23 Sep


No one would have dreamed Brad and Sue had marriage problems.

From the outside, their relationship looked perfect.

He was outgoing and handsome with a gentle, personable manner.

She was fun-loving and family-oriented, faithful to God and Brad.

Everyone loved being around them because they were so easy to get along with, but no  one noticed their deteriorating marriage.

Sue had first been attracted to Brad because of his sweet, gentle nature–but before long it began to irritate her.

People were drawn to his kindness, so they went to him with their problems.

He was a great listener but lacked the character and convictions to provide any solid answers.

He was a people-pleaser.

He wouldn’t lead.

That lack of leadership was the root of a problem that grew between Brad and Sue.

She appreciated his good qualities but found herself losing more and more respect for him.

She took her frustration out on him by complaining.

She nagged him about the things he wasn’t doing.

She needled him about his lack of leadership.

Brad resented her remarks and attitude and resisted making the changes she wanted to see.

Brad was partly at fault.

He was falling short of God’s call for men to lead their wives in a righteous, sacrificial manner.

But Sue was as much of the problem as Brad.

From the start of their relationship, it was her dominant personality that enabled him to be passive.

Rather than keeping her naturally aggressive and opinionated personality in check, she exploited Brad’s personality.

She used it to dominate him.

At one point, he had seemed to enjoy her strong personality and opinions, but now he resented them.

Sue was confused.

Brad was frustrated.

Neither was happy.

The problem was that Sue wanted to control Brad.

As Dr. Marlin Howe once wrote, “I have never yet met a woman who respected a man she could control.  So from her innermost soul swells a basic need to disrespect her husband, to find fault with him.”

Along the same lines, a man will struggle to love a woman who controls him.

When this happens, the man tends to ignore her or seek significance elsewhere.

Both spouses end up pushing each other away.

The solution is for the man and woman to return to the roles God has designed for us in marriage: a husband leading with Christ-like love and a sacrificial spirit.

The woman dependent on his leadership and supporting him as his helpmate and companion.

Let Brad and Sue’s story be a warning.

They had the best of intentions but ended up miserable.

What about you?

Are you fulfilling the role God desires you to play in your marriage?

NOTE:  This article was given by Lisa Banks but written by Jimmy and Karen Evans from “Marriage Today”.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


  1. nancysalazar September 23, 2011 at 4:32 pm #

    Hi Vivian! I love your honest comment because all of us wives have felt that way before. I can write volumes in answering that but here is my condensed answer. The things that will not get done, are they that important? Or are they just important to you because obviously they aren’t to your husband or he will do them. My husband does not take interest in the things I need to get done, nor do I in what he needs to get done. We are to be the “helpmeet” to cover the areas he overlooks, without grumblings. I ask myself, “Would you rather be a single mother trying to raise kids on your own, or stop controlling your husbands life?” When I get into my hubbies lane he asks me if I don’t have enough to do. Of course, I have plenty to do! If the areas are important to the family, take on the task quietly. If your husband is ignoring it cause he feels it’s of no importance, drop it. It’s only important to you and that is totally unfair to him. Don ‘t love that issue more than you love your spouse. Put it in the right perspective and lay it on the scale to see if God thinks it is important. Hope this helped. I know it is hard cookies to swallow. My mouth is full of cookies right now! lol!!

  2. nancysalazar September 23, 2011 at 4:38 pm #

    Hi Tammy! Thank you so much for your painful comment. You will help so many wives that are going down the same road. I will pray for your marriage to be reconciled. God bless you!

  3. nancysalazar September 4, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Hi K1! Thanks so much for your comment. I think there are quite a bit of marriages that suffer from this. I will just get right to the heart of the problem. When you fall in love with Jesus and desire to not quench the Holy Spirit, you do everything you can to do what is right in your marriage. God is always on the side of the one who humbles themselves first. This a a Christ centered characteristic which the Holy Spirit will strengthen you through the process. The bible promises double for your trouble. That is a double blessing for humbling yourself to your spouse. 1Pet.5:6-7 says, “Humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God; that he may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. The first part of this is saying to let God handle it by humbling yourself to God and giving him the reins. The next part is saying to wait on God for him to take care of it His way. Keep the Holy Spirits guidance in your marriage.

