in answer to the question, what are the guidelines for dating, read the following:

1.  We always suggest that the couple who first starts liking each other, Pray.  The bible says to “make your requests be known to God.”  If singles try out the person before praying, there will be a lot of broken hearts in the process.  Remember that the person you are interested in, could one day be some one elses future mate.  At this point, they should observe their spiritual walk.  Are they at church, prayer, and ministry.  Try not to communicate with them at this point because your emotions will run away with you.  Your decision to continue on with the relationship will be based on emotions not from a divine answer from God.

2.  After you have prayed and feel assured that this is the right person, we suggest that they get to know each other in a group setting.  This is usually at church, church functions, ministry functions and casual events.  So much is accomplished in this setting.  You both get to observe each other, around other people.   They say if a wife wants to learn what her husband enjoys, just invite the guys from his work over for a bar-b-que.  As she listens to the conversation, she will learn a lot about her husband.  Group observation is of the utmost importance.  During the praying period, they can also be in a group setting but we have found it is best not to inform anyone else that they are interested in each other.  This will keep from getting a lot of people involved if there is a decision to not go ahead with the relationship.  Don’t pair off.

3.  Once you have prayed, observed the person with their peers and are even more convinced this could be the right person for you, then there should be more one-on-one conversation.  At this point, we suggest that they should not be out alone.  At this point, you should start asking many questions.  I tell the women to be nosey about everything.  Past marriages or relationships.  Find out why they did not work out.  Do they have children?  Recreational activities, family relationships, career, boundaries, children, future vision, and dislikes.  You must know what they expect in a spouse.  There should be an array of questions answered at that point.  If you are intimidated to ask, this will continue on in your relationship.

4.  Now is the time that the man definitely should speak with their clergy.  They have now prayed, observed, and have enquired from each other if they are even compatible.  The intention of the clergy conversation should be for engagement.  If it is not, then it looks like he is just playing with her emotions and he has no intentions of ever marry her.  If he says he does have intentions, but it will be years before he is ready to marry, that is very unfair to the girl.  If she agrees that she would like time before engagement, then at that point they should come to some kind of an agreement.  On many occasions, we suggest that they cancel the relationship till they are ready to be engaged.  This helps the couples to not become physically involved but the choice is theirs.

5.  Choose to keep your relationship at a friendship level.  At this next stage there is a lot of temptations to overcome. Remember, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”  1Cor.6:19-20 NIV  Christians are held to a higher standard than the world.  Let the Holy Spirit guide you.  The goal in any Christian relationship is to honor God.  We suggest that they not get involved with each others family.  They are not engaged and it makes it real hard on family if it doesn’t work out.  The family takes it harder than the couples themselves.

6.  Choose not to kiss or have sexual relations.  A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man instantly.  Include others to be around you that way physical issues will be less distracting.   Always treat each other with respect.

7.  The last stage is engagement.  At this point we then tell the couple they must be very careful.  The devil will hit them with every kind of temptation.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honest, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if it has excellence  or is praiseworthy–think about such things.”  Phil.48 (NIV)

Once again, we have found that the many couples who have embraced these guidelines, have kept their virginity till married.  They have excellent marriages and continue to honor God by practicing morality towards their wife.  Although the guidelines seem stringent, the couple admit that when they have children, they will want them to practice celibacy till marriage.  Keep in mind all the different kinds of venereal diseases that condoms cannot protect from.  Gods word always condemns immoral actions.

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily  we have a new post.

DEAL or NO DEAL?

A few years ago, a relative told us about the TV program “Deal or No Deal.”  They told us how they knew a lot of people who have made watching that program a habit.  I have seen it on before, but I have never watched a whole program.  I think it must be nerve wracking for the contestant because they have to pick one item and let the other

I thought about that game because in Christianity every day the devil plays “Deal or No Deal” with us.   He always tries to get us to deal with wrong attitudes the wrong way.  We are at a huge advantage because we know Gods blessings and rewards by not yielding to the evil one, yet we struggle within ourselves.

“Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.  (James 1.21)

In the Greek, the words “lay aside”, gives the impression of someone who is laying something down at the same time he is pushing it far away and beyond reach.

What is it in your marriage that causes you to have a bad attitude?

Is there something that you need to LAY DOWN and push far away and beyond your reach?

In James we are told to make a list.  In this list we should have items called FILTHINESS.

The word “filthiness” in the Greek means morally corrupt or dirty.  It is impure and unholy affections.  It is from “rhuparos” meaning cheap or shabby; foul; dirty; moral wickedness.

You can be vexed by the immorality that is in your workplace even though you do not participate in it.

You might be JUSTIFYING the immoral decisions that close friends or family may be indulging in.

You might find yourself watching programs or listening to music that contain parts of immorality in them.

There is a great blog, barbaracasasblog.wordpress.com, which contains insight on today’s artists that our youth consider idols.  These artists are full of an array of wickedness.

