If you have a question you would like to submit for Q & A Saturdays, you can do so in the form of a comment below.
About Author
Married 51 Years to Richard Salazar
1968-83 Employed for the City of Los Angeles
Educated: Pasadena City College and Berean Bible College
Co-Founder New Harvest Christian School
Missionary: 5 years in England
New Harvest Christian Fellowship - Administrator
http://www.newharvestnorwalk.com/
F.O.C.I.S. non-profit - Board Member
LOVE YOUR SPOUSE 
Hi Sis. Nancy,
Here is my question:
When a husband and a wife are constantly talking about each others failures in their marriage, openly in front of others, especially their children, how does this affect the child’s view of marriage?
It will bring an insecurity to that childs life. The children will live with the fear that their parents will divorce. There was a couple that fought all the time. One of the children would tell people that they never wanted to get married. They ended up homosexual. Children have to feel secure in a loving home to develop and become successful. Without that type of atmosphere, they take problems into their marriage. Talking about your problems only glorifies the devil. They are also quenching the Holy Spirit.
How can you repair respect for your husband once you have “broken” it or crossed “the line”?
I am glad you asked that. It is easy but will take time and you need to have patience. The Holy Spirit wants to partner with you to repair this.
1st, tell him you are sorry. Be specific what you are sorry for.
2nd, tell him you will never do that again. Let him know that you not only hurt him, but you hurt yourself. You are one!
3rd, do random acts of kindness. They say for every bad thing you do, it takes 20 good things in order for the person you hurt to let it go.
4th, do what I call “opening up an account for them in heaven”. Ask God to give you opportunities to do nice things for them. Don’t let them know. It is not even necessary that they know you did the nice things. Just do them. God knows. It may take days or years, but they will know it was you and it will bless both your hearts.
5th, buy him a gift. Not expensive. Just a treat or two at the right time.
6th, you might even ask him what you can do to make it up to him. Humility always works for God.
7th, “lots of luvin” 😉
The question was already asked. Thanks for the answer. But I do have another question. I never really speak my true feelings about things, I will skate around my feelings and it is causing my marriage to fail. How do I stop, let go of pride. And be humble enough to share those feelings with him.
What advise do you have for women who’s husband is unsaved?
The bible has alot to say about being a wife. The advice I like the best from the bible is to not say anything. He will be won by your Godly behavior. Even though it may not seem easy, you have to respect him. That is in Eph.5:33. It works because it is in Gods word. Don’t belittle him cause he is not in church, that will push him away. Remember, you are his girlfriend, his cheerleader, and his companion. God wants you to enjoy him and have fun. Have faith and trust in God for his salvation.
What limits if any do you suggest on discussing finances with your husband? (husband recently was laid off & I’m on disibility) — I don’t want to stress him or make him feel that I’m worried. .. I’m believing God is going to meet our needs and I speak words of faith and Gods Word over us but I will be honest it is a battle….
On Saturday 3/26/11 I answered this question in length. Read that post and if you have more questions regarding this question, you can continue to ask.
What does a person do if their husband is physically abusive?
This question has been answered especially for you on the post for Saturday Q&A 4/9/11.
What should a wife do if her husband is physically abusive and her children see the husband pushing and hitting the wife at times?
This question has been answered especially for you on the post for Saturday Q&A 4/9/11
Hi Sis Nancy, I’m part of the Madera Church & I love your posts…but my question is, is there any thing like this for husbands?…you know, to kinda help them understand how we think/function & that we have certain needs as well.
Hi! Thanks so much for your comment, and for reading my post. What a blessing that you attend the Madera church. On Saturday for our Q&A on the blog, I would like to use your question. I will be more elaborate with my answer. For now I need to tell you that I have no idea who has a blog for just husbands. I can recommend two great books for him to read. “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich and “Laugh your way to a better Marriage” by Mark Gungor.
These guys hit the nail on the head concerning both partners.
Ok thank you….i will be looking forward to Q & A Saturday, as i do everyday, thanks very much for your time 🙂
Sister Nancey my question is concerning sex what is wrong or right.Sex is God great ideal and the bed is undefeliled but I still have a question mark in my mind .I want to to be able to please my husband and not do something I’m not supose to .I want to thank you for your blog it’s been a great help to me and my marriage.
