23 Sep


No one would have dreamed Brad and Sue had marriage problems.

From the outside, their relationship looked perfect.

He was outgoing and handsome with a gentle, personable manner.

She was fun-loving and family-oriented, faithful to God and Brad.

Everyone loved being around them because they were so easy to get along with, but no  one noticed their deteriorating marriage.

Sue had first been attracted to Brad because of his sweet, gentle nature–but before long it began to irritate her.

People were drawn to his kindness, so they went to him with their problems.

He was a great listener but lacked the character and convictions to provide any solid answers.

He was a people-pleaser.

He wouldn’t lead.

That lack of leadership was the root of a problem that grew between Brad and Sue.

She appreciated his good qualities but found herself losing more and more respect for him.

She took her frustration out on him by complaining.

She nagged him about the things he wasn’t doing.

She needled him about his lack of leadership.

Brad resented her remarks and attitude and resisted making the changes she wanted to see.

Brad was partly at fault.

He was falling short of God’s call for men to lead their wives in a righteous, sacrificial manner.

But Sue was as much of the problem as Brad.

From the start of their relationship, it was her dominant personality that enabled him to be passive.

Rather than keeping her naturally aggressive and opinionated personality in check, she exploited Brad’s personality.

She used it to dominate him.

At one point, he had seemed to enjoy her strong personality and opinions, but now he resented them.

Sue was confused.

Brad was frustrated.

Neither was happy.

The problem was that Sue wanted to control Brad.

As Dr. Marlin Howe once wrote, “I have never yet met a woman who respected a man she could control.  So from her innermost soul swells a basic need to disrespect her husband, to find fault with him.”

Along the same lines, a man will struggle to love a woman who controls him.

When this happens, the man tends to ignore her or seek significance elsewhere.

Both spouses end up pushing each other away.

The solution is for the man and woman to return to the roles God has designed for us in marriage: a husband leading with Christ-like love and a sacrificial spirit.

The woman dependent on his leadership and supporting him as his helpmate and companion.

Let Brad and Sue’s story be a warning.

They had the best of intentions but ended up miserable.

What about you?

Are you fulfilling the role God desires you to play in your marriage?

NOTE:  This article was given by Lisa Banks but written by Jimmy and Karen Evans from “Marriage Today”.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

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  1. Vivian September 23, 2011 at 7:32 am #

    My daughter and I were talking about this very thing last night. We both have a tendency to be controlling. It seems like sometimes if I don’t take control of some things they will not get done. I want my Husband to have more control, I don’t like the role. I want him to step up to the plate more.

    • nancysalazar September 23, 2011 at 4:32 pm #

      Hi Vivian! I love your honest comment because all of us wives have felt that way before. I can write volumes in answering that but here is my condensed answer. The things that will not get done, are they that important? Or are they just important to you because obviously they aren’t to your husband or he will do them. My husband does not take interest in the things I need to get done, nor do I in what he needs to get done. We are to be the “helpmeet” to cover the areas he overlooks, without grumblings. I ask myself, “Would you rather be a single mother trying to raise kids on your own, or stop controlling your husbands life?” When I get into my hubbies lane he asks me if I don’t have enough to do. Of course, I have plenty to do! If the areas are important to the family, take on the task quietly. If your husband is ignoring it cause he feels it’s of no importance, drop it. It’s only important to you and that is totally unfair to him. Don ‘t love that issue more than you love your spouse. Put it in the right perspective and lay it on the scale to see if God thinks it is important. Hope this helped. I know it is hard cookies to swallow. My mouth is full of cookies right now! lol!!

  2. Tammy September 23, 2011 at 9:16 am #

    This is so true and this is part of the reason I’m separated and struggling trying to win my husband back. I watch my Mother control my Dad and it is not what I want. I was not intentionally trying but was doing this to my husband who said that is part of the reason he left..I was becoming my Mother. I prayed and God has changed me and I’m a better person and just praying and believing for God to open my husband’s heart and bring him back home. Please love your husband unconditionally and le him be the man..you never know what God had bless you with until it’s gone. Pray for my marriage! May God bless you all!