James goes on to say, “superfluity of naughtiness” which in the Greek means AN OVER ABUNDANCE OF EVIL.

Keep in mind that what the world calls evil and what God calls evil, are two different things.

This is exactly why Gods word constantly tells us to hide Gods word in our HEART so that we will not sin against him.

The next thing we are told to do is,” …receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.”

This means to receive with humility the implanted word of God that has the power to save your soul.

Do you recognize WRONG ATTITUDES in your life that need changing?

How about patterns of behaviors that need changing?

Are there BAD HABITS you have not been able to overcome?

Are there bondages that you need deliverance from?

In James verses 19-21 is a test of Christian living.

Anger

In James verses 19-20, the subject of anger is brought up.

There are four kinds of dispositions:

1. Those easily angered and easily pacified.
2. Those easily angered and difficult to appease.
3. Those not easily angered and easily appeased.
4. Those not easily angered and difficult to appease.

James 1:20 says, “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”

When you allow anger in your marriage, you cannot meet God’s requirement of being a righteous person.

We find COMFORT in attending church as if we are meeting all the requirements of being a Christian.

Christianity is allowing Gods Holy Spirit complete control and repenting of the areas that we fall short in.

Lay the anger down, and push it away beyond your reach.

With God, it is a Deal or No Deal!

Righteousness and unrighteousness cannot live in the same person.

Right this minute allow the HOLY SPIRIT in your life and in the center of your marriage.

The Holy Spirit is your guide, teacher, comforter, and everything that you need to succeed in your marriage.

PRAISE GOD!  He hasn’t left us alone!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

IN LAWS are not OUTLAWS

In-laws are an extension of your family.

You are connected through God’s laws and man’s laws.

I will be using different comments from the book “Woman, a formula for victorious living”, by Lu Ann Bransby.

Do not talk about your husband’s family.  He loves his family and so should you even if they are unlovable.

The bible prophesied there would be discord between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law.  Lk.12:53 “…The mother-in-law shall be divided against the daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against the mother-in-law…”

God left an example of what a mother-in –law and daughter-in-law relationship should be like.  Ruth 1:16-17

We are commanded to respect our mother-in-law.  Mk.10:19 “Thou knowest the commandments…Honour thy father and mother.”

Prov.23:22 “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”

Not showing love to your in laws will damage your relationship with your husband and you have to blame yourself.

If they try your patience, God tells us to be patient.  (Rom.12:9-18) This scripture also tells us to be hospitable.

We are commanded to forgive our in-laws if they have wronged us, even if they don’t ask us for forgiveness. Matt.6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father(God) forgive your trespasses.”

Don’t be guilty of being a busy body in your in-laws affairs. 1Pet.4:15 “Let none of you suffer as a…busybody in other men’s matters.”

The bible says that we are not to speak evil against our in laws or argue with them.   We are to be tenderhearted.  Eph.4:31-32 “Let all…anger and evil speaking, be put away from you…and be tenderhearted…”

We should be honest and forthright and at peace with them.  (Rom.12:17-18)

We shouldn’t complain to our husband about his family.  We should take our complaints to the Lord.  (Psa.55:2)

We should never covet anything our in-laws have, for covetousness is idolatry and sin.  Col.3:5-6 “Mortify therefore your members which are upon this earth;… covetousness which is idolatry.”

Treat your in laws the way you would like for them to treat you.  Matt.7:2 “…and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

The bible commands us to respect and listen to our parents (and in laws).  Prov.23:22

Don’t be jealous over your husband’s relationship with his parents.  Jealousy is sin  Song of Solomon 8:6 “…Jealousy is as cruel as the grave…”

Never make fun of your in laws.  Eph.5:4 “…nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

Be good to your in laws. Jas.4:17 “Therefore to him (her) that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him (her) it is sin.”

TESTIMONY:

I would like to take a minute to tell you about my experience with my in laws.  As I was growing up, my mother always said to marry a guy who grew up in a good family.  She would stress the fact I should get to know all the family members and to make sure they had good morals.  I thought my mother was nuts!  I didn’t care what a guys parents were like, he better be cute and nice.  Well, when I met my husband, I remembered what my mom said.  I just loved his parents.  I totally adored his mom.  They treated my husband like he was a piece of gold.  I appreciated all the 18 years that they put into his life.  I told myself, that for the rest of my life, I would treat them with love and respect.  Well, I got to put my love for them to practice.  For 17 years my father-in-law got to live with us before he died.  Also, my mother-in-law has lived with us for the last 23 years.  She has been a loving grandmother to my children, and an excellent mother-in-law to me.  It has been, such a privilege to have my children live in a home filled with the love of parents and grandparents.  This is something that I did not have as a child.  I can’t even express the joy that I had to see my child bring so much fulfillment to my in laws.

My heart goes out to many of you who don’t have great in laws.  Always remember that Gods grace is in our lives in abundance if we take these issues to him.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.