Hi! I Thank you so much for your excellent question. I will not elaborate today because I want to use it on my Saturday Q&A blog. I do want to recommend a book that I think is a great reference book on sex. It has been around since the 70’s. It is called “Intended for Pleasure” by Ed and Gayle Wheat. To answer your question in a simplified manner, I always tell women that they need to ask their husband. He knows what he wants for satisfaction, and he should be your teacher.
Thank you Sister Nancey for your recommending this book and for your wisdom God bless.
I hope you enjoy it. It is filled with excellent information. Thanks for your encouraging words.
Hi Sister Nancey I just recieved the book you recomended and Im excited to read it and learn how I can fullfill my husband and also to let him be my teacher .thank you so much.
You are more than welcomed. We are in this together. I pray for wives everyday. Partner with me in prayer for marriages. Thanks for your great post!!
My husband works out of town about 4 months at one time. He complains about being on the road away from everything he loves but continues to spend the money he is making on anything he wants. I have to account for every penny he gives me but he takes $300 in cash each week for whatever and I am not to ask where it goes. Recently I got mad and moved $5000 from his account to another to keep him from spending it and now he has taken me off his accounts, opened a separate account and only gives me enough for bills. He put a password on his cell phone so I can’t see who he talks to. His dad is a private investigator and I believe he has been giving him advice. My husband was not talking to me on the phone but for maybe 2-4 minutes every other day for the first month and a half he was gone. He has told me he loves me before I moved the money but how can you love and want to be married to someone but never talk to them and wants to control every move you make in the marriage? We have been unhappily married for 18 years. Two daughters, 13 & 11. I believe he is selfish and controlling. Is it time for us both to move on?
Hi wish! First of all, I owe you an apology for not answering. I was not aware it came in. Thanks for sharing your marital dilemma with me. There are many questions that I would like to ask you before I answer this. Since we are not able to communicate, I will do my best to answer this question for you. I am going to answer this as if it were happening to me.
First, you need to do everything possible to keep your marriage in tack. Do not listen to voices telling you to do things that are not biblical. In Malach 2, your marriage is called a “holy institute.” Anything that is “holy”, the devil will always try to destroy. He might be selfish and controlling, but that is still no reason to set up housekeeping elsewhere. This is your family and you need to fight for it!
Second, you need to do whatever it takes to allow your daughters to grow up with their father in their home. Also in Malachi 2, it says that the purpose of marriage is for “Godly Offspring.” Even if you feel like he is never there or that he is a father who doesn’t care about them. He is a covering and a security to them. They love him and need him in their life. Your husband is a provider and even if you think the scale of monetary output is not to your advantage, he is still providing. If you talked to any wife who has been abandon with children, you will find that they would take their husbands back under any conditions. Its a hard cruel world out there! My dad left when I was thirteen years old. It was a nightmare that never ended. Even though my mother was a very loving soul who never remarried or tracked strange men through our home, or talked trash about my dad, it was still unbearable.
Lastly, what do you do? Stay miserable for the rest of your life? No! No! No! The bible talks about what to do if you are a slave with an evil task master. He says to go back and serve that master with your very best. You pray for him everyday. When you talk to him, make it an extremely enjoyable conversation. You want him to be anxious when he hangs up to talk to you again. Talk about happy things! How cute the girls are, something silly they did, something of interest that came out in the news. Tell him you found a hilarious joke and read it to him. DO NOT, DO NOT talk about money or you. Very few husbands care what wives think or feel. The reason why is because we are so emotional. To a man, we sound SELFISH and CONTROLLING.
Tell him you love him. You will shock him! Pray for him! Prayer works! Read 1 Corinthians 13 everyday and apply it to your marriage.
The best marriage book is, “Love and Respect” by Eggerich. Get it, mark it, and live it. Make your marriage, your hobby.
GOD WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT! HE DREAMT ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE, BEFORE HE CREATED IT. I’m praying for you. You go girl! Fight that good fight!