    • nancysalazar September 23, 2011 at 4:38 pm #

      Hi Tammy! Thank you so much for your painful comment. You will help so many wives that are going down the same road. I will pray for your marriage to be reconciled. God bless you!

  3. K1 September 4, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

    Nancy –
    Thanks for this article. What about the situation where you have a dominant wife and a dominant husband. Neither one of us are a shrinking violet as a result we end up in stalemate quite frequently.

    • nancysalazar September 4, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

      Hi K1! Thanks so much for your comment. I think there are quite a bit of marriages that suffer from this. I will just get right to the heart of the problem. When you fall in love with Jesus and desire to not quench the Holy Spirit, you do everything you can to do what is right in your marriage. God is always on the side of the one who humbles themselves first. This a a Christ centered characteristic which the Holy Spirit will strengthen you through the process. The bible promises double for your trouble. That is a double blessing for humbling yourself to your spouse. 1Pet.5:6-7 says, “Humble yourself therefore under the mighty hand of God; that he may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. The first part of this is saying to let God handle it by humbling yourself to God and giving him the reins. The next part is saying to wait on God for him to take care of it His way. Keep the Holy Spirits guidance in your marriage.

  4. Stephanie Davies September 20, 2013 at 12:42 am #

    Hi Nancy,

    This is a good story showing how having a dominant attitude can cause damage. I think this story highlights a problem we have surfacing in today’s society. Nowadays women are expected to have dual personalities. At work they have to be efficient, hard nosed and forceful to get results and then somewhere on the drive home they magically morph into the all submissive sweet wife. In England we have a character called Worzel Gummidge. He is a scarecrow who has many heads. He changes his head to suit the problem at hand, depending on what type of person he needs to be. It would be great if wives could do this, but thankfully in his ultimate wisdom God didn’t design us with changeable heads.

    I’m grateful for the power of the Holy Spirit which enables Christian women to source Gods supernatural strength for these kind of problems. I sense today though that the battle to be a woman of God has stepped up a level and as Godly influence in society wavers and Gods blueprint for the specific roles in marriage are blurred, women in the future will struggle in this aria. Especially in Europe. I’m glad at least in New Harvest we have the courage to face these issues and prepare our children and young people for Christian life in a dramatically changing world.

    • nancysalazar December 8, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

      Hi Stephanie! Thanks for your great comment. Never heard of Worzel Gummidge but his head would come in handy. A woman’s job is never done! Loved every word of your comment!

  5. blessednessa31 December 7, 2013 at 5:32 am #

    Appreciate this post I need to work on this but ughhhh help lol my husband is not the dominant type.Im always the one making descions for everything my husband is very generous with me…..he works & brings in the money & I do all the rest….I really need to pray for my husband that God will just take over him and make him the head & leader of everything. It’s so hard cuz I was never the dominant type…what am I to do when my husband makes bad dedecisions.Pastor Sergio once counseled George & I & he said let George make decisions even if he fails but my hubby always makes bad descions & one of the worst one is financial descions.I use coupons if we eat out I always make sure we use a coupon,I look at the adds to save on our food bill….lol my hubby spends like crazy :( what to do? Help lol

    • nancysalazar December 8, 2013 at 5:50 pm #

      Hi Blessedness31! Thanks so much for your honest comment! You need to incorporate him into your decisions. Let him have the final word on your decisions. Ask him if he has a better idea. Respect what he says. If the idea won’t work, let him know why. Don’t make him feel like an idiot for his ideas. At first it will be awkward and he may feel intimidated to express himself but you need to tell him you do not want to go forward till you get it. He will appreciate that. So proud of you!!

  6. Betty Gonzalez December 29, 2014 at 7:29 pm #

    Sister Nancy Thanks so much for this blog of yours. This current blog of Dominant Wife is definitely on point and boy is this a struggle form me. As you know I have recently ReMarried my ExHusband after 10 years of divorce yet I’m still struggling in this area and its a daily struggle. Definitely need prayer … I

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