  4. nancysalazar December 8, 2013 at 5:50 pm #

    Hi Blessedness31! Thanks so much for your honest comment! You need to incorporate him into your decisions. Let him have the final word on your decisions. Ask him if he has a better idea. Respect what he says. If the idea won’t work, let him know why. Don’t make him feel like an idiot for his ideas. At first it will be awkward and he may feel intimidated to express himself but you need to tell him you do not want to go forward till you get it. He will appreciate that. So proud of you!!

  5. nancysalazar December 8, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

    Hi Stephanie! Thanks for your great comment. Never heard of Worzel Gummidge but his head would come in handy. A woman’s job is never done! Loved every word of your comment!

  6. Betty Gonzalez December 29, 2014 at 7:29 pm #

    Sister Nancy Thanks so much for this blog of yours. This current blog of Dominant Wife is definitely on point and boy is this a struggle form me. As you know I have recently ReMarried my ExHusband after 10 years of divorce yet I’m still struggling in this area and its a daily struggle. Definitely need prayer … I

    • nancysalazar February 22, 2015 at 4:03 pm #

      Hi betty! Thanks so much for your comment! This is a problem for most wives. We have to member that subMISSION is a mission. I try to remember that my opinion may not be the right one. Also, if I surrender my opinion, I now get to see the Holy Spirit work things out for His honor and glory! God can’t work if I am holding the reins. He works by my faith not by my aggressiveness.

  7. Mel February 20, 2015 at 11:00 pm #

    Awesome article!!

    But I have a question that’s been burning inside for a while now. Does God still see mentally ill husbands as the leader of his home?

    My husband was diagnosed with mild Schizophrenia 3 yrs ago. Our lives have become so stressful..we’re always arguing…I’m frustrated bc he doesn’t always understand the reasons for my decisions, as far as the kids needs go, house hold stuff, finances, etc…But he wants to Lead or family. He demands to be the leader. He functions almost 100% with his medications, but with the side affects of the disease and medicine, how do I trust that he can still lead his family according to The word? His bad actions and decisions have proven that in the past. His thoughts doesn’t always makes sense, his reasoning is skewed…When a spouse has a mental illness, would that designate the woman as the leader? I haven’t found any scriptures discussing husband leading with mental illness. I’m ready to throw in the towel bc I’m losing respect/interest.

    • nancysalazar February 22, 2015 at 3:51 pm #

      Hi Mel! Thanks so much for your honest comment. So sorry to hear about your husband. I would bathe him in prayer everyday! First, talk with his doctor to find out how much of his decisions can be trusted. Read the written side affects from his medication. Now you have the knowledge of what to expect. God will give you the wisdom of what you should and should not say to avoid arguments. I would talk to your children who are over eight years old and explain dads abrupt reactions, with much sensitivity for them. You want them to have understanding with respect for him. Remember that it could have been you in that condition. You don’t want your children to grow up being disrespectful “to those who have the rule over them.” Great is your reward in heaven Mel!!! Everyone who reads this post will be praying for you, including myself.

  8. Sue August 17, 2015 at 7:39 am #

    All those article are bullshit. I’m tired of everyone asking woman to do this do that, be obedient, encourage your man, listen to him, clean for him, satisfy his needs while he leaves you empty. I pay my rent, sometimes I work 90 to 100hrs per week to feed my family, I pay bills, I pay for everything the kids need.
    My husband work dull time, he always say he doesn’t have money, he comes home sleep then wake up to go to work. My husband never put gas in my car for ten years, never give me a dime to buy a panty then he complain that I should buy clothes for him, then take his clothes to dry cleaners.
    He spend time with male friends who tell him to jump, he jumps. He follows them like puppies. Now his friends bought houses all of sudden he wants us to be A house. while he never pay rent except for one year during 10 years of marriage.
    I think my husband is a sociopath, a manipulator and a abuser.
    So the hell with all those be a wise wife and submit bs.

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