Sister Nancey,Im not to sure what to do it been bothering and I dont want to say anything to my husband my husband is freindly a people person but there is one sister that he is to freindly with and she is freindly back. Ive prayed and ask God to help me and to open my husband eyes .Ilove my husband and I do trust him I just dont trust the devil .
Hi Anonymous! I am sorry that I didn’t answer you sooner. I wasn’t notified that I had a question to answer! Good for you! You need to protect Gods investment! Find a special time when the both of you are very happy and content. Usually after sex. Let him know you have some concerns. Tell him what you have observed. Let him know that you trust him, but it doesn’t “set right with you.” If he gets mad and accuses you of being jealous, don’t say anything. Wait till he is done talking and do not argue. Tell him how you expect him to handle it. He should not converse with her unless you are standing right next to him. Let him know that he can walk away as she will be left with only you to talk to. He is not to initiate any conversation with her, but if she talks to him, he can politely answer and it should be limited to no more than two sentences. If it sounds ridiculous to him, tell him it is an investment in his marriage. Then reciprocate by asking him what you can do for him in return. It could be FUN!!! If he says “no”, you might ask him which woman he is more concerned with. Then leave it alone and pray for conviction. He will not be able to enjoy any more conversations with her.
Sis Nancy, I have a situation that as a christian has only left me with so many questions and because of the circumstances entailed, I’m not quite sure how to blog what my concerns are. I can only related my situation as close as to Joan Hunter’s book, “Healing The Heart”. I So need God to Heal my heart. I have never read or heard of any other testimony within our fellowship related to my circumstance. Is it possible to write you a letter. I would like to start somewhere.. Signed Anonymous
Hi Anonymous! I am sorry that I didn’t get a notification that I had a question from you. You can write to me anytime that you want. My email address is nsalaz@hotmail.com. I am very happy that you a read Joan Hunters book. It is very inspiring.
thank you Sis Nancey you are a blessing to my life and marraige.
Hi Anonymous! That is very encouraging. Thanks for taking the time to make your comment. Have a blessed day
Sister Nancy,
What should you do when a friend of your wife of the opposite sex has made very inappropriate comments to your wife that they think you do not know about? Your wife doesn’t want to put them in their place for fear of losing them as a friend or not being “cool”. And now you question everything especially when it is associated with this friend. This now comes across to your wife as being “jealous” or “overprotective” and your wife now says they are unhappy with your marriage. You want to stay Godly and not get physical with this friend…but what else can you do? I have prayed to God that He remove evil and destructive people from around my wife for the glorification and protection of our marriage and also asked that He bless those people as well. I have also prayed that God speak to my wife to show her how the devil is working through that person to destroy our marriage. I feel I have been a great husband to my wife (no lies, no cheating, no abuse, supportive, caring, loving) What is one to do?
Hi Waiting! First, I apologize for not answering this question as I was not aware that I had your question. My answer is a direct one. You should be direct with your wife and tell her the information that you have concerning her friends conversations with her. You must tell her you do not agree with her being spoken to like that. There is something wrong with this person to talk to her like that, especially behind your back. Tell her she needs to sever trying to contact him. If he inquires why there hasn’t been any contact, she needs to tell him her husband doesn’t agree with his gestures. She must tell him she has to respect her husbands wishes and honor her marriage. If she refuses, give the Holy Spirit time to convict her. Don’t argue with her, but let her know that your marriage is being violated by this intruder. Make it a time when she is very happy with you to have this discussion. Remember that God is with you because he esteems your marriage.
Nancy,
I’m in need of help with myself. I have been praying and praying and praying hoping that God would help me in my marriage. On the surface, the problem does not appear to be with me. But deep down I believe my spouse has built up resentment towards me for previous actions. As a responsible person, I have since corrected my actions and asked my spouse for forgiveness and they granted it but still shows resentment towards me and states, “It’s not you, it’s me”. I have prayed that God show my spouse the better person I have become and the true unconditional love that I have. I have also prayed that He bring light to our blessings and not let us cast shadows on them. But I stand where I am now not really knowing where I stand. I simply continue to feel a prescence that tells me not to give up. I watch family members tell me that I’m crazy for staying in the situation. But I’m doing my best to listen to God and remember the covenant that me and my spouse made with Him. “For better or worse, through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, til death do us part”. I take those words very serious and I don’t plan on lying to God anytime soon. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Hi Waiting! Don’t give up! Read 1Pet.5:6-7 “Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; because he cares for you.” This is telling you to stay HUMBLE. Place yourself under God by being sensitive to the Holy Spirit in your marriage. Wait because it is going to take time but “in due time” your prayer will be answered. Cast this problem to God and leave it there. Keep in mind that God has an investment in your marriage. He paid a big price. Don’t give up!!
Hi, when I was 5 my parents lost there parental rights and I grew up without them. I am now married with 2 beautiful children but find myself neglecting my husband to spend time with my kids. We both work and by the time we get home I am so busy with dinner, spending time with them and household chores that I neglect to spend quality time with my husband. Lately we have been arguing constantly and I know its because he doesnt feel that we get enough time together.Sometimes I feel that my childhood plays a big role in our life because I want my children to have more than I did growing up, but I fail to realise that I have a husband that requires so much of me as well. My question is, how do I balance everything out and be able to spend that quality time we both want as well as not feeling guilty about not spending so much quality time with my children?
Hi Anonymous!
I apologize for not getting your answer to you. I just observed your question today.
There are many different ways of handling this. The best would be for you to be honest with your observation to your husband. Let him know you know he has been neglected. This will touch his heart more than anything to know that God has shown this to you and that you are prepared to rectify it. You can’t go backwards, but you can promise him it will never happen again. He can be a part of the solution and help you solve it. I will make some suggestions that you might be able to implement into your lifestyle. Try to have a date night at least twice a month. The more children you have, the more date nights you need. Don’t take the kids with you on these date nights. In order not to feel guilty, have a great family night the day before.
Do not make dinner every night. Have a pizza night so you don’t have to cook and clean up. Cook something that will last two nights. If you are a perfectionist at housework, don’t be. Let some things go.
The best thing that you can do for your kids is to give them their dad. If he leaves because of neglect, your children will grow up miserable. Set your priorities.
Arguing takes two, and also takes pride. Humble yourself. Listen to your husbands concerns. It is the only way you can feel fulfilled as a helpmeet.
I have to listen to wives every day who wish they could do it all over again. They are left with children who are fatherless and regrets. You are blessed to be able to turn the whole situation around. Don’t wait till it is too late.
Now is the time!
Hi Sis Nancy,
I have a question is it right for my husband to always let me make & plan the decisions in our marriage? I mean if I want to go some where or a certain place to go have dinner or lunch or even a particular movie? My husband always says it’s up to me & sometimes I get tired of deciding what we’re going to do.I wish my husband would make more decisions in our marriage.Am I wrong? or is he wrong? Sometimes I feel like he just does these things to please me,but I want us to both make decisions about everything,I don’t want it to always be up to me….I’m confused I feel like i’m being a dominant wife when my husband always lets me decide & plan what we’re going to do any advice Thank you
Hi Vanessa!
Have you ever asked him why he always lets you decide? Do you get mad when he has his way? Some people are indecisive and they marry someone who enjoys making decisions. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with either one. Some things my husband makes all the decisions in and somethings I do. The main thing is that we come to an agreement. That is what is the most important thing. Consider it a blessing!
Hi sis Nancy,
Thank you for the advice….Yes I’ve asked him several times & he always says he doesn’t know lol or he’ll say we make decisions 50 50.Do I get mad when he gets his way?Mmmmm I never thought about it I’m ashamed to admit I think I do,but thank you for bringing that out because now that its been pointed out to me I will work on it…I will consider it a big blessing thank you so much I feel so much better..God bless you Love you Sis Nancy
Hi Sis Nancy, I love your postings, they have taught me a lot. Ok, so, mine and my husbands 9yr anniversary is coming up, the 16th of this month, now my question for you is, as much as I want my husband to spoil me and everything, how or what can I do to make it also about him…keeping in mind we have 4 kids and a budget, LOL, I would LOVE to go out to dinner then get a nice hotel room. I have told him this but don’t think he’s taking me seriously, he says we can’t afford the room part…which we probably can’t but I would like to. So, any suggestions 🙂
Hi Nancy,
I need some guidance on how to approach my Mom about her behavior towards my husband. When my husband and I first started dating my Mom completely adored him. But as we became engaged, she began belittling him and bossing him around, in front of friends and family. My husband is a very calm and respectful man, who would just sit there and take it. But I cannot stand it anymore. I’ve approached her about it before, but with no success, She would stop for a while but it still continues. I love and respect my husband enough so I try avoiding us being around her. Her behavior has caused me to consider cutting the relationship completely. Is there no other possible solution?
Thank you.
If a wife is not submissive, and not sexually expert what can husband do?
Thank you for your help and time. My question is my husband and I have been married over ten years and it has been very complacent on his side. He is perfectly content without spending any alone time but I am not. This is something I’ve talked to him about over and over but I’m afraid that my pride wants my heart to get cold in that area. I’m really feeling the curse of a women should long for her husband lol with a tear. We are a great parent and ministry team but I want more….what should I do?
HELLO,am a lady of 25yrs.i leave with d father of my daughter and there is an issue troublin me. we are not married but ‘ve done introduction btw d families.when i was in school there waz a guy i liked so much but we didn’t date each other becos of his rltnship wit god.so yrs later we missed contact nd he search 4me nd i also did d same thing. now he shows up nd my feelings 4 him hasn’t changed even i try to stat away but cldn’t help myself. and my presence relationship doesn’t seem to be goin right cos every time agrument. i don’t knw what to do?
i need reply immediately pls.
Tomi,
All I can offer you is a little advice from which I have learned through experience. If there is an opportunity for you to move out with your daughter on your own and then from there work on your relationship with first of all God and then your childs father then I would suggest you do that. You are living out of wedlock which from experience opens doors for negativity and constant arguments, there is no solid commitment or foundation for all three of you and that can become out of control. As far as your friend from school I would not even bother building a relationship with him because your current relationships dont seem to be going too well and taking on more could meen bad business for you and especially your daughter. She already sees her mother and father going through their issues and for her mother to bring someone else into her life would add more confusion chaos in not only her life but yours as well. Start off with your relationship with God and build that and gain knowledge from reading the word of God daily. I am 23 and believe me Ive been there but If you seek God before all else then everything else will fall into place. Take care and God bless you.
thanks for advice.
Is the stander’s affirmation only for people struggling in their marriage? I am trying to stand for marriage restoration. My Husband and I have been separated since 8/2011 and since then I have given my life to The Lord and pray for him to change me and salvation of my husband. To turn his heart of stone into flesh and take the blinders off. He has a girlfriend and is awaiting for the final hearing for Divorce. We have a 3 year old son who is feeling the effects of this. I love my Husband very much and he wants nothing to do with me and says he loves his girlfriend. I fall short at times and allow my flesh to speak and act for me.
I read your blog regularly and I see a lot of topics relating to men’s sexual desires and needs that a wife needs to fulfill and enjoy, etc. my question is this: what if the husband (of 3 years) is the one depriving his wife of sexual intimacy for months, while the woman is trying eveyrthing she can to be attractive to her husband? When she brings up the subject to try and find solutions, the husband just goes into a bubble and refuses to talk about it, then gives the cold shoulder for days, weeks….
Hello,
I jusat wanted to know if this section is still up and working. I posted a question a little while back but haven’t received a response.
Thanks for any guidance.
Jennifer
hi im working far from my wife is it bad to masturbate when i only imagining none other than my wife? my wife also knew about this… tnx
hi, nancy i had a question my husband and i recently seperated. We had many issues on both of our sides, but instead of us working thru them with GOD he said i wasnt ready, and he also said following that he no longer loved me but he did care for me, Ultimatley we are going thru a divorce, i dont want to speculate on the issues overall he did cheat on me, but is there anything i can do to avoid divorce? i do forgive him but is it silly to want to restore my marraige if he no longer loves me .
my husband and i are Christian.However i go to church he does not.hehas taught me everything i know from the bible.i converted from catholicism.But now i am growing what seems to be more than him.and it is sometimes causing friction between us.do you have any suggestion.he doesn’t want to go to my church he doesn’t believve in musical instruments,aand we have praise and worship.yet he does work nites and it’s hard when he has just worked saturday nite all nite.i know God’s hand is on him but he doubts his salvation.because of all the sin in his life.yet he won’t acept Jesus as HIS Lord and master.he has so much pride.
i don’t know but like i sad there is sometimes alot of friction.what does one do?
Does anybody answer these questions that we ask?
Hi Sis Nancy I am from the salinas church I have a question regarding my marriage
Dear Nancy, I’m happy for you that you consider yourself a woman of God and are involved with your church. With that being said, you are NOT a licensed therapist, family counselor, marriage counselor, shrink, psychologist, etc.. I do not know who told you that you should give advice on marriage or relationships but they were wrong to do so. I DO know that you have seriously misguided someone very dear to my heart and as a result of listening to you this person seriously ruined their life. I also know that you do not like to return phone calls to those seeking your help. The fact that you are running a website based on marriage advice is a joke. Leave marriage counseling to the professionals and stick to whatever else it is that you do. Going to Bible college and being a member of F.O.C.I.S. does not mean you know what you are talking about. You may have the best intentions but that does not mean your advice is good advice. Go to school and get your license if you feel so inclined to give advice that can potentially alter someone’s life forever. God help the misguided people who listen to you. God bless you but seriously, stop.
Counseling and Therapy of this world is not always helpful.God created man and woman and marriage,The bible shows us how to be a good husband and wife,Only god can heal a marriage and change people.Sin ruins lives and marriages,Repent give your life to god and he will restore you and your families.Joy and love come from the lord nothing in this world will satisfy the soul.May god reveal himself from you and give you salvation and faith in Jesus name amen.
How do you cope with feeling used by your own spouse? I know wives are supposed to submit to their husbands but what do you do when outside of sex there is no connection anymore. I feel as though thats all im around for. I’ve been trying so hard to keep being gentle in return but he is so snappy and mean to me most of the time. I feel as though me continuing to meet his needs is just rewarding him for treating me bad. Im at my whitz end!!
If one gets a divorce does that mean you can never remarry and God bless it? It takes two to be married but what if spouse walks out. Does that mean matriage is never possible for me again?
Hey there! Someone in my Facebook group shared
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Fantastic blog and amazing style and design.
I recently expressed to my husband that I’ve been “FEELING” lonely in our marriage. My husbands response, “We don’t go by feelings” my question, if we don’t go by feelings, then how am I supposed to stay in love? If we don’t go by feelings, how are we supposed to keep the “fire and romance” I’m always told that I allow my feelings to control me, I’ve been married for 7yrs and want my marriage to last. I don’t want a lonley, boring, marriage. And that is what it’s leading too. I’ve done counseling with our Pastors from day 1 (we met in church and prayed for each other, courted ect) I really feel like his interest in me is gone. I do my make up, my hair, ect and when I asked him if he has noticed that I changed a few things with my make up he said he did not notice. I asked what do you notice, he just looked at me. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong! I feel super rejected. Hoping to hear back on this.
Than you Sister Nancy-
What would you do, say or think when ur husband said he could no longer afford to stay married to you?
It’s an awesome piece of writing in support of all the web viewers;
they will get benefit from it I am sure.
My husbands greed and self centerness is destroying us please pray email me nancy I need help
We fight all the time but love each other should we stay anyways? The fights are horrible!!! Been like this for ten years and I don’t know what to do
What do you do when you try to seduce your husband and he act like he doesn’t notice . When he realizes you are mad and or hurt he wants to respond. It happens over and over again. I tell myself never again and I try to do the right thing and it happens again. Oh an he never makes an attempt. So frustrated
What can Christian a spouse do when their husband or wife is arrogant, uninvolved in their relationship, unaffectionate, refuses counsel, refuses to talk or discuss anything, and never apologizes or admits they are wrong? Added to this they are critical especially in.front of others, and never encouraging or complimentary.
What do I do now? My husband left me. I tried for many months before he left to get him to talk to me, to get some therapy or to pray with me. He didn’t want to do any of these. He left me 8 months ago. My children and I are devastated. How do I continue my vocation as a spouse when my husband doesn’t want me? Is it possible that God doesn’t want this marriage? How do I follow Gods plan for me?
Losing 🤘
I have a question about household cleanliness. My wife and I came from two different households. Keeping a clean and tidy home was far from being a priority in her house growing up. It was normal for everything to be a mess. Very bad conditions. So bad they wouldn’t let people in. On the flip side, my mother was (still is) OCD about cleaning. Everything had a place, everything was put away, and everything was clean. People were always welcome and we always had guests that felt comfortable. Granted, my momm probably went overboard and would even clean my sister’s room and my room. I was not spoiled, I had a lot of chores (mostly outside) and worked for my father when I wasn’t in school. She did it because she wanted to.
I do not expect that much perfection when it comes to cleaning, but any mess, clutter, and dirt stresses me out. I can’t relax. It affects my sleep, it makes me cranky, and I’ve learned that it makes me anxious too. We currently have two dogs, one that sheds more than any dog on the planet, and my wife insists it stays inside. The other is a lap dog that stays pretty clean and doesn’t shed. But he tracks the other’s hair all over the house. I’m getting off-track.
My wife does work hard to clean and keep a nice house, and our home is much closer to my parents’ cleanliness than her parents’ clutter. It’s still not what I want and I still scramble to clean up the living areas when I know someone is coming over, but I can manage and it’s always improving I think. I miss being able to walk around in socks or lay on the floor without getting dog hair all over though. I miss having a place that I didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed of.
I help out a lot and do what I can to keep a nice house. Outside chores, work, and home improvement projects keep me really busy though. I think if she would just pick up as she goes things would be so much better. For example, every 2-3 days her side of the bathroom piles up and becomes a huge mess. Then she spends so much time cleaning it up. But hours later the things she cleaned will already be messy again. I think if she would just spend a few minutes picking up after herself, it wouldn’t be a problem. What can I do to help motivate a clean as you go approach?
Cleanliness is a huge sore spot between us, and she has an incredibly guilty conscious. It’s so bad that even if I start cleaning things up when she’s doing something else, she will get mad at me and treat me as though I’m only doing it to make her feel bad, which I’m not. There have been times I’ve started cleaning her mess up and been upset about it, so I get why she might think that, but that is rare now. I try to not let it upset me anymore. But this only makes it harder to keep a clean house because it’s like my hands are tied. If I don’t clean I’m stressed out. If I do clean there is friction between us. And she resents me very much about it all. She only cleans for me, not for her, which isn’t how I want it either.
Hello, my situation is that currently my husband is still living in our home but has chosen to act like he has no wife and children. Basically he has abandoned the kids and I and he said that he wants to stay in our home for the sake of the kids and to help ease expenses on both sides. I have asked him to leave repeatedly because if he’s going to act like a bachelor, then he should live like one but he refuses. I cannot force him to leave because his name is also on title of the house as well as mine. He keeps all his own money when before we used to pool everything into one account and he only gives me 50% of bills, mortgage, etc. I have asked him to go to counselling, told him that I refuse to continue to live like this and want to discuss the next steps (ie. divorce) but he just ignores me. No one from his family will talk to him because they are the type to just sweep things under the rug. So is divorce my only option now? If this status quo remains, I don’t want him to think that he can always just do whatever he wants. There is a history of enabling from his side of the family and my mistake was enabling him too. If I stay, I feel like he will not learn any lesson and that even if I say I will leave, I never end up doing it. So do I really just have two choices – stay and put up with it or leave and go through a divorce?
I would like to ask what is a wife to do if her husband is very very angry all the time and only sees his opinions, problems, needs and is verbally abusive? He ignores me for days if he is angry and withholds affection for weeks afterwards. He then expects me to welcome his affections with open arms and joy. If i try to defend myself he says I am lying and refuses to talk about it.
What can be done when Your Spouse Won’t Allow Forgiveness, for something in the past that just gets in-between of Marriage Growth? We Have 3 Kids Ages 1- 6, And It’s To The Point Divorce, Separating, And Division Is Mentioned, But I Don’t Agree To None Of These “Solutions” As A Husband
Please advise on getting a card thanks
Do you sell a wall size plaque of this or know where I can